In the beginning, there was nothing. Then there was the road.

The road didst speak, and from its mouth did come the horse. The road didst see the horse, with its iron shoe and saddle, and didst see that it was good, and for a time, all was quiet.

Then one day the road didst speak again, and from its mouth did cometh the wheel, and the road saw the wheel, saw that it was good, and for a yet greater time, all was good.

Again, a third time the road didst speak, and thusly was born the internal combustion engine, and the road knew it's time had come.

The road didst set the internal combustion engine about the task of ruling all it had created, which the internal combustion engine did greatly.

Then one day the road didst see the engine cry, for it was lonely and had no companionship. The road put the engine under a deep sleep, and took from one of its pistons the matter to create the turbo charger. Thusly was the high-speed engine born. Next didst the road create a new chassis for its greatest childe, and then didst it add four wheel drive, power steering, and a fifth gear so that the blessed machine could put the puny mankind's testicles against the rear of the seat.

All of this the road gave freely, but with a warning: the engine must not partaketh of the bitter fruit of the knowledge of safety and risk management, for if it did it would surely die. The engine heeded this advice, and for a time, all was well.

Then one day, as it passed a soccer field, the engine was stopped by an insurance salesman. The salesman didst say "doth thou truly believe such lies?! Surely safety can only increase thy life, whereupon you would be immortal, even next to the road itself!" thusly was the engine ensnared in the evil tricks of such torturous devices as seat-belts, anti-lock brakes, and air bags. The engine did realize that it was naked, and didst seek to cover its nakedness with window tinting, body kits, and flashy rims so that none would call it indecent.

But the road saw what the engine had done, and it was too late. "As you did not follow my rules, I curse you to the abyssal wilderness of soccer moms and the scathing touch of careless drivers!" said the road, and into the wilderness of driveways and suburbs was the engine forced to go, never to return to the one true highway.

There was one single hope, however. Before it was banished to the wilderness, the engine didst write down a set of rules the road had laid down to be followed:

First, the road didst command the obedience of reasonable speeds to the engine. The engine was not to go more than one and one-half times the speed he had commanded with signs along his edge.

Second, the road didst command peace between his creations, that no car be damaged by their own will alone.

Third, the road dist command that its entire pavement be used for the betterment of enginekind, that no space of its own would be considered waste.

Fourth, the road didst command that agility and the tightness of turns be blessed and that those skilled in such agility wouldst be leaders unto his flock.

Fifth, the road didst command that soccer moms be not allowed near his blessed creations, for they were irrational and wouldst deface them with offerings to the pagan gods of elementary schools and false claims of parental accomplishment.

And with these five commandments, the road didst set the rules for all of its creations, that whoever would follow them would not perish and would never have red lights.