[brief clip of Martin impersonating Janeane]

Please welcome the REAL Janeane Garofalo!

Oh my.

So, did you like my impersonation, Miss Garofalo?

Sure I did. As I told you earlier, you really captured my manly quality, beautifully. The nose was curious, though. Was that some putty you added to your actual nose?

I don't know what it was. You know, I sit there in the chair, I get earphones and I hear your HBO special, I kept playing it over. And the only thing that I forgot to do -- I must honestly admit when I saw it back -- is I just talk like me. I just talked like this. I thought the look was pretty good, but the voice was just like that. So it was not some of my best work.

No no -- it was an honor. It was an honor to be imitated by, uh... (pause) Martin, is it?

[nodding] Martin. Martin Short.

So, it was great, and uh...

Now, do you care about that stuff? When you looked at me doing you, was that..? How did you..? What went through your head?

No, no. I don't -- honestly, like I say I was honored. But I did... it gave one pause for the nose. Like, I said "Oh, he put putty on his nose. Apparently my nose is wider than I know." [laughter] So, no, it's a good tip. So now if I were to have makeup done I would have some contouring, which is.. you know, you need to put a little contouring on the sides, and...

No, because my nose is bigger than yours and they think they've got to thin it by adding more putty. I don't know why. I don't really know why.

Uh-huh.

It's very weird when you do -- I mean, I've done many different impersonations and you end up meeting these people, and usually it's quite frightening, actually.

You know, actually Mary Shearer, is that her name, on your show, that girl who just did the thing -- she's excellent.

Isn't she great?

She's very, very good. I think she's really good.

She did Cathy Griffin in the... [inaudible due to applause]

Your audience loves to clap. Your audience loves to clap. I've been watching your show now, and uh... BABIES! [applause] PUPPIES AND THE AMERICAN FLAG! [applause]

Because they're filled with love and they're glad to be out.

Yeah.

Do you see an applause sign anywhere?

No, no. That's what I'm saying. They're wonderful, patriotic young people. I think it's wonderful. [applause]

"Patriotic young people" -- that's how you got them to applaud.

They're wonderful, patriotic -- and this is a family. Now that's a family, over there.

That's a family?

Mom's there...

Patriots, and a family.

Patriots here, and there's a family... now that's a family.

Well, what are you gonna say?

Yeah.

And how about the victory in World War I and II? Wasn't that wonderful for America?

[herself applauding] The storming of Normandy! The storming of Normandy! [applause]

That's great.

Now, I'm sitting beside, correct me if I'm wrong, one of the hottest stars in show business, isn't that what you told me?

You're wrong, you're wrong.

I'm wrong?

Again, that's a very nice thing of you to say, but you would be wrong if you said it.

But you have many films in the can, you are now like a popular.. no, not literally...

[to the audience] No, that's show business lingo: "in the can".

But you are someone who walks down the street, "That's Janeane Garofalo!" so famous that a Martin Short can end up doing her.

So much so -- no, no, no -- so much so that today when I drove in I said "My name is Janeane Garofalo, I'm going to the Martin Short Show" he sent me to the audience parking place. I swear, that's absolutely true. I'm parked by the Farmer's Market, which is a hell of haul. I hauled ass all the way over to here. And it's long -- [interrupted by applause]

"She said the word 'ass.'" I said "ass."

Are you making fun of my audience?

Not at all. To the point where I'm getting a golf cart ride back to my car afterwards. Yes.

Well, I disagree with you because you have three films this year, truthfully.

Yes. The Minus Man which opened last Friday in New York and L.A., and Dog Park opens tomorrow and Minus Man will go national tomorrow.

See? So, this is pretty good. [applause]

Cinema! The Birth of a Nation! The Birth of a Nation!

Do you consider yourself a movie star, or do you consider yourself a character actress?

I consider myself a character actor who has been lucky in the last few years to work fairly frequently.

What is the difference?

Well, there's...

Isn't Jack Nicholson a character actor?

No, I suppose he would be thought of as a person who can "open" a film, above the title "opening" of a film, and actually puts asses in seats, therefore they pay him and -- that's another show business term, I'm sorry I said "ass" twice.

Just asses every two words. More than applause.

I don't know if a lot of character actors are considered people who the audience comes to see and pays the money. They might be happy to see them in the ensemble in the film, but they probably don't say "Hire the babysitter, we're gonna go, we're gonna get in the car and go see this movie."

I disagree and I'll tell you why. Because when I did you... (pause) [laughter] Show business term.

Show business term.

It's not unlike having something in the can. [Janeane laughs] When I did my impersonation of you, I... truthfully, more people of a certain age... not the elderly, but really the Gen-Xers --

No, no, no, see I'm --

Came up to me -- no, truthfully -- and were thrilled and it was because I was doing kind of an icon, someone you know, way way up in their generation. They were excited about that.

That's very nice to say.

That's just fact.

I am actually now a woman of a certain age. I am going to be 35 on the 28th. [applause]

Well, you do not look it!

Birth! Birth! Birth is a wonderful thing. [Martin laughs]

Yes, so actually I am not a Gen-Xer. It's just that -- if I have that label it's because I was in a movie called Reality Bites when I was 29 playing a 22-year old.

Well, I think you're time eternal to me. You're my Gen-Xer. You can't disillusion me.

And you're mine. [Janeane reaches out and holds Martin's hand] You're mine.

Oh really? Then we're gonna come back and do more of this love letter. Come on, let's here some more for Janeane Garofalo! A little applause! [applause]

Are we -- are we still on the air?

[commercial]

We're back with Janeane Garofalo. You know, this Sunday there's a two-hour live Saturday Night Live special celebrating the 25th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. Are you gonna go?

No, I won't be able to go.

Were you invited?

Yes I was!

Of course you were!

I was invited, but I won't be able to go. We both were on that show, I was on it far briefer than you.

Yes, I was on in 1984-85. One season.

I was on it for about a minute and a half. My meter ran out, I put some coins in the meter and I had to leave.

What year were you on?

'94? I think.

And you did not have a great time?

No, I had a good time. It's just that because the cast was so large -- my fantasy about being on that show was you'd be so overworked. You'd be flying from sketch to sketch, you couldn't put your new wig on because there just wouldn't be enough time. Whereas I basically sat on the bench, I maybe had like one wig a show. There was plenty of time -- I had it on at the lunch break in the day because I was excited to have my wig on.

Now, why is that? Because you do many characters...

There was like 15 people in the cast, and with all the commercial breaks the show isn't really in need of 15 people to do a show. So there was not enough time to go around for all the cast members.

Did you leave happily? Did you leave sadly?

I left with a spring in my step and a song in my heart.

Wow!

Yeah.

Well, you can't knock that kind of exit.

Yeah. I had a good time, though. I had a good time.

It's a wildly social place, Saturday Night Live. I mean, the parties --

The parties! That is the best part of the show. That is the best part on Saturday Night.

Because after -- the tradition, I think it's always been this way -- after the week, when you're just dead, somehow --

You were just dead. That's what I'm saying, I fantasized about being so exhausted "I can't go to the party. You have to carry me to the party."

You'd never been more relaxed, because you had all that time.

I'd never had so much time on my hands.

But you'd go to the greatest parties because they're held at the hippest places in New York. And there's press and people are saying "great show" or in your case "where were you?" [Janeane laughs] [laughter] But then the next Monday you had to drag yourself in -- or, in your case, bound in there -- and start all over again. [Janeane laughs]

The parties are always great. I am actually a dichotomy of both the most social and the least social person in the world. During the day, I don't want to leave my house. I must confess that I can't stop watching this new show that's on called "Passions." I don't know if you've ever seen it. It's a new "daytime drama."

I've never seen Passions.

IT IS UNBELIEVABLE! And when I tell people about it, their jaw is literally agape. You've heard the expression, see it happen. Tell your friends about Passions. It's a soap opera (daytime drama) that takes place in a town called Harmony, where there's also a witch who lives there, and a little boy who used to be a doll which she turned into a little boy.

This is a sci-fi soap?

Okay, a sci-fi soap. I don't know what it is. But it's ABSOLUTELY... it's the best-looking cast you've ever seen in your life. They've scoured the Gap commercials and pulled all those kids with zero going on [pantomimes a blank facial expression]. They take 'em and they put 'em on the show, and... actually, words fail to describe the show Passions but if I can endorse anything, if I can be a mouthpiece for a generation, let me be it for the show Passions if I can.

You know, I have the same thing with V.I.P. [Janeane laughs] It's true. When Pamela Anderson goes "Freeze!" I think the critics just don't seem to get it as far as I'm concerned.

But that's a bit self-consciously campy, I believe. Campy not being a derogatory term.

That's your opinion, not mine.

My opinion. Whereas Passions is full-on, serious, daytime drama without its tongue planted in its cheek. And it will blow your mind. Look at me getting so enthused about this!

I've never, ever seen... I've seen you many times -- of course, mainly on the screen -- and sometimes in person. Do you remember where we met the first time?

Aspen Comedy Festival.

That's right. And I've never seen you quite this excited.

I know! That's what I'm saying! You won't ever want to leave your house in the afternoon again once you know that Passions is on. Just promise me you'll watch it and thank me later. Phone me and thank me later, because you will love this show.

Can I say the same thing about V.I.P.? The one where Pamela thinks she has an evil twin and there's confusion because her one twin says "Wait a second! That's not my halter top!" and Pam says "Oh yeah?" and it's mainly action after that. But that's the one I VCR'd.

But does one have a dark wig like Sabrina and Sam from Bewitched?

No, they're not *that* inventive.

Oh.

It's a good show, please watch them both.

Janeane Garofalo, I would love to have you sit in my red couch anytime. If I had one. Or my red chair.

A chair would be fine. I'll sit on this chair anytime.

Dog Park opens when?

Dog Park opens on Friday, and The Minus Man is open now.

Open now, and it's "going wide" as we say, as opposed to "in the can", as opposed to "I did you well", all those showbiz terms we've utilized.

Yes.

Janeane Garofalo, ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you.