How to Get Banned From Your ISP

by Mandark

Everyone is on the Internet.

My grandma, who only has one TV in her basement, got a computer and got connected to the Internet a few days ago.  So what does this mean to companies like America Online and CompuServe?  This means that there are plenty of customers to choose from.  They no longer need business from people like you and me who constantly bend the rules.  ISPs have become much like high schools; they only want you if you can obey the rules.  These rules can occasionally be slightly bent without any objection, but repeated disregard for them will get you banned.  If you ever feel like getting banned from your ISP, then you might want to look into the following suggestions.

Being disrespectful to other users is the most common reason people are banned from their ISP.  Disconnecting another user offline, also called "nuking," "flooding," or "punting" will usually aggravate the other user to contact your ISP and complain.  This doesn't usually happen anymore, however, since the advent of fast computers and high-speed connections.

Asking for another user's password or billing information will get you banned immediately.  If you're looking for the easy quick way, go with this one.  Sending unsolicited bulk email, also called spam, is a violation of the terms of use for almost all ISPs.  Spam includes unwanted advertisements, chain letters, and those "God loves you" things I keep getting from people who think I'm actually going to be impressed by a picture of Jesus.  Sending these usually results in people complaining, and if you send one to me, will result in me replying with a "colorful" message.  These "colorful" messages are also disrespectful and looked down upon, which is unfortunate, because many people on the Internet need to be reminded how stupid they are.

Using up resources is another way to get banned from your ISP.  When ISPs say that they give you unlimited space, they really mean that you get about 10 or 20 megabytes.  Having 532 emails, all with 15 megabyte attached files, will not impress your ISP, and using 14 gigabytes for your web page really makes them mad.  Using bandwidth like it's water is another way you can make your ISP unhappy.  This is not a problem if you are running a 56.6 kbps modem on a major ISP like America Online, but if you use your cable modem to set up a file server that gets 75 hits per second, you will most likely get a call from your ISP asking why you constantly have a two megabit per second upstream.

One thing that will almost definitely get you banned from your ISP is breaking major laws through them.  This can sometimes tie in with the aforementioned ideas.  Examples: If someone sends you an email you don't want and you reply threatening to kill them, if you use your web page space to hold "obscene material involving the participation of a minor under the age of 18," or if you use your ISP to distribute your new nifty program called "Melissa."  You can also break more serious laws if you feel that it is necessary.  Hacking into NASA will more than likely get you banned from your ISP.  It will also get you a nice cozy cell in a federal prison somewhere.

Getting banned from your ISP is easier than ever.  The ideas stated in this article are only suggestions.  Take some time to read the terms of use for your ISP and see what you can come up with.  Be creative.

Getting banned from your ISP is exciting.  And remember the important thing is to have fun.