Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that
it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to
be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Epicurus: For fun.
Darwin: Along enormous periods of time, chicken have been naturally
selected, so that now they have a genetic tendency to cross roads.
George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in
1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie
during the duration.
Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and
arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea
of oncoming vehicles...
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Nelson Mandela: It was a long walk to freedom.
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into
the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being
which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.
Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.
Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for chicken, one giant leap for poultry.
Plato: For the greater good.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously
interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a
phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omlette.
Saddam Hussein: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to
cross roads.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Bill Clinton: I did not, and I repeat, I did not have any relations
with that chicken.
Bill Clinton: It depends on what you mean by the word "the".
Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you
can carry it across the road in your pocket!
NT Chicken: Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so
quiet that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it crosses,
but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.
Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to
cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will
both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, although dividing 3 by 2
will get you 1.499999999999999999999999999.
Microsoft Chicken (tm): It's already on both sides of the road. And
it just bought the road.
Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the
server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets!)
C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd
simply refer to him on the other side.
VB Chicken: USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ...
Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on
the other side.
Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Web Chicken: It clicked the hyperlink.
Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Lotus Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
COBOL Chicken:
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM
0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1
UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
moved beneath the chicken depends upon your point of view. Everything
is relative.
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in
motion tend to cross the road.
Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no
meaning except to him.
Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological
explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with
sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct
evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to
obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in
sociobiological speculation.
Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically
on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.
Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't
dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've
not been told!
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ernest Hemingway: "To die. Alone. In the rain."
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Oliver Stone: The question is not, 'Why did the chicken cross the
road?' but rather, 'Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom
we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?'
Robert Frost: To reach the sidewalk less travelled by.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking
that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was
really only serving their interests.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
let it take.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road
was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced
with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client,
helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy
and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model
(PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people,
processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a
Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep
skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day
itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge
capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise
with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering
and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide
value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median
processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and
creating an impactful environment which was strategically based,
industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified
market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and
core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
business integration solution.
Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
Lawyer: We have received your discovery notice. My client fully
reserves his rights. If you do not immediately and forthwith cease
this action and line of questioning, which consitutes inter alia an
infringement of my client's right to privacy, my client will take the
appropriate legal steps to protect his rights, which might mutatis
mutandis include seeking the appropriate remedy from a court, which
could include (but is not necessarily restricted to) the recovery of
damages for injury or potential injury to him and/or the chicken
and/or the road (or their hiers, dependants or assigns), as the case may be.
Karl Marx: The present stage of productive forces demanded a new
class of chicken, capable of crossing the road.
Moses: A voice cometh from heaven which shouteth out to the chicken:
"Cross the road!" And the chicken crossed the road and the assembled
multitude rejoiced greatly.
Captain Kirk: To go where no chicken had ever been before.
Martin Luther King: I had a dream. I saw a world where all chicken
will be free to cross the road without having their motives
questioned by white people.
Feminist: To humiliate and enslave the hen, in an exhibitionistic,
typically chauvinistic gesture by the oppressive patriarchy, trying,
besides that, to convince her that, as a hen, she will never have
enough ability to cross the road but should spend her life denying
her own desire to remain on the same side of the road or to cross it
where, so trapped, she remains in bondage, bare-clawed and
subservient to the patriarchy.
Nietzsche: It wants to overcome its chicken condition, to become a
superchicken.
Che Guevara: Hay que cruzar la carretera, pero sin jam perder la ternura...
Parmenides: The chicken did not cross the road because it could not
move. Movement does not exist.
Lenin: To protest its bondage to international capitalist
exploitation and decadent bourgeoise morality.
Mao: To empower the peasant revolutionaries! Power grows from the
barrel of a chicken!
Received on Sat Mar 02 2024 - 00:57:20 CST
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