Bird-Hating EU to Massively Increase Offshore Wind Farms

Everyone knows that wind farms use more energy than they create. We went over this when they made fun of Donald Trump for condemning wind farms.

What a wind farm is: a very expensive bird-killing machine.

The EU claims that it is trying to change the weather because fat people are getting too “hot out this bitch.” Actually, they just hate birds.

Here’s the skinny:

• The Guardian reports that the EU is upping the capacity of its offshore wind farms in the North Sea, the Baltic, the Atlantic, the Mediterranean and the Black Sea by 250% under a draft plan drawn up by the European commission.
• This is after Boris Johnson announced that he intends to use offshore wind farms to generate enough electricity to power every home in the UK within a decade.
• Even though the UK is allegedly leaving the EU, they are keeping the 2050 target of becoming “carbon emission neutral” by 2050, because women in the country believe that carbon dioxide changes the weather.

Why it matters: It doesn’t matter and these people are fags.

• Carbon dioxide is what plants breathe.

Go deeper: 

• They started putting wind farms off shore because they’re so ugly and also they claim there are no birds out there.
• A blog post on famousscientists.org claims that albatross birds can fly up to 15,ooo kilometers (just under 10,000 miles) over the sea before returning to land.
• Seagulls can drink salt water and can fly very far out over the ocean.
• Geese migrate from Iceland, Greenland and Scandinavia over the Baltic Sea and the open ocean.
• The Bible says not to abuse animals.
• Putting these wind farms off shore makes them even more expensive and they will probably still kill a lot of birds.

European Geese Flight Paths

The big picture: This article is written like Axios articles because I think it’s fun and actually make uninteresting stories more interesting. I’m gonna keep doing this for the rest of the day and see how people respond.