HEAVIEST KNOWN ELEMENT

A major research institution has recently discovered the heaviest element
known to science. This discovery has been tentatively named Administratium.
It has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does
however, have 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded
by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to
complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has
a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass." You will know it when you see it.

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