----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2003 12:59
PM
Subject: FUNNIEST EMAIL THIS YEAR -
HILARIOUS - WHAT A SCREAM - QUOTES
Brain Cramps
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because
if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the
1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV
and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry.
I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death
and stuff." --Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in
the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown
scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to
do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country
away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land,
and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice
President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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" It's
no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another"
--George Bush, US President
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"We've got to pause and ask
ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided
with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I
assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his
Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius"
isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of
people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may
not occur." --Al Gore, VP
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from
overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be
stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your
circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in
at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the
night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll
be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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....Feeling smarter yet? Send it on to your other
brilliant friends, like I am doing
Let me know if you loved this email - write THANKS in email
subject line.
Bob