Janitor Privileges

by Voyager

Most large companies hire outside contractors to do their night janitorial work.  Most janitorial companies use temporary agencies to staff their janitorial crews.

Armed with these small bits of knowledge and some hard work, you can gain access to heretofore unknown reservoirs of information.

First, choose your target company.  For our example, we will use the name First Fiduciary Fund.  Call FFF on the telephone, and ask to speak with the person in purchasing who contracts janitorial services.  Tell that person that you are looking for a janitorial service for your business, and ask them if they could recommend anyone.  Make sure that the people you come in contact with at FFF know that you are not a salesperson, or you will be send directly to Voice Mail Hell.

If this fails, you may be forced to sit outside FFF for an afternoon and evening to spot the logo on the janitorial service company's vehicles or uniforms.  If you do this, make sure to wear clean, casual business attire or you may be asked to leave the grounds.

Once you have the name of the janitorial services company, you are ready to proceed to the next part of your attack.  For our example, we will use the name Careful Cleaning.  Call Careful Cleaning on the phone asking if they could recommend a good temporary agency in town.  You will then have the name of the agency they use to staff their crews at FFF.

Why not apply directly at CC?  You don't want to do janitorial every night, that's why.  You don't want to go through the screening and hiring processes, or the background and/or drug tests.  You just want to get into FFF with the minimum of fuss, and the minimum searching of your motives.

Now, visit the temporary agency.  In our example we will use the name Temp Finders.  You will need to have sufficient ID to fill out the federal Form I-9.  Usually that's a state ID and a Social Security card.  On your application, put down minimum as your expected salary and do not show any job experience (unless you have janitorial experience).  In the experience or occupation boxes, put student.

Why?  Janitorial companies are looking for people who are clean-cut, reliable, available at night, and will work for almost nothing.  If you want the role, you have to look the part.  Make sure to put down that you are looking for night janitorial work.

Now you are free to go home and wait for the phone call from Temp Finders.  If they call you for work, ask where you will be working.  You may not always get an answer - temporary agencies are very leery of giving out this information over the phone.  Ask what part of town you will be working in, and pretend to misunderstand the directions until you have the information you need.

One useful ploy is claiming you are getting a ride from a friend, and they will only take you so far.  If the assignment is at your target company, or another good target company, take it.  If it's not, you are free to refuse the assignment.  You do need to be aware, however, that if you turn down too many assignments, Temp Finders will stop calling you.

Once you accept an assignment and are at work, work as quickly as you can.  You must create enough time to gather information.  Look out for hidden security cameras and keep your eyes open for roaming security officers, second shift employees, or your supervisor coming to check on you.

You may wish to devote the first night only to casing FFF.  This will allow you to judge the difficulty of sneaking information out of the building.  Be aware that if you do this, you may lose your only chance at the building.  If you do not do a good job for CC, you will not be requested back.

The safest way to sneak information out is to memorize.  Few individuals can memorize a useful amount of information, however.  Taking a small (3"x4") notepad, appropriately labeled so that the security personnel do not think that you stole it, is a useful tool.  However, writing information down is very slow and time consuming, and time is one thing you do not have when you have to clean a building and play James Bond.  The quickest method is to actually steal paperwork, but it leaves you very vulnerable to being caught.  Security personnel may notice that bulge in your pants, or Tom may notice that his company phone book is missing in the morning.  If you do use this method, it might be wise not to go back to FFF again if you are requested.  They may be simply setting up a trap to catch you.

The most important thing to remember is that what you are doing is illegal.  Treat the task with the respect it deserves and you will be amply rewarded.  Take the task lightly and you will wish you had spent the night at home.