was crapping on about shit in #totse, save me retyping.

23:26:08 <Rao> would you fuck jesus?

23:27:03 <Rao> would he have been a good lay?

23:27:56 <Rao> did he have any fetishes?

23:28:28 <Rao> i wonder if he ever got aroused

23:28:46 <Rao> right, thats a new thread

the question that i am wondering about is the last, did he ever get aroused. how human was he?

Jesus only had a hard on for God.

Seriously tho, I don't think other chicks gave him wood, but I bet he often had morning glory. Makes you wonder if he rubbed it a bit in his half dazed state.

It also makes you wonder about all sorts of other stuff.

For instance, the virgin mary might have gone around the whole village dishing out blowjobs, but she'd still be a virgin.

he would have had morning glory, that is not caused by arousal but by a full bladder pushing against the prostate.

i guess it is about how human he really was. he would have had wet dreams, they are a fact of male life.

if he did not experience desire, he was not human. physically or mentally.

but i guess he did rise from the dead. what do you think he was doing in the week that it took him? furiously masturbating. thats what.

i am so going to hell for that one (http://www.av1611.org/hell.html)

Well, actually, according to some traditions jesus did get laid. Many of the more obscure denominations of Christianity believe that The Divine Shepherd, in traditional shepherd fashion, got it on with one or many of the sheep. Most of them insist that he was boinking the ex-possessed, ex-prostitute Mary Magdalene. Some even insist that they bore children whose descendants live among us even now. Other denominations and factions insist that Christ was gay, and was playing "hide the sausage" with John, the "most beloved of all his disciples." Get thee behind me indeed.

For this discussion, I invoke a paper written by the poster known as "Spirit of '22" concerning Jesus's life:

Originally written by Spirit of '22:

One of the most legitimate revisionist perspectives of Christ, gaining the most ground among biblical scholars and contemporary believers, is that Jesus had a family. He was attended in the Gospel by men called his brothers, and it is possible he was a twin. More radical an idea, but just as plausible is the idea that Jesus had a family of his own, with a wife and children. Religious Jews of every epoch, but especially in theocratic Israel of ancient times, understood the command "be fruitful and multiply" as their religious obligation to God. This was especially true among the priests. Jesus is referred to in historical accounts and biblical texts as Rabbi. It would have been a cornerstone of his religion to marry and sire children.

...Though this idea contradicts 1500 years of officially sanctioned Church dogma, it does not really challenge the nature of Christianity or of Christ himself; Jesus never preached to remain celibate and unwed. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus says, "Have ye not read, that He that made them at the beginning made male and female... for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh?"

....The candidate for the wife of Jesus, if such a woman existed, has traditionally been Mary Magdalene. In Luke, chapter 10, it says Mary sits at the foot of Jesus to "hear his word" while he preaches. Jewish law says only a man's wife can sit at his feet. In another Chapter of John, Jesus approaches his house wherein sit some followers and Mary Magdalene. Everyone except for Mary rushes outside at Jesus' approach, that they may greet him, but Mary inexplicably remains inside, to greet him after he has entered. This is yet another Jewish custom; the wife is duty-bound to wait for her husband and greet him in the sanctity of their own home. In her ambiguous appearances in the Gospels, Mary is definitely traveling with Jesus. An unmarried woman traveling unaccompanied (by relatives) with a religious teacher would have been unthinkable to the people in Palestine at the time of Jesus. In Bethany (Mary's homeland), while visiting a friend's house, Mary approaches Jesus with an alabastar jar of expensive oils and herbs, and subsequently anoints his head. This anointing is a Jewish custom to be performed on a king, exclusively by his wife.

...Among more objective circles, it is generally accepted that Mary Magdalene, when she fled Israel at the time of Jesus's crucifixion, did so with children, and while pregnant with another. In historical records and religious texts dealing with "The Magdalene", she appears in southern France, after a stay in Egypt, with her children and Joseph of Arimithea.

The paper also brings up an interesting point that I myself have also noticed concerning Leonardo Da Vinci's depiction of the Last Supper: at Jesus' right side, there is a woman.

hehe, just think of it, Jesus with a boner.