***************************************************** ** Sykotic ** ** Times ** ** Issue # 2 ** ** Christmas 1998 ** ** http://www.deathsdoor.com/syko ** ***************************************************** DISCLAIMER *********** This zine is for shit purposes only. I don't give a shit if you break the law because it's YOUR ass that is going to get raped. If you do any of this shit (and get caught) YOU fucked up. and it ain't muh fault so fuck off! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU ARE A SHIT HEAD!! The Shit ******** 1. Editorial by: Syko416 2. Christmas Poem by: Syko416 3. Twelve Days Of Mating Season by: Syko416 4. Night Before Mating Season by: Syko416 5. Leo's Dream by: Syko416 6. Leo the Bald Head Teacher by: Syko416 7. Leo is Gay by: Syko416 8. Here Comes Leo by: Syko416 9. I saw Leo sexing Santa Claus by: Syko416 10. Jokes by: Syko416 11. Left Over Shit by: Syko416 ^^^^^^^^^^^ notice a pattern? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Editorial Yo! This is the Christmas issue of Sykotic Times. It is filled with tons of Christmas songs that me and a bunch of my friends wrote about my grade 6 teacher, Leo, and Mr. Gentle the principle. Enjoy. Note: these songs are REALLY old. Also, Leo was blad and the school we went was called Miller. Just somethings you might want to know. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. Christmas Poem Today is Christmas day and we all know that Leo's gay Pull the rug of Leo's head and you'll see a light a think you're dead I know what Leo thinks of and you know Leo's dick is a glove He sucked all the teachers at Miller Then he felt up his diller Leo buys he dick at Dicks R Us He tries them on without a fuss Now that the teachers are drinking Gin they sex up Leo in the gym Leo left today now we don't have to be gay He went to teach in a university excuse me, I have to pee Leo's going out with Bob Dole Leo shoots, Leo scores, he got a goal Leo likes to write with pens Leo also likes to to fuck male hens 443 355 is the population of Scarborough 443 395 because of that damn hoe! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Twelve Days Of Mating Season sing to the tune of "Twelve Days Of Christmas" On the first day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: A dill-doe in a pussy On the second day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the third day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the fourth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the fifth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the sixth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the eighth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Seven balls that bounce Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the seventh day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Eight dicks that sing Seven balls that bounce Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the ninth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Nine bottles of Turtle Wax¨ Eight dicks that sing Seven balls that bounce Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the tenth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Ten dill-doe shapers Nine bottles of Turtle Wax¨ Eight dicks that sing Seven balls that bounce Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the eleventh day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Eleven nuts that crack Ten dill-doe shapers Nine bottles of Turtle Wax¨ Eight dicks that sing Seven balls that bounce Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy On the twelfth day of mating season Mr. Gentle gave to Leo: Twelve pieces of Mr. GentleÕs dick Eleven nuts that crack Ten dill-doe shapers Nine bottles of Turtle Wax¨ Eight dicks that sing Seven balls that bounce Six dicks that pee Five golden Cockrings Four humping dolls Three male hens Two dill-doe peckers And a dill-doe in a pussy ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. Night Before Mating Season read like the story "Night Before Christmas" T'was the night before Mating season And all through the house all you could hear was Leo screwing, screwing a mouse The mouse enjoyed the sex For he enjoyed it very much But the mouse didn't like the fact that He had a wooden thing up his pussy Possibly a dill-doe But it felt kind of mushy It's a worm, It's a worm and it's beginning to squirm I know I'll pour cement in my pussy and let it dry until firm And the mouse did just that What's that you say You can't get the cement block out We need a knife or the Jaws of Life Ouch!that hurt and you pulled my balls out" Now what am I going to do when Leo falls? Fuck you Leo! Fuck you to hell And screw your mom, screw him well Then Came mating season and all through the house you could see shiny heads That light the world when they go outside But all of those heads turn out to be dill-does Because Leo's dick died ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5.Leo's Dream sing to the tune of "White Christmas" Leo's dreaming of a purple dick, Just like to ones he used to suck Some are wearing a cockring And some turned bright green, when they got caught in the elevator door LeoÕs dreaming of a multicoloured dick, But he canÕt get one that he used to know Because he has a pussy And it's stuck on permanently And he's too gay ThatÕs how it goes! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 6. Leo the Bald Head Teacher sing to the tune of "Rudolph The Red Nose Rain Deer" Leo the bald head teacher, had a very shiny head (like a light bulb!) And if you ever saw it , you would wish you were dead. All of the other teachers used to pull funny cracks and all the kids at Miller, used to give him Turtle Wax¨ Then one foggy Christmas eve, God came to say: "Leo with your head so bright, won't you light the world to night?" Then all of the teachers laughed, as they shouted out with glee: "Leo the bald head teacher, you're so faggy!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 7. Leo is Gay (Well Duh!) sing to the tune of "Hark! The Herald Angle sing" Hark! Leo's gay and peckers sing Leo's sucking a cockring. He picks one that smells cherry But his dick is to hairy Suck,Suck,Suck, that's all he does He's very gay because He lost his dick in World War III And it looked very shiny Because he wanted to match his head Now my song is over and you're dead! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 8. Here Comes Leo sing to the tune of "Here comes Santa Claus" Here comes Leo , here comes Leo Right down gay woman's lane He is such a Lesbian when it comes to Christmas day He looks like a pecker boy From 1966 He goes around all over the town and sucks everyone's dicks There goes Leo, There goes Leo He's such a faget If he doesn't get to suck your dick He start to throw a fit He likes to eat the balls Then he sucks the dick last You better hide your dick Or heÕll eat it just like that! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 8. I saw Leo sexing Santa Claus sing to the tune of "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" I saw Leo sexing Santa Claus Under the sheets in his bed He didn't see me creep Under the sheets to have a peek Looked in to the darkness Then I knew Leo uses his butt to take a piss I saw Leo sexing Santa Claus Underneath his clothes so cherry red One bump in the bed What a laugh it would have been If Mr.Gentle had only seen Leo sexing Santa Claus last night I saw Leo sexing Santa Claus In the his bed last night Oh I could have sworn that there was a fight What a laugh it would have been If Leo's dick popped off while Sexing Santa Claus Last Night! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 9. Jokes The Gift ******** A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for Christmas, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to the Bay and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing." I Shot The Dog ************** You know those little silver balls you put on cakes and cookies? Well... There was this family of three boys and a mom and they were all making Christmas cookies when they accidentally spilled them all over the table. They decided that since they couldn't put them on the cake that they would eat them all up. Later that night the first boy wakes up and goes to mommy and says, "Mommy, mommy I peed a Beebe." Mommy said, "Go back to bed." Later on in the night the second kid woke up and went to mommy and said, "Mommy, mommy, I peed a Beebe." Mommy said, "Go back to bed." The third boy woke up and went to mommy. Mommy said, "I suppose you peed a Beebe to right?" The boy said, "No mommy. I was jacking off when I shot the dog!" Q-> Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A-> The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. Q-> Why did Mrs. Claus divorce Santa Claus? A-> Because he only came once a year. Q-> Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A ? A-> Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 10.Left Over Shit Is there anything worst that shit? yes, left over shit. As you can tell, we didn't really like Leo. If you want to write for Sykotic Times, send your articles to: syko416@hotmail.com Visit : http://www.deathsdoor.com/syko IRC Hang outs: Efnet - #fosc irc.hackcanada.com - #canada Shout outs to: Gorf Gamblor, Ruiner, Korben, and others that helped write the songs. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!