This is the story of one "Virginia Johnson" an old negress who lives in some slum in DC. Her loving account appeared in the "Washington City Paper" of Nov 7-13, 2003.
I've a hard copy of the paper; if VNN's forum allows photo uplinks off hard drive images, I'll shoot my hard copy with my camera and upload...but I think VNN does not currently support such image uploads.

(Could a VNN mod state what is the case with images from hard drives?)

Do not abandon this read. I put it in the Chutzpah Lounge for a reason. I promise you, this is one funny fuckin' read. Thye wrote this nutty negroid bitch up like she's some version of darkest Africa Mothere Theresa. The mind washings are just plain utter hilarity these days!
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/archives/cover/2003/cover1107.html
Those of you who live in close proximity to congoids may say "That's nothing", or "I see that everyday".

...For the rest of us- those of us who have formerly lived close to them...well, it's fond and foolish Afro studies time!

(My revised title from Rolling Stones' "Sweet Virginia"-
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rolling-stones/117900.html )

I had been ready to transcribe this whole article, but then remembered to check online and there it was! I HAVE now cut and pasted most of the funnier sections. So just read my truncated version for the quick laughs. This crap couldn't have been too much funnier if had been parody fiction specifically written for VNN! :
===============
Gator is back, acting crazy again.

Gator is a 50-something, semihomeless man who sometimes stays with a cousin who lives down the street. He has what Virginia calls "a mental problem getting him down." He wanders the streets and alleys of their neighborhood, Trinidad, all night long... Depending on his mood, Gator can be downright sinister or "comical," as Virginia says. Once, when Virginia asked him to wash her car, he drove off in it, only to turn up an hour later in front of her house, blaring the car stereo. When she demanded an explanation, he blamed a sudden jones for "New York fried chicken." ...says he's going to "fix" Gator for stealing his money, Virginia looks at the man hard and says, "Don't do that."...Gator takes a seat across from her. He talks in run-on sentences, and she has to piece together what he's saying. She doesn't need to hear the whole story, though, to comprehend him. She's heard it all before.

"I lost my ID," he mumbles. Last night some time. He isn't really sure where. The hospital maybe.

Virginia has helped Gator get his "paper trail" back three or four times before. She wishes she had her notes from the last time they had this problem... When Virginia was ready to see people, she would pull up her window shade. And when she wasn't home or wasn't feeling social, she would pull it all the way down...The shade doesn't stop people from "acting slick." People she has helped have made off with her property, everything from a book of stamps to a total of four cameras... Like the young lady who comes to see Virginia one afternoon for job-hunting advice. Virginia tells her right off the bat, "You're overweight. (Ha! Virginia should talk! Her photos make he about 5'6" and 270 lbs.! -Chain) Your teeth need work." The woman just nods politely..."Are you still drinkin' and druggin'?" Virginia asks.

The young lady giggles. "I smoke sometimes," she answers.

"You don't need that," says Virginia. "When you get the feeling, put the money in a jar. That's a hairdo." (Have you noticed the price of hair straightener these days? It keeps going up and up! -Chain)...Virginia has a name for her intensive regimen of counseling: "Grandma's Camp." She calls the folks who enroll "clients"—lingo she picked up from the days when she used to work with ex-offenders back in the '70s, one of many jobs she had before she got too sick to work.

Virginia counts many successful "graduates" of Grandma's Camp... Then there's the old Army veteran whom she and a friend found lying in a downtown street nearly unconscious... As for the young woman diagnosed with bad teeth, Virginia helps her get a customer-service job at an airport...
At 61, she has numerous ailments. They include angina, congestive heart failure, asthma, crippling arthritis, diabetes, brittle-bone disease, cervical cancer (in remission), and high blood pressure. ("Plus I gots piles!" -Shirley Q. Liquor. -Chain) To help control the last, her doctor often tells her she shouldn't bother worrying too much about other people.

Those doctor's orders are harder for Virginia to stomach than the dozens of pills she has to take every day. She has a hard time keeping herself from folks like Gator. She even has a secret stash of soap, shaving cream, and razors in her apartment in case "Gator be stinkin' and stuff."...her son-in-law, Ron, a retired D.C. police officer...Virginia's daughter and Ron's wife, Sonjia, who was coming home from prison the next day....When asked if she was planning anything special for Sonjia's homecoming, she replied, "Please!"...She also became addicted to drugs. Just as Virginia's health started to take a turn for the worse, she found herself looking after Sonjia's five children. ... Once, Virginia even hauled herself home the day after a heart operation to stop D.C.'s Child and Family Services Agency from taking Sonjia's children away...Two years ago, Virginia sent Sonjia to the local Safeway with $20. "I was waiting for my Pepsi and my pork skins. Some guys come through the cut," she says, referring to her back alley. "'You waitin' for your daughter? She ain't comin' home.'" Virginia learned later that an undercover officer had caught Sonjia with some drugs...Sonjia had started calling Virginia Biggums years ago on account of Virginia's big belly. When Virginia saw that Sonjia had put on weight herself, she returned the favor: "Glad to have you back, Biggums."...Going to Midway to play slots was Virginia's idea of a day off....On a cool evening in early August, Virginia is sitting outside in her yard, "watching people act stupid."...Sonjia is inside doling out pieces of KFC chicken onto plates for everyone. It's her first time having KFC since she was locked up, and she can't wait. ...Virginia is waiting for her piece of chicken in the front yard when an autistic boy stops at her stoop. He's had a rough day and is choking on his tears.

"How's Grandma's boy today?" Virginia asks.

He sputters: "They—made—fun—of—me—I—want—to—kill—them."

Virginia orders Baybay to get the boy a glass of water. Then she leans forward and says, "Don't say that. That's a felony."... Ron (Remember, that's Virginia's son-in-law, the retired DC cop who lives upstairs. -Chain) won't be joining them, Sonjia says. He's passed out upstairs.

"Liquor'll do that to you," says Virginia. ..."My CSO just came by," he replies, referring to his probation officer.

Virginia nods with satisfaction.

"Grandma's eyes on you now," she says...After Sonjia "peed," mother and daughter went to the Department of Motor Vehicles to pay off a $100 ticket on Virginia's car, which doesn't work and has been sitting behind her house without tags. "Every time I get some extra money, unknown shit happens," says Virginia, throwing her arms up in the air...."Maybe I'll let Mr. Belvedere come over," she says to herself. "He need to get out."

Belvedere is a formerly homeless man whom Virginia pays a few dollars to come over and scrub the floor or wash clothes. "Nothing too hard," she says. "Just something to keep him out of trouble."

Right now, Virginia is attempting to save Belvedere from some domestic woes. The woman he lives with has been giving him grief because she thinks Virginia and Belvedere are lovers. "We been together since 1960, but we never had sex," Virginia says. "Please! He couldn't give me some dick if he handed it to me on a platter."...Virginia says she's basically been celibate for 40 years: "Best thing a man can do is kiss Miss Johnson on the jaw or on the forehead. Not on the lips—that's disgusting. Anything go in my mouth, I'm gonna eat it."

She was married once. She and her husband, Rufus Johnson, divorced when their kids were still young. He died in 1981. The one time she tried to remarry, her fiancé, a D.C. cop, was shot and killed the night before their wedding....Since then, she's had numerous "boyfriends," but no serious love affairs. Her last "friend," a man named Ivanhoe, used to live in a tent in some woods off Brentwood Road NE. He writes her frequently from prison.... The letter in her hand turns out to be a Verizon Wireless bill. She's baffled by it; she doesn't own a cell phone. "Looks like someone is using my name again," she says, as she studies it.

"Shit! He's using my address!" she yells. "That's Joe. I'm gonna tell that son of a gun not to use my address for nothin'!"

"That's why you have to stop helping people," she says. "They pull all kinds of stuff."

`She tosses the next piece of mail, a newspaper-subscription solicitation. ("I ain't getting no Wall Street Journal. Shoot.") (Again, Virginia sounds just like Shirley Q. Liquor! -Chain)...And throws a letter hawking death benefits after it. ("Old people mail.")...They've gone so many times that they have nicknames for the various 5-cent slot machines, such as "Little Green Man," and "the Chicken." When they come home from Midway, they spend hours talking about nothing else: which machines were "rigged," how many times they hit.

Sonjia's already thinking about her strategy for the next trip. "I'm going to sit in front of that Double Diamond and right next to my Little Green Man," she says. "I'm going to play both at the same time."... She pays Sonjia's way and even gives her $30 to gamble with. She takes the money out of her limited income, which consists of Social Security, food stamps, and a small check from a federal family-assistance program....(What follows is one of the funniest section- Old toothless Belvedere sets off a cockroach bomb while Virginia is gone, and BOY IS SHE PISSED when she comes home and finds out!)
Virginia crosses the threshold into her house, drops her bags of groceries on her bed and covers her mouth. Coughing, she stumbles out into the front yard.

The odor gives away the crime: Belvedere has set off a roach bomb.

"I didn't tell him to do that!" Virginia yells. "I have to sit outside in the yard now."

Belvedere eventually emerges from the apartment and looks at Virginia sheepishly. He was only trying to get rid of all the roaches—a worthy cause in this apartment. Roaches streak across the walls, run circles in the laundry hamper, and dance on the edge of the refrigerator door. Virginia and the girls are so conditioned to their presence that as soon as they pick up clothes or books from the floor, they shake them.

"Just do what I tell you," she snaps, still hacking.

"Never satisfied," Belvedere mumbles as he trudges back inside.

Belvedere's first name is Henry, but in the 40-some years Virginia has known him, she has always called him Mr. Belvedere. He's a tall, soft-spoken man with hangdog eyes and hardly any teeth. He has a weakness for spirits, a quality that Virginia hates. She knows when he's been on a bender because he doesn't call. When she hasn't heard from him in a few days, she'll stand in her kitchen cursing him: "Goddamn Belvedere!"... Belvedere had the nerve once to tell her she should wear a bra. She wasn't going to wear anything that squeezed her chest, she said. Not with all her heart problems. "Belvedere wants women's titties to stand up."...She reaches down for her purse and plops it in her lap. From her wallet, she takes out three dollar bills and hands them over to him.

Belvedere looks at the bills in his hand for a second, then gives her a sly look. "Just enough for a half-pint," he teases. "Got to get my groove on."...Yamise's "nasty-behind temper," as she calls it. Virginia has seen its ravages. Three years ago, Yamise's daughter showed up at school with a swollen face...Virginia's apartment to watch a horror movie on Virginia's new-used large color TV. (Virginia just bought it for $40 from a friend's son, who, in turn, had bought it for $30 from some Africans on his block who were getting evicted.)..."He's not supposed to drink on his medication." They head upstairs to Ron and Sonjia's apartment to see what's happened..."'Sit your behind down,'" she recalls telling one girl, "'or I will beat that ass.'"

When another student suggests that corporal punishment is against the law, Virginia can't argue with her. "I told her, 'You still have to get by me to get off the bus,'" Virginia says...Sonjia reaches over and eats Baybay's French fries. "You let your baby eat first!" Virginia says later. And one day at the slots, Virginia blows up when she suspects Sonjia of siphoning off a few dollars from her jackpot...Yamise (The violent psycho. -Chain) was calling her to tell her that Ron had "asked her for some pussy." ...When she starts to tell him no, he begins begging. "I could tell in his eyes that it was serious," she recounts. Some men are after him, he explains. Virginia is afraid for him, but she doesn't want any trouble for herself. "I know they'll come up in here if they have to," she says. So she leaves him standing in the yard and closes her door.

Around 3 a.m., the sound of Gator's wailing wakes her up. When she peers out her front window, she sees a man punch Gator so hard that his eyeglasses go flying clear across the street. Gator's assailant isn't alone. Two more men pummel Gator as he writhes on the ground. Virginia calls for an ambulance. The men keep stomping and beating Gator for what feels like hours. Virginia calls upstairs. Ron answers and tells her, "I'm not a police. I'm an ex-police." He doesn't get involved in that sort of thing anymore. And if she has any sense, Ron says, neither should she.

When the ambulance finally arrives, Gator's attackers are gone. The paramedics work on Gator for a half-hour. He goes out on a stretcher..."She said, 'I've done all I can....Gator done wore me out,'" says Virginia. ...When Virginia sees that Ron has fallen and that there is a bottle of Velicoff in his bed, she takes Poolie home with her. "The baby's with me until further notice," Virginia says...I would see them through no matter what," Virginia says. "If I got to take care of these children myself, so be it."

Wow! that was amazing! It sounds just like a story from the Temple of Black Jesus! www.templeofblackjesus.com/
Nothing changes for the Eternal negro.

Dem's muh niggaz!

They are the same no matter where they are transplanted.

laws yes ! Effens we could only be as gooda as Ole granny the whirl wood sho nuff be a bettah place !

I like Virginia's story so much. Bumping.