Just in from the GOBBLES Laboratory!! Do not date or watch online cam porn without this important information!! Ok, the first thing you need to know is that you are a stud/hot mamma and everyone wants you. You need to keep in mind that all the people would like to touch you and look at your butt and stuff but you should be oblivious to this. You have to go about your online time as if women and men are not hammering away in /msg to you. This is an example of my everyday going on. I will demonstrate to you the right and wrong way to get lots of free netsex. I mean, I cant even join a server and not have everyone want me. It is what happens when you look this good. Remember you have to have the bitchin hair of Danny Tario in popular american movie called Saturday Night Fever. I dont know what movie is about but I think his hair look good because he gets lots of netsex. Combine his hair with the very popular and funny humour of americans finest funny man Bob Saget. He ownz the comedy market now. WRONG WAY: Im so sexxy. And I'm elite too. Which one of you girls is going to give me lots of netsex? *crickets* *tumbleweeds* *no sex for you!* *go home danny zucho* RIGHT WAY: ** sexy me joins #randomwchannelwithhotgirls y0!! Whats up with you fine american womans today, looking g00d. ** sexyhotloosewoman swoons over sexyme (See, she want me bad now. I will be making off with the netsex in no time flat) OK it is now really important to tell you that you need to look really cool like me. You really need to know that your /whois information make the man, or the woman. People are anal about the whois and if they want to know more about you, they /whois you. You need to join as many K-R33T channels as you can. I know sometimes its hard because your being so cool makes the other guys jealous and they kban you from their channel. If this happens to you, you should take their channel over poste-hasted. This will make the girlies sw00n over your bad ass. This is my whois to show you wannabes how to be a REAL IRC stud. Also, if you seem to have lost all important channel key, you can make up channels and set their modes as invite only or private or your own channel key. When the hotties ask you for key you only have to say "Sorry, can't give it out, its top secret hacking channel" That will make them instantly hot for you. Also, no matter what server you on, join #phrack, the name is synominous with elite. Of course this will not be my actual hostmask as I can barely juggle all of my women now as it is. You can use this as a template for your own rad /whois. ------------------------------------------ | sexyme is (stud4u@GOBBLESLabs.com) | ircname : sexyme | channels : @#imsoc00l #phrack +#hwa-security @@@@#aol #elitehackerz | @#mandrake #hackers @#darkcyde | server : irc.randomserver.net () : idle : 2secs (signon: Sunday, December 2nd, 2001 at 9:22pm) Really I could go on forever as I am so important in many channels. People love to see me and hear my humourous antedotes on everything from hosery to computer security. Be sure to spend all of your time on IRC. You can use often used and popular teqnique of EFnet security god, route @ #phrack. You must seem to have life away from the Internet Relay Chat networks, but you don't actually have to leave your house. Just sit in front of the screen watching every bit of input in all the channels you're in. You can add to the image by unidling every couple of hours for random musings that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. This will show the hunnies that you are a rebel without a cause like popular american cockmonster John Holmes who played James Dean in a movie I saw on late night television. If neccesary, the microsoft natural keyboard doubles as pillow for these late night staring sessions. I have noticed some of routes methods of scoring women are not real smooth though. You can not bust out to woman who wants to jump on your pork sword about your ex girlfriend who hurts you a lot by doing all of your friends. And I do not recommend asking "ARE YOU A HOT CHICK" at all. This can make you look like a virgin, or worse, homosexual. Although it is true a lot of the hot women like gay men, they like them for other reasons than sex and you do not want to spend all of your cool irc time talking about shoes and clothes with really fat ugly womens. Ok, like i said before, image is everything, so you need to have photos available of you, If you are really fat and have gross blemishes on your face, you can steal photos of hunky looking guys or girls to pass off as yourself. Who will they really believe? You the trusted and handsome stud, or some freak that says you stole photo. Just steal it from someone in a christian type chat or something if this worry you, because everyone knows religious zealots lie and no one cool goes there anyway. If you do have a real photo of self then use it only if you look really do-able. Try to take photos of your bad system too. You want everyone to see the tower of power you do all of your elite hackering from. Try also to include a box of kleenex on your desk so all the ladies can see that not only are you are a hacker, but that you have a sensitive side and are not afraid of their tear jerking chick flicks. Also I feel it extremely important to remind you here that all the fine foxxes like soft hands, so keep lotion on your desk at all times. Use it OFTEN!! Some of you might feel the need to soften your hands with shampoo, GOBBLES LABS DOES NOT ADVISE THIS, as it might burn cuticles. Ok, one this you have to know now is that women talk to each other and they are jealous creatures. Do not juggle more than one hunny per channel as this will quickly put your sexy ass out on the street. Dont limit yourself to one network. You the mac daddy, can have several times the hunnies if you join as many networks as possible. A good rule of thumb is that undernet has ALOT of willings ho's. Just dont call them ho's. The political correct name for these fine foxxes is haxxtresses. You might as a rule of thumb try to stay away from smart unix girls. It is true that unix girls cant get enough but they are not like the usual irc girlie. These are girls who have probably been using unix longer than you and they are smart to your sauve intentions to get the nookie. Plus, you don't want it to get around that a girl ./ you and uploaded your questionable porn collection to a public place. This would make you look uncapable of controlling your woman and securing your boxen. Also, you get the hunnies according to your image in the underground. The blackhat hackers get all the strippers, but this is ok, because strippers like to do it a lot and will give you free lap dances. Or, if you want, you can be like atstake, the l0pht sellouts. Even though you are supposedly a good guy now, you can still get a good score of chicks by labeling yourself as an "ethical white-hat hacker". This is good if you want church visiting girls who like to eat and dont like to give head. OK, this is it for the first installment of the GOBBLES LABS dating guide. I will return soon with part two. We will go into the pros and cons of aol girlies. Until then!! Andrew @ GOBBLES labs