One night as I was praying, as I do every night, something powerful and wonderful happened that I had never experienced before. The world suddenly seemed so at peace, as I became, and I felt a warmth around me, like being lovingly hugged by everyone in the world all at once, but times a million.

And then He spoke.

I'd always expected His voice to be grand and booming, sorta like the sound you'd expect if you saw a comet smashing into the Earth.. that sorta scale.. but, he was soft, gentle, like a woman, but not quite. Not quite a man's voice either. He had a peculiar timbre all of his own. He shifted from one tongue to another and I understood every word.

And what he told me has changed me ever since. He gave me a new purpose; not just for me, but for the good of every soul on this little planet of ours.

He told me the Bible was outdated, corrupted by years of edits and false interpretations, and now no longer served the purpose he once had for it. He told me it was time for Him to fix these mistakes, and He chose me as his new prophet and saviour.

Over several days He dictated to me His new Word, and I wrote it all down in a special Golden Ink He prepared for me, on sheets of the finest paper I had ever written on. I cannot reproduce what He chose me to write here, since He has denied us the right to type or write copies of this text, since it is by that mechanism that Holy texts become distorted and lose their essential soul. However, He does allow me to take photographs of the Holy text, which I will make available over the internet in the near future when I acquire the means to do so.

I cannot even give the slightest hint on what may be contained therein, in case what I say in any way distorts the Word through my clearly inferior (to Our Lord's) language skills. But, I must implore you to believe what I am telling you. I'm not insane, this isn't a hoax or a means to get people to join a cult or any such nonsense. This is the Truth. The Bible can no longer be of any use to humanity. I am sure you are aware of its diminishing relevence to today's society. What I have here will change all of that. It will fix nearly every spiritual problem that has plagued theologians and every other soul, and will not be quite so ambiguously worded as to be interpreted in any evil sense.

If you have any further questions, aside from replying here you can e-mail me at picklerbun@gmail.com and I will be waiting to give you everything you will need.

As I said before, I will upload clear, large photographs of the Holy Text so you can read and learn and have your soul saved, in no less than a few days. In the mean time, I implore you to throw away your Bibles. They are little more than toilet paper with respect to what I have to give you all.

Thank you for reading this. I sincerely hope and pray you take heed of what I say here, and do as I say. If only for your soul's sake.

All the Love I can Give

Steven Manners

Thats ridiculous. The Bible's teachings haven't changed. Muslims try to say that crap too, because their entire faith hinges on it. And its impossible to back up. If you're even telling the truth, I think you had a hallucination.

Zman: Thats ridiculous. The Bible's teachings haven't changed. Muslims try to say that crap too, because their entire faith hinges on it.

You mean Mormons, right?

No, I meant Muslims, but they both do the same thing.

manjiBoy is trying to look like that original Mormon prophet guy. Interesting, I saw the Mormon South Park episode yesterday.

quote:Originally posted by manjiBoy:

One night as I was praying, as I do every night, something powerful and wonderful happened that I had never experienced before. The world suddenly seemed so at peace, as I became, and I felt a warmth around me, like being lovingly hugged by everyone in the world all at once, but times a million.

And then He spoke.

I'd always expected His voice to be grand and booming, sorta like the sound you'd expect if you saw a comet smashing into the Earth.. that sorta scale.. but, he was soft, gentle, like a woman, but not quite. Not quite a man's voice either. He had a peculiar timbre all of his own. He shifted from one tongue to another and I understood every word.

And what he told me has changed me ever since. He gave me a new purpose; not just for me, but for the good of every soul on this little planet of ours.

He told me the Bible was outdated, corrupted by years of edits and false interpretations, and now no longer served the purpose he once had for it. He told me it was time for Him to fix these mistakes, and He chose me as his new prophet and saviour.

Over several days He dictated to me His new Word, and I wrote it all down in a special Golden Ink He prepared for me, on sheets of the finest paper I had ever written on. I cannot reproduce what He chose me to write here, since He has denied us the right to type or write copies of this text, since it is by that mechanism that Holy texts become distorted and lose their essential soul. However, He does allow me to take photographs of the Holy text, which I will make available over the internet in the near future when I acquire the means to do so.

I cannot even give the slightest hint on what may be contained therein, in case what I say in any way distorts the Word through my clearly inferior (to Our Lord's) language skills. But, I must implore you to believe what I am telling you. I'm not insane, this isn't a hoax or a means to get people to join a cult or any such nonsense. This is the Truth. The Bible can no longer be of any use to humanity. I am sure you are aware of its diminishing relevence to today's society. What I have here will change all of that. It will fix nearly every spiritual problem that has plagued theologians and every other soul, and will not be quite so ambiguously worded as to be interpreted in any evil sense.

If you have any further questions, aside from replying here you can e-mail me at picklerbun@gmail.com and I will be waiting to give you everything you will need.

As I said before, I will upload clear, large photographs of the Holy Text so you can read and learn and have your soul saved, in no less than a few days. In the mean time, I implore you to throw away your Bibles. They are little more than toilet paper with respect to what I have to give you all.

Thank you for reading this. I sincerely hope and pray you take heed of what I say here, and do as I say. If only for your soul's sake.

All the Love I can Give

Steven Manners

DAMN IT, THIS IS THE CLEVEREST MORMON LAMPOONING EVER!

quote:Originally posted by Dehymenizer:

manjiBoy is trying to look like that original Mormon prophet guy. Interesting, I saw the Mormon South Park episode yesterday.

It's a sign!!

The Bible still has it's place, does the Lord tell you that there is no Truth 'left' in the Bible at all? No such thing would be said at all. Truth shines forth from darkness and the Bible still carries Light for for people, in and of itself. There is still Truth in the Bible, because I see it everywhere, not just the Bible, but in most scripture and occult teachings throughout the whole world.

I don't think the Bible in these days is everything one needs to hear God, there is much more stuff to learn out there and the Word comes through many means apart from the Bible, also has done and always will.

If you cannot hear the Word, then what makes you think it will be presented before your eyes and you will see it?

Is not the Word in the smallest particle right up to the mightiest Galaxy?

You say to us, 'here is the Word', yet you tell us to look not to the Bible for the Word?

Do you then say, here is the Word in an atom, but not in the next?

Maybe yourself is getting in the way a bit here...Are you still in communion with your messenger, so that you might ask him of the things I say to you?