Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the
front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to
the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front
panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their
truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain
still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to
the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to
the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police
station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the
desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the
person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery
store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier
handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the
counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf
holiday, showed up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle
chatter about golf, the customs official realized that the tourist
did not know what a "handicap" was. The customs official asks the
tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A
substantial amount of narcotics were found in the golf bag.
Germany: Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick
for her, a woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a
camel (a modern-day Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the
local zoo (where *else* can you find a camel when you need one?)
and transported it back to her house--where she realized that the
camel's name was "Otto."
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages
gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call
from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband killed.
She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a
deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence.
For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He
got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store,
pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face
mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut
eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into
a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's
video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the
videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't
get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into
a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself
up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could
not get to the money from where he was, (2) he could not climb
back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was
bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for
help...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new
home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc.,
they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it
onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these
brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy.
Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator
BACK into the house and returned to the pickup truck only to
realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned
it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K
(a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen
dollars.
