-> "I Like To Kill People"
 -> by Kreid
 -> Taken from HOE #1000 (1/9/00)

        Yes indeedy, I like to kill people.  There's nothing quite more
 satisfying to me than watching the life expire from a pleading and
 innocent pair of human eyes.

        I AM A TOOL OF GOD'S WRATH.

        Except love, maybe.  Ah, love.  That is what we are all searching
 for in this world, isn't it?  I sure think so.  Then again, I'm no
 expert.  I've never known love, or at least not the love of another
 living person.  But I would really like to.  I'm curious.

        DEMONS TREMBLE AT MY AWESOME POWER.

        Is it any reason not to love a person just because that person
 kills people?  I just don't understand people.  Maybe that's why I kill
 them.

        ANGELS SCREAM OUT MY NAME IN PRAISE.  I AM KNOWN ACROSS THE
 HEAVENS.

        Speaking of which, I'm almost sure that there's a question on the
 minds of my readers: why do I kill people?  Let me answer that question
 with a question.  Why don't you shut the fuck up, asshole?

        I AM TEN TIMES MORE FEARED THAN GOD HIMSELF.

        Fucking asshole.  It's not that I have a short temper.  I know for
 a fact that I have a very long temper.  People have told me so.  Of
 course, they usually tell me so before I explode with murderous rage.

        GOD'S BATTERED MOTHER SUCKS MY DICK EVERY NIGHT AND SWALLOWS MY CUM.

        Now ask yourself a question, asshole.  I'm curious.  What's worse,
 jail or death?  My guess is that you're a slender little piece of ass.  
 Would you rather have that ass fucked (somewhat) continuously for a
 period determined by the state, or would you rather just have your life
 taken away from you?  Either way, your suffering is the result of a man
 doing what he loves to do.  It seems to me that the most dangerous people
 out there are those who still rely on simple pleasures.

        SPEAKING OF DICKS: I'VE GOT A HUGE PECKER.

        When I was a kid, it was okay to rely on simple pleasures.  But
 then, my arms got bigger, my eyes got bigger, my appetite got bigger, et
 cetera. Now I kill people.  C'est la vie!

        HA HA HA HA HA.  MOTHERFUCKER.

        To be honest at last, I know that I am inferior in almost every
 way to almost everyone I murder.  But then, they're all dead!  Hah.