Imaginary Friends

by Frog

In letters to 2600 over the years, readers have tried to get phone service with a fake name and then Ma Bell clipped their wings by asking them to bring in a photo ID.

In fact, it even happened to me once.  But for those of you who want phone service under another name, whether you owe the phone company money, you're a fugitive, or you just don't trust the government with an easy route to finding your home address, there is a way to get a phone under any name you want.

You may have the worst credit in the world but that doesn't matter.  Your imaginary person doesn't have a credit record, and it's fairly easy to create a very good credit record for this new imaginary person who will soon exist in the eyes of Ma Bell and TRW (the people who supply credit information for most of the world).

How does TRW collect information about you and your imaginary friends?  Two ways:

First, what you tell TRW about yourself goes into TRW's files.  You mean TRW will believe anything I say?  You bet!  TRW will believe anything you say!  Don't you wish the government was that gullible?

Second, what your creditors and other people you do business with tell TRW about you goes into TRW files.

Since your imaginary person doesn't exist, he doesn't have any creditors to tell TRW any information.

So then the only way for TRW to get information about your imaginary person is for you to spoon feed it to them.  Remember, TRW will believe anything you say!  This is done by filling out four or five applications for credit cards like Visa, Mastercard, Discover, American Express, etc.  And, whatever you tell them they will place in your imaginary person's credit file.

Your imaginary person needs a Social Security Number, date of birth, home phone, and home address.

For a Social Security Number, pick someone else's, or modify your own.  A good starter is: 527-92-XXXX

Replace the XXXX with any numbers except 0000 or 9999.

Even if the Social Security Number is a duplicate of someone else on TRW's files, it's O.K.  Duplicates happen.  People make typing errors, change names, tell lies, etc.  Don't worry.  Duplicates are O.K.

Make your new person 30-, 40-, or 50-years-old.  Older people have had more time to acquire assets and are better credit risks.  I prefer to use a payphone number for my home phone on the application.  COCOTs are perfect because the few companies that call think it's your fax machine when the COCOT answers with its modem.

For an address, use a vacant house.  Say you own the home too!  It looks better on the credit record.  Remember, if you use a real phone or address, they could track you down later.

Last, your imaginary person needs a good job for a good credit record.  You need a job title, salary, years with the company, and a company address and phone number.  For job title, pick something that makes lots of money.  An engineer or department manager is a good title.  Your new person is respectable.  Say he makes at least $60,000, more in big cities, less in small towns.  Let your new person work at a major company in your area.  Some good companies are Intel, IBM, RCA, Motorola, Compaq, etc.  Use the company's local address as your work address and maybe use the phone number of that company.  With ten year's experience on the job, your new person should make a very good credit reference.

Mail off five, six, or seven credit card applications to different places using the same information on each one and, bingo, in about a week to ten working days those credit card vendors will have run your new imaginary person's name and Social Security Number through TRW or some other credit company.  Since the imaginary person didn't exist, TRW will add him/her to all the thousands of other real people in their computer.

Don't be sad.  All your requests for credit cards will be rejected.  The reason: lack of credit history or no credit history.  But we're not here to get credit cards; we're here to get a phone for our imaginary friend.  (How to get your imaginary friend a credit card will be in an upcoming article; it's just as easy as getting a phone but takes a little longer.)

When you ask Ma Bell for a phone, the first thing they do is run a credit check on you to make sure you exist and you're not a deadbeat.  If they don't find your name on the computers at TRW, they will think you may be scamming them and ask for ID like a driver's license.

But, you sly fox, your imaginary person exists on TRW's computer because of those credit card applications you mailed in two weeks ago.  And when Ma Bell runs her credit check on your imaginary friend, he exists.  This makes Ma Bell happy.  Ma Bell knows you exist on TRW's computer so she will let you have a phone without the hassle of supplying a driver's license.

This scam works the same for cell phone contracts.  Just get your imaginary person on TRW's computers by applying for some credit cards, then go down and apply for a cell phone.

Some cell phone salesmen are very nasty and expect you to produce a real driver's license.  Most of the time this can be gotten around by saying, "I just moved here from California and my wallet got stolen.  But in California you get one driver's license number for life and I have it memorized.  It's the number N24539876."

The first four-digits (N245) are from a valid Los Angeles driver's license.  The rest of the nine-digits I just made up in my head.  Some salesmen are eager to make a sale and will gladly take this line so they can get a commission.  Others will be hard-nosed and demand a license.  In that case you will have to walk down the street and try another cell phone vendor.

Lots of policemen have imaginary friends who supply them with imaginary information so they can get search warrants without probable cause.  If it's O.K. for the cops to use imaginary people to violate your civil rights, then it's fair game for you to use imaginary people to help you make your life better.