MCF Victim: Bill Foote
billfoote10@yahoo.com

Bill Foote
C/o Admiral Publishing
Operations Manager
190 Narragansett Street
Gorham, ME 04038
(207) 839-8642

November 12, 1992

John White
60 Pound Ridge Road
Cheshire, CT 06410

Dear John,

While browsing in Harvard Square I came across your book Psychic Warfare-Fact or Fiction?: An Investigation into the Use of the Mind as a Military Weapon (I'm also familiar with your What is Enlightenment?) Ten years ago I believe I actually experienced this technology as a research target while at the primary school operated by the Transcendental Meditation Movement-Maharishi International University. Symptoms much beyond illness, confusion and death weren't mentioned in your book, but as I can well remember, the effects from Psychic warfare are probably as ontologically profound and brutally, seemingly Absolutely Painful as can be experienced. I believe I set myself up as a "legitimate" target after spearheading (with several others) a series of aggressive "underground" newsletters circulated throughout the whole academic community (and quickly passed on throughout the movement) to resist a perverse and pervasive cult-like repression and atmosphere there.

I'm writing you John because I need a deeper understanding into these painful experiences and memories. I'd really like to gain more insight, both for my own healing and as I may be able to help see this technology used for productive and altruistic purposes. I would also appreciate referrals to others I can write to. I'd like to share my experiences and background with you and have you critique my evidence and reasons for believing that I was a victim of a DARPA[1]/CIA/DIA Psychic warfare research team.[2] I'd really like to finally undergo debriefings with experts in this field. Not only would I find it fascinating, but therapeutic as well. It would really be nice to be vindicated after all these years-this if I can begin to build some momentum of support and credibility from those really knowledgeable and qualified in this highly specialized, even largely Classified field. Please feel free if you'd like to pass on copies of this letter to whomever you'd like. I'd like nothing better than to help break the SCI (sub-compartmentalized intelligence) aspects of this field wide open-with wide-spread and accepted awareness of its amazing powers-not the specifics of the technology design itself.

[I would like to state early on that I've held a wide variety of challenging and responsible jobs both before and since this time and am known to friends and people who know me as bright, creative, logical and organized-anything but a flake.]

I went to MIU in the fall of 1981 to pursue a pre-med degree after having been a meditator for six years and intrigued not only by my meditation experiences but also by the advanced scientific methodology (I witnessed during a tour of campus the spring before) they were using to study higher states of consciousness-i.e. more integrated and altruistic. Being essentially a well-rounded scientifically oriented westerner (I had won the science award as the year's top science student of my class in my hometown), I was able to tolerate the eastern esoteria of Hinduism only because of the constant emphasis and reliance upon the western positivistic mode of scientific thought and logic.

After having been there for several months I came to realize through the perspective of several friends who were also TM teachers and had worked in the movement for years, that there was a lot of cultish repression and negativity within the overall MIU community-emanating from the administration. This realization inspired the seven of us to publish the three editions of the "Age of Enlightenment Forum". The first issue stated our observations and invited others within the community to write us anonymously to share their views and offer solutions for reform. Issues two and three published representative letters from MIU students and community members and even meditators within the TM organization throughout North America. Out of dozens of responses, there was only one dissenting opinion-from the student body class president-which we published.

A day or two after the first edition of 300 were mailed out, began for me what was to become over two months of seemingly inescapable and endless Pain & Agony. Much of the time I felt that I was fighting for my very physical, psychological and Spiritual survival, and it took every bit of my Soul's strength to do so. I was clinging to Life tenaciously and yet in so much seemingly endless (beyond time as experienced) Agony that there were four or five times when I let go and begged God/dess for release. But when I let go to die, my systemic wide Pain somehow became even worse and I was forced to cling to Life once more and believed that it would never end-something akin to multiple Eternities in Hell I suppose. The primary and innate defense mechanism/ delusion I experienced while under PSI war attack, which served to "explain" and `justify' the bizarre trauma and helped me survive it all, was that I was an avatar, that I had been set up and used as an evolutionary channel by God/dess and that I was battling every negative entity within the Universe. The perception was that I was somehow changing the course of human history for the better but this "challenge" was experienced as an agonizingly fine balance. My perceived sense of responsibility for the Planet was crushing. At the time I didn't realize that my Traumas were being intentionally directed by my fellow humanity nearby. I believe I've experienced nearly every possible known (and unknown) intense perceptions/symptoms and fears of personkind. These included astronomical blood pressures (which as a licensed paramedic I took) and intense heart attack-like pains with veins bulging out of my forehead. Psychologically and psychically it included the fear of being frozen forever in a moment of relativistic time, the Universe turning back on Herself, feeling sucked into vortexes of "Evil" black holes of death, my every minute thought having vast consequences for humanity & Gaia, inadvertently influencing external electrical events (lights going dim, knocking out phone service [at least to my own apartment], a local police radio transmitter going down [as per the Fairfield P.D. dispatcher] and my public service scanner-hopefully and probably as the perceiver of these psychic events rather than causal agent!), inadvertently influencing others' thoughts and actions, being the large Ego (feeling profound Correlations between myself and the environment) and other various perceptions, actual occurrences (as reported by others-my wife Karen at the time for instance), "miracles" and the like. It felt as though these PSI OPS Divisions were able to induce within me direct psychological perceptions of many themes and principles of both quantum mechanical theory and cosmology-the full range of extreme micro to macro reality constructs. (I have a lot of studying to do yet!) As my healing continues, what was once traumatically repressed becomes available. I'm remembering the many intense & fascinating, but otherwise largely disjointed (attempting to "shatter" my psyche?) thoughts and fears connected with what seem to be among the most intense collective archetypal thought-forms.

At times I remember the full essence of those months and am awestruck by the fact that I'm still alive and psychologically intact. One analogy I've thought of to illustrate the intensity is that in order to survive, my consciousness was forced to become both a wave and a particle simultaneously! It felt impossible.

Due to the seemingly infinite intensity and eternities of those initial traumatic subjective experiences, I've had several posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) episodes since. Each involved similar ideations as the original trauma at MIU and included my defensive delusion of grandeur as an avatar-all within a basically modest and largely normal & functional outward personality. Thankfully each subsequent episode has been less and less severe in intensity and duration as I continue to heal. Before the Psychic warfare trauma at MIU, I had never suffered a psychological problem of any kind. As a charter member and Crew Chief on my hometown ambulance service, a Senior High Youth Fellowship Group Leader at my progressive Protestant Church and a psychology major at Kent State University, I was seen as an extremely strong, stable, logical and reliable citizen-particularly within my hometown community of Hudson Ohio.

There are many ways in which my initial traumatic period has differed from my posttraumatic episodes since. I will go into more detail after I briefly outline why I believe the CIA's NBIT (Novel Biological Information Transfer-to use their own acronym) Division chose me as a research subject/target. First of all, MIU is quite unique in itself and would have/did serve as an ideal research location for the Government Agencies doing work on these particular projects. Maharishi International University, in Fairfield Iowa, was (and still is) a fully accredited school with graduate degrees in a variety of areas dealing with research into consciousness and neuroscience. Though it became accredited several years after moving to Iowa from California, it's significant that for years before-and to this day-the administration claims to positively influence various societal behavioral indices such as the geographical area's overall human health, automobile accident rate and even weather and crop production by meditating in large groups and radiating the "Coherence of Consciousness" into the collective consciousness-and hence the physical-of the regional environment. Hence their central purpose is researching and actually projecting the invisible psychic fields generated when large groups (up to 6 or 7 thousand) of Sidhas (advanced meditators) meditate together-thus connecting more directly with and even moving & manifesting the psychic energies that underlie & constitute [the collective] human consciousness. I know of no other university that's involved with this type of large scale psychic energy research & application and makes these dramatic claims. Given the large body of evidence that the CIA and DIA have been actively engaged in researching PSI phenomena as it relates to psychological/physiological warfare, it makes sense that they would have an active presence at this rather obscure and unusual university studying these same related areas and secluded within the cornfields of eastern Iowa. As their research would probably be interested in affecting a large group of people/"enemy soldiers", they would have a well defined and controlled captive research population there.

With a well established intelligence network there, it follows that they would have been aware of our active and dramatic challenge to the MIU administration [3] that was subverting individual freedoms and rights, and as the editor, publisher and distributor, I was the central figure attempting to create a more righteous atmosphere on campus. Assuming they were looking for an ideal and "deserving" candidate as a target for their research, it's easy for me to see how I would have been chosen by fulfilling their basic criteria in terms of personality and background. [I've read Marty Lee's book Acid Dreams: the CIA, LSD and the 60's Rebellion and Gordon Thomas' Journey into Madness-the True Story of CIA Mind Control and Medical Abuse, so I'm familiar with the CIA's documented history and strategy of choosing and targeting an otherwise innocent domestic human subject for whatever research project they're working on-as in the extensive documentation regarding the multi-faceted MK-ultra project(s). That an elite PSI/NBIT research team would probably be even more sub compartmentalized (from other research divisions and the American public at large), and therefore less accountable, makes the likelihood of targeting an innocent American citizen that much greater. And unfortunately that much more difficult to track down and prove.] I believe that those responsible for this research would want a good challenge for their developing (and counter-progressive) technology. At the risk of sounding pompous, I believe that with access to my background history, they viewed me as an essentially integral and strong personality. I had in many ways demonstrated my integrity and well roundedness in the past, as well as my ability to work well under literally life-and-death pressure on the ambulances for years. It would have been less conclusive to test and see if they could so profoundly traumatize personalities that are intrinsically less stable than mine. I should also mention that several others that I thought highly of, and who were actively helping me with the "Forum" newsletters, also experienced a variety of strange and profound psychological disturbances-though not nearly as intensely as I did.

There are many significant ways that my subsequent PTSD/hypo-manic [4] episodes have differed from the original trauma at MIU. I outline them below because they serve as the best evidence that I didn't experience what the mainstream medical and psychological establishment-lacking the perspective of a psychic paradigm-has decided was probably the first of a series of manic-depressive (bi-polar affective response) episodes. [In all honesty, there is a history of this within my family with my maternal grandfather-although I can see how this fact made me an even more desirable candidate, since this genetic history would help serve as a cover by confusing the etiology.] I don't deny the possibility that a likely genetic pre-disposition may have intensified some of my subsequent posttraumatic episodes. What I can't accept is that manic-depression explains the excruciating intensity of physical pain and variety of what I experienced, especially given the research in PSI war technology we know the Government has engaged in, where I was, what I was doing and when my trauma began. I've gone up to two and a half years since MIU off lithium without experiencing any evidence of either a bi- or uni-polar cycle and with full mental stability. If my subsequent periodic confusion were truly of a manic and/or depressive nature, it seems very likely that I would have displayed a swing of at least one direction during these lengthy periods off lithium. A psychiatrist told me that regardless of the etiology, and considering only the Horror and intensity of what I experienced at MIU, there was more than adequate reason to understand my subsequent periods of disorientation as PTSD in nature secondary to my original Trauma. He also said that lithium has been shown to be effective in treating PTSD. In fact, I've never had an episode while taking it and intend to stay on it indefinitely.

Most of my symptoms at MIU were intermittent, and prevailed probably 30 to 60% of the time (depending on the symptom) over the nine week duration of the trauma. I assume that the periods when I was pain and relatively delusional free were the times when the psychotronic technology wasn't targeting me. The following lettered points refer to the original trauma at MIU as contrasted with later PTSD episodes: A.) The intense body-wide pain-there has never been any physical pain during my PTSDs. B.) Many experiences of the most intense horror & fear-as outlined on pages 2 and 3. C.) The sense of Timelessness within the Agony. D.) Extremely high, often stroke inducing range blood pressures. E.) An intense burning sensation within my lungs with every breath during much of the two months there. F.) Feeling as though I was basically a hollow shell with little "substance" left within the span of Spirit. I also lost 22 pounds over a short period of time-without changing my basic eating habits. Although I'm sure this was due in part to the 5 to 15 miles I ran a day to help eliminate stress and keep my heart strong. G.) The perception of (English) language broken down into approximately 10 separate fractured levels. H.) Being under so much oppressive PSI/NBIT Psychic weight that I had difficulty thinking or concentrating on anything else other than my own Cosmic Eternal being. Focusing outward with any clarity was virtually impossible during these times-as though my mind was being seriously jammed. However I was able to retain the ability to easily differentiate between this state, experienced perhaps 30% of the time, and normalcy. I.) Several "near death experiences" (NDEs).

A friend who canvassed metro-Boston with me while I was Field Manager for Greenpeace was at MIU during the same period in '82 when I was publishing the "Forum"s. Rory, who's quite psychic, mentioned his perception of a powerful "Nazi-like technology" that was being used there.

Besides the uni- or bi-polar affective response explanation, I also dispute the theory of being affected by cult/group mind control & brainwashing: As a married student at the time, I was able to live off campus and largely insulated from the group that emphasized a common unquestioning mind-set. In fact, as far as I know, I was the first person to actively challenge the cult-like aspects of the TM movement in such a direct, organized and extensive way. Had I been truly affected by a form of cult mind control, I don't believe it would have been likely, if indeed possible, to have the resolve to follow through on the project-this assumes I would have even been capable of realizing that there was a major policy problem in the first place. I was very confident that what I was doing was necessary and correct and to this day I'm proud of my efforts and determination.

For me though John, the amazing irony is that in a very real way these brilliant, though often misguided people within these Agencies have dramatically succeeded in demonstrating an aspect of reality or potential mind-set that, if really understood by policy makers and properly applied, is crucial if we as a species & Gaia are to survive and even thrive. I feel that they've demonstrated that at a very fundamental level, humanity really is all linked and interdependent. Given the psychic connection that we all apparently have with each other, I'd like to see this knowledge used in a way to expand our reality construct into a wider framework for understanding our need to be more compassionate and altruistic/humane toward one another. [As in Humanity as a totality-especially preventing those 35 to 40 thousand people dying per day without adequately distributed nutrition, proper birth control and medical care.] Given the intensity of my experiences and the perspective I've developed into these esoteric areas and global 'politics', I feel a certain obligation to pursue my investigations of these matters-hopefully to the point where I can in some way make a contribution. I look forward to your reply and any direction you can provide to this end. (If you have any immediate questions or comments or would just like to talk with me over the phone, I would welcome a call.)

Sincerely,

Bill Foote

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[1] Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency

[2] Although I've tried to tone it down, I've written whole paragraphs of this assertion as a certainty for ease of style. In fact I fully realize that all I basically have at this point is a lot of (strong) circumstantial evidence. My own certainty level I guesstimate ranges between 90 to 99.44%, depending on my relative ability to comprehend it all as a cognitive & emotional gestalt.

[3] Probably in collusion with the CIA/DIA Psychic warfare researchers themselves-administration & faculty cooperation with CIA/DIA personnel is commonplace among universities, especially in areas of defense and under the guise of "National Security"-as I'm sure you're well aware.

[4] I use the term PTSD/hypo-manic because if anything, I experienced euphoria during these times. (I felt as though I was under longitudinal research follow-up surveillance-not far-fetched, especially considering all of my peace and environmental activism as well as letters I've written to the CIA and DIA over the years, but probably not nearly as elaborate or frequent as what I imagined during these times.) I was fully optimistic-to a heightened level-that the world will be one of global justice and prosperity for all people by the year 2000, and that I was playing an active role in helping to bring this about. That these exciting delusions secondary to a PTSD episode would cause a degree of hypo-mania shouldn't be surprising.