As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request over the loudspeaker: "Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess to the upright position and prepare to land?"
What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A screwdriver turns in screws, Clinton screws interns!
Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird? "The spread eagle"!
A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?" Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was on her knees."
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am? She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.
The Spelling Bee...Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill Clinton were in a spelling contest. Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who knew that 'harass' was one word.
How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's not possible, they are too busy screwing the President.
Clinton's team of advisors have offered the following defence... Clinton NEVER told Lewinsky to lie in ANY deposition! He told her to lie in DIS position....
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? They were both upset when Bill finished first.
What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town.
Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines have in common? They both have slots which say "Insert 'Bill" here."
What "help wanted" advert did Monica Lewinsky answer? Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the Presidency!
There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon. It will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory.
Did you hear that when this scandal is over that Monica plans to sell her story? She said she will tell it Blow by Blow.
What's Monica going to title her memoirs? "How to suckseed in the Oval Office without really trying!"
Why can't they prosecute Bill Clinton? Monica swallowed the evidence
Why does Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks? She's withholding evidence.
Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill? Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face.
Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's appearance. "She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"
Bill's nickname for Hillary is, "My little buttercup" His nickname for Monica? "My little suctioncup"
Poll of 100 women: Would you ever sleep with the President? 2 said yes 4 said never 94 said never again
Why does Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm.
What do Clinton and a carpenter have in common? One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
Why doesn't Clinton play his saxophone any more? He's busy playing with his whoremonica.
What's the new favourite game at the White House? Swallow the leader.
What is Clinton's favourite movie? Free Willy.
Top 10 Benefits of a White House Internship: 10. First-hand knowledge of domestic affairs. 9. Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great. 8. Gives new meaning to MTV slogan "Rock the Vote". 7. Observe the President's commitment to young people first hand. 6. Learn intricacies of statutory rape law. 5. Have president chase around desk brandishing his "subpoena". 4. President tells you he really wants you on his staff. 3. Try out JFK's legendary rocking chair. 2. Have president introduce you to his "special investigator". and the number one benefit of a White House internship ... 1. Find out what a politician means when he says he's been polling his constituents!
What's the first thing Bill said after the Lewinsky allegations? Oh, NOW she opens her mouth!
You'll be pleased to know that Bill is putting his exceptional linguistic evasiveness into print, titled: "Cunning Little Linguistics" by Bill Clinton.
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