Flaming Asshole

Actual Article from the LA Times - Thanks Ed Toner

 

California people are strange!

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was
only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused
doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been
admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone
seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot,
our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out
"Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve
Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and
struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what
happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely
burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers
which in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine
propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree
burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

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