[size=4]Job Hunting Tips For The Angry White Man[/size]
by Ed Parker


Yes, I am an angry white man. I am even more angry than usual now due to being unemployed again, and having to compete with a million guys just like me for a few paltry and underpaid IT jobs, that for some reason could not be shipped to Punjab, Xing Xiang, Wing Wong, or wherever. We see each other at the unemployment office, and at the Human Resources windows of sundry companies, and we avert our eyes.

Formerly confident, aggressive and forward-thinking, we were the problem solvers, project managers, programmers, engineers, analysts, developers, testers, installers, tech support, trainers - we were the IT guys, the gurus, the Pros from Dover, and American business could not get enough of us.

We were the new face of America, warriors of the Information Age, and the leaders in innovation, design, and discovery. We were the Networked Generation, and our technology had nowhere to go but up, nothing to do but get better.

Today we warily size each other up, each knowing in his heart that expertise in every aspect of this field is unattainable by a single human being. Each of us is competent in many disciplines. Few of us have exactly the skill set required for a lot of these ridiculous job descriptions.

The American employment sector now regards computer guys as a bargain basement special. The pay they offer Americans, male and female, of all colours, directly reflects this attitude.

But this is not about that. This is about how to cope in an employment environment that is specifically hostile to white American males with a Bachelor's Degree in something besides Liberal Arts. This article is non-discriminatory toward white males of all working ages. Any white male can use these job hunting tips regardless of age, weight, faith, creed, ability or disability, to dramatically improve his chances of landing just the right job.



[size=3]Tip Number One: DRESS FOR SUCCESS[/size]

Buy a dress. And heels, hosiery, makeup and bling-bling (that's jewelry for you Ebonically challenged types). If you are married to a woman, or have a girlfriend, have her assist you in the selection of your dress. It should be blue and businessy, typically, the feminine equivalent of your blue pinstripe. You'll need to learn how to walk in heels, and again, here your sig-O might be able to help you. It is not necessary to shave your legs, pits, arms, hands, feet, back, etc., but the more attention you pay to detail, the more professional you will look. You'll need a wig, of course. You want BIG HAIR. You do not necessarily have to remove your wedding ring.

You are operating under the assumption that merit has something to do with hiring. Go put on your dress. Report for the interview in full blown meticulous drag, and just BE YOURSELF.


[size=3]Tip Number Two: It's ALLAH in a Day's Work[/size]

Convert to Islam. Change your name to something ridiculously difficult to pronounce. Include at least one unnatural syllable like Zarwqa. Ideas for halfway decent and pronounceable first names include Yusef, Ibrahim, Mustafa. Avoid names like Osama, Moammar, Saddam. This works especially well for darker complexioned, darker haired white males.


[size=3]Tip Number Three: You Are Someone Special![/size]

Most job applications contain a segment reminding the applicant that the company is committed to accommodating those with disabilities.

First, fill out the app. As usual, stress your achievements and talent. Then, in the special accommodations segment, specify that you are a bi-polar hunchback with irritable bowel syndrome. You may have to produce some documents of questionable authenticity to get them to believe you, but it's ok- they won't have to believe you for long. Explain that due to your IBS, you are very flatulent, and would need your own space, preferably an office with a window and fan, and a special chair.

You may have to keep up the hunchback facade for the duration of your probationary period, usually 16 weeks, and you may have to fake flatulence, which can be done by consuming lots of cabbage. After you feel secure enough in your position, you can claim to have been to a holistic faith healer in Sedona and experienced a miracle. Your hump is history, your gas is gone, and your outlook is much more unipolar.


[size=3]Tip Number Four: Se Habla Espanol No Speak English[/size]

Just because English is your native tongue, doesn't mean you have to speak it in your native land. This job-hunting tip requires some real commitment on the part of an angry white male, specifically because it does require learning Spanish well enough to get through a job interview.

When you fill out the application, do so in Spanish. Perhaps you have a bi-lingual friend who can help you. Apply for jobs where knowledge of Spanish is a plus. On the app, and if you are interviewed, decline to offer your Social Security Number, your Visa number, your Green Card number, or your resident status. Where you have an opportunity on the application, list your professional affiliations, being sure to include La Reconquista, Aztlan, F.A.L.N., and the Contras. You can even change your name to Commander Zero and wear a red beret to the interview.


Follow the steps outlined previously, being sure to get the interviewer

With all these tips, keep in mind that Federal Law provides very specific penalties for discrimination. Your interviewer should know this, but even if he/she does not, the Human Resources folks will. Be sure to follow up with letters and phone calls indicating your continuing interest in the position and your gratitude for the organization's respect for your diversity. If you are informed that you were not hired for the position based on the superior qualifications of another candidate, immediately inquire as to the race, creed, color, condition or sexual preference of the successful candidate. If HR will not give you this information, assume that you have been discriminated against and find yourself the sleaziest lawyer you can.

Remember the rules have changed. Experience, achievement, education and dedication are no longer valid measures of one's employability. The thought processes of your sleazy lawyer will be a mystery to you, stuck in your white-bread work ethic like you are, but you will see that if you can just learn to visualize your inner victim, and project that image to the world, the world will beat a path to your door, W4 forms in hand.


c.2004 Ed Parker

Source: http://www.savethemales.ca/index.html (scroll down)

good topic. sorry if I dont continue with the satire but the topic is important in itself. for starters, read Molloy's "Dress for Success." That is the "Bible" of how to dress. Read understand and follow this if you seek POWER.

Good advice, I was recently unemployed as well and just scored two crappy part time "jobs". Ah well. Better things later, survival now I suppose.
I’m White, no welfare or free housing for me. Not that they would give it to a "honkey" anyway if you were not crippled or retarded.

But yes, it's very important do dress in full shirt and tie no matter what job one applies for. Particularly in this job market, where wages are at an all time low and Whites are as desirable to 60% of employers as a giant sack of AIDS infested monkey sperm.

Mention "team" allot and express the desire to work in a professional environment, and never, ever, speak poorly of previous employers, that’s an instant interview killer. Firm handshake and keep smiling like an idiot, for some reason they equate mindless happiness with capability.
95 I.Q. with retard smile, GOOD! 130 I.Q. with straight face, BAD! meh.

[QUOTE=R MacDonald]
The American employment sector now regards computer guys as a bargain basement special. [/QUOTE]

Same in the UK and Europe wages have dropped and so have numbers. IT is hard work these days, in the South East things are not as bad as some other areas in England but things have changed for the worse in the IT sector, I have heard even in London many companies have made big cut backs in IT. :(

1999 & 2000 were great years for me, I was making really good money in programming, loads of the guys I worked with were talking about early retirement and now....

Thing has changed, but not for the better! Shit I am never going to be able to retire at this rate. :mad:

[QUOTE=Warhammer]

Mention "team" allot and express the desire to work in a professional environment, and never, ever, speak poorly of previous employers, that’s an instant interview killer. Firm handshake and keep smiling like an idiot, for some reason they equate mindless happiness with capability. [/QUOTE]

Now I have been involed in interviewing people to work as part of a project team in the past and it worries me when someone keeps smiling at me. Grunt programmer are often strange geeks types anyway and often laugh at nothing. If their CV was ok and they could string a sentance together then they had a good chance at a second interview. The thing I never liked was if someone could not look me in the eye or had a limp handshake and if they weren't white I would always find something wrong with their CV.

I don't wanna wörk. I wanna earn money, instead

[QUOTE=STORMSOLDAAT]Now I have been involed in interviewing people to work as part of a project team in the past and it worries me when someone keeps smiling at me. Grunt programmer are often strange geeks types anyway and often laugh at nothing. If their CV was ok and they could string a sentance together then they had a good chance at a second interview. The thing I never liked was if someone could not look me in the eye or had a limp handshake and if they weren't white I would always find something wrong with their CV.[/QUOTE]

LOL, I know several A+ and micro$oft cert. techs, and yeah come to think of it, if they smiled too much id be worried too. I was thinking more along the lines of automotive retail/ profit center management types like myself I suppose.

[QUOTE=Kind Lampshade Maker]I don't wanna wörk. I wanna earn money, instead[/QUOTE]

Well, start considering a life of crime. They say it doesn't pay, but that's only if you get caught.

For example, one good bank heist with a partner or two could land you anywhere from 50 to 100 thousand dollars. A thrifty type can go a long way on 50 grand.

Hollywood loves making movies about the glamorous life of professional criminals, the mafia, organized crime, etc. See about getting into it.

Drug smuggling and drug dealing are especially lucrative. As I'm sure you well know, KLM. Give it some thought. Head for some local dance clubs and start seeking out contacts. But be careful.

(The above is not intended as an encitement to illegal activity or illicit behavior. Merely hypothetical fiction!)

[QUOTE=Bragi]Well, start considering a life of crime. They say it doesn't pay, but that's only if you get caught......Drug smuggling and drug dealing are especially lucrative. As I'm sure you well know, KLM. ...[/QUOTE]
Fortunately, I've never had anything left over to sell :)

This tongue-in-cheek thread may be more real then we realize........

Here’s another way to get a job

A young White 20-something male looking for a job, need only pretend that he were a homosexual in order to be put at the top of a prospective employers position list.

He should learn the fag lingo and say that he is in a “committed relationship” with his afro-American partner and they are very anxious to have the laws changed to permit gay marriage.

He should have at the ready, a story about how he and his partner were beat-up for being gay.

[QUOTE=brutus]This tongue-in-cheek thread may be more real then we realize........

Here’s another way to get a job

A young White 20-something male looking for a job, need only pretend that he were a homosexual in order to be put at the top of a prospective employers position list.

He should learn the fag lingo and say that he is in a “committed relationship” with his afro-American partner and they are very anxious to have the laws changed to permit gay marriage.

He should have at the ready, a story about how he and his partner were beat-up for being gay.[/QUOTE]

Excellent idea. Much easier to pull off, for the average white guy, than pretending to be a minority, disabled, mentally-challenged, etc.

And all you have to do is watch Queer Eye or the Pink Network to learn all the mannerisms, lingo, clothing styles, and what not. Say stuff like "fabulous" and basically act like a girl trapped in a man's body. Fag are always upbeat, finicky, emotional, irrational, stylish, pop-culture oriented, you know, fags.

Remember, ZOG made it clear to the underlings that they cannot discriminate on the basis of sexual preference. This was added in after the others, race, color, ethnicity, religion, them others.

But you never know, the guy hiring you might just turn out to be a member of the club, and you may have to prove your gay love to him to uh, land the job. This is the part where the interview moves to the couch. :eek:

[QUOTE=brutus]This tongue-in-cheeks thread may be more real then we realize........

Here’s another way to get a job

A young White 20-something male looking for a job, need only pretend that he were a homosexual in order to be put at the top of a prospective employers position list.....[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Bragi]Excellent idea. Much easier to pull off, for the average white guy, than pretending to be a minority, disabled, mentally-challenged, etc.

And all you have to do is watch Queer Eye or the Pink Network to learn all the mannerisms, lingo, clothing styles, and what not. Say stuff like "fabulous" and basically act like a girl trapped in a man's body.....
But you never know, the guy hiring you might just turn out to be a member of the club, and you may have to prove your gay love to him to uh, land the job. This is the part where the interview moves to the couch. :eek:[/QUOTE]

Well, you don’t necessarily need to be a member of any wrist limper club to be on the receiving end of a blow-job, especially if the applicant were to be told to go to the dressing room to dress in drag.
In any case, once you perfect the man(?)nerisms in front of a mirror for some time, the toughest hurdle is next. For that, you’ll need real life experience, which means getting a steady boyfriend to practice on until you get the tecniques down packed. Your future boss might like getting his load swallowed, so get used to the taste of eggs-nog. If your future boss is a real freak, get ready for some ass-play. Remember, you only get 1 interview, so better make it count