Recently, a friend of mine returned from a vacation to Maine that lasted 3 or 4 months. While there, she was visiting her boyfriend of 2 years...they broke up and it sent her into a shit storm.

I'm a drug user and abuser, and I know how fucked up it can get...this girl is starting to use some of the drugs I use, though despise. Part of me thinks that since I love her as a friend I should respect her choice to dive into the hell that drug abuse usually burdens one with...then another part of me thinks that I should try my best to steer her away from her choice, since she's acting on rash thoughts. I'm sort of stuck on this shit...I care about her a great deal, but I'm not sure whether I value her choice to abuse drugs, however influenced it is by pain, or her safety more. I've always been big on the personal freedom over personal safety...but I rarely come across situations where it's someone else's freedom and someone else's safety.

I guess this is a similar conondrum to the situation a evangelical theist is in when they encounter a friend who isn't 'saved.'

What say you totseans? What do you respect or care about more? One's well being in life, or the choices they make for their life?

Ooo, good fucking question.

That's difficult for me to answer - as a drug addict and a "sinner" (in so very many ways and on so very many levels). But, I will say, as tempting as it is to "dive into" such things (and I have in the past and suffered the consequences) I'd say "One's well being in life" is more important, in my own opinion.

I say this as someone who hasn't always taken this action. In fact, I say this as someone who rarely has ever taken this action.

And I only discover this answer by looking past the drug addiction and soul saving and taking the question to the most extreme level I can: suicide. If I had a friend who wanted to commit suicide, in almost any case I would rather risk never speaking to them again than having them commit suicide. So, in that case their well being would be more important than their choice, to me.

However, I don't think suicide is wrong 100% of the time. 99.9% of the time, yes, but there is that teeny tiny percentage. Of course, odds are (unless the person is a shithead who should kill themselves (and I wouldn't be friends with someone like that anyways)) suicide would be a bad idea. And I've wanted to kill myself and have tried, so I know what I'm saying. I've literally been brought back to life, in the ER, twice now.

Someones choice is not always the best choice they can make. Sometimes a good friend knows better. Even if that friend doesn't always know better for themselves.

*shrug*

Cheers,

Lost

To add to what Lost just said (to which I agree 100%, except for that .1% where suicide is the right answer), I believe it is always easier to see what is best for others, than it is for yourself.

When looking at other people's problems, one can see the lack of severity in them, or at least see them objectively, without emotion involved.

The outcome is a bit more clear.

"You can't see the forest from the trees."

Hello, again, Optimus. I see you have found a place to rest your bones. http://www.totse.com/bbs/wink.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/wink.gif)

I think in this case her welfare should be your utmost concern, as a friend.

She may even need that sort of thing from you right now.

Using yourself as an example, you can "gently" assure her that drugs are not the answer to her problems.

Time will heal all wounds, and as little solace as that provides at this very moment, it is undeniably TRUE.

I was a meth addict until I was 17 (5 years), and only very recently stopped smoking pot.

I wish someone had put their foot down, and forced me to realize the error in my ways. Though I may not have listened immediately, the thought would have been there (to value myself a bit more), and it would have been a catalyst for me to stop my self-destructive behavior.

I hope you find a solution that both of you can find peace in.

And it is good to see you back. http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)

I'm doing a understanding mental illness course at the moment (slightly different situation) and the criteria given (in Australian law) for overridding someones right to make their own decisions is:

a) when they are a risk to themselves

b) when they are a risk to others

c) well... c isnt important in this situation.

If this is the same girl that you've talked about before, and you value her that much... then i think you should do the right the thing by her. You would know from your own drug use that drugs are at best at temporary escape from reality. Eventually pain catches up with you and you need to deal with it constructively.. me thinks.



quote:Someones choice is not always the best choice they can make. Sometimes a good friend knows better. Even if that friend doesn't always know better for themselves.

there are ways to help her to see the danger of drugs without offending her intelligence or infringing on her autonomy.

on some level, she is aware that these drugs could only exacerbate her emotional turmoil... so help her to realize that more fully on her own.

the next time she mentions drug use, notice if she is reserved because of sadness, depression, embarrassment, whatever... then instead of confronting her outright, tell her how you've had bad experiences and how drugs have only made them worse. use specific examples.

tell her your honest experience, and at the same time, give her the mental/emotional respect to figure out how it applies to her situation. this can only be done with true patience that comes from the genuine concern of a friend... because, after all, should drugs ruin her life, you could lose her, and then you WILL regret not having attempted to help.

it's always necessary to respect a person's autonomy, but by that same token, a true friend will not begrudge your right to simply express your concern. especially if their actions effect you too.

Its her choice... You pressuring her not to means she'll do it somewhere else if she really wants to. And you should be there to moderate...

but have her visit this website before you give her your dealer's number;

http://www.anorexicweb.com/IdRatherBeDead/mugshots.html

(Shows the downward spiral of a heroin addicts arrest photos)