*********************************************** ** Sykotic ** ** Times ** ** Issue # 10 ** ** Mother's Day 1999 ** ** http://www.deathsdoor.com/syko ** *********************************************** DISCLAIMER ********** This zine is for shit purposes only. I don't give a shit if you break the law because it's YOUR ass that is going to get raped in jail. If you do any of this shit (and get caught) YOU fucked up. it ain't muh fault so fuck off! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU ARE A SHIT HEAD!! (I realise that most of this shit isn't illegal but I just think that I should warn you) The Shit ******** 1. Editorial by: Syko416 2. Credit Check by: Stalgar the Great 3. School Shootings by: Syko416 4. Very Basics of Phreaking by: Stalgar the Great 5. Sykotic Interview: Whore Godess Bitch by: Syko416 6. Mommy, Mommy . . . by: Syko416 7. Yo Momma Jokes by: Syko416 8. Crisis At Womat Part 4 by: Syko416 9. News by: Syko416 10. Top Ten by: Syko416 11. Jokes by: Syko416 12. Left Over Shit by: Syko416 ^^^^^^^^^^^ Look at all the Happy people (no, I'm not high why do you ask?) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Editorial ************ Ok, ok, I know that Mother's day was LAST weekend, but it is the closest holiday that I could find (unless I make one up....) Anyways, In this issue, I got a 31337 hax0r to write. If you want to be a 31337 hax0r like Stalgar The Great (that's why he's great) email your article to syko416@hotmail.com and it WILL be in the next issue. Anyways * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * (31337 eh?) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. * Credit Check * * Assembeled by Stalgar* * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Following Phile is for Kim Mercer. Introduction to this g-file: After being inspired by the person whom this phile is dedicted to , I have realized the importance of the hackers eithics, I have realized this world is full of shit ! full of people whom will take adventage of any chance they have all because of greed ! Why should some joe be able to make 15% of whatever you buy , Why should he get money for sitting on his ass doing nothing ! I think by now i think we know what i'm talking about , corpurations like visa, Americain Express and Master Card, They ripp off millions of dumb people every year, It is time to fight back , time to regain what is rightfully ours time to ripp off the people who ripp us off . Why should our parents and even our society be marked by a 14 digit number ? why should we waste material for pieces of plastic ! But before i go on i warn all Many hackers have died this way The Phile: As i stated before , it is totally agianst my eithics to support credit cards, So have you ever come across a hacking site that wanted a credit card number for infomation that should be free ? Have you ever wanted to expliot credit card templates and create a progie like cmaster4 or kerdit creck ? here is what you use to do it . I happen to find this one night while scanning a exchange so i share this info with you to so you can help fight back against visa and other people who want to make profit off of a piece of plastic ! Basicly you call up this credit valitor and enter a two to twelve digit "merchant id" and or a "bank id" enter a card number an expirey date and then an amount . With skillfull hacking techniques i'm sure you can find a template for the company and then RIP THEM OFF BIG TIME ... help them spend the money they didn't earn , it's Easy ! And remember be creative here is a list of ones i have found : Mc/Visa 1-800-252-2121 1-800-362-7171 Am 1-800-228-1111 1-800-528-2121 Shell 1-800-331-3701 Unknown 1-800-554-2265 Merchant Id :25 :52 Bank id :1067 1-800-228-1122 1-800-268-2530 Mechant Id :09711460 1-800-561-5224 Merchant Id :8523 1-800-554-2265 Bank Id :1026 American Express= 20 Master Card =10 Stalgar Admin of the Ardent Archive http://www.deathsdoor.com/stalgar -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. School Shootings ******************** At first I was going to put this article in the last issue, but I've been very busy with other shit, so anyways, here goes. There have been a bunch of school shootings in the past couple months It all started with the shooting at Colinbine High, in Littleton CO. Then there was one in Taber, Alberta (it's getting closer) I also heard about a shooting at another shoot in Texas within the same week. Also, on the news I heard about a kid in Hamilton, Ontario (it's a town near Toronto) who got arrested because he had a list a people he wanted to kill on his website. Also, the day after the shootings in Littleton, most of the states reported bomb threats being called on at least on school in the state. The thing that pisses me off the most is that most of the media is putting all the blame on Hard Rock bands (like Marilyn Manson, Rammstein, and KMFDM), on computer games (like Doom and Quake), on movies (like Matrix Basketball Diaries, and Natural Born Killers), and of course Howard Stern (when in doubt, blame Howard) You shouldn't blame these things. You should blame the kid's parents and (the one thing everyone left out) THE KIDS! Look, millions of people listen to that type of music, play those games, and watch those movie. I have quake on my computer. I listen to Manson, Rammstein, and KMFDM (I am listen to them now) I listen to Howard Stern EVERY DAY. I have seen Matrix, and Basketball Diaries, and I have Natural Born Killers on tape. Does this mean I am going to walk in to school with a gun and bombs and start killing everyone? HELL NO. I'll admit that there are some people at my school that I hate and I would like to see dead, but I am not going to kill them or pay someone to kill them for me (cuz I ain't crazy) About the Trenchcoat Mafia (BTW: it's a cool name) they are saying that these kids dressed in trenchcoats cuz all the "bad guys" wear trenchcoats but if you look at the police, FBI, NSA, CIA, and CSIS they all wear trenchcoats, so if you ask me, IT'S THEIR FAULT! But that's just my point of view, I could be wrong. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. * The Very Basics of phreaking * * assembled by stalgar * ******************************** Introduction : the very basics of phreaking , is the non other than the prank call . this is a so called log of pranks calls remember i'm not responsible for anything you do with them and remember you should always use a payfone. This file is for The Clone and Amanda13 The Most; St: Stalgar Op: Operator EOC: End of call Per: Person St:Picks up the phone and dials 1-800-the-most OP: hello this is sprint canada ,candy speaking. St: good morning this is stalgar from pla 519, could i speak to candice burgan please! Op: one moment please OP: this is candice burgan ( same person ) St: I thought your name was candy Op:Well your right , could you hold on while we trace your call . St: Sure why not, can i help i could read the number off the phone if you would like . Op: and you would do that for me ? St: sure i would i like you the number is 5197406574 ( the number off the payfone . ) OP: Ok well send the police to pick you up. St: ok then i can get a free ride home , by the way what are american police going to do to me in canada ? EOC St dial 1-800-the-most op: Sprint canada , sue speaking. st:hello sue, this is henry gates ,you may remember me from such court cases as the american people vs microsoft ,anyways could i speak to candice burgan please. Op: she not here right now . St: could you have her call me back OP: i don't think that is possible St: could she e-mail me Op: i don't think that is possible St: could i get her home phone number Op: i don't think that%20is possible St: is this a recording OP: no sir CLICK EOF St: dials 1-800-the-most OP sprint canada, gary speaking St: hello gary could i speak to candice burgan please Op: she's on holidays St: i just saw her on tv though Op: could you hold on while we trace your call St: sure (place receiver on top of payfone and walks away ) EOC At&T security St: dials 1-800-822-9009 OP: At&t security St : could you trace this call ? Op : what call sir st: this one: op: we would have to know what line your calling into St: and you don't know what number i dialed ? op: no sir ! St: this is at&t security right ? Op: yes sir! St: i suggest you get better security ! EOC St: dials 0-519-653-7340 (someone who lost their dog ) St: dialed 11 for collect call St: says Woof woof for the name OP: this is bell canada's automated billing service you have a collect call from woof woof do you accept the charges ? Per: Yes St: did you know you just wasted 75 cents for this call Per: NO St: oh by the way your dog is pretty smart if he can dial ! EOC Stalgar Admin of the Ardent Archive http://www.deathsdoor.com/stalgar ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. The Sykotic Interview: Whore Godess Bitch ******************************************** 0) Elite Nick: Whore Godess Bitch 1) Real Name: I just told you. :) 2) Age: 666 3) Location: Hell, and then some. 4) Do you go to Church? Ha! 5) Do you go to school? Hell. 6) Where were you born? Hell. 7) What is your email address? The obvious, asshole 8) Which is better, Day or Night? Night. 9) What kind of music do you like? Punk, Metal & Ska. 10)What bands do you like? KoRn, Nofx, Tool, Nirvana.. 11)Whats your alltime favorite song? Fuck you.. :) 12)What song upsets you? Nothing. 13)Do you like sugar? I like to get high. 14)Do you like caffiene? I like to get low. 15)Do you go crazy when you have a combination of both? At most times, ya. 16)Do you like Pepsi or Coke? To snort? 17)Do you have any siblings? Ya... 18)What cartoon character are you like? Garfield.. I'm a fat heffer.. (lol those who know me know i'm not.) 19)Is there a celebrity that reminds you of yourself? Twiggy. 20)Whats your favorite thing to eat? Dick... Lol.. 21)How many buddys are on your ICQ list? No 22)What are you alergic to? Your face 23)Have you ever been on TV? No 24)Have you ever been in the newspaper? No 25)Do you have a job? No 26)One word, Hanson: Oh... My... God! 27)Can you sing? No 28)What do you do when you're in the house all by yourself? Play with my Mackenzie (figure it out for yerslef.) 29)What shows do you watch? Sex.. lol 30)Whats your favorite color? Black-n-Blue 31)Are you affraid or heights? no cos im on the mile high club 32)When were you born? 6-6-69 33)What time were you born? how the fuck should i know 34)What is your zodiac sign? sagg 35)What color is your underwear? right now? 36)Do you like scary movies? yeah 37)Have you ever masturbated? hmmm 38)If so, to what? korn? 39)Do you like men or women? no im not gay 40)Have you ever consumed alcohol? yes 41)Have you ever smoked weed? ummm 42)Have you ever smoked tobacco? yea 43)Did you ever skip a class in school? sure 44)Truth or Dare? uh no 45)Have you ever been drunk? when i was 12 46)Have you ever been stoned? yeah i was tied to a cross and alot of rocks hit me.. 47)Have you ever seen a pornographic movie? yea 48)Have you ever seen a pornographic magazine? yea 49)Have you ever seen a pornographic Website? http://www.sex.com me and jay make fun of it 50)Have you ever had sexual intercourse? maybe 51)Have you ever had anal intercourse? ew 52)Have you ever recieved anal intercourse? ew 53)Have you ever "rimmed"? um.. 54)Have you ever given a blow job? what? me? 55)Have you ever recieved a blowjob? im a chicky 56)Have you ever performed fellatio? uh... 57)Do you have any warez? yes 58)Do you have any mp3z? no.. 59)Have you ever been arrested? no 60)If so, for what? um.. 61)Have you ever played dress up...in that way? yes.. or eh, what? 62)Would you go down on me in a theater? are you cute? 63)Have you ever been horny? with tom yea 64)Are you horny right now? ew not now 65)Do you know what urine tastes like? do you 66)Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex? ugh thank god no 67)If so, Did you join in? no 68)Have you ever used cocaine? no 69)Have you ever 69ed? ugh 70)Have you ever used shrooms? no 71)Have you ever used Opium? no 72)Have you ever used speed? no 73)Have you ever used Crystal? damnit as you can see im a good little grrl :) 74)Have you ever urinated on another person? yep.. lol... nah 75)Have you in the past five years defecated in your own pants? um no 76)Have you in the past five years *intentionally* defecated in your own pants? uh no! 77)Have you ever received fellatio while defecating, or vice versa? what the hell? 78)What's your favourite position? 666 79)Are you an 31337 hax0r? what? 80)Do you like chilling? um ok 81)Monday Night Raw Watching? only for edge ::yum:: 82)Are you normal? no im a geek 83)Are you regular? see above 84)Have you ever been Hypnotized? no 85)What's better, WWF or WCW? um its all fake 86)Does it suck to be you? to some yea 87)Why don't you get a job? cos i never fucked jon davis from korn 88)Do the girls think you are pretty fly? um no they call me a whore 89)When I say jump, you say: nah, nah.. icp! 90)Are you (or have you ever been) Insane? in the membrane? 91)Does anything else matter? nothing really matters! 92)Do you read Sykotic Times? yep 93)Do you enjoy it? um... 94)Is it 31333 $hit? sure 95)Do you have faith? no 96)Is there a God? if you say so 97)Is there a Heaven? um.. 98)Is there a Hell? yea 99)Is there a Devil? ya 100)Have you told the truth in this interview? yea END! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. Mommy Mommy . . . ******************** Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac? Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob! Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning? Shut up son, and keep licking...... Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts! Shut up and get away from the dart board! Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire! Shut up and get the marshmallows! Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls! Shut up and get back in the barrel! Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim? Shut up and get back in the sack! son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet? mom: Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute. son: Can Granny take me? mom: Why? son: Her hand shakes. Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16.. Shut up Albert.... Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas? Shut up! You already have your wheelchair. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. Yo Momma Jokes ****************** =-> SO FAT, Yo momma so fat were in her right now Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop! Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions! Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!" Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side! Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER! Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar! Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell! Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!! Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views! Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon! Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks! Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand! Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she ends up in Hell Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts! =-> SO STUPID, Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone! Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gas money! Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread. Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. =-> SO UGLY, Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry. Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone! Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween. Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away. Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound. =-> SO OLD, Yo momma so old her social security number is 1! Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it. Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs. =-> SO POOR, Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. =-> SO NASTY, Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh! Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down. Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left. Yo momma so nasty that her shit is glad to escape. Yo momma so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection. =-> IS LIKE, Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up! Yo momma like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn! Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on! Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country! Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows! Yo momma like a hardware store: 10 cents a screw! Yo momma like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter. Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow. Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck. Yo momma like CityTV....everywhere (Toronto Joke) =-> SO HAIRY, Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth! Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples! =-> SO SLUTTY, Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change. Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive =-> SO BALD, Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed. =-> MISC, Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall! Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray. You were born out of your mother's ass 'cuz her cunt was too busy. Yo momma twice the man you are. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. Crisis At Womat: Part 4 ************************** "Ok, you 3 mother fuckers will stay." the robber said as he pointed the gun at Vanessa, Shane, and me. "The rest of you fuckers, get out of here!" The rest of the class ran out the door. "No, oh god no." Vanessa cried, "If all the shit between me and Andy isn’t enough, now I have to deal with this!" "Don’t worry, Vanessa. It will be ok" I said, trying to comfort her. "Forget this, I am leaving." Shane said as he headed for the door. "Where the fuck do you think you are going, boy?" the robber said as pointed the gun at Shane. "Um.." Shane panicked, "I was, um.... going to, um.... another class because, um....when the class, um... gets outside they’ll tell the, um... police that you are in room 312" "Hrmm... good point" the robber was buying it, "Ok, you 3 fuckers come with me and don’t try no shit!" We followed the robber out of the classroom and down the hall. We stopped at a gray door. He opened it and went inside just in time to see the police opening the door to the stairway at the other end of the hall. The robber quickly, and quietly shut the door. I am not sure if the police saw us. The room wasn’t very big, it was about a quarter of the size of the classroom. On one wall there was a shelf with cleaning supplies. Opposite to that walls were some garbage cans and full garbage bags. In front of us were some stairs that lead to the roof. "Shit" the robber mumbled "Ok, you move the shelf in front of the door." he said as he pointed the gun at me and Shane. We knocked over the shelf and everything fell with a crash. I was sure the police heard that. "Fuck!" the robber said. "Quick, push it against the door" Once we did that, he pointed the gun at us and told us to follow him as he started to climb the stairs to the roof. To be continued...... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9.News ******* Yahoo News Friday May 7/99 By Yukari Iwatani Sex Shop, Others Mark 'National Masturbation Day' SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - San Franciscans held a party Friday "to de- stigmatize and celebrate the under-recognized activity of self-love." The occasion being marked at a local sex shop was "National Masturbation Day," and the San Francisco sex campaigners who organized the erotic festival and "Masturbate-a-thon" said it was part of a drive to liberate people's sexuality. "We wanted a fun way to bring masturbation out of the closet and affirm that masturbation is a healthy, positive part of your sexuality," said Laura Weide, spokeswoman for Good Vibrations, a women-owned San Francisco sex shop and mail order business. According to the 22-year-old store, participants in the "Masturbate-a-thon" have asked sponsors to donate money for each minute that they masturbate during the day in support of four AIDS and HIV organizations in San Francisco, Seattle, New York and New Orleans. Fund-raisers will receive bumper stickers saying "I came for a cause" in return for their efforts -- with the honor system applying to the length of time they actually spent. Organizers did not know for sure how many people planned to participate, but Weide said the shop distributed more than 5,000 registration forms in San Francisco and received many phone calls and e-mail inquiries from around the country. Among those who promised to participate were 100 students at Vassar College, New York, and a group of students in Miami, she said, adding that donors would have to take it on trust that the requisite time was spent masturbating. Good Vibrations designed "National Masturbation Day" in 1995 to bring attention to what it calls one of the most common and least talked-about human activities. "Most Americans masturbate and yet there continues to be a lot of shame and guilt around masturbation," Weide said. "We wanted to do something that would affirm masturbation as a central part of sexuality that is natural, that is healthy, that is positive. We thought that if Hallmark (a greeting cards firm) can create holidays, we can too," she added. As part of its celebration, the store voiced its support for Sherri Williams, lead plaintiff against the state of Alabama for its efforts to prevent the sale and distribution of sex toys. Williams is the owner of two Alabama sex toy shops. A U.S. Federal Court judge struck down the state ban on the sale of such products, but the state's attorney general filed an appeal last week. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. Top Ten ************ The Top Ten Most Important People To A Woman 1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes" 2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide" 3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown" 4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?" 5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in,you'll love it." 6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest" 7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em" 8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package. 9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down. 10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, and always eats what he shoots. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. Jokes ********* If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands ? Personally, I think today's kids ought to do something really special for their Mothers on Mother's Day -- like move out ! Hey guys -- looking for a great gift for your Mother-in-Law on Mother's Day ? Why not send her back her daughter ??? A single Mom was asked by a friend what her son was taking in college. With a sigh she replied, "Everything I have." Fathers -- take heart, your day is coming, and you can be sure of getting at least one thing -- the bills from Mother's Day. Most Mothers are always amazed when their sons/daughters marry a person with much lower mentalcapacity, ambition and moral standards, yet still manage to have utterly brilliant children. Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an Italian Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating by saying, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill you." A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill myself." A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother's advice about returning the gifts he'd given her. Without a pause, her Mother replied, "Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12. Left Over Shit ****************** Is there anything wrost then shit? yeah, left over shit, sucka! So here it is: Want be come famous? Write for Sykotic Times! Send your articles to: syko416@hotmail.com I put anything/everything in here. Emails: Syko416 Stalgar The Great Visit : http://www.deathsdoor.com/syko http://www.deathsdoor.com/stalgar IRC Hang outs: Efnet - #ch4x, #hackcanada Shout outs to: ch4x, and Hack Canada. In next issue: blah Street date: June 1/99