>From: "Martin Webster"

>To: Tony , Tony Hancock

>Subject: New E.U. Language Directive

>Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 21:22:37 +0000

>

>NEW E.U. LANGUAGE DIRECTIVE:

>(Pay Attention!)

>

>The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been

>reached to adopt English as the prefered language for European

>communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

>

>As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English

>spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased

>plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

>

>In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".  Sertainly,

>sivil servants will reseive this news with joy.  Also, the hard "c" will be

>replaced with "k".  Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters

>kan have one less letter.

>

>There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the

>troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f".  This will make words like

>"fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

>

>In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expeked to

>reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible.  Governments

>will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a

>deterent to akurate spelling.  Also al wil agre that the horible mes of

>silent "e" s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

>

>By the fourth year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"

>by "z" and "w" by "v".

>

>During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "O" kan be dropd from ords kontaining

>"ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of

>leters.

>

>Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst

>plas....