TDR shorting systems from Marty on 2009-03-13 (file.mbox)

From: Marty <marty..._at_prodigy.net>
Date: Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:27:22 -0700 (PDT)

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From: "Its from Onion" <areda..._at_msn.com>
To: "TSCM-L2006" <TSCM-..._at_googlegroups.com>
Subject: A funny
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:19:13 -0500
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Did my on-topic posts so here is my allotted funny of the week.. lol

My Twitter Don't Tweet=20

Things are spiraling out of control. I think I have become lost in a world =
of electronic madness.=20

One of my sons informed me this week that my cell phone has become obsolete=
and I must head down to the Cell Phone store and get a phone that is conte=
mporary with the time.=20

I pointed out that the fancy Razor/Slim line phone with camera built in tha=
t he made me trade my perfectly good flip-top Motorola cell phone for two y=
ears ago still works perfectly fine. Well, except for the camera thing. Nev=
er could figure that out... Even the few times I actually did take pictures=
I couldn't figure what to do with them and gave up.=20

That is except when I would push the wrong button and take a video of the c=
eiling or my feet.=20

Seems the is sue is that I am unable to text with the tiny little 3 charact=
er buttons. "Hi, son," would come out looking like, "Gh Qmo." My grandkids =
have even spoken to me about my crazy text messages. Give me a break. What =
ever happened to actually talking on a phone? Isn't that what they were inv=
ented for?=20

They want me to get one of those phones that you can turn upside down and s=
ideways and has a typewriter keyboard with keys about one-eighth the size o=
f my pinky finger.=20

One of my four sons is a realtor whose real occupation is fly fishing.. "Wa=
y to go, son."=20
Or in my text language, "Xbz um Io, rmo."=20

We were floating the Yakima River in his guide quality drift boat south of =
Ellensburg , Washington . We were miles from anything remotely resembling c=
ivilization. Rock canyon walls were on either side of us. Bear with me as I=
try to explain this strange thing.=20

His "Blackberry" rang. It was blue and I asked him why it wasn't called a B=
lueberry. He shook his head with that "dealing with an elder despair" look =
I get a lot these days. It was another realtor who called to say that the s=
ellers he represented had agreed to my son's client's changes and he had th=
e signed documents in hand.=20

My son told him to FAX the papers to his office and he would get them signe=
d and Faxed back, to close the deal that morning. A minute later the phone =
rang and he hit a few buttons and looked over the FAX, now on the Yakima Ri=
ver with us.=20

He then called his clients and told them he was Faxing the papers to them t=
o sign and asked them to FAX them back to his office.. While he was waiting=
, he hooked into a fat rainbow and was just releasing this 22 inch beauty a=
s his phone rang again with the signed FAX from his clients.=20

He called the other realtor and told him he was sending the signed papers b=
ack by FAX. The deal was closed. He smiled and just said, "You are a little=
behind the times, Dad." I guess I am.=20

I thought about the sixty million dollar a year business I ran with 1800 em=
ployees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures =
and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.=20

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kid s, their=
spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in =
the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter wit=
h only 140 characters of space.=20

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twh=
irl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something=
that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within t=
he texting world.=20

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything exc=
ept the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to li=
ve like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.=20

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost e=
very now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that i=
n a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am suppo=
sed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes =
and Nobles talking to my wife as every one in the nearest 50 yards was glar=
ing at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and got a litt=
le loud.=20

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside wa=
s the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 =
minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think th=
at she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would =
let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light=
. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.=20

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cro=
ss streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the=
GPS lady, at least she loves me.=20

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless p=
hones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figur=
ed out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging =
under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets w=
hen the phone rings.=20

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every ti=
me I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on somethin=
g themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out jus=
t knocks me for a loop.=20

I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but n=
ever remember to take them in with me.=20

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just sa=
y, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sack-sual."=20

Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.=20

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<DIV>Did my on-topic posts so here is my allotted funny of the week.. =
=20
lol</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>My Twitter Don't Tweet </DIV>
<DIV> </F=
ONT><FONT=20
lang=3D0 face=3D"Times New Roman" color=3D#000000 size=3D3>Things are spiraling o=
ut of=20
control. I think I have become lost in a world of electronic=20
madness.=20
 One of=20
my sons informed me this week that my cell phone has become obsolete and I =
must=20
head down to the Cell Phone store and get a phone that is contemporary with=
the=20
time. I pointed out that the fancy Razor/Slim line phone with camer=
a=20
built in that he made me trade my perfectly good flip-top Motorola cell pho=
ne=20
for two years ago still works perfectly fine. Well, except for the camera t=
hing.=20
Never could figure that out... Even the few times I actually did take pictu=
res I=20
couldn't figure what to do with them and gave up. That is except wh=
en I=20
would push the wrong button and take a video of the ceiling or my feet.=20
 Seems the is sue is that I am unable to text with the tiny little 3=
=20
character buttons. "Hi, son," would come out looking like, "Gh Qmo." My=20
grandkids have even spoken to me about my crazy text messages. Give me a br=
eak.=20
What ever happened to actually talking on a phone? Isn't that what they wer=
e=20
invented for? They want me to get one of those phones that you can =
turn=20
upside down and sideways and has a typewriter keyboard with keys about=20
one-eighth the size of my pinky finger. One of my four sons is a re=
altor=20
whose real occupation is fly fishing.. "Way to go, son." Or in my text languag=
e, "Xbz=20
um Io, rmo."=20
 We=20
were floating the Yakima River in his guide quality drift boat south of=20
Ellensburg , Washington . We were miles from anything remotely resembling=
=20
civilization. Rock canyon walls were on either side of us. Bear with me as =
I try=20
to explain this strange thing. His "Blackberry" rang. It was blue a=
nd I=20
asked him why it wasn't called a Blueberry. He shook his head with that=20
"dealing with an elder despair" look I get a lot these days. It was=
=20
another realtor who called to say that the sellers he represented had agree=
d to=20
my son's client's changes and he had the signed documents in hand. =
My=20
son told him to FAX the papers to his office and he would get them signed a=
nd=20
Faxed back, to close the deal that morning. A minute later the phone rang a=
nd he=20
hit a few buttons and looked over the FAX, now on the Yakima River with us.=
=20
 He then called his clients and told them he was Faxing the papers t=
o=20
them to sign and asked them to FAX them back to his office.. While he was=
=20
waiting, he hooked into a fat rainbow and was just releasing this 22 inch b=
eauty=20
as his phone rang again with the signed FAX from his clients. He ca=
lled=20
the other realtor and told him he was sending the signed papers back by FAX=
. The=20
deal was closed. He smiled and just said, "You are a little behind the t=
imes,=20
Dad." I guess I am. I thought about the sixty million dollar a =
year=20
business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played mu=
sic,=20
took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter. I=
=20
signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kid s, their=
=20
spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in t=
he=20
modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with on=
ly=20
140 characters of space. That was before one of my grandkids hooked=
me=20
up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific=20
Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone =
and=20
every other program within the texting world. My phone was beeping =
every=20
three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of =
the=20
entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell ph=
one=20
in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last=
=20
birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the=
=20
grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the=
Blue=20
tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once an=
d was=20
standing in line at Barnes and Nobles talking to my wife as every one in th=
e=20
nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out=
to=20
use it and got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on=
my=20
dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had =
run=20
into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,=20
"Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she=
=20
could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell m=
e to=20
make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instea=
d, it=20
was not good. When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell h=
er=20
the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same=
tone=20
as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly fran=
k, I=20
am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We ha=
ve=20
had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three=
=20
phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and che=
cking=20
bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The w=
orld=20
is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to=
the=20
grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves bu=
t=20
this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a l=
oop.=20
 I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confus=
ed=20
but never remember to take them in with me. Now I toss it back to t=
hem.=20
When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sack-sual." <F=
ONT lang=3D0=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" color=3D#000000 size=3D4>Then it's their=
turn to=20
stare at me with a blank look. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV></BODY></HTML>

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