------------------------------------------------------------------------------ all mail received has had headers and signatures removed with the exception of: a) fakemail b) mail through anonymous servers c) certain special cases ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ note: grayarea has given countless hours of help in putting this magazine together along with the rest of the CdC crew.. i apologize that so much time has been taken out of her busy life to help out with the magazine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ cult of the dead cat / cult of the disposable camera / cult of the drying cum- stain / cult of the dead canary / cult of the dead chihuaha / cult of the dead cadillac / concentrated drag:::::::::::::::::::cweenz / cult of the douche con dom / cult of the dope cut /::XXXX::XXX::XXXX::cult of the dressed cabbage / c ult of the dumb comedian / c::X:::::X::X:X:::::ult of the deadly carbonated_be verage / cult of the dead ca::X:::::X::X:X:::::nine / cult of the dumb cow / c ult of the disheiferist clep::XXXX::XXX::XXXX::/ cult of the duplicated copy / clean dildos in a cab / cows:::::::::::::::::::drowning cows / cult of the dum b cult / cult of the dildo that can / crowning dead corpses / cult of the disp osable condom / cyber doodical c / can dogs croak? / cult of the dead cornflak e / cult of the distinct color / cult of the dead crib / CULT OF THE DEAD CAT! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _ __/| \'X.X' Cult of the Dead Cat, Inc (c) 1992-1994 =(___)= Funky Assed Niggahz who fORGOT the Vaseline (c) 1992 U ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ SEND ALL COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, ARTICLES, MEATLOAF, 'JESUS LOVES ME' STICKERS, GIFS OF GRAYAREA'S OVARIES, PHOTOGRAPHS OF MERC'S PENIS, PEABOY'S JEWISH CAP, UPT'S PASSWORD FILES TO... upt@bud.indirect.com imedia@tdn.net ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Welcome to Issue 208 of Cult of the Dead Cat! "Grayarea nevah evah evah smokes dat CRACK! Pick up her magazine from off dah RACK! Wearing tablecloths around her BACK! She thinks that all the hackers are MO'BLACK!" -G-NUT/CdC Issue 207 was thrust upon the Internet and we got a great response. Grayarea (dumb b1tch who bettah have my money!) gave me a call earlier regarding the issue. Mahatma: Hello? Grayarea: Hello Mahatma, God of Programming and ALL things. I did as you told me to! I did good master! I distributed issue 207 to everyone and it was fun. I can I do it again? Mahatma: You call me to tell me that you did something good? Dumb b1tch, you bettah have my money! Grayarea: Oh master Mahatma, God of Programming and ALL things. I worship you so. I am not worthy to speak to a computer GOD like yourself. Can I kiss your feet? Mahatma: Dumb b1tch, you bettah have my money! Grayarea: But.. But.. Mahatma: I guess that went well. Anyway, look for Cult of the Dead Cat to rock the Internet once again. In this issue: 1. Letters (and shit) to the Editor! Featuring: GRAYAREA-PHOBIA! 2. CdC EVENTS - FLYER BASTARDIZATION! 3. Analyzation of the underground culture based on logoff comments on CdC's powah-house board. This tells us everything we need to know about hackers. 4. Where to obtain issues! 5. Dah Komputah Act! 6. The moment of truth - *** responds to CdC allegations! 7. Another moment of truth - is *** gay? 8. CULT OF THE DEAD CAT AS A RELIGION 9. carding for deprived citrus 10. the new CdC bank card!@# 11. LOSING MONEY AT MC_DONALDS ==========CDC ARTICLE 1====================================================== Dear Mahatma, grayarea is a child molesting, dope smoking, broke, deranged bitch *CdC says* We all know that netta is a child molesting, dope smoking, broke, deranged bitch. She says so in her magazine! Date: Wed, 2 Nov 94 12:34 EST From: m3rc@!hackme.now.spam.phreak.mil Hey n1ggah! Wuzzup? *CdC says* Could this be? Is merc back on the net and does !hackme.now.spam. phreak.mil really exist? Finger it everyone! See if its true! We here at CdC don't know how to do that so its impossible for us to see if its true! Date: Oct 27, 1994 at 9:34p Subject: Cult of the dead cat You guys are a bunch of fucking faggots and flamers who are trying to make the information superhighway a piece of trash. I wish you guys who put your fucking publication somewhere where it will get some use like the recycling bin! *CdC says* Thanks! We enjoy our homosexual activities and really love netsex. Even grayarea and theora enjoy having netsex with us. Thanks for the compliment, we are glad that you think our publication is worthy of the great 'leet bin! Phone conversation with Swamp Ratte': Mahatma, you are truly 'leet. I am glad that your message of great salvation through masturbation reaches the whole world. *CdC says* My b1tch is throwing the message everywhere. Pretty soon, clinton himself will have it! N1ggah! From: You n1ggaz a/>3 wr0ng! Haquz d0n't uze slang when they talk, n1gga. Dat Theora b1tch is a n1ggaj00 w3rd, we d0n't uz3 slang!@# *CdC says* w3rd. 3y3 agr33 From: Did you guys hear that merc is getting married? His lover goes by Bubba. Bubba's brother is desperately seeking Peaboy as well since he has a brother in jail with him. *CdC says* Yeah, I am invited to the ceremonies. Merc has been walking around with his finger in Bubba's beltloop. He looks sexy. From: posted on Usenet Posse is back. There have been numerous attempts to exploit the rdist bug on my WWIV bbs. I am sure this is the Posse and not just a bunch of losers. I am scared that all my childporn gifs will be deleted from my bbs. Please help. *CdC says* To fix the rdist bug on WWIV all you need to do is lubricate your disk drive. Lubrication will stop the Posse and other evil hackers from trying to crash your bbs. From default, Thu Nov 3 @ 8:33p Subject: GRAYAREA Grayarea is a good person. I hate how idiots like loki and everyone else completely discredit her. I wish they would all just mind their own business because she minds hers. *CdC says* read on.. Date: Fri, 4 Nov 1994 12:40:17 -0500 (EST) Subject: grayarea comments for CDC please, refrain from using my address n'shit if this message gets published. grayarea is a nice person. i do not see why so many people hate her. i guess those people are suffering from opposite-sex-o-phobia or something. *CdC says* Ok, thanks for the comment. I completely agree. I'll publish the letter along with a score of others who are supporting grayarea and what she is trying to accomplish. Thank you for the comment, Mahatma Mcaf33, CdC *M0'* Is there this great phobia of grayarea? I have no idea. Your comments? Also, why does this person wish to remain anonymous? For fear that because this person supports grayarea she'll get banned from IRC? Hasn't happened to ANYONE CdC related.. not even some of her most hostile supporters. Date: Mon, 7 Nov 1994 22:04:36 -0700 From: m1tn1ck@!hacked!.whitehouse.gov I am entering my vote on the Grayarea/Netta Pro or Con discussion. I say PRO! She is the m0st l33test w0man on irc, and I think she is an excellent journalist. I think her presence on IRC has left a great influence on hacker cu lture, in giving us an eye to see ourselves though. Or even an 3y3. You may use my name and full email address (heh!) in the article, please do, even though you planned not to use them. Also, I would like to say HELLO to all of my FanZ out there k33p up th3 caUs3.... HACKING IS NOT A CRIME! m1tn1ck. *CdC says* Its nice to know that some people are paranoid of grayarea. For some reason, it seems that only the narcs and complete lamers in the scene are the ones who are messing with grayarea. People who hate grayarea (are there any? i guess not since no one has enough balls to send us a letter) send in letters! We want to hear your side of the story! Date: Mon, 7 Nov 1994 22:09:55 -0700 From: T0MTH3TURD@deadchiuhuahua.deadcanary.buttlick.deadkat.k0m TH1S 1S T0M TH3 TURD AT MY L33T N3W N3T S1TE R3ACHABL3 AT 127.0.0.1 AT L3AST THA TS H0W 3Y3 G3T T0 IT... 3Y3 L0V3 N3TTA SH3 R0KZ MY PANT1ES!!!!!!!!! *CdC says* TOM! Its nice hearing from ya. How's it been? Glad to hear it! Get on those phones, make those sales! Subject: netta gillboa, aka-grayarea Date: Tue, 8 Nov 1994 04:16:45 -0500 (EST) Yoh, [ANONYMOUS] here, I hear you are doing a peice on netta, well... keep my name out of this, i do like to remain as neutral as possible, however netta has been an okay person over the past year that i ahve known her. At tiems she can be a littel bit paranoid, however what do you expect from somone who lived through the sixties with all the drugs and oppression by the state. I trust her enough to know where my real address is, and i have wellcomed her into my home on several ocassions. as a matter of fact her and my fiance' are getting along just fine. Mostly i find the negativity related with her name to be one of many things. a) the fact that she is press scares many people b) the fact that she is a bit paranoid feeds the sharks c) the fact that this whole net-h/p/a- world is a new and unexplained phenomonon in american culture, and those who master it, i am sure, are at times atleast afriad of the potential the press may cause. To be honest with you, i can believe that all this crap happened for several reasons: netta is an open honest, caring person. Hackers consider themselves, and many are, rejects form a society that doesnt understand or give a flying fuck. netta is press, netta can show the world the true side of hackers, and for some fucked up reason certain hackers, whom will remain nameless, are afraid that netta's power would destroy the image they have tried to keep. and well ya know how certain hackers wish to keep the BAD/EVIL Hacker image alive for thier own ego trip... honestly, netta knows many things about my personal life that i would not trust to many of the people on #hack/#phreak/#bah hell to anyone who can finger me or look up my www page. imho she's kuhl. did i say enough :) *CdC says* Can't agree with you more. I don't know how many times me and grayarea sat on irc for endless hours talking about love, cars, spam, and random personal philosophies. She's one of the few people who I have not met (except over the net) who I can truly say I know quite well -- well enough to completely trust her. IMHO she's k-kuhl'n keen and pretty spiff! Date: Tue, 08 Nov 94 02:52 CST From: Jim Thomas (tk0jut1@mvs.cso.niu.edu) Subject: An unsolicited note about grayareas & netta G. I heard via the grape vine that you're doing a special issue on Netta Gilboa and Gray Areas, so I thought I'd take the liberty of dropping ya this unsolicited note 'cause of her great rep among a lot of us. Gray Areas is a great magazine. We put out Cu Digest, and Netta will occasionally send some of her material over to us so we can run it. GA covers stuff that nobody else does, and she's taken some heavy risks in laying out some of the info. Guess it angers some folk, but she's a pretty good journalist and one of the best interviewers around, and calls 'em like she sees 'em, and that takes class and courage. Netta's a pretty neat person, if you don't mind red-heads, and maybe that's what got her a great interview with GG Allin before he OD-ed. Her interviews for GA have covered stuff from hard-core bikers to porn stars, not to mention Barry M, the long-forgotten dude from Country Joe and the Fish, and a bunch of others. She's the Barbara Walters of the counter-culture Mag scene. And cool. She took on The Well last year, head-on, which took some nerve, but she pulled it off. If you want any more info, I'll be happy to pass along glowing accolades for one of our favorite people. Thanks for listening, Jim Thomas / Cu Digest *CdC says* Thanks for the comments. Its nice to know that others feel the same way I do about netta! Date: Tue, 8 Nov 1994 09:51:39 +0000 From: Roth Tamas Aladar Subject: GRAYAREA Hi, I heard on IRC that you're interested in ppls opinion on Grayare (Netta Gilboa) .... If you can use my opinion here it goes: She's a kind person who is really helpful. It's good to talk to her, she always in silence, but sometimes she's talking quite a lot. I could talk to her on many topics, including life, viruses, etc. She's not a person like many on irc who has ideas such as some ppl can't join some channels, if i'm banned she'll unban, i'm sure ... That's what i know about her, if you need a bit more infos on her such as her deeper personality, just ask, what i know i'll tell ... *CdC says* Grayarea has always been helpful to me as well. I can't stand people using GREYAREA or others SIMILAR nicknames when she is online and harassing her. Ouch... Thanks for the comments. Subject: grayarea thoughts on grayarea well, i've conversed with her on the net for over a year now....when i first met her she was being tormented and crucified by IRC users that had a grudge with her. for many of months i had a perception of her as some evil nark who had a beef with hackers. well, tima had passed and i slowly got to know her......i came to learn she is a real sweet person and she has a lot of character. i not only had made a new friend, but some one i really became fond of. she runs a magazine and spends a lot of het time devoted to it. as i reflect back on my third year on the internet, i think to my self that she has been a important part of my life in cyberspace and along with a select few others on the net. if she ever decided to give up IRC, i think that a part of my life would be diminished. *CdC says* Yeah, I myself had originally heard about her when someone said that we should invite her to the Neutral Territory section on UPT. I did. I let everyone know that she had full system access (as good as any hacker) but I was met with unfavorable responses. Certain users started leaving me mail asking me what I was smoking. "WHAT THE!!?? WHAT IS >>SHE<< DOING HERE WITH FULL ACCESS??!!" I did not know her at the time so I lowered her access. I thought about it, gave her a chance and before she even called for the first time her access was back to FULL again. I trust her fully. >>THOUGHTS ABOUT GRAYAREA FROM UPT! Anonymous Hacker from UPT Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Sat, 08 Oct 94 21:14:17 PST John is for sure a character. I don't know about him though. Do any of you guys have any contact with grayarea or theora? I am wondering about them. They seem to be too interested. Anonymous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Sun, 09 Oct 94 15:28:58 PST I know both Grayarea and Theora, not sure what you mean by 'too interested'. Anonymous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Mon, 10 Oct 94 01:20:01 PST Grayarea and Theora are really cool. I like to mag. Especially the interview with the Well hacker. Anonymous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Wed, 12 Oct 94 00:32:38 PST Whats that supposed to mean? I don't know theora but grayarea is cool and puts out a great magazine. Subject: Re: responsibilities From: root@gail.upt.org (Invalid Media - System operator) Date: Wed, 12 Oct 94 12:53:43 PST Organization: (Newsgroup) alt.neutral > Whats that supposed to mean? I don't know theora but grayarea is cool and > puts out a great magazine. I like Grayarea and she is regarding as a really cool person among all the people in my area.. -- Invalid Media upt@bud.indirect.com [primary] upt@cyberspace.org+ [secondary] imedia@tdn.net [secondary] Anonymous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Thu, 13 Oct 94 16:12:36 PST I don't think they are. I think grayarea is a bitch. Anonyomous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Thu, 13 Oct 94 17:34:35 PST > I like Grayarea and she is regarding as a really cool person among all > the people in my area.. I regret to say that I have had different experience with grayarea. There was a time when she got so upset from being kicked off #phreak on irc by a particular individual, that she mailed his sysadmin about it. The letter is printed in BoW #4 if you would like to check it out. The offending individual was U4EA, but I mean really it is irc not real life. In her letter she said things like "you have a hacker on your system" etc. and it was his legitimate university account. Now that's just pure bullshit on her part. She made claims such as his kicking her being damaging to her business and that she was consulting her lawyers. U4EA's sysadmins basically told her they didn't give a shit about IRC anyway. She even made further attempts beyond that to get him investigated by local area police. Now I'm sorry, but this type of shit is ridiculus and I can never have any respect for her magazine as long as I live because of her actions. She is unprofessional, egotistical, and just plain whiny. Nuff said. Anonymous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Thu, 13 Oct 94 23:40:52 PST > I like Grayarea and she is regarding as a really cool person among all > the people in my area.. Grayarea has the biggest ego I have seen though. She thinks she's the leader of the "other side" and the most representative of the hackers. I don't really trust her. Anonyomous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Sat, 15 Oct 94 12:51:36 PST > > > > I like Grayarea and she is regarding as a really cool person among all > > the people in my area.. > > > I regret to say that I have had different experience with grayarea. > There was a time when she got so upset from being kicked off #phreak on > irc by a particular individual, that she mailed his sysadmin about it. > The letter is printed in BoW #4 if you would like to check it out. The > offending individual was U4EA, but I mean really it is irc not real life. > In her letter she said things like "you have a hacker on your system" > etc. and it was his legitimate university account. Now that's just pure > bullshit on her part. She made claims such as his kicking her being > damaging to her business and that she was consulting her lawyers. U4EA's > sysadmins basically told her they didn't give a shit about IRC anyway. > She even made further attempts beyond that to get him investigated by > local area police. Now I'm sorry, but this type of shit is ridiculus and > I can never have any respect for her magazine as long as I live because > of her actions. She is unprofessional, egotistical, and just plain > whiny. Nuff said. Get the real story straight before you start making half-informed statements. Netta was being fucked with by some people on IRC, and not for jsut kicking her off #phreak. Apparently they were harassing she and her husbands business to an extreme degree. If you have ever owned a business (which I would wager you have not) you would know that if someone is fucking with your phones, you are losing free access to a valuable tool (in publishing often the _only_ tool) you need to conduct business. She was totally justified in trying to rectify that. She may have gone a little overboard in accusing various people, but if someone is fucking with you and you are getting desperate, I can see how it would happen. I would figure I know Netta a fair bit better than you, and to call her egotistical or whiny is ridiculous. To call her unprofessional is absurd. She was being nothing but professional when she was trying to figure out who was fucking with her business. I find it really funny the kind of people who want to jump on the nark-calling bandwagon based on some inaccurate information gained from IRC. And don't give me some sob story about u4ea. He is a piece of shit and most likely deserved it. Anonymous hacker Subject: Re: responsibilities Date: Sun, 16 Oct 94 16:59:03 PST > I find it really funny the kind of people who want to jump on the > nark-calling bandwagon based on some inaccurate information gained > from IRC. And don't give me some sob story about u4ea. He is a piece > of shit and most likely deserved it. Now, now... Ok maybe calling her unprofessional, whiny, and egotistical was going overboard based on what I know of her, but I'll still never trust her. You DON'T mail someone's university sysadmin and sick your lawyers on them because they seem a likely candidate for being the so-called "business-damaging" culprit. I didn't give you a sob story. I gave you what I know to be true. Maybe a little too much personal assumption on my part but all I know is that you can trust VERY few people anymore, and grayarea isn't one in my book. If someone is fucking with your business, you call your local police, not the nearest irc puppy's sysadmin. Anonymous hacker Subject: Ok Date: Sun, 16 Oct 94 23:40:26 PST Don't you think grayarea should be here to defend herself? *CdC says* Wowsers, UPT is mixed among support/hatred for grayarea. Now if these people would be willing to backup some of the accusations! Subject: Netta Date: Wed, 9 Nov 1994 02:49:06 -0500 (EST) I heard a net.rumor you were looking for comments on Grayarea and I decided to respond. Netta and I met at HoHoCon at hit it off immediately. We talked the night away, and continued well into the next day. It is so difficult to find people who are intelligent enough to be worth talking to, I was very happy to meet Netta that night. It was the highlight of that years HoHoCon for me. There are many words to describe Netta. She is highly intelligent, and yet very emotional. Hot tempered, yet level headed. She has one of the best analyticial minds I have come across, yet she becomes emotionally involved with everything she analyzes. Netta is a strong female who has succeed where most people of either sex would fail, yet she is sensitive to peoples perceptions. Netta is shrewd and tough in business, yet she is warm and caring to her friends. I am quite happy to have Netta as a valued friend. Date: Wed, 9 Nov 1994 13:15:02 -0500 Dear CDC, I am glad that you have decided to run a piece of GrayArea again. I have known GrayArea as a netfriend for a while. I think she is one of the finest ladies on the net today. She is not your everyday ordinary woman but a woman with a sense of purpose. WIth fierce determination, she has documented every aspect of the Underground life ranging from S/M mistresses to brilliant hackers. It is difficult to bring out a publication which deals fairly with all aspects of life especially with some egomaniacal hackers. GrayArea does provide a well balanced view without letting personal proclivities creep into reporting. I really think she is doing a stellar job and deserves glowing praise. It is unfair to pick on her as a "Nark" or "Bitch", etc .. I think she is doing a more constructive job than most people she reports on. I will flash anyone who thinks otherwise :) Date: Fri, 11 Nov 1994 02:28:51 -0800 I have been informed that you are writing an article seemingly meant to judge a good friend of mine, so I will tell you basically how we met and how I feel regarding the current attitude towards her. I met Netta (grayarea) at Hohocon last year, as she was talking to people in the lobby of the Hilton and selling her magazine. I had heard that Urnst Kouch (a man I had worked with when I wrote for the Crypt Newsletter) had an interview published by her in Gray Areas, and was curious about it. I asked her for a copy of that issue, and read it. Later that night, I was called over to a group she was chatting with by a man who had recognized some of my work and so I began talking to them. After Hohocon, I talked for many hours with grayarea on IRC and found her to be an engaging conversationalist. At any rate, I watched much of the war between her and some of the hackers that took a dislike to her, and found it ridiculious. Hackers, originally, existed to learn, and to exchange their ideas and information - to me, this is what the entire game is about, to learn and to share. As I watched, a slew of hackers (if you wish to call them that) came out to bitch about her "prying" and decided to retaliate against her for being curious without being a hacker herself. I find this ridiculous, especially since through her magazine she provided many hackers with a gateway, if you will, to express their ideas, beliefs, and whatever they wished to talk about to a far larger audience and with a far lesser bias than any other media had to my knowledge. As far as her being a narc, no. She tried to fight back at times when people attacked her in ways that I found rather demeaning to hackers as a whole - by abusing their talents against a rather harmless and defenseless target, but she was not a narc. In fact, anyone that has followed the events around her at all will recall that she has defended some of the hackers that have harassed her the most, refusing to give information to the officials and the like, and has kept her word whenever she has promised not to divulge information to others. This happened in the events following the Well break-ins and the sharing of the email gleaned from said system. I only hope that others can set aside much of the childish bullshit that has been spread throughout the community recently and talk to her, to find what I have. I respect Netta in the fullest, and am proud to know her as a friend. Date: Wed, 16 Nov 1994 01:39:53 GMT From: nobody@nowhere.com H0H0H0H0H0H0H0!!!!! THIS IS SANTAH KLAUZ 3Y3 W1LL BURN Y0U AL1VE!!!! PH3AR M3!!!! TH3R3 IZ N0 3SCAP3 F0R Y0U! H0H0H0H0H0!!!!!! - CULT 0V TH3 D3AD CAT TAZK 4C3 S00PAHP1MP1N3L33T HAQ UNIT BYTCH BETA WATCH YO BACK!! W3 W1LL TAK3 OV3R H0W DAR3 YOU 1M1TAT3 US!!!#@!!] BTW!@# GRAYAR3A IS A B1TCH! *CdC says* Come now, grayarea a b1tch? From: anonymous cDc member (yes, a cDc guy here!) date: Wed, 9 Nov 94 18:05:37 EST [top part edited out] The other thing was to say a bit about Grayarea. I've known her on-line for over a year now, and first met her at last year's HoHoCon... Overall, My impression/opinion of her is very positive... I think she gets a lot of flak in the scene for a lot of reasons... two big ones are that she is both a woman and journalist.. Both of which are things that have, traditionally, been viewed with suspicion in the CU... Journalists because they tend to make hackers out negatively... and Women because... well.. They're women.. Hacking has traditionally been a boy's game... And with people like Cori and Noelle to reinforce this fear... I think that is a prejudice that will stick for a long time. But in any case. My opinion of her IS very positive. I find her very professional as a journalist, and quite a nice person to boot. I think all the narc/whatever rumors are complete bullshit... and after being in the scene for as long as I am, you tend to develop a sense for these things (call it survival instinct..)... If You want to know anything else, get back to me. Date: Thu, 17 Nov 1994 03:50:57 -0500 Grayarea, the Editor/Publisher of Grayareas(TM) magazine is a wonderful woman, and friend of the people involved in the underground of cyber- space. Not only a friend of us, but also of those who are not in the establishment. She is a voice for those who would otherwise not have such. Personally, I have spent some time with Grayarea, at cons and other social events, and she is definatly good people. Those that are not worthy of print have tried to bring her under the microscope of scrutiny, for no reason other then her being a female and trying to be apart of cyberspace. As for Grayareas magazine, all I can say is keep up the good work and crank out more issues. ==========CDC ARTICLE 2====================================================== +------------+ | CdC EVENTS | +------------+ CdC has gone insane! We took a flyer... CdC comments within []'s Set Free [a church] Party in the Park Free Music Free Food Sunday Nov. 6th Sunday Nov. 13th 2 PM Tempe Beach Park West of Mill Ave on First St Come as you are!!!! [background: pictures of homeless people, skinheads, joe college, etc] WE BASTARDIZED THE FLYER! Set Free with CdC and the SET FREE CHURCH FREE: music by DJ Jesus XT and the 12 Superpimps drugs underage women sex KY Jelly Party in the Park Free Music Free Food Sunday Nov. 6th Sunday Nov. 13th 2 PM Tempe Beach Park West of Mill Ave on First St Come as you are!!!! Event sponsored by The Angry Street Preachers Association and the Infamous Cult of the Dead Cat. Please bring your own farm animals, nitrous bottles, and [rest of flyer cut off due to speedy photocopying! DAMN!] [background: pictures of FLASHING M.C. - a flasher.. M.C. ANIMAL HUSBANDRY - including a graphic picture of a man sticking his penis inside of a sheep. the man says "Baby got back!", the sheep says "Baah Baah BAAH", picture of a man licking a baby's bottom saying M M M M M M M good!] We took 90 cents and make 94 photocopies (4 independent photocopies, 30 with 3 flyers on each page). We took out the pay cartridge so that only 15 copies registered.. great savings! We then went to Mill Avenue and passed the flyers around to all the preachers on the street promoting this event and christianity as a whole. Note that Mill Avenue is the cool part of Tempe, Arizona where all the punks, goths, and others hang out. US: Set Free with CdC! Take a flyer! Preacher1: Is this event really by the Set Free Church? US: Of course.. read it! Preacher1: THIS IS DISGUSTING. [tears up his flyer] This is sick. Not only are you insulting the church, you are insulting everyone who loves Jesus. US: Fuck you. You assholes are doing the same thing by telling us all that we are scum and should repent to be saved. Preacher1: If you had any morals you would give me the rest of your flyers. US: HAHA [people walk by and we give them flyers] RandomPerson: RIGHT ON! FREE DRUGS! US: Yeah! And the Set Free Church promotes this! Preacher2: No they don't. This is disgusting. Preacher3: This is sick!!! [starts to cry] Preacher1: Get the hell out of my face. You are sick and are going to hell. US: FUCK YOU! MAHATMA SAVES! FUCK ANIMALS! Preacher1: Blah! [walks away] BackgroundPreachers: Are you gonna let these idiots get away with this? US: FREE DRUGS! We went to the showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show (on Mill Avenue) and passed out the flyers to random groups of people. It was fun. We enjoyed it. We had great fun with 90 cents. You can too. Bartardization of other's works. Its what CdC is all about. We're actually going to the party in the park to see if our flyer distribution had any effect on it or if people knew it was a joke. It was hilarious. The street preachers were disgusted -- ALL of them. ==========CDC ARTICLE 3====================================================== I am going to carefully analyze the words spoken by hackers to see what they are really about. All these comments made by hackers are undoubtedly completely serious. Enjoy. gotta go, have a new toy or two to try out. [, 06-Oct-94]| *CdC says* This could be interpreted as having a large weapon with which to assassinate the president. Does this mean that all hackers are evil scum who call bbses to obtain information on espionage, murder, assassination, etc? We think so. Nynex is Mynex Victim [, 06-Oct-94]| *CdC says* OUCH! This is an obvious threat to society as a whole. Nynex is now in trouble because evil hacker scum is going to destroy you and everything you stand for! Nynex works for the good of the American people, how can they be tampered with!!?? become a monk [, 06-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Does this mean that the ultimate goal of a computer hacker is to serve the lord? Does this mean that we really ARE hacking for jesus? (slurp) (slobber) Ohhhh yeah! [, 07-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are street scum who should be kept off our streets. We have too many hormones and not enough sex or masturbation. We resort to netsex and masturbation while reading posts on UPT. What next? Molesting small animals and children? We think so! Hackers die! Die! S P A M R 0 0 0 0 L S [, 07-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers can't spell or use correct spacing. R0000LS should really be written as 'exceeds the standards set by other lubricated meat products produced by Hormel'. I'm not a hacker, but I play one on rexd [, 08-Oct-94]| *CdC says* An imposter? Send me to hell, or give me a lump of coal and I'll start my own [, 09-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are out to destroy the world. This is obvious since this anonymous hacker wants to destroy the world but starting his own hell (which means an evil burning place that jesus hates)! Bad hacker Bad hacker Bad hacker! You gonna bark all day little doggie, or you gonna bite? [, 09-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Sadomasochism is the way of the hacker. Hackers love pain. Hackers love going to jail and getting buttrape by BuBBA! Just ask merc. Citadel R00lz!!@! bah... [, 09-Oct-94]| *CdC says* What about us? digital anarchy [, 10-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Anarchy = No Government. Overthrowning the government with digital watches? Maybe. You are silly. [, 11-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are all homosexual and say things like this. get a lawyer. now. [, 11-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are bad bad bad people who are demanding and like to push their opinions on others. i rok [, 11-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are bad bad bad people who think highly of themselves. Their egos get in the way and they think they know everything. This type of behavior can eventually lead to homicide. Do we want these killers on our streets? believe in angels [, 12-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are sports fans. change for the machines [, 13-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers promote change in a violent way. That and hackers don't know proper grammar. This should be 'Change the machines'. Fuck you, wont do whatcha tell me [, 13-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are anti-authority and hate listening to others. This could be from over-masturbation. I'm just a mutha fuckin pimp. [, 13-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers promote prostitution which could kill off the whole population because of disease. Are hackers genocidal? I think so. 9x rulz [, 15-Oct-94]| *CdC says* While hackers want to control Nynex and take it down completely, they also think that is rulz (rules, surpasses standards set by others). go see pulp fiction [, 15-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are avid movie goers. smail is secure? [, 15-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers question the security of sendmail and other unix programs which process information. ho ho, gotta go [, 16-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Once again hackers are promoting prostitution -- the one thing more important to them than taking control of the world. When there is a ho (prostitute) at the door, hackers leave all their work alone and have sex with the prostitute (most likely pimped by another hacker). 'NYNEX! NYNEX!' - Beavis [, 17-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Are hacker obsessed with Nynex? I can't be witty on demand. [, 17-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers can't be witty on demand. "We trained hard- but it seemed that [, 18-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are confusing! Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly? [, 18-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are Libertarians who promote drugs and driving under the influence of drugs. They also want to be like birds and fly. k3wl [,19-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers use bad slang. *** RAgent has changed the topic on channel #hack to... [, 19-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are inconclusive The man who laughs has not yet heard the terrible news. [, 20-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are negative people who think everything is bad and that there is never a silver lining to every cloud. sniff [,21-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers promote the sniffing of internet packets and male butt- holes. bite me [, 21-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers like being beaten, whipped, beaten and molested. This could mean that hackers hack so that they can go to jail and meet Bubba (merc's fiance). This means that hacker laws won't do any good since hackers WANT to get busted. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. [Some d00d from CdC, 21-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers associate food products with legislation. Winners don't lose drugz [, 22-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers equate being a good person with not losing your drugs. Hackers are big drug dealers, drug users and really bad people. free your soul., smoke a bowl.. [, 23-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers want to get away from everything so they smoke pot. There were billions of stars in my COSMOS! [, 24-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers think that the universe is electronic and stored on tape somewhere in government archives. sniff [,24-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Overuse of the word sniff LOCKout [, 24-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers love GUI security programs. Why not? [, 24-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers always questiona authority. Press Me [, 25-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers promote sado-masochism. "Nothing I do is my fault. My family is dysfunctional and my parents did [, 25-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers grew up in bad, poor families. How did they get their computers? Because hackers are obviously minorities who are treated unfairly by our legal system, they (like other minorities) stole their computers. I personally downloaded my 486 from NASA. Haha [,25-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers like to laugh at the expense of other people. try at -f [, 25-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers like to censor words. -f should read 'if'. And once that is uncensored, the sentence reads 'try at if' but thats bad grammar. poof [, 26-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Poof is the command on Waffle that lets you hide your connection so no one knows you logged on. Hackers are very secretive and like to hide everything they are doing. What we have heuh.... is a failiuh...... ta communicate! [, 28-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are black. Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was very surprised. [Some d00d from CdC, 29-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers are not surprised. Why? Because hackers like to breed with small (and not so small) animals. This promotes disease. you are responsible for your own vomit [, 29-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers have no responsibilties Mice are elephants built in Japan. [Some d00d from CdC, 30-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers hate this government and everything about this country (which is why they want to overthrow our fearless leaders) and fully support the work of the Japanese. Why? Because hackers are minorities (mexicans and blacks) who stay inside so much they lost the color in their skin making them look Japanese. Ohhh, shit... outta pre-made taglines! [Some d00d from CdC, 30-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers depend on technology and do not like to do work for them- selves. Why stop at only one bowl? [, 31-Oct-94]| *CdC says* Hackers like cereal. eyem baq [mdma, 02-Nov-94]| *CdC says* Hackers can't spell. life [, 03-Nov-94]| *CdC says* Hackers don't have one. After styrofoam is made, what is it shipped out in? [Some d00d from CdC, 03-Nov-94]| *CdC says* Hackers like Catch-22 Hot water heater? Hot water needs heating? [Some d00d from CdC, 03-Nov-94]| *CdC says* Hackers prefer oxy-morons to clearasil-morons. I know a girl...... a girl named party.... party girl...... I know she wants [, 03-Nov-94]| *CdC says* Hackers know one girl. Probably Grayarea. After carefully analyzing the words of all the hackers, I came to the following conclusion: Hackers are evil scum who call bbses to obtain information on espionage, murder, assassination, etc. They are an obvious threat to society as we see it today. They want to take over Nynex/9x. The ultimate goal of a hackers is to serve the lord. This means that hackers are really hacking for Jesus or Mahatma Mcaf33. Hackers are street scum who should be kept off our streets. They have too many hormones and not enough sex or masturbation. They resort to netsex and masturbation while reading posts on UPT. They enjoy molesting small animals and children? Hackers can't spell or use correct spacing. Hackers are out to destroy the world. Sadomasochism is the way of the hacker. Hackers love pain. Hackers love going to jail and getting buttrape by BuBBA! Just ask merc. Hackers promote overthrowning the government with digital watches! Hackers are all homosexual and say things like 'silly'. Hackers are bad bad bad people who are demanding and like to push their opinions on others. Hackers are bad bad bad people who think highly of themselves. Their egos get in the way and they think they know everything. This type of behavior can eventually lead to homicide. Hackers are sports fans. Hackers promote change in a violent way. That and hackers don't know proper grammar. Hackers are anti-authority and hate listening to others. This could be from over-masturbation. Hackers promote prostitution which could kill off the whole population because of disease. Are hackers genocidal? I think so. While hackers want to control Nynex and take it down completely, they also think that is rulz (rules, surpasses standards set by others). Hackers are avid movie goers. Hackers question the security of sendmail and other unix programs which process information. Once again hackers are promoting prostitution -- the one thing more important to them than taking control of the world. When there is a ho (prostitute) at the door, hackers leave all their work alone and have sex with the prostitute (most likely pimped by another hacker). Hackers can't be witty on demand. Hackers are confusing! Hackers are Libertarians who promote drugs and driving under the influence of drugs. They also want to be like birds and fly. Hackers use bad slang. Hackers are inconclusive. Hackers are negative people who think everything is bad and that there is never a silver lining to every cloud. Hackers promote the sniffing of internet packets and male buttholes. Hackers like being beaten, whipped, beaten and molested. This could mean that hackers hack so that they can go to jail and meet Bubba (merc's fiance). This means that hacker laws won't do any good since hackers WANT to get busted. Hackers associate food products with legislation. Hackers equate being a good person with not losing your drugs. Hackers are big drug dealers, drug users and really bad people. Hackers want to get away from everything so they smoke pot. Hackers think that the universe is electronic and stored on tape somewhere in government archives. Hackers love GUI security programs. Hackers always questiona authority. Hackers promote sado-masochism. Hackers grew up in bad, poor families. How did they get their computers? Because hackers are obviously minorities who are treated unfairly by our legal system, they (like other minorities) stole their computers. I personally downloaded my 486 from NASA. Hackers like to laugh at the expense of other people. Hackers are very secretive and like to hide everything they are doing. Hackers are black. Because hackers like to breed with small (and not so small) animals. This promotes disease. Hackers have no responsibilties. Hackers hate this government and everything about this country (which is why they want to overthrow our fearless leaders) and fully support the work of the Japanese. Why? Because hackers are minorities (mexicans and blacks) who stay inside so much they lost the color in their skin making them look Japanese. Hackers depend on technology and do not like to do work for themselves. Hackers like cereal. Hackers can't spell. Hackers like Catch-22. Hackers prefer oxy-morons to clearasil-morons. Hackers know grayarea. ==========CDC ARTICLE 4====================================================== WHERE TO OBTAIN ISSUES!! bbs: unphamiliar territory 602-804-0313 login catfur /pub/ae2/cdc_cat internet: corrupt.sekurity.com from invalid, grayarea, random other people on irc via dcc >> werd ==========CDC ARTICLE 5====================================================== TITLE XXIX-COMPUTER CRIME SEC. 290001. COMPUTER ABUSE AMENDMENTS ACT OF 1994. (a) SHORT TITLE.-This subtitle may be cited as the "Computer Abuse Amendments Act of 1994". (b) PROHIBITION.-Section 1030(a)(5) of title 18, United States Code, is amended to read as follows: "(5)(A) through means of a computer used in interstate commerce or communications, knowingly causes the transmission of a program, information, code, or command to a computer or computer system if- "(i) the person causing the transmission intends that such transmission will- "(I) damage, or cause damage to, a computer, computer system, network, information, data, or program; or "(II) withhold or deny, or cause the withholding or denial, of the use of a computer, computer services, system or network, information, data or program; and "(ii) the transmission of the harmful component of the program, information, code, or command- "(I) occurred without the authorization of the persons or entities who own or are responsible for the computer system receiving the program, information, code, or command; and "(II)(aa) causes loss or damage to one or more other persons of value aggregating $1,000 or more during any 1-year period; or "(bb) modifies or impairs, or potentially modifies or impairs, the medical examination, medical diagnosis, medical treatment, or medical care of one or more individuals; or "(B) through means of a computer used in interstate commerce or communication, knowingly causes the transmission of a program, information, code, or command to a computer or computer system- "(i) with reckless disregard of a substantial and unjustifiable risk that the transmission will- "(I) damage, or cause damage to, a computer, computer system, network, information, data or program; or "(II) withhold or deny or cause the withholding or denial of the use of a computer, computer services, system, network, information, data or program; and "(ii) if the transmission of the harmful component of the program, information, code, or command- "(I) occurred without the authorization of the persons or entities who own or are responsible for the computer system receiving the program, information, code, or command; and "(II)(aa) causes loss or damage to one or more other persons of a value aggregating $1,000 or more during any 1-year period; or "(bb) modifies or impairs, or potentially modifies or impairs, the medical examination, medical diagnosis, medical treatment, or medical care of one or more individuals;". (c) PENALTY.-Section 1030(c) of title 18, United States Code is amended- (1) in paragraph (2)(B) by striking "and" after the semicolon; (2) in paragraph (3)(A) by inserting "(A)" after "(a)(5)"; (3) in paragraph (3)(B) by striking the period at the end thereof and inserting "; and"; and (4) by adding at the end the following new paragraph: "(4) a fine under this title or imprisonment for not more than 1 year, or both, in the case of an offense under subsection (a)(5)(B).". (d) CIVIL ACTION.-Section 1030 of title 18, United States Code, is amended by adding at the end thereof the following new subsection: "(g) Any person who suffers damage or loss by reason of a violation of the section, other than a violation of subsection (a)(5)(B), may maintain a civil action against the violator to obtain compensatory damages and injunctive relief or other equitable relief. Damages for violations of any subsection other than subsection (a)(5)(A)(ii)(II)(bb) or (a)(5)(B)(ii)(II)(bb) are limited to economic damages. No action may be brought under this subsection unless such action is begun within 2 years of the date of the act complained of or the date of the discovery of the damage.". (e) REPORTING REQUIREMENTS.-Section 1030 of title 18 United States Code, is amended by adding at the end the following new subsection: "(h) The Attorney General and the Secretary of the Treasury shall report to the Congress annually, during the first 3 years following the date of the enactment of this subsection, concerning investigations and prosecutions under section 1030(a)(5) of title 18, United States Code.". (f) PROHIBITION.-Section 1030(a)(3) of title 18, United States Code, is amended by inserting "adversely" before "affects the use of the Government's operation of such computer". (End of Computer Crime Proposed Act) ==========CDC ARTICLE 6====================================================== theora rokz n stuph ;) A MOMENT OF TRUTH! *** RESPONDS TO ACCUSATIONS THAT HE IS THE WELL HACKER! -> ***** any comments on the grayarea interview in which you were accused of +being the Well hacker? ***** it was stupid thing to say. FURTHERMORE, PROOF THAT *** IS HOMOSEXUAL! * *** dreams of oki's butty hole * Okinawa feelz elite to be in ***'s dreamz <***> what? fuck you ***, stop hitting on me <***> But Oki, I love you so. I want you to sit on my face. Please! <***> Oki, why are you ignoring me? I love you! MORE PROOF THAT *** IS GAY ++AND++ IN LOVE WITH INVALID MEDIA ++AND++ THAT HE IS THE INFAMOUS WELL HACKER ++AND++ THAT HE'S BUSTER BUNNY! *** -- you've been accused of being the WELL hacker. what are you +gonna do now?? <***> kill myself <***> and you invalid? *grayarea* heh ***, are you really going to kill yourself? can i quote that for +CDCI? <***> yea, I will commint suicde, with netta <***> I will commit suicide with Netta <***> You can quota that <***> invalid: yes, you can quote "I will kill Netta, and then myself" buster bunny is *** eye's got gifs of *** in the shower.. who wants to trade? ***** *smooch* ***** send me one WOW! More dirt on ***! ***** ok baby ***** send me a copy, you wuss :) ***** I will be dreaming of your hairy one Ok.. ***** thanks... ***** I am already.. fantasizing.. ***** *meow* ***** send me a copy, damnit :) =========CDC ARTICLE 7======================================================= M@H@+M@ MC@F33 (MM) @ND MC C0F33$P1LL@H (CO) +u3$d@y ~~~~~~~ CO: Y0 wuzzup, g MM: Ju$+ M@ckin' 0n +h3 v@+0 hyp3 +ip! CO: W3rd, 3y3 g0+z +@ g0 +0 c0ur+ +0M0rr0w @+ 8:30@M nigg@, C@n y@ +@k3 M3 in y0 piMpin' c@Mry? MM: @igh+! W3dn3$d@y ~~~~~~~~~ CO: 6 @M! w3rd, i c@n g3+ @ f3w M0' Minu+3$ 0v r3$+, My g0+z+@ l3@v3 @+ 7:f0h5! w3rd! <$#>+iM3 p@$$3$<$#> MM: KNOCK Kn0CK! i+z 7:f0h5,g! CO: D@Mn n1gg@h, 3y3 f3ll @$l33p! MM: $h3i+, f00! CO: $HOW3R $HOW3R! MM: D@Mn f00, i+z @lr3@dy 8:15, f@g c@n h@k! <$#>driv33N<$#> MM: $hi+ f00, wh3r3'$ d@ fuk3n c0ur+? CO: I d0n'+ kn0w, l3+$ w0rry @b0u+ p@rk33N.. <$#>+iM3 p@$$3$.. @nd p@$$3$<$#> CO: FUCK! W3'r3 g0nn@ b3 l@+3... MM: N0 $hi+... <$#>8:35@<$#> In c0ur+ @ll +h3 b1+ch3s @r3 fly. wi+ +h3ir h@ir d0n3 @nd 3v3ry+hing. MM: W3'r3 in c0ur+.. bu+ I'v3 g0+ @ cl@$$ in @n h0ur$. $HI+! CO: D0n'+ w0rry, w3'll b3 0u+ 0f h3r3 in @ $n@p.. <$#>+iM3 p@$$3$<$#> Judg3: L@M@h $cuMbuck3+! Pl3@$3 $+@nd! L@M@h: Y3$ $ir! Judg3: I$ L@M@h $cuMbuck3+ y0ur +ru3 n@M3? L@M@h: Y3$ i+ i$ $ir! Judg3: Y0ur h3@r33N will b3 0n J@nu@ry 1$+. Judg3: H0Mi3 G M0n3y! Pl3@$3 $+@nd! H0Mi3: Y3$ $ir! Judg3: I$ H0Mi3 G M0n3y y0ur +ru3 n@M3? H0Mi3: Y3$ i+ i$ $ir! Judg3: Y0ur h3@r33N will b3 0n J@nu@ry 1$+. <$#>@nd $0 0n @nd $0 0n<$#> Judg3: ***** *** *******! Pl3@$3 $+@nd! CO: W3rd nigg@! Judg3: I$ ***** *** ******* y0ur +ru3 n@M3? CO: Fuck y3@r b1+ch!.. UMM I M3@n $ir! Judg3: Y0ur h3@r33N will b3 0n J@nu@ry 1$+. MM: Y3$! W3'r3 0u++@ h3r3... <$#>9:f0h0<$#> MM: W3'r3 b@ck.. I'M in cl@$$! +hi$ i$ k3wl. =========CDC ARTICLE 8======================================================= CULT OF THE DEAD CAT AS A RELIGION! (a reprint of issues 176-180) I. Religious origin of Cult of the Dead Cat II. Religious significance of SPAM III. Mating with SPAM IV. Tenants of Disheiferism/CdC The Religious Origin of CULT OF THE DEAD CAT Columbus, Ohio. March 1976. A group of 244 members of the Satanic Church got together in a conference room at a local hotel. 50 members completely denounced the teachings of Anton Lavey and were banished into cans of SPAM (which is a trademark of Hormel). These seven cans were then given to the remaining 194 members of the church. 7 elders took the cans and decided to branch off Satanism into various groups. These various groups are: Cult of the Dead Cat Funky Ass Niggers who Forgot the Vaseline (FANWFTV) Polyester Wearing Pimps with Limps These 7 elders are: $3aGaT3, Mahatma Mcaf33, PAVA, Tom the Turd, />AD />ALF, CyberGunk and Anton Lavey. In 1979, Mahatma Mcaf33 mated with 3 of these cans of SPAM (to be explained at a later time) and hence the tradition of Cult of the Dead Cat started. By 1981, FANWFTV and Polyester Wearing Pimps with Limps merged into the FANWFTV conglomerate which later (1992) merged with Cult of the Dead Cat. From these cans of SPAM came the direct line of CdC including VOLKSWAGON, G-NUT, KRi$ KR0$ and others. 4 cans of SPAM were left and given to $3aGaT3 (who later got run over with the can of SPAM thus releasing bible fundamentalism into a parallel dimension which created Christianity). Of the 3 cans left, only one is accounted for. It sits on top of a modem (along with a pimpin' cigar and a plastic moving rat whose mouth is stuck in a trap) giving it supah powahz. Where? Its in the eleet paluz owned and operated by MC Coffeespillah and M.C. B.A. Mahatma (M.C. Bourne again Mahatma Mcaf33). RELIGIOUS SIGNIFICANCE OF SPAM SPAM has been a treat for ages. It was orriginally created during world war II as a treat for British soldiers. Nuff said! MATING WITH SPAM The SPAM MATING tradition is one that has raised much controversy within Cult of the Dead Cat... The proper way to mate is this. Undress. Cover yourself with peanut butter. Cover a room you are in completely with peanut butter. Fill a large fish tank (or other large container) with peanut butter. Stick the unopened can o' SPAM inside the large container. Become sexually aroused (masturbation is appropriate) Use a pick (covered with Peanut Butter) to open the can of SPAM. (NOTE: everything in the room NOT covered with peanut butter will be infected with subliminel viruses and the SPAM disease will engulf all living objects) Stick your penis inside the can of SPAM (making sure you wear a condom covered with peanut butter) just as you are about to cum. There. Within seconds, a fetus grows inside the SPAM and you are now in a parallel dimension. The fetus must then be quickly covered with peanut butter to prevent infection with SPAM disease. Once all the spam is killed off, you must put the fetis inside the empty peanut butter jar and carefully remove it. From there, it quickly grows and creates a follower of disheiferism (or.. Cult of the Dead Cat). The Nine Disheiferist Statements 1. Mahatma represents indulgence instead of abstinence. 2. Mahatma represents vital existance instead of spritual pipe dreams. 3. Mahatma represents undefiled wisdom intead of hypocritical self-deceit. 4. Mahatma represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates. 5. Mahatma represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek. 6. Mahatma represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires. 7. Mahatma represents man as just another animal - sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours - who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development," has become the most vicious animal of all. 8. Mahatma represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification. 9. Mahatma has been the best friend Cult of the Dead Cow has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years. ==========CDC ARTICLE 9====================================================== THE FORMATION OF A NEW SECT IN CdC CARING FOR DEPRIVED CITRUS... DO YOU LOVE YOUR LEMONS AND OTHER CITRUS FRUITS? WE KNOW YOU DO. DID YOU KNOW THAT LEMONS ARE AN ENDANGERED SPECIES AND THAT WITHIN 10 YEARS (IF NOTHING IS DONE), THEY WILL DRY UP AND COMPLETELY DIE? WHAT CAN YOU DO TO STOP THIS? WELL, THINK ABOUT IT... WHAT DO LEMONS NEED MOST? WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED MOST? LOVE YES, THATS IT. FOR ONLY 5 DOLLARS A DAY WE WILL CARE FOR ONE OF YOUR LEMONS. FOR A DONATION OF 25 CENTS WE WILL CARE FOR OUR OWN LEMONS. HOW IS THIS DONE? YOU GIVE US THE MONEY, WE SPEND IT ON OURSELVES (BECAUSE IN ORDER TO LOVE OTHERS, WE NEED TO LOVE OURSELVES AND IF WE ARE UNHAPPY BECAUSE WE HAVE NO MONEY THEN WE CAN'T LOVE OURSELVES OR ANYONE ELSE -- LIKE LEMONS) AND THEN ARE CAPABLE OF LOVING. WE SLEEP WITH YOUR LEMONS! WE HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LEMONS! WE DO EVERYTHING WITH YOUR LEMONS TO MAKE THEM FEEL LOVED. THIS IS ONE LARGE STEP FOR EVERYONE! SAVE THE LEMONS! CARING FOR DEPRIVED CITRUS... COMING SOON.. CARDING FOR DEPRIVED CITRUS-- VISA/AE/MASTERCARD/ALL MAJOR BANK CARDS! ==========CDC ARTICLE 10===================================================== INTRODUCING THE NEW CDC BANK CARD... ANNUAL INTEREST RATE: 25% ANNUAL FEE : WE GIVE YOU $25 DOLLARS A YEAR (IN YOUR ACCOUNT) MINIMUM BALANCE : $5 YOU SEND US MONEY TO THE CDC P.O. BOX (TO BE ANNOUNCED) WE SEND YOU A BANK CARD THAT CAN ONLY BE USED AT ATM'S AROUND THE WORLD THAT SHOW THE CdC LOGO... ==========CDC ARTICLE 11===================================================== [-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-] ccccc ddddddd ccccc ccc ccc ddd ddd ccc ccc 3@|> <@+ ccc ddd ddd ccc <0/\/\/\/\U/\/1<@+10/\/Z3!!!@!1 ccc ddd ddd ccc _ ___/| ccc ddd ddd ccc \ \'X.x,' / --ccc---------ddd----ddd--ccc-------------------> =(___)= <------- ccc ccc ddd ddd ccc ccc / U \ ccccc ddddddd ccccc \/\/03/\/\ [-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-] LOSING MONEY AT MC_DONALDS: BY TOM THE TURD OKAY. YESTERDAY, I WAS AT MC_DONALDS. I ORDERED MY USUAL, 2 CHICKEN HAPPY MEALS, WITH COKE, AND 8 SWEET AND SOUR SAUCES. WHEN I GOT DONE, I DECIDED I WAS STILL HUNGRY, SO I WENT TO THE COUNTER AND ORDERED AN APPLE PIE. THE NICE MAN SAID IT WOULD BE 78 CENTS, AND I GIVE HIM $1.03. BUT, TO MY DELIGHT, HE TYPED IN $10.03, AND THE REGISTER WAS SAYING THAT I HAD $9.25 COMING BACK! AGAIN, I HOPED TO SCORE BIG IN MC_DONALDS, BUT, INSTEAD, THE DUDE GAVE ME BACK $.20... I THINK THEY ARE CATCHING ON. I WENT TO MY TABLE: I THOUGHT... AND WROTE ON A NAPKIN: ORIGINAL $'S 1.03 APPLE PIE .78 -------------------- CHANGE .25 ERGO ORIGINAL $'S 10.03 APPLE PIE .78 -------------------- CHANGE 9.25 AHH! THE NICE MAN FUCKED UP!! NOW, THOUGH, I SEE A WAY THAT WE CAN ALL LOSE LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY. WE JUST NEED TO DO THIS. GO TO MC_DONALDS, ORDER ANYTHING, AND PAY WITH SEMI-EXACT CHANGE. THE HELP IS SO STUPID THAT YOU WILL GET INCORRECT CHANGE. ]10 PR#3 ]20 PRINT "CULT OF THE DEAD CAT BBS SITES! SUPPORT FOR THE K-CAT FORCE!" ]30 INVERSE: PRINT "WE ARE JUST SO MASSIVELY ELITE!" ]40 NORMAL: PRINT ]50 PRINT "dEATH bLOOD gORE (307) PRI-VATE" ]60 PRINT "FlounderBall (513) NOT-DONE" ]70 PRINT "9BBS (915) FUCK-YOU" ]80 PRINT "OSTORMY (307) BLOW-US!" ]90 PRINT "modem over michigan(MOM) (616) JERK-OFF" ]100 PRINT "FLAMINGE TUBBE OPHE LARDE AE (602) MEAT-BTR" ]110 GOTO 110 >> END OF CDC ISSUE 208 >> COMING NEXT ISSUE... MO' INFO ON *** (anonymous n1gga) updated on Caring for Deprived Citrus Slacker comes to CdC territory! MC C0ff33's court updates UPT IS LAME!@# music reviews -- dj essential, dj pari, third floor, ONE, bauhaus MC NO_ALARM speaks (??) /+==================================================+\ +=========+ W3 FuK3N RuL3, S0 K0M3 H3R3 @ND SuCK 0uR @SS3S!@#!@# +===========+ | | | CDC 1994, | | _ __/| | dEATH bLOOD gORE.... 307 Di3-JeWZ! CdC W0/>Ld HQ | KiCKZ BiG | | \'x.X' | FlounderBall........ 307 MAs-SiV3! FUK3N 3L33+ AE!@ | FuK3N @SS | | =(___)= | L3Gi0N 0F DuD3S..... 406 Y3@-SuR3! 3Lit3 W@R3Z! | 3V3RY D@Y,| | U | H0LY B@tSHit F@tM@N. 307 Y0u-SuCK! 735+ ViRi | FuCKH3@D | | !W03M | M00DY NuNZ W/B0N3RS. 704 Y3@-Rit3! N3W CDC Sit3!!! | DiCKLiCK | | | ThA N1ggA B1tCH..... 602 PRY-VAT3! R@V3L@ND!!! | @SSSuCK3R!| +=========+ SOUL KITCHEN........ 602 XXX-XXXX! K-SPiFFY 3LYt3 +===========+ \+==================================================+/