$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~bF$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$~~~$~~~~~~~$~~~~~~~$$   $~~~$   $~~~~~~~$~~~~~~~$   $   $~~~$~~~$~~~$
$   $   $   $   $   $$   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $
$   $   $   $   $   $$   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   "  x$   $   $   $
$   $   $   $   $"""$$   $   $   $   xxxx$   xxxx$   $   $   $   $   $
$   $   $$$$$   $   $$   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $
$   $   $$$$$   $   $$   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $   $
$xxx$xxx$$$$$xxxxxxx$$ppppppppppp$ppppppp$ppppppp$ppp$ppp$ppp$pppp   $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
----------------------------------------------------------------------
IRC Weekly  -  "the special technique of shadow boxing"  -  IRC Weekly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Edition #3

  y0h0h0 we bax dont you love how we are a weekly mag? Anyways this is
the special new yearz edition... cause we know you all need it to get
on with life in the new year so you can print this out and read it to
your family on new years or something like that, you decide.

  \/  \/
   `\/,  << h0h0 this is our new official m00sh3, dont ask! :)
   O.o 
    V
   \|/
    |
  ./~\.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
                        
Introduction, well sorta                            subzero
Invasion of the Sheep                               subzero
Is There A Santa? [Unknown author]                  Zircon
Da Twelve Days of #Warez Christmas                  Juice
Time Stamping                                       Tantalos
Top 10 New Years Resolutions                        Zircon
Top 6 Netsex Positions                              subzero
lsi's neato quotelist                               lsi
If I Were Elite                                     Zircon
Suicide, the cool way                               Stumble
What's Booty And Whats Dookie For 1996              Juice
Phonesex anyone?                                    otiluke
Poor, poor fencer...                                Zircon
The Almighty Art of Eagle_1 bashing                 <anonymous>
The end...or soemthing                              subzero

----------------------------------------------------------------------

------- - --- - -    -       -
Introduction, well sorta
---- -  - -- --   -

  Anyways in this issue we got lots of stuff how bout we start with
some k-rad "1-YEAR" quotes for your amusement:

When YOU KNOW your a SEX GOD!!!!
<TpcT> subz and sheiky yewz have to help me with this..  my sex life is goin
       down the drain..

Once again When YOU KNOW your a SEX GOD!!!!
<lsi>  lot - the last person who came to me shy and inexperienced is no
       longer so

Can you YIFF?
<Lamer>   4% of males can yiff, and 9% of females can...
<LeStaT_> what is yiff?
<Lamer>   Suck yerself...
<Stumble> I can yiff cuz my dicks 3 feet long

When your are very perplexed...
<|-BiLlY-|> huh?
<|-BiLlY-|> i wank
<|-BiLlY-|> ??
<piker> *|-BiLlY-|* i wank? <12:10:~BILLY@castles49.castles.com>
<piker> do you? how should i know

PHEAR&^$@!#@^%$!^
<Sputnik> Oh no !! Mr Warez has stolen all our 0-day and is hiding it in his
          castle !

------- - --- - -    -       -
Invasion of the Sheep
---- -  - -- --   -

  Ok now onto something on a more serious note SHEEP RULE YOUR WORLD!!
Yes if you missed this occassion then you have a life if not GREAT
read it all again... even if you missed it read it all this is exclusive
logs of SHEEP on irc YOU MUST PHEAR if you dont run now...

*** hd (jon@raven.cybercomm.net) has joined channel [#twilight_zone] at 
10:53PM
ook over IRC work at rutgers, and i've been active in discussions on 
operlist for quite some times.  I initially said that some form of 
bootstrap for TS was necessary about 3 years ago.
*** Sanman (jski@panix.com) has joined channel [#twilight_zone] at 10:53PM
<Shayde> *thinks*  mebbe 4...
<Sanman> may i ask a question?
<Vamps> so, you know how long it took
*** hd is now known as _9436317
*** Signoff: Kanan (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
*** Signoff: Magik (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
*** Signoff: mUnChIe (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
*** Signoff: tzoper (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
*** Signoff: techie (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
<Vamps> be happyu it is happening
*** Signoff: Daemon (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
*** Signoff: andyd (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
<Carolyn> sanman: that question has caused you to exceed your question 
limit for the evening
*** andyd (adoane@eagle.ais.net) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 10:53PM
*** Signoff: MOP (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
*** Kanan (~chady@warp-fddi.cris.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:53
<Vamps> oh my
*** Signoff: LoverMan (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
*** Magik (maz@magik.albany.net) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 10:53PM
<Shayde> i'm _ecstatic_.. :)
*** Signoff: piker (Killed (_9436317 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
*** Signoff: _9436317 (Killed (_Red_ (idiot)))
<Newzplex> wtf?
*** piker (piker@irc1.svc.portal.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:54PM
*** _74764623 (jon@raven.cybercomm.net) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:54PM
*** Window HOLD_MODE is ON
*** Window level is NONE
*** LovahMan (hogan@cloofone.sedona.net) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:54PM
<Sanman> carolyn :(
*** Carolyn is now known as Carobabe
*** _74764623 is now known as _92242205
<Newzplex> uhhh
*** LovahMan is now known as LoverMan
<Newzplex> ummm
*** tzoper (pjg@azure.acsu.buffalo.edu) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:
*** _92242205 is now known as _36297978
*** _36297978 is now known as _74760499
*** Daemon (frechett@oldyeller.Colorado.EDU) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:54PM
*** _9436317: No such nick/channel
*** _9436317 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon mUEllER? 
-Malk) on channel *private*
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
*** _9436317 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon mUEllER? 
-Malk) on channel *private*
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
<LoverMan> Jeezus!
*** _74760499 is now known as _89544452
*** _89544452 is now known as _76783986
*** _76783986 is now known as _55244948
*** _55244948 is now known as _93657218
*** _93657218 is now known as _63872606
*** _63872606 is now known as _54281313
*** _Whitey_ (Whitewolf@ft006.computek.net) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:54PM
*** humble (humble@dnet01-23.austin.texas.net) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:54PM
 at 10:54PM
one at 10:54PM
*** Signoff: _54281313 (Killed (Vamps (Damned clone *@!$%!)))
*** MOP (piker@irc1.svc.portal.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
10:54PM<_Whitey_> ne1 have a list of the effnet irc servers?
*** Signon by: Carobabe [horowitz@kiwi.epix.net] detected.
*** Signoff: Carolyn
<Vamps> *sigh*
*** TommydCat (tommyd@ll-allied.shawnee.cc.il.us) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:55PM
<Carobabe> who the hell was doing the kills?
<TommydCat> whoa
<LoverMan> Vamps:  Dat wuz leet MASS KILLING OPERD CLONE.  =)
*** Action: Shayde idles to watch Raiders...
<Newzplex> That was lame
<Vamps> jon@raven.cybercomm.net
<Newzplex> It was
*** _83035739 (jon@raven.cybercomm.net) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:55PM
<TommydCat> heya Lovahman... fltns
<Newzplex> Yeah Vamps
<ds2> 314 _54281313 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon 
mUEllER? -Malk) on
<ds2> 312 on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu (Sat Dec  9 19:58:04 1995)
<ds2> 369 _54281313 End of WHOWAS
<Newzplex> ACK
<Newzplex> There hs is
<douglas> that guy is such an idiot
<Newzplex> he
*** _83035739 is now known as _93412493
<Vamps> loverman?
*** _93412493 is now known as _77975574
*** Signoff: LarZ (Killed (_77975574 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
*** Biatch (~arthurd@elaine19.Stanford.EDU) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:55PM
<douglas> someone want to jupe that server or should I?
*** Signoff: Barron (Killed (_77975574 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
<Carobabe> dave: do quote clone again
*** Window HOLD_MODE is OFF
*** Window level is NONE
*** LarZ (mjr@Ozone.Blackened.COM) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
10:55PM
<Stumbly> fucking loser!!!
*** Signoff: Demon (Killed (_77975574 ((sheep rewl the werld.) )))
*** Signoff: Tolim (Killed (_77975574 ((sheep rewl the werld.))))
<LoverMan> TdC!!!!  Man, it's been forever..
<ds2> '
*** amm is now known as amm2
*** Demon (dougmc@algol.frenzy.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
10:55PM*** Tolim (~cost@jove.acs.unt.edu) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:55PM
<Biatch> you go ds2
*** krink|e (mcjones@lamer.anyland.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:55PM
<ds2> sorry.. guys
<amm2> Ahem.
<_Whitey_> ne1 have a list of the effnet irc servers?
*** Fnord (shettich@128.195.1.18) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
10:55PM
<LoverMan> damnit
<ds2> no comments... no time
<humble> fucker
<LoverMan> jupe that sucker
*** amm2 is now known as amm
<TommydCat> Lover: yah...  been out enjoying Real Life(tm) a bit :)
*** Psychosis (Psychosis@phase.iii.net) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:56PM
<LoverMan> TdC:  Lucky.  :)  hehe
Sec: #Twilight_Zone  Psychosis Fnord krink|e Tolim Demon LarZ Biatch 
TommydCat MOP douglas humble _Whitey_ Daemon tzoper LoverMan piker Magik 
Kanan andyd SanmanOP douglas humble _Whitey_ Daemon tzoper LoverMan piker 
Magik Kanan andyd Sanman@crush @jonathan @DeeCee Newzplex Falken @Vamps 
@FreeSoft @Rodder @Out @benny @CoMSTuD razer bpk @TwazWEnd @DrmWEaver 
Syrkette Temp brian2 FlashPYR beaker FlashREZZ digital clavo Brett mrg 
[Chris3] Avalon
*** Mode change "+i" on channel #Twilight_Zone by Vamps
*** Signoff: krink|e (changing servers)
<Newzplex> that guy is lame
<Carobabe> grrr
*** Mode change "+ooo Tolim Demon LarZ" on channel #Twilight_Zone by Vamps
*** Mode change "+oo MOP douglas" on channel #Twilight_Zone by Vamps
<TommydCat> on to two months of mail :)
<Biatch> see...and y'all say o:lines are no fun.
<Tolim> umm.
<Tolim> wtf was that?
*** Biatch has left channel #twilight_zone
*** Mode change "+ooo Daemon tzoper piker" on channel #Twilight_Zone by Vamps
<Newzplex> heh
*** Signoff: tober (Leaving)
<Carobabe> tolim: opered clone
Sec: #Twilight_Zone  Psychosis Fnord @Tolim @Demon @LarZ TommydCat @MOP 
@douglas humble _Whitey_ @Daemon @tzoper LoverMan @piker Magik Kanan 
andyd Sanman Zircon sz bree2 Stumbly amm ds2 Shayde @Carobabe @Trillian 
@Tychy dwight @crush @jonathan @DeeCee Newzplex Falken @Vamps @FreeSoft 
@Rodder @Out @benny @CoMSTuD razer
clavo Brett mrg [Chris3] Avalon
<Vamps> opered from where?
<digital> Most annoying
<Vamps> jon@raven.cybercomm.net
<ds2> uh... unless someone objects... let's squit ilstu...it looks 
compromised... or otherwise incompetently admined.
<Carobabe> yes
<Tolim> on ilstu
<Carobabe> quote clone rulez, though
*** krink|e (mcjones@lamer.anyland.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 10:57PM
<Tolim> lame
<Vamps> what server?
<Carobabe> hubby got em
<douglas> irc.ilstu.edu
<Carobabe> ilstu
<Carobabe> now would be a nice time for a JUP
<Stumbly> ilstu?
<Carobabe> er jupe
<amm> hmmmmmmmm
<amm> he's getting some of my users now
<Temp> who is that?
*** Sanman has left channel #twilight_zone
<douglas> it will take me a minute to get a jupe up
<Carobabe> maybe ilstu is hacked
Sec: #Twilight_Zone  krink|e Psychosis Fnord @Tolim @Demon @LarZ 
TommydCat @MOP
@douglas humble _Whitey_ @Daemon @tzoper LoverMan @piker Magik Kanan 
andyd Zircon sz bree2 Stumbly amm ds2 Shayde @Carobabe @Trillian @Tychy 
dwight @crush @jonathan @DeeCee Newzplex Falken @Vamps @FreeSoft @Rodder 
@Out @benny @CoMSTuD razer bpk @TwazWEnd @DrmWEaver Syrkette Temp brian2 
FlashPYR beaker FlashREZZ digital clavo Brett mrg [Chris3] Avalon
!irc.winternet.com! Received SQUIT irc.ilstu.edu from ds2 (compromised?)
*** Netsplit at 22:57:57 (irc.winternet.com irc.ilstu.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
<Temp> _26179048?
<Newzplex> eek
*** _26179048: No such nick/channel
<douglas> who squit it ?
<amm> it'll just reconnect, ds2
*** _26179048 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon mUEllER? 
-Malk) on channel *private*
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
*** _26179048 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon mUEllER? 
-Malk) on channel *private*
hannel *private*
<Newzplex> ds2 squit
<amm> ds2 squit it
<amm> via winternet
*** Window HOLD_MODE is ON
*** Window level is NONE
<ds2> it'll give us some time to make the jupe
*** _Whitey_ has left channel #twilight_zone
<ds2> [[evilive:imef@power.net] bite me asshole
*** Lastlog:
<ds2> ilsu vs uiuc
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
<ds2> 312 on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu (Sat Dec  9 19:58:04 1995)
<ds2> uh... unless someone objects... let's squit ilstu...it looks 
compromised... or otherwise incompetently admined.
<Tolim> on ilstu
<douglas> irc.ilstu.edu
<Carobabe> ilstu
<Stumbly> ilstu?
<Carobabe> maybe ilstu is hacked
!irc.winternet.com! Received SQUIT irc.ilstu.edu from ds2 (compromised?)
*** Netsplit at 22:57:57 (irc.winternet.com irc.ilstu.edu)
*** Netsplit at 22:57:57 (irc.winternet.com irc.ilstu.edu)
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
*** End of Lastlog
<douglas> keep squitting it
<Newzplex> heh
*** Assign TRACE_SWITCH removed
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Netjoined at 22:58:48 (irc.winternet.com irc.ilstu.edu)
<douglas> i think i still have jupe.c around here
*** ZED (~zed@ndts3.pt11.ndsu.NoDak.edu) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 10:58PM
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<bree2> *sigh*
<amm> ilstu.edu is now on cris
!irc.cris.com! Received SQUIT irc.ilstu.edu from Vamps (      )
*** Netsplit at 22:59:02 (irc.cris.com irc.ilstu.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Psychosis> q-line! :)
<LoverMan> werd
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<douglas> just keep squitting it
<LoverMan> 25 minutes@!#@!#@
<Vamps> I am
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Netjoined at 22:59:47 (irc.cris.com irc.ilstu.edu)
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
!irc.uiuc.edu! Received SQUIT irc.ilstu.edu from Vamps (haxored server)
*** Netsplit at 23:00:07 (irc.uiuc.edu irc.ilstu.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
<Magik> *** Notice -- Unknown prefix (:irc.ilstu.edu MODE #movies +o abra 
) from<Magik> +irc.uiuc.edu, Squitting irc.ilstu.edu
*** Netjoined at 23:00:20 (irc.uiuc.edu irc.ilstu.edu)
!irc.uiuc.edu! Received SQUIT *.utexas.edu from _20342528 ((sheep rewl 
the werld.))
*** Netsplit at 23:00:20 (irc.uiuc.edu *.utexas.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Vamps> shit
<Magik> Hrm.
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
!irc.uiuc.edu! Received SQUIT *.portal.com from _20342528 ((sheep rewl 
the werld.))
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
!irc.cris.com! Received SQUIT irc.cdc.net from _20342528 ((sheep rewl the 
werld.))
*** Netsplit at 23:00:40 (irc.cris.com irc.cdc.net)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
!irc.uiuc.edu! Received SQUIT irc-2.mit.edu from _20342528 ((sheep rewl 
the werld.))
*** _20342528 is jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon mUEllER? -Malk)
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
*** _20342528 is an IRC-OPERATOR [I Am an IRC Technician - ask for help]
*** _20342528 is jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon mUEllER? -Malk)
*** on irc via server irc.ilstu.edu
*** _20342528 is an IRC-OPERATOR [I Am an IRC Technician - ask for help]
*** Netsplit at 23:00:51 (irc.uiuc.edu irc-2.mit.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
<Carobabe> where's prae when we need him
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
!irc.uiuc.edu! Received SQUIT irc.ilstu.edu from Vamps (haxored server)
*** Netsplit at 23:01:03 (irc.uiuc.edu irc.ilstu.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
!irc.nada.kth.se! Received SQUIT *.fi from _20342528 ((sheep rewl the 
werld.))
<Temp> ouch
*** Netsplit at 23:01:13 (irc.nada.kth.se *.fi)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
!irc.stanford.edu! Received SQUIT *.eskimo.com from _20342528 ((sheep 
rewl the werld.))
*** Netsplit at 23:01:13 (irc.stanford.edu *.eskimo.com)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
!irc.mimuw.edu.pl! Received SQUIT irc.put.poznan.pl from _20342528 
((sheep rewl
the werld.))
<Psychosis> what the fuck?
*** Netjoined at 23:01:28 (irc.cris.com irc.cdc.net)
<Psychosis> heh, all the hubs are gone
<Avalon> cool
*** Mode change "+ooo crush jonathan FreeSoft" on channel #Twilight_Zone 
by irc.cdc.net
*** Netjoined at 23:01:46 (irc.uiuc.edu *.utexas.edu)
<Carobabe> fuckin a
<Carobabe> someone get the jupe up
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Avalon> nobody has stopped it yet
<Carobabe> hi av
<Temp> sdsc.edu is still down
*** Signoff: ariell
*** Netjoined at 23:02:32 (irc.uiuc.edu irc.ilstu.edu)
<Carobabe> dammit
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Mode change "+ooo Tolim Demon douglas" on channel #Twilight_Zone by 
dewey.cc.utexas.edu
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Vamps> get a jupe
<humble> right
!irc.uiuc.edu! Received SQUIT *.utexas.edu from _22954480 ((sheep rewl 
the werld.))
*** Netsplit at 23:03:06 (irc.uiuc.edu *.utexas.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
<Vamps> get a jupe
<Magik> bah
<Temp> hi carolyn
<Magik> Get that thing off the damn net.
<Magik> Get that thing off the damn net.
<Magik> *** _22954480 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon 
mUEllER? -Malk) on
<Magik> +channel *private*
<amm> somebody please fix it
<amm> i do not like people squitting my server :)
<Stumbly> bye bye hubs
*** Signoff: krink|e (Broken pipe)
<amm> damn it hurry douglas :)
<Magik> 13  CyberCom-gw.ALTER.NET (137.39.228.70)  32.345 ms  27.543 ms  
31.486
ms
<Magik> 14  raven.cybercomm.net (199.171.196.3)  36.641 ms  32.393 ms  
27.847 ms<Magik> That's an ident'd reply.
*** amm is dfg@cdc1.cdc.net (amm)
*** on channels: #Twilight_Zone
*** on irc via server irc.cdc.net
*** amm is an IRC-OPERATOR [I Am an IRC Technician - ask for help]
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** CTCP PING from amm to #twilight_zone: 818568400
<Carobabe> grrr
<Magik> Login: jon                              Name: Jon
<Magik> Directory: /home/jon                    Shell: /bin/csh
<Magik> On since Sat Dec  9 22:53 (EST) on ttypd from localhost
<Magik> On since Sat Dec  9 22:53 (EST) on ttypd from localhost
<bree2> Magik: so how do you do that?
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
Sec: #Twilight_Zone  sz Kanan Stumbly amm @crush @jonathan Falken 
@FreeSoft brian2 FlashPYR clavo Psychosis Fnord TommydCat @Daemon @tzoper 
Magik andyd bree2 ds2 Shayde @Carobabe @Trillian @Tychy dwight @DeeCee 
@Vamps @TwazWEnd @DrmWEaver Temp digital mrg [Chris3] Avalon
*** krin (mcjones@lamer.anyland.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
11:04PM
*** Mode change "+ooo Kanan amm FlashPYR" on channel #Twilight_Zone by Vamps
<Stumbly> uhm that'd be tracerout. not identd..
<Magik> Stumbly: I *know* that :)
<Vamps> is it juped yet?
<Magik> Stumbly: The traceroute shows it's not a slip/ppp.
<Carobabe> don't think so
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Carobabe> i think the next round is yet to come
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Stumbly> its a major bbs somewhere I think
<Vamps> I am just gonna set up a timed squit
<Vamps> =)
<amm> you know what this sucks
<Carobabe> the net is split to pieces though
<amm> vamps: squit every 10 seconds
<Carobabe> dave, don't you'll squit the jupe when it comes up
<Vamps> true
<Carobabe> won't you?
*** Netsplit at 23:05:55 (irc.cris.com irc.uiuc.edu)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<amm> oooh good point
*** Out (linkous@blizzard.cs.odu.edu) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 11:06PM
*** Rodder (lusky@blown-rat.hotrod.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 11:06PM
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<crush> wtf is that!?
<Temp> again
*** Mode change "+oo Rodder Out" on channel #Twilight_Zone by irc-2.mit.edu
<crush>  from _22954480
*** bree2 has left channel #Twilight_Zone
<Magik> *** _22954480 was jon@raven.cybercomm.net (jon rEbEL or jon 
mUEllER? -Malk) on
<amm> there is no point in correcting this until doug gets the jupe ready
<Carobabe> haxored irc.ilstul.edu
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Netjoined at 23:06:59 (irc.cris.com irc.uiuc.edu)
*** Signoff: daved
<Vamps> I am on ilstu
*** Mode change "+ooo DeeCee TwazWEnd DrmWEaver" on channel 
#Twilight_Zone by irc.umn.edu
<Vamps> irc.ils Oper Class[31337]         1C ==> 
Haggas[sjwoodr@h0010104.smith.ilstu.
<Vamps> irc.ils Oper Class[31337]         1C ==> 
hd892374[jon@raven.cybercomm.net]
*** krin is now known as krink|e
<Magik> Probably hacked account.
<Magik> jon      Jon                   pd        Dec  9 22:53 [ localhost ]
<Vamps> trying to connect to cris
<Carobabe> probably
<crush> hmm
<Vamps> now uiuc
<Carobabe> ilstu is trying to connect to cris?
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Emmy (emmy@parka.winternet.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
11:08PM*** FlashREZZ (c-huegen@quad.quadrunner.com) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 11:08PM
t 11:08PM
at 11:08PM
*** bpk (bpk@emerald.kern.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 11:08PM
*** benny (mike@dolphin.elec.Shasta.CC.CA.US) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone
at 11:08PM
*** ZED (~zed@ndts3.pt11.ndsu.NoDak.edu) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 11:08PM
*** piker (piker@irc1.svc.portal.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 11:08PM
*** LoverMan (hogan@cloofone.sedona.net) has joined channel 
#twilight_zone at 11:08PM
*** MOP (piker@irc1.svc.portal.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
11:08PM<Vamps> irc.ils ???? Class   [-3] *unknown*  ==> 
[irc.cris.c@161.45.128.109]
<Vamps> irc.ils Oper Class[31337]         1C ==> 
hd892374[jon@raven.cybercomm.net]
<Vamps> irc.ils Try. Class    [2] trying...  ==> irc.uiuc.edu[192.17.7.229]
<Vamps> irc.ils ???? Class   [-3] *unknown*  ==> [138.87.1.2]
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<amm> ugh
<Vamps> irc.ils Serv Class    [2]  59S 3997C ==> irc.winternet.com
<Vamps> irc.ils Last Connected By            ==> hd892374
*** Signon by: Daved [~daved@dal14-04.ppp.iadfw.net] detected.
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Netsplit at 23:09:35 (irc.cris.com irc.winternet.com)
*** type /wholeft   to see who split away
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Vamps> irc.ils Oper Class[31337]         1C ==> 
Haggas[sjwoodr@h0010104.smith.ilstu.
<Vamps> irc.ils ???? Class   [-3] *unknown*  ==> [irc.cris.c@161.45.128.109]
<Vamps> irc.ils Serv Class    [2]  20S 4113C ==> irc.winternet.com
<Vamps> irc.ils Last Connected By            ==> hd892374
*** Signoff: daved
<Magik> *!@#$
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Carobabe> damn, wer'e split just to bits
<amm> just get the jupe up and we'll reconstruct the net when thats done :)
<Stumbly> 0h n0
<Vamps> _26700225[jon@raven.cybercomm.net]
<amm> i'll see if i can connect up texasnet through cdc
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Vamps> irc.ils Oper Class[31337]         1C ==> 
Haggas[sjwoodr@h0010104.smith.ilstu.
<Vamps> irc.ils ???? Class   [-3] *unknown*  ==> [irc.cris.c@161.45.128.109]
<Vamps> irc.ils Serv Class    [2]  20S 4113C ==> irc.winternet.com
<Vamps> irc.ils Last Connected By            ==> hd892374
*** Signoff: daved
<Magik> *!@#$
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
<Carobabe> damn, wer'e split just to bits
<amm> just get the jupe up and we'll reconstruct the net when thats done :)
<Stumbly> 0h n0
<Vamps> _26700225[jon@raven.cybercomm.net]
<amm> i'll see if i can connect up texasnet through cdc
*** irc.ilstu.edu No such server
*** Brett (brett@nwlink.com) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 11:12PM
*** Newzplex (newsplex@204.157.227.82) has joined channel #twilight_zone 
at 11:12PM
*** CoMSTuD (irc@s4001.netins.net) has joined channel #twilight_zone at 
11:12PM

------- - --- - -    -       -
Is There A Santa? [Unknown author]
---- -  - -- --   -

  In keeping with the christmas spirit even tho its over and all the
gifts have been opened and all the milk and cookies drank/eaten we have
included some text on the subject of "IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?"... hmm
i wonder if someone has ever put a hit of acid in santa's milk?
Note: hell if we know who wrote this so live with it :)

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help
from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am
pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1)  No known species of reindeer can fly.  BUT there are 300,000
species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of
these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying
reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2)  There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.  BUT
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total -
378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.  At an average
(census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes.
 One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3)  Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels
east to west (which seemes logical).  This works out to 822.6 visits
per second.  This is to say that for each Christian household with good
children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the
sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the
remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left,
get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the
next house.  Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly
distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but
for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now
talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million
miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once
every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000
times the speed of sound.  For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-
made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4
miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4)  The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set
(2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa,
who is invariably described as overweight.  On land, conventional
reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.  Even granting that "flying
reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we
cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.  We need 214,200 reindeer.
This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh
 - to 353,430 tons.  Again, for comparison - this is four times the
weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5)  353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous
air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  The lead pair of
reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy.  Per second.
Each.  In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously,
exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in
their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26
thousandths of a second.  Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to
centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity.  A 250-pound
Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his
sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve,
he's dead now.

Cheers!

				Enjoy the break!

------- - --- - -    -       -
Da Twelve Days of #Warez Christmas
---- -  - -- --   -

               Da Twelve Days of #Warez Christmas
                       [ENHaNCeD VeRSiON]
                            by, JuICe


   On da first day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me A Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da second day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me two busted sitez.
   And a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da third day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me three French appz.
   Two busted sitez, and a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da fourth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me four calling cardz.
   Three french appz, two busted sitez, and a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da fifth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me five 0-day warez.
   Four calling cardz, three French appz, two busted sitez
   And a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da sixth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me Six lamahs a-begging.
   Five 0-day warez, four calling cardz, three french appz,
   two busted sitez and a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da seventh day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me Seven autops a-flooding, six lamahs a-begging,
   Five 0-day warez, four calling cardz, three french appz,
   two busted sitez and a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da eighth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me Eight bots a-warring, seven autops a-flooding,
   six lamahs a-begging, five 0-day warez. Four calling cards,
   three french appz, two busted sitez, and a Cd RiP from #warez3

   On da ninth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me Nine ladies netsexing, eight bots a-warring,
   seven autops a-flooding, six lamahs a-begging,
   Five 0-day warez.
   Four calling cardz, three French appz, two busted sitez
   And a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da tenth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   brought to me Ten feds a-busting, nine ladies netsexing,
   eight bots a-warring, seven autops a-flooding, six lamahs a-begging
   five 0-day warez.
   Four calling cardz, three French appz, two busted sitez
   And a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da eleventh day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me Eleven pimps a-mac'n, ten feds a-busting,
   nine ladies netsexing, eight bots a-warring, seven autops a-flooding
   six lamahs a-begging, Five 0-day warez.
   Four calling cardz, three French appz, two busted sitez
   And a Cd RiP from #warez3.

   On da twelfth day of #Warez Christmas, da warez gods
   broughtz to me twelve couriers tagging, eleven pimps a-mac'n
   ten feds a-busting, nine ladies netsexing, eight bots a-warring,
   seven autops a-flooding, six lamahs a-begging, five 0-day warez.
   Four calling cardz, three French appz, two busted sitez And a
   Cd RiP from #warez3.

   _________________________________________________________________

     Broughtz to ya by da JuICe, Courtesy of EYE-ARE-SEE Weekly
   _________________________________________________________________
     (R) JuICe 1995, and now 1996.. All Rights Registered and shit
   -----------------------------------------------------------------

------- - --- - -    -       -
Time Stamping
---- -  - -- --   -

/_______________	Time Stamping	  _______________\

	Time stamping, the new wave sweeping across efnet servers. IRCops have 
decided it's time to do away with nick collisions and desynchs. 

	Time stamping on servers will "stamp" a 
time on a nick; e.g /nick Blah2. Time stamping would tell servers exactly 
what time Blah2 became in use. This effectively stops "lagkillings" if the 
servers that both the target nick and the killer are on have the 
Time stamping patch. Time stamping will also "stamp" a time on channel
operators. This patch will cut down on desynched channels and servers. 
I and many others think this will be horrible for efnet.
We would like to know what happens when some one gains channel operator
status and deopers everyone in the channel. How is it possible to take
the  channel back?
	Below are responses to the question "What do you think 
about time stamping on efnet servers?"
	
	"ts makes efnet just another haven for lamers.. like undernet and
   dalenet....:>" 
		-Asmodean
	
			"Anime kicks ass!!!"
			-Asudem (I don't know what this has to do with 
Time stamping, but since asudem said it...we'll put it in=))
		
			"Stupid idea<G>"
			-Anonymous
		
			"we shall overcome"
				-Stumble

"I think it should be installed on undernet cause those pussies cant 
handle real irc/real werld....but not efnet"
				-Otiluke
			"Anime kicks ass!!! :)"
				-Slothee
			
			"fix the holes and new ones will pop up"
				-Anonymous
	
	As you can see..... the consensus is that time stamping will not 
be a good thing. It also appears that the whole of efnet will most 
likey not be patched. With some servers patch and others not Time 
stamping is totally useless and is just a pain. Nick Collisions 
and ops hax are a part of efnet. If you do not like collisions and ops 
hackers then go to another net. If this upcoming mass patching of efnet 
servers with the time stamping patch occurs what will happen to efnet's 
character? Efnet will become a larger, more lagged version of undernet.
	-Tantalos

------- - --- - -    -       -
Top 10 New Years Resolutions
---- -  - -- --   -

                    Top 10 New Years Resolutions
                                Or
                    Yea Right, Like I'll Do That

               Dripped Out By Zircon Or A Similar Taste


   [10] Stop flicking virtual consoles when mom comes in the room.
   [ 9] Get rid of all these Coke (tm) cans.
   [ 8] Stop staying up till 4am waiting for _someone_ to /msg me.
   [ 7] I think i've hacked enough.
   [ 6] Quit the acid, crackers shouldn't look like that.
   [ 5] Stop nuking...it's just bad.
   [ 4] Shower more than twice a year.
   [ 3] Stop IRC'ing.
   [ 2] Stop going out so much, I don't get enough IRC time.
   [ 1] But but..15 year old pussy tastes so good!

------- - --- - -    -       -
Top 6 Netsex Positions
---- -  - -- --   -

               Top 6 Netsex Positions (not in order :) :
               (hmm 6 is an even number eh!)

               on the status bar
               with those french guys from the ibm commercial
               while riding a netsplit
               
               the "collide style" -> Signoff: RonJeremy
               (Killed (irc.cris.com (dewey.cc.utexas.edu <-
               irc.epix.net[kiwi.epix.net](Assmunch))))

               the "0-day" way by the warez pups.
               
               meet a girl in #1-800-i-am-desperate then take
               her to #date for some #dinner then goto #movie
               and to top it off take her to a #internet.cafe
               and then each of you get on your #macs and join
               #netsex and do it MAC DADDY STYLE.

------- - --- - -    -       -
lsi's neato quotelist
---- -  - -- --   -

lsi's neato quotelist. :) 11/95 - 12/95

* Aqualung grinz.
<Aqualung> Ooh! 31337!  grinz with a 'z'!

* Zig_1 just got a de-caffinated coffee table.  You really can't EVEN 
tell by
  looking at it.

<Vilaz> maniac_ ROCKS!@#!^$#!&^$
<Vilaz> i hated him
<Vilaz> now i love him
<Vilaz> i wanna marry him
<Vilaz> or /kill him
<hermit_> vilaz you're sloshed

<yblood> *jokah^* we're gunna release the AOL starter kit

<onethumb> He got BKed so fast his ass left skidmarks.

<Sputnik> Oh no !! Mr Warez has stolen all our 0-day and is hiding it in his
          castle !

<LeStaT_> you guys think i should have drug induced labor?

*** claim (~claim@ikaros.pei.edu) has changed the topic on channel #warez to
    Welcome to MCWarez.. May I take yer McFucking McOrder?

<three86> im firin blanks
<PW> three: like that's anything new.

<[[^iMM^]]> ppp Invite To #lame_ass_faggot_hehehe_j/k_man From ForLamp [FAKE
            INVITE]
*** ForLamp has been kicked off channel #warez by [[^iMM^]] (goofyhead)

<_GiRLY_> goodie I get to blow some heads off now :)

<Pennywise> <[grass]> am i cute? :P
<Pennywise> [GrASs!yuripxn@ix-mhl-ca1-27.ix.netcom.com] yep  =)

<Zakna> i finally got root and shit.. i think..

------- - --- - -    -       -
If I Were Elite
---- -  - -- --   -

                             If I Were Elite
                                .Zircon.

If I were elite, I would have chocolate for breakfast.
If I were elite, I would have 0 day sequencing warez.
If I were elite, I would be Eagle_1.
If I were elite, you'de suck.
If I were elite, I would have a really big cow.
If I were elite, I would give piker a warm soapy enema.
If I were elite, Stumble would be god.
If I were elite, I would have a t3.
If I were elite, my blood would be liquid acid.
If I were elite, I could collide just by thinking about it.
If I were elite, cookies would taste better.
If I were elite, life would look like rootbeer.
If I were elite, I would have my own .GIF.
If I were elite, I would most likely be rich.
If I were elite, you're penis would be inferior.
If I were elite, Windows95 would be obsolete.
If I were elite, Linus would have the monopoly.
If I were elite, sendmail would be secure.
If I were elite, Seinfeld would be the only thing on T.V.
If I were elite, phone sex would be free.
If I were elite, IRC would have 18 status bars.
If I were elite, I would have hair like Bill Gates.
If I were elite, hamsters could roam free.
If I were elite, molesting Micheal Jackson would be legal.
If I were elite, cell phones would clone themselves.
If I were elite, I would quit writing this.

I must be elite...

------- - --- - -    -       -
Suicide, the cool way
---- -  - -- --   -

H0h0h tiss the holiday season. And with the holidays comes depression,
and a national rise in suicides. Many ask why the hell would ya kill
yourself around Christmas?  fuck if I know. but I am gunna offer some
suggestions on your other options.

Suicide is a pussys way out of life, why not going out right? in a blaze
of bullet fire?

I take full responsibility for this. I mean, when someone does it, I wanna
be credited with coming up with the idea and all.  I aint goign down
for the fool though.

How to go out with a "Bang Bang"

1. Locate gun
2. Pick up gun
3. Get basic burgulary tools (crowbar, slimjim, lock picking kit, pink
   fluffy bunny slippers so they dont hear ya)
4. find a car thats fucking cool
5. Attempt to break in and steal.  If this fails wait for owner to open
   door and start car, then shoot him.
6. Drive back to your house.
7. Print a copy of your "people who deserve to die" list, (make sure it has
   address/or general geographical area) *
8. Grab last 6 months worth of phone bills, ya may need to call people
   that care about ya.
9. Grab all the money you can get your hands on, be sure to have lotsa
   credit cards (if you are planning for next year take out a few loans,
   ya might as well enjoy it while ya can eh?)
10. Get back in car, be sure to bring the gun (and extra ammo).
11. Start driving in the general direction of somewhere (if you dunno
    of someplace to go, go to new york, its neat there)
12. Find person with cell phone on the way, point gun and request, if they
    refuse shoot em in the arm.. (be careful not to arise suspicion from
    on lookers, since we'd hate for the fun to stop now)
13. If you accidently kill them, write (with there blood) "I'm sorry, I
    only wanted there cellphone -Stumble made me do it" next to them,
    This works best on glass so try and locate someone in a car.
14. Use newly aquired cell phone to call people, if for some reason you
    have absolutly no friends, find a radio stations number and call em,
    explain to them slowly what is going on, (that you are a suicidal
    maniac that is on a cross country trip) if they hang up try another
    station, if they ask if your joking, stop your car and shoot someone
    at random, if they dont take ya seriously then then they have a
    problem.  If there are no radio stations call a long distance news
    team, this gives you exposure, but enough time to actually get through
    with your quest.
15. Now, hopefully you are nearing your targets home. If you still havnt
    found a target go get drunk and stagger around a mall running into
    people, hopefully some punk ass teenager will fuck with ya..
    Follow him home and slaughter his parents, he'll end up in the evil
    hell we know as the foster care system..
16. Now you could simply kill your target, but thats been done many times
    before.  Stalking is more fun then the killing, so first we must
    strike fear into there hearts.  Call them collect from your cell
    phone (use 1800callatt or 1800collect) and say your name is
    "I'm watching you, you = dead" say it in a neato voice so that
    people will be more scared
17. Go get something to eat, foods always good.
18. Call up your target again, this time say "I want you, come and get me
    I'm in the red car down the street", (say a different color then your
    car) hopefully we will scare him and he'll call the police, if he
    doesn't, then call them for him. He'll appreciate it.
19. The time your looking for is when he goes to work, if its some young
    punk,then kill him when he goes to get his bike or something.
    dont worry about noise, you dont care if ya get seen this is only
    the start of the madness.  If your extra gutsy stick a post it note
    to his head that sez (in krad talk) "Eye Kald da k0pz bUt Dey
    diDn't H3lp mez. -Stumble made me do this"
    (Optionally you can write this in blood on any windows nearby)
20. Now that you have killed 1 to 3 people, the media will become REAL
    intrested, remember, call teh media, on your cell phone, but ONLY
    (real important here) ones far away. so if your killing in new york,
    call em in california.. Be sure to say things like "Stumble made me
    do it" and "I'm not really nuts, I just hate lots of people", also
    be sure to make references to how much you'd like to go to see
    (insert famous monument thats the opposite direction of target #2)
21. At this time, you should really think about getting a new cell phone,
    after bragging and shit, they will probably try and triangulate you,
    so go steal another one, use the method used earlier, or you can just
    go break into the owner of a cellphone distro places car.
22. Now its time for the mass murder, this is where a assault rifle comes
    into play.  Picka public place with lots of men and people you dont
    like, like a computer convention or a Conference of some sort.
    (go to cali to find some if ya dunno about any)
23. The trick is to find a good spot to shoot from that they cant directly
    see ya but you can see them, its also nice if there is a easy way out
    from your hiding spot. dont wanna get trapped in a balcony by security.
24. Once you start shooting its not important to kill people, thats kinda
    mean to kill defenseless computer nerds (hell I might be there)
    so aim for there wrists so they just cant type and hate you for
    eternity. (Note: you may wanna write a little essay about how I
    influenced you to kill people, and kee it in your pocket, so in the
    event of your death, you will still have your message released)
25. If you successfully do your little sniper shit and get away with it,
    ya better lay low for a while.. I suggest living on the beach or
    in some dense woods, don't want anyone to see ya.
26. Now in order to be fucking cool you have to take a hostage..
    Now your probably asking yourself "why the fuck would I wanna take a
    hostage" the answear is simple "you dont give a shit what happens
    to you, and having a pet person is always fun".
27. Theres a lot of things to consider when taking a hostage, who they
    are, should it be random, what sex should they be, poor or rich,
    religous views, etc.  My suggestion is a computer loser, since
    in the event of there death, no one will really care.  So
    you should probably look at your "who collided me last week" list
    that you keep in your wallet, and pick one of them.  If you forgot
    your list just go to some sleezy shop and kidnap the owner in the name
    of "Preservation of porn on the internet" say he's taking business
    away from your web page or something.
28. Now you're gunna need a video camera so that you can take movies$#@!
    You can either: steal one from a personal residence, or jack some
    tourist, thats your choice, remember guns are REAL scary to people
    from friendly countries like swedan, they dont all carry guns.
29. After you have a hostage and a camera, you'll need to make the video
    remember let the hostage beg and plea on the video, its human nature
    to break down into tears and whine for help.  make sure they say
    "I'm being held captive by some nut who keeps talking about a m00sh3
    and some guy named stumble or some shit"
30. Now drop the video off at the local news/radio station.. It'll be
    about 5 minutes b4 they interruptwhatever they do to play it, if
    your real daring you can hand deliver it.. :)
31. After it is played you MUST call the police and tell them your requests
    Make sure you stay on the line a long time so they can trace you.
    Make outragous demands for virtual reality units, and morphine and
    anything else ya can think of. also say you want a helicopter with
    enough gas to make it to mexico. :) they'll dig it tell em ya got
    15 more hostages and your gunna start shooting em if they dont
    fullfill your requests.
32. Hopefully they'll hurry to rescue the hostage.  your on your own
    from there, make sure to scream about how elite you are, and that
    you'll collide them and nuke there connections to the internet.
    just babble, mention all your irc buddies, they'll put it on the
    news and we'll all be famous.

(Sorry that I ended it so abruptly I'm getting REALLY REALLY tired
 and my brain quit working)

* - If you are unable to find your target, you can just slaughter other
    people in the area near his home and claim he's next.  You can
    actually scare someone to death doing this..

------- - --- - -    -       -
What's Booty And Whats Dookie For 1996
---- -  - -- --   -


		What's Booty And Whats Dookie For 1996
                  ( A.K.A. Whats hot and whats not )
             -------------------------------------------
                    Brought to you by... Da JuICe 


        In the past it has irc'ers have always had trouble keeping up
with whats hip in the "real world" (no.. the other one) cuz they always
on the putah.. So to keep ya bettah informed I spent a week undercover
in the real world risking my sanity to investigate what's "hip" on the
outside (actually i was grounded) and I release here and now the
up-to-the-minute list of whats Booty and whats Dookie for 1996.. So read up
and use this info, to make you the life of your school's computer club or
your nerd group of choice.. hehehehe  ENJOY .. AND COMENSE

  Whats Dookie                   	 Whats Booty 
 --------------             	        -------------

  - Windoze 95		 		- LiNuX 
  - Saying "re"      	       		- Saying "W00t" or "lo'"	
  - RtS					- Malice
  - OJ "juice" Simpson			- Da JuICe
  - Stumble's Quotlist			- lsi's Quotelist
  - Lice / Tech5			- CtoolZ w/ CZ.irc
  - Diamonds                            - Cubik Zirconium
  - Netscape Enhanced			- Lynx Enhanced
  - 3-5 Disk Releases 			- 30-40 Disk Releases
  - Steven Speilberg		        - Quinten Terrentino 
  - Ascii				- Ansi
  - Cu-see-me				- IPhone / Web Phone
  - Pentium 1+1=7                       - Pentium Pro 
  - Wired Mice				- Touch Pad
  - 2 finger typing			- 3 finger typing 
					  (for those extra keys on a 104 key)
  - Bill Clinton			- Bob Dole
  - Intel Corp.				- Advanced Micro Designs
  - Tape Drives				- IOMEGA Zip Drives
  - Kicking lamers outa channels	- Spoofing their addy and 
					  humiliating them to death.
  - AOL					- AO-Hell 3.0
  - "Surfing the net"			- "Taking over the net" 
  - Plug and Play			- Taking it apart and breaking it
  - Safe Sex				- Cyber-Sex
  - Music Videos on MTV			- Scenes from the beach on MTV
  - Flood Scripts			- Bot Op/Deop Flooding
  - Virtual Reality			- Escaping from Reality
  - da Chroniq				- Bud
  - lamer				- aoler
 
        -----------------------------------------------------
       |    Once again.. this has been brought to you by...  |
       |		     da JuICe...	             | 
        -----------------------------------------------------

------- - --- - -    -       -
Phonesex anyone?
---- -  - -- --   -

it was a dark and rainy night.. and irc was lame as usual.. so i decided to
fuck around with #phonesex people.. this is yet another example of how
women are treated on the net and why there aren't any women on the net is
because of perverts like this.. the following log was taken on #phonesex
Sunday december 31st at about 8:40pm mountain time to about 9:00pm, in such
a short time i got this log..

IRC log started Sun Dec 31 20:45
[T5] Now logging this window to /home/spaz/ctechlog (08:45PM)
*** sarah (spaz@trojan.neta.com) has joined channel #phonesex
*** Topic for #phonesex: HOT HORNEY WOMEN NEEDED 
[T5] Topic for #phonesex set by afds on Sun Dec 31 20:31:54 1995
*** Users on #Phonesex: sarah StarvArt rockman WormPa HumbleGuy @VR5 
<sarah> hey
*HumbleGuy* Hi!  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
<StarvArt:#phonesex> he sara
*HumbleGuy* I'm Rob  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
[-HumbleGuy-] hey whats up?
Ar:<StarvArt> sarah even...what's up?
<sarah> not much.. you?
*HumbleGuy* Where are you?  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
[-HumbleGuy-] colorado.. you?
*rockman* hello there...  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
[-rockman-] hey
*** Rhett (pharms@black.weeg.uiowa.edu) has joined channel #phonesex
<StarvArt> not much here, either...well...*something*.... ;)
*Rhett* hi :)  (pharms@black.weeg.uiowa.edu)
*rockman* and how r u?....having any "run" yet?...  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
*** Molson2 (~jjones@ppp5.enter.net) has joined channel #phonesex
*HumbleGuy* I'm in Little Rock, Ar and horny as hell...*evil grin*  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
*** wolf (~ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com) has joined channel #phonesex
[-rockman-] yeah a little..
*** Molson2 has left channel #Phonesex
*rockman* too bad...:(  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
*StarvArt* interested in chatting a bit to get warmed up fr some phone fun?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
[-humble-] heh cool..
*HumbleGuy* Hope you don't mind me being blunt but are you interested in phone sex?  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
*rockman* here I am, horny, and willing...  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
[-StarvArt-] lets just go right into the phone fun eh?
*wolf* Want to have some phone sex...I have a real hard cock  (ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com)
[-humbleguy-] sure i'm interested in phonesex..
*** Rhett has left channel #phonesex
[-wolf-] wanna have some phonesex?
*StarvArt* sounds good to me :)  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*HumbleGuy* With moi?  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
[-starvart-] heh cool.. call me =)
[-humbleguy-] sure
*wolf* Sure  (ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com)
*rockman* ??? you there ???  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
[-wolf-] wanna call me?
*StarvArt* sure...what's the #?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*HumbleGuy* You want me to call now or do you want to talk for a bit?  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
[-rockman-] yep wanna have some phonesex? 303-866-1010 :)
*wolf* Want to call me...  (ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com)
[-starvart-] 303-866-1010
[-wolf-] I have a LD block :(
[-humbleguy-] just call me at 303-866-1010 we'll talk there..
*StarvArt* cool...how soon?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
[-StarvArt-] right now is great
*wolf* so do I....(pout)  (ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com)
[-wolf-] that sux oh well
*HumbleGuy* okay I'll call now darling...:))  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
*rockman* sure, but before I call, how old-where are you...  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
*wolf* hehehe  (ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com)
[-humbleguy-] ok i'm waiting for you
[-rockman-] i'm 22 and i live in colorado
*StarvArt* cool...say, this isn't one of those $19/min thingies is  it?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*** clubrama (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU) has joined channel #phonesex
*HumbleGuy* bye now...*kiss*  (RSGUNTER@athena.ualr.edu)
[-starvart-] its free (well except for the cost of long distance)
*clubrama* hi sarah ... r u into phone sex?  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
[-humbleguy-] ok cya in a few
[-clubrama-] sure wanna call me?
*StarvArt* hehheh...cool...I'll give you a call right now....  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*rockman* very cool...how long till you're off the line and I can call..  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
*clubrama* yes i do...  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
[-rockman-] i have two lines =)
*** wolf has left channel #Phonesex
[-clubrama-] cool nobody else is awake :( 303-866-1010
*** spunker (dkelly@auvm.american.edu) has joined channel #phonesex
*** wolf (~ir00l@peg1-ts13.peganet.com) has joined channel #phonesex
*rockman* can you give me a couple of minutes to get off...  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
*** billy16 invites you to channel #teens4fun
[T5] Press Control-P to join channel #teens4fun.
[-rockman-] sure
*rockman* off the computer that is...  (t9ap@sdsumus.sdstate.edu)
*StarvArt* okay...you want me to call now?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*** montesa (motomo@ix-sac10-10.ix.netcom.com) has joined channel #phonesex
[-rockman-] sure cya in a few =)
[-starvart-] yeah
*clubrama* fun joke...  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
[-clubrama-] wot do you mean?
*StarvArt* okay...I just tried, but it was busy  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*** Rhett (pharms@black.weeg.uiowa.edu) has joined channel #phonesex
*** Signoff: HumbleGuy (Leaving)
*clubrama* it turned out to be the secret service...  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
[-starvart-] try again somethin happened
[-clubrama-] you sure you called 303-866-1010?
*** Rhett has left channel #phonesex
*StarvArt* you can be on here and the phone, tooo, right?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
[-StarvArt-] yeah
*clubrama* yes...  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
[-clubrama-] try again i'm sure thats my number
*StarvArt* okay...hold on...  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
*** flying (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com) has joined channel #phonesex
*StarvArt* nope...still busy...you sure you've got two lines?  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
<maestro> howdy yall
*flying* hello~  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
*flying* are you busy yet?  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
[-flying-] nope
*clubrama* no luck...  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
[-starvart-] try one more time
[-clubrama-] try ONE more time please
*flying* cool~  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
[-flying-] wanna call me?
*flying* sure :) , how old are you?  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
<maestro> talk to me
[-flying-] 22... 303-866-1010..
*** Signoff: |SuB| (brb)
*flying* ok, right now?  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
*** garfeeld (~vitrolic@ez16.superlink.net) has joined channel #phonesex
[-flying-] sure i have two lines
<garfeeld> hello
*flying* so do i cool :)  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
[-flying-] cool call me =)
*garfeeld* hi wanna chat?  (vitrolic@ez16.superlink.net)
<maestro> were are you
[-garfeeld-] voice sure 303-866-1010 my names sarah
*clubrama* no thanks...  (ash@HPP.Stanford.EDU)
*** Signoff: garfeeld (There is no right time.)
*flying* i just called that number and it said it was an answering service  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
*flying* :(  (johnb@ip172.itsnet.com)
<wolf> Any women want to have some phone sex?
[-flying-] try calling again i took it off
<maestro> hey sara how are you
*StarvArt* nope, something must be wrong with the line, it keeps ringing busy  (artist@kima.slip.netcom.com)
[-StarvArt-] weird..
*** sarah has left channel #phonesex
IRC log ended Sun Dec 31 20:57

think of this what you will...

  -otiluke

------- - --- - -    -       -
Poor, poor fencer...
---- -  - -- --   -

Well...after having this guys nick for a while...I got this, oh 
and...it's partiticualy funny, cuz like, all i did was take his nick, and 
he goes on about cert ;)

[ass|||] You are in the shit for sure, buddy
         <[09:39AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] I am really sorry you did this to yourself
         <[09:39AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] I assume you are Canadian. That MIGHT keep you out of jail but I
         doubt it <[09:39AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] for taking yer nick...uh huh...nod
[ass|||] no, for Unlawful Access to a Government Interest Computer
         <[09:40AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] You should never have tried to get into Rapier
         <[09:40AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] it's not one of mine <[09:40AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] rapier?
> [ass|||] i never tried to get into anything
[ass|||] it belongs to a man who is the CO of a Missle Brigade (U.S. Army)
         stationed in Bosnia and it is used by his people for email
         <[09:41AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] Son, I have you logged with wrappers
         <[09:41AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] uhh whut
[ass|||] I am preparing notification to cert, nsa and cicsopac.mil
         <[09:41AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] You are going down boy <[09:41AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] You fucked up <[09:41AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] uhh...yea ok
[ass|||] You think I am kidding <[09:42AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] and just what have i done
[ass|||] you are in violation of several US and Canadian statutes
         <[09:42AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] ...how
[ass|||] you will at the very least lose your access.
         <[09:42AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] at most you will go to jail <[09:42AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] by using ur nick?
[ass|||] I am not going to argue the point with you.  I have logs with
         tcp_wrappers to show the gov't and your provider
         <[09:43AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[ass|||] cert is being cc'd <[09:43AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] tell me what i've done...cuz this is kinda funny
*** fencer is now known as Zircon
> [ass|||] nick siwtch
[ass|||] the really fantastic part is, it won't be me who is prosecuting you,
         it will be the United States Government and likely the Canadian
         Government <[09:44AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [ass|||] hey...u still aitn told me what i did...isn't that funny
(ass||| changed to fencer...cuz i gave his nick back..)
[fencer] you see, I am a jerk on IRC.  But I am also CIC-Security DOE-New
         England <[09:44AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[fencer] when I lodge this complaint it will be listened to and acted upon
         <[09:45AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] hey i respect that....i just wana know what u think i did
[fencer] I know what you did <[09:45AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] how come i dont knowwhat i did
[fencer] You attempted to run several well-known, rfc and cert #'rd hacks
         <[09:45AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[fencer] I have the logs <[09:45AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] hahahh yea right
[fencer] forget about crashing the machine, I already fired the logs off to
         the principle agencies <[09:45AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] uhh thats good and all ... but since i've never done anything but
  take ur nick...
[fencer] I don't hate you <[09:46AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[fencer] and I feel sorry for you <[09:46AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] would u do something for me?
[fencer] trying to hit that particular system was a bad idea
         <[09:46AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] what system
[fencer] You just *might* be able to convince them you didn't know that 
         it was a government Interest Computer but being as it's the
         ONLY one here you tried to get into I seriously doubt that you
         can do so <[09:47AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] uhh dood...tell me what system
[fencer] sorry <[09:47AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
[fencer] I can not answer your questions <[09:47AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] sorry u can't tell me what i did...thats good
[fencer] You have been notified that your intrusions are logged and that
         action is being taken <[09:48AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] man give it up
[fencer] I suggest you hire an attorney <[09:48AM]:fencer@gw.privateer.org>
> [fencer] can u send me these logs...and the mail sent to cert?

And thats where it ended...havn't heard anything back, quite funny. some 
ppl just have way too much time on they're hands. wouldn't it be neet if 
he mailed fake logs, of something that never happend?

I heard back today, apparently fencer says his boss used the publix 
xterm, which anyone can use his account from, wonder if i should 
believe this.

------- - --- - -    -       -
The Almighty Art of Eagle_1 bashing
---- -  - -- --   -

[The staff of IW in no way have anything to do with this article]

The Almighty Art of Eagle_1 bashing

Now i am writing this assuming most of you know who this infamous eagle_1 is.
Now if ya dont know who this Super Warez Pup is then yer lucky.

Little Background Info on Mr. Ego_1 ...

  He is the almighty warez pup of RiSC, super 31337 couriering group.
  Has been around IRC since the beginning, so he claims anyhow.
  Uses his infamous account called wood.com to travel the information
   superHIGHway.
  The nick that he has chosen to use throughout the years came from a car 
wax,
   i saw it on a commercial one day:  "EAGLE 1 car wax."  I couldnt stop
   laughing.
  Likes to harass people on irc through many of his super internet skills 
which
   he has picked up over the years of dick sucking.
  Has the biggest ego you can ever imagine, therefore the nick ego_1 
comes into
   play.
  And last but not least he likes little boys and girls.


Now that we know a little bit about eagle_1 lets figure out some ways to
really piss this prick off shall we?

A great way to start out can be a nice little message like: "/m eagle_1 H3y
4r3 3w3 4 kr4d r15c d3wd?"

- Now he may not get this because he always seems to be in some other
window or breaking some faggot off, so just keep on trying till you get
his attention.  Feel free to include a nice ^G at the end of each /msg.

Now once you get his attention start loading up your nifty kr4d flud
scripts and start up a flood war with em, he just luvs that.

- By now he should be getting pretty pissed, this is a good thing remember?

Now while you are flooding him have some of your irc friends start
sending him kitty pr0n via dcc.

- Make sure you send him unique kitty pr0n now since he most likely
already has a great collection to choose from.

Next have a friend create an ip address called big.woody.com with a
username of eagle_1.

- This shouldn't be to hard to do ... just use a ppp box to create woody.com
like ego_1 does to make wood.com.

Next find some way to collide mr Ego and take the nick of eagle_1 and
you'll be set.

- To insure that he wont collide you to get his nick back wait for a day
when he is idle, should be anyday since he's ALWAYS idle.

Finally get the address to dbn3 (the net where ego_1 hangs) and join
their kr4d channel and start shit with all the other dbn3 guys.

- They'll really like it, and if ya really want to impress em offer some
gifs of kitty pr0n renamed eagle_1.gif.


* Now of course there are MANY, MANY ways to piss him off but these are
just a few off the top of my head.

Written by: <Unknown>
(3y3 733 733)

0 day peekture of Eagle_1

    ;`/`;';;';`____    <<<<<<<-------------**SpeShul**
    ';`;`;;'';;____||                      **!!LiMiTiD TYmE OFfuR!!**
    ;;';`';;`;'____||
    `;;`;';;'`;____||
    '`;';;;;;`'____||      Apply for a member ship at wood.com, and recieve
    ;;;''`,;''``;';        a Phree, that's right, Phree hack-Shag haircut,
    `';;;`';,,`;';;  ^     as seen in this spy photo! (Act Now, and you
    ;;;'';;'`;;''`;  |     will also recieve this designer
    ';';;';`';'';,;  `----*Afro-Pik* absolutely PHREE!!!
    |;;'';';''';;'|
  _ |  ;;';;;'`;  | _
 ( \|   ;;;;';;   |/ )
 (__|    ;;;;'    |__)     (Dumbo Ears & Pencil Neck not included)
    |             |        (Certain Renditions and Afflictions   )
    |             |        (may apply. Void Where Impotent!      )
     \_         _/         (See store display for entrails.      )
       \_     _/
         |   |
         |   |
 
------- - --- - -    -       - 
The end...or soemthing 
---- -  - -- --   -

Well boyz and girlz thats all she wrote... when IW4 comes out you will
all know cause if you dont you have no life.  By the way have you ever
seen a ant run over a pebble? its pretty neat since the pebble cant do
anything since a pebble isnt alive or is it? Hmmm but still would you
want to be the pebble? i wouldnt it could still hurt but what about the
ant its gotta crawl over the pebble thats gotta be a workout and a
half.  Then you think about the global effects the ant makes that pebble
role then that pebble hits a bigger pebble and it roles and so on until
a little pebble rolling becomes a big huge rock rolling down a hill then
that rock hits a person and squashes them then like imagine if the rock
kept rolling... ok its still rolling... on and on it goes (like the
energizer bunny) ok now the rock hits like a fence and smashes thru it
(remember this is a HUGE ROCK) now what if that fence protected a nuclear
power plant or something? damm eh now the rock keeps rolling slowly
approacing a (would YOU BELIEVE IT) nuclear power plant and it HITS it
and umm bewm we iz all ded.  Thats just a thought think it could ever
happen?  O well yep this irc weekly has definately come to a end
thanks go out to zircon, stumble and of course me subzero.

Here is our traditinal finally quotes by people who contributed.

Zircons First Final NOTE:
  Time doesn't exist, don't bother trying to change your life, the outcome is
  already decided.

Subzeros Final NOTE:
  Lifes a bitch then you get collided while having netsex.

Stumbles Final NOTE:
  thanx to z I'll never be able to trust a talk request again

Zircons Second Final NOTE:
  Don't spread virii! Practice safe hex.

Founder of IRC Weekly: subzero
Chief Editor         : zircon

Thanx for this edition go out to:
lsi, <anonymous>, kero (happy?), Stumble (of course...), Zircon (hmf), 
and some other ppl prolly...