_ | \ | \ | | \ __ | |\ \ __ _____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________ | ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ | | | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | | | | /________/ | | / / /________/ | | | | | | / / | | | | | |/ / | | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | |_/ | | | | | | | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | | | |________________________________________________________________| | |____________________________________________________________________| ...presents... Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Missing Warez! by Delchi __//////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\__ __ Grand Imperial Dynasty __ Est. 1984 \\\\\\/ cDc paramedia: texXxt 408-07/02/2006 \////// Est. 1984 ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ __ |___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons__| The Internet was nothing new to the people in Idaville. From the school library to most every house there was a broadband connection that linked the citizens of the quiet American town to the rest of the world. The Internet is a giant worldwide computer network that allows people to communicate, access information, and share files. It was no surprise that Encyclopedia Brown and his partner Sally Kimball spent quite a bit of time researching and learning new things on the Internet. Like his father, Detective Brown, Encyclopedia used the Internet to crack some of the toughest detective cases around. The only difference was while Detective Brown worked for the police, Encyclopedia worked out of the family garage. Every week, Encyclopedia and Sally hung a sign on the garage that read, "Brown Detective Agency - 13 Rover Avenue, Leroy Brown, President. No case too small. $.25 per day plus expenses." One Saturday, Encyclopedia and Sally were surfing up information on the latest email worms and viruses when a man leading a burro walked up to the garage. He was dressed in simple clothing and a sombrero. A sombrero is a large hat worn by people in other countries to keep the sun out of their eyes while they are sleeping. "Are you senor Encyclopedia, the detective?" Sally and Encyclopedia looked at each other and smiled. "Yes I am!" Encyclopedia replied, "How may I help you?" "My name is..." Sally cut him off with an excited shriek. "You're Jose Warez!!" "Si," said the man slowly. He lowered his head a bit, and in a sad voice he said, "At least I was." "Please sit down. Sally, could you get some water for the burro?" Sally was so excited as she filled a bucket with water, that she nearly spilled it! Jose Warez was a very famous man who traveled with his burro all over the country giving out free copies of software and teaching people to bypass copy protection. "How can we help you, Mr. Warez?" "Please, call me Jose," said the man, as he took off his sombrero, and from the inside pulled a shiny quarter and placed it in the piggy bank. He then sat down and recited his tale. "I was on my way through your beautiful city, on my way to California. It is so peaceful and serene here that I decided to spend the night in the park. I tied my burro to a tree and went to get some food for us. I ran into a small boy and asked him for directions. He was quite happy to tell me where to find the hypermart food store..." "Hypermart?!" interrupted Sally. "But that's clear on the other side of the city form the park! " "Si. I did not know this. When I returned to the park my burro was there, but all of my warez had been stolen! Including some very valuable 0-day." Encyclopedia ran his fingers across his chin in deep thought. Finally he said, "Tell me Jose, what did this boy look like ?" "He was very big, and strong looking. He wore a hat that said 'Tigers' on it and..." "Bugs Meany!" Encyclopedia and Sally exclaimed at the same time. Bugs Meany was the leader of a gang of boys who called themselves the Tigers. Over the years, they had attempted many sneaky things, but the sharp wits and detective skills of Encyclopedia and Sally had foiled them every time. "Lets go pay Bugs a visit," said Encyclopedia, and they all headed off in the direction of the Tigers' clubhouse. Jose was so pleased he let Sally ride the burro! As they approached the Tigers clubhouse, they saw Bugs painting what looked to be a large skull on the front door. It was no ordinary skull though, it was a cow skull! "All right Bugs," said Encyclopedia, "we know you stole the 0-day from Jose Warez, and we want you to give it back!" "Denied, lamer!" Bugs taunted back, "I don't know what you are talking about! I've been surfing up some killer warez for the last few months. I have mad skillz and I don't need to steal from anyone. Especially not some dude dressed up like a Columbian coffee ad!" The burro snorted loudly, but Sally stroked his nose and spoke to him softly in his ear. "All right Bugs, if you are so leet, tell me how did you score the warez in the first place?" "Easy as 3.14, you azzclown," Bugs laughed, "see this line? It's hooked up to the T1 that my dad has. I've been downloading mad filez with some help from my friends online." To underscore this, bugs picked up the length of two-conductor wire that was hooked into the back of his computer. "I'm going to take this stash of 0-day to Dallas Texas, and present it to the cDc as an offering, and then join the Ninja Strike Force! Bow to the Cow, Encyclopedia!" The cDc is home to the oldest known gathering of great technical minds in hackerdom, known as CULT OF THE DEAD COW. Their strong arm is the Ninja Strike Force, an elite force of ninjas who do the bidding of the cow. Jose Warez looked so sad you thought he might cry. Sally looked on in anger, but never once let go of the lead attached to the burro. "Well, Bugs," Encyclopedia said with a grin, "I think it's time you got on the express bus to lamerville. I know you stole the warez from Jose, and I don't think the cDc will be waiting to see you either! Your time will be better spent on AOL trying to learn some new 'leetspeak.'" WHAT DID THE OTHERS MISS ? Turn to page 666 for the solution to the Case of the Missing Warez! <<<--- xXx --->>> The clue was in the claims that Bugs made about his online antics. When Bugs held up the cable that supposedly attached to his father's T-1 line, Encyclopedia noticed that it was only a two-conductor cable with an RJ-11 connector! It was a regular phone line, not Ethernet! There was no way that Bugs could have connected to a T-1 with that; in fact his connection to the Internet was a dialup! When confronted with this, Bugs still claimed to have found the warez online, and insisted on turning them over to the cDc. Encyclopedia laughed and wished him luck, as everyone knows that the cDc was founded in Lubbock, Texas, not Dallas. Not only that, but there was no way Bugs could join the Ninja Strike Force, as no one joins -- they are the mighty and THE CHOSEN. Confronted with this, Bugs handed over the warez, including the 0-day. Jose Warez was so pleased he took them all out for ice cream, and carded it! Later that night, after Jose went on his way and Sally went home, Encyclopedia took care of one last thing. Making double sure the door to his bedroom was locked, he went to his closet, pulled out a battered old Mr. T lunchbox, and opened it. Inside was his Ninja Strike Force encrypted radio. He placed a quick call to NSF Command informing them of what had happened with Bugs Meany. As he put the radio back into its hiding place, he smiled and knew that Bugs would not be bothering anyone for a long time to come. ___________ BLATTA---NON EST---VACCA ___________ \ / \ \_ _/ / \ / |A G L A| \ \ / / |A G L A| L ||\/X\/|| O \ EST_ _EST / L ||\/X\/|| O || \./ || \ \ / / || \./ || |\ ||_3 4_|| /|NON cDc NON|\ ||_3 4_|| /| | -------._((___))_.------- |EST | EST| -------._((___))_.------- | |\/)(\/\ [ x x ] /\/)(\/| \ | / |\/)(\/\ [ x x ] /\/)(\/| |(YHVH) >A \ / O< (AHIH)| \ EST / |(YHVH) >A \ / O< (AHIH)| |/\)(/\/ _ (' ') _ \/\)(/\| \ | / |/\)(/\/ _ (' ') _ \/\)(/\| | -------' ) (U) ( '------- | \ | / | -------' ) (U) ( '------- | |/ || . || \| DAEMONSEMEN |/ || . || \| || / \ || ELIGERE || / \ || V ||/\X/\|| E V ||/\X/\|| E |A D N I| the original e-zine |A D N I| /_________\ - today, tomorrow - /_________\ xXx DYNASTY xXx FOREVER xXx DYNASTY xXx _ Oooo xXx / RULE BOVINIA \ xXx / ) __ /)(\ ( . \ / ( / \ \__/ ) / Copyright (c) 2006 cDc communications and the author. \ . ) \)(/ (_/ CULT OF THE DEAD COW is a registered trademark of oooO cDc communications, 1324 Lexington Ave. #173, NY, NY 10128, USA _ oooO All rights left. Edited by Myles Long. __ ( \ / . ) /)(\ / \ ) \ \ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( . / \_) xXx BOW to the COW xXx Oooo .ooM