I mean what would you say to him? Thats a tough one aint it?

I'd probably ask what the fuck took so long

Any ideas?

Honestly,

If given the chance...........

I'd kick his ass.

Then pay some prisoner named Bubba to rape him.

As much as I would want to beat the shit out of him, I wouldn't. Instead, I would just let him watch the news for a while. He would probably have a mental breakdown seeing how fucked up the world has become.

Well, since I believe that Jesus was just a regular guy, I'd do absolutely nothing.

He, on the other hand, would be extremely confused.

Same thing I'd do if Santa came to my house right now. I'd shit myself and then start apoligizing like crazy for my sins.

Use more nails this time.

Nevermind Jesus I love you.

[This message has been edited by Paradise Lost (edited 11-15-2005).]

Rip out his eyeballs and stuff them down his esophogus

thereby killing him in the most humane way possible.

Then stab him.

I'd look busy.

Because a bumper sticker told me to...

I feel bad about what I said.

You should post naked pics to appease the vengeful man-god then

You should know I always just post a picture of Long Dong Silver.

Shit a solid gold brick.

Then fall on my knees in worship.

(Its Jesus fer chrissakes!)

ok, lets see, if God came to earth, what would i do? perhaps worship Him or something?

I would meet him in the air, and fall to his feet, Giving him all praise and glory. GLORY TO GOD!! Jesus is coming soon, and you better be sure you're going with him, Mr. I tell you what, you ain't gonna be sayin' nothing like that to Jesus, Jesus is coming back for a church without spot or wrinkle, he ain't coming back for a church that's acting like the world.

If you ever ask him now, What's taking so Long, I'm sure he'll direct you to..

2 Peter 3:9

Amplified

The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people's conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance

KJV

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

So here's the question, Why have you not read the Inspired Word of God.

Shellz, you slay me. You really do. Your words may be lost on me, but the fervor and bible-clenching determination is fully appreciated. It's like you've been possessed by some jive-talking, pulpit thumping, sweaty-foreheaded negro evangelist. Do you feel me? It's nearly word-for-word, and when/if I have more time and still feel so inclined to, I'll tell you exactly who it is.

This isn't an insult. I think you deserve an Oscar for the performance.

quote:Originally posted by AngryFemme:

Shellz, you slay me. You really do. Your words may be lost on me, but the fervor and bible-clenching determination is fully appreciated. It's like you've been possessed by some jive-talking, pulpit thumping, sweaty-foreheaded negro evangelist. Do you feel me? It's nearly word-for-word, and when/if I have more time and still feel so inclined to, I'll tell you exactly who it is.

This isn't an insult. I think you deserve an Oscar for the performance.

Nah, But I'll sure enough settle for a Kingdom in Heaven, and My Father's done promised me that. My Words are lost on you, because I speak the Words of God, and you're trying to understand what I'm saying with your mind.

Romans 8:5-7

5.5For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

6.For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

7.Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

The Carnal mind will ALWAYS war/contradict the Spirit. Alot of BELIEVERS get caught up on this and they try to base the Word of God off of what THEY THINK God's word means. Well, that's why we have religion. Now, If we based the word of God off of what PEOPLE thought God meant, we'd be in trouble.

Prime example with Christians, they believe God for the salvation of their soul, but they can't believe God for their protection,(Christians worry) when God clearly states, "CAST YOUR CARES UPON ME, BECAUSE I CARE FOR YOU!"

John 14:1-3

1.Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me

2.In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

3.And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

I have hope for you, because you want to know God, but your mind wars against the knowledge of God, because you're trying to understand with your mind, and you can't.

I tried to understand the trinity with my mind, and I was about ready to beat my head against a brick wall, and FINALLY I got a spiritual revelation of the Trinity, and I still can't put it into words.

So keep seeking, you will get revelation.

I rest my case.

The origin topic/question is:

"What would you do IF jesus did actually return?"

Emphasis changed to draw attention to a point...

Keep in mind that WHEN Jesus returns, it would prove who He is.

Also, at that time, He wont be coming as a servant... but as the Warrior/King (as the Jews thought the Messiah would be).

Keep this in mind if you happen to still be alive during the Second Coming.

I've read the bible

It's just that my sinful "carnal mind" is not open to the holy ghost.

could you explain the "carnal mind" a little less vaugely?

I think carnal means fucking or something, help me out here.

quote:Originally posted by Paradise Lost:

I feel bad about what I said.

Good.

If Jesus came back I would have to turn to you all and say, "I told you so."

*lol*

Naw...I would fall to my knees, and worship him, saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty."

I can't wait....I really, really can't.

Come quickly, Lord.

I feel bad about what you said. Have you heard of the edit button digital?

[This message has been edited by Fundokiller (edited 11-16-2005).]

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

I can't wait....I really, really can't.

Come quickly, Lord.

You are just another architect of the culture of death.

The lord will only come when you STFU

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

I can't wait....I really, really can't.

Come quickly, Lord.

Why do you want the world to end soon?

And welcome back.

lol J3sus qwned jo0 n0ob lollers.

When Jesus comes back he'll offer me some drugs, and I'll tell him I'm not into that and to ply his trade elsewhere.

i heard that 44% of americans belive that jesus will return in thier lifetimes.

now that is fucked up.

I wonder how many of those 44% know that his followers have been saying that ever since he was crucified.

Maybe it's time to, oh I don't know, rethink that belief?

[This message has been edited by imperfectcircle (edited 11-16-2005).]

I'd give him a great big hug!

Would someone please answer my question?

quote:Originally posted by Fundokiller:

I've read the bible

It's just that my sinful "carnal mind" is not open to the holy ghost.

could you explain the "carnal mind" a little less vaugely?

I think carnal means fucking or something, help me out here.

The "carnal mind" is simply thinking with your body, your animal instincts, rather than your mind. And casual sex would be included in that. It includes just doing whatever feels good, without general regard to morals, etc.

id say pimp my ride motherfucker.

quote:Originally posted by chubbyman25:

The "carnal mind" is simply thinking with your body, your animal instincts, rather than your mind. And casual sex would be included in that. It includes just doing whatever feels good, without general regard to morals, etc.



What about the laws of logic, rationality, occams razor, morality etc.?

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

If Jesus came back I would have to turn to you all and say, "I told you so."

*lol*



And I suppose I'd eat some crow. Good-naturedly, even! http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)

I guess I'd stand in a long, long line behind the Believers, the welcoming committee, and the Damned...humbly waiting for at least a pat on the head for living a good life and being kind to others WITHOUT the fear of retribution or damnation.

quote:Originally posted by Fundokiller:



What about the laws of logic, rationality, occams razor, morality etc.?

This does also include such things as logic, but only insofar as you use them to supercede faith. Logic, rationality, etc. is all good as long as it doesn't replace faith. A carnal mind is one that uses logic and reasoning in place of faith.

So how does one achieve faith?

If Jesus returned, I'd do nothing. I would regret nothing, I would not change my mind nor my opinions.

Would I have wanted to be Christian? No. Of all the many religions, it is impossible to find the "true religion" or the religion that is right. There is no "true religion" because religion is wrong!

If Jesus asked me to convert to Christianity, would I do it? No. What if this "Jesus" is the anti-christ or satan or an alien playing a cruel joke on me? Fuck that.

quote:Originally posted by chubbyman25:

This does also include such things as logic, but only insofar as you use them to supercede faith. Logic, rationality, etc. is all good as long as it doesn't replace faith. A carnal mind is one that uses logic and reasoning in place of faith.

Bullshit.

Then what is a non-carnal (spiritual?) mind? Nevermind, I have the answer already: It's a very delusional, fucked-up mind.

To answer the topic question, IF Jesus [the person he was in history] came back to Earth and I had a chance to speak to him, I'd want to find out the truth about his REAL life.

Jesus [as a messiah] isn't coming back, nor was he ever here.

I'd ask him how come it's okay for him and his followers to go against the Romans and it's considered terrorism if some islamic dude goes against the Americans?

Jesus is Jihad and we are the Romans.

I'd sit back and watch the fun when he would meet the fundamentalists.

It would be kinda fun watching him turn Pat Robertson over his knee and giving him a beating with his Almighty Staff.

Yeah. I'd pay good money to see that.

I'd say hi, and offer him a cup of coffee.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

If Jesus came back I would have to turn to you all and say, "I told you so."

*lol*

Naw...I would fall to my knees, and worship him, saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty."

I can't wait....I really, really can't.

Come quickly, Lord.

you do realize jesus would probably laugh at you and the rest for perverting his teachings to what they've now become.

You robbed all my posts funkywizard, sad http://www.totse.com/bbs/frown.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/frown.gif)

If Jesus returned, I would ask for his blessing in having a conversation on the nature of man and the world. Then I would ask him about such things and sights he had seen during his absence. Then I would hope for a tea party with all sorts of intelligent celebreties.

Ask him out to a local bar. After all this time, I bet he wants a beer.

If "Jesus" came back in my lifetime, and I had the chance to meet him, this is what would go down:

Me: "You're that Jesus guy, aren't you?"

YHVH: "I hate when you people call me that.."

Me: "Forgive me, it's what all the hip Christians call you..."

YHVH: "Oh my word...'Christians'...I never wanted such a thing...oh how my teachings have been perverted and corrupted..."

Me: "Yes, sad indeed, brother...sad indeed. I have spent my life trying to show them the errors of their ways and bring them closer to the light which you also brought the first time you donned the flesh of man...but as Neitsche said...Convictions are far greater enemies of truth than are lies...I weep for them, brother."

YHVH: "I as well...a shame they did not know me, and now will only know my disappointment in them"

Me: "yes, a shame...would you like some pizza? It's really good and I know they didn't have it when you were here last time"

YHVH: "Pizza? sure I'll try some.....mmmm this IS really good!"

Me: "indeed, and it goes very well with soda-pop...would you like one of those too?"

And we would spend hours and hours chatting and eating and comforting eachother at the darkness that enshrouds the world...

[This message has been edited by ChaosWyrm (edited 11-18-2005).]

I'd probably hide cause I'd be afraid he'd kick my ass for impersonating him. If he found me I'd say "hey, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". He'd nod his head and chuckle. Then he'd kick my ass.

quote:Originally posted by ChaosWyrm:

If "Jesus" came back in my lifetime, and I had the chance to meet him, this is what would go down:

Me: "You're that Jesus guy, aren't you?"

YHVH: "I hate when you people call me that.."

Me: "Forgive me, it's what all the hip Christians call you..."

YHVH: "Oh my word...'Christians'...I never wanted such a thing...oh how my teachings have been perverted and corrupted..."

Me: "Yes, sad indeed, brother...sad indeed. I have spent my life trying to show them the errors of their ways and bring them closer to the light which you also brought the first time you donned the flesh of man...but as Neitsche said...Convictions are far greater enemies of truth than are lies...I weep for them, brother."

YHVH: "I as well...a shame they did not know me, and now will only know my disappointment in them"

Me: "yes, a shame...would you like some pizza? It's really good and I know they didn't have it when you were here last time"

YHVH: "Pizza? sure I'll try some.....mmmm this IS really good!"

Me: "indeed, and it goes very well with soda-pop...would you like one of those too?"

And we would spend hours and hours chatting and eating and comforting eachother at the darkness that enshrouds the world...

You sound like a twat.

And not once is Jesus referred to with the Tetragrammaton.

meh

T-Shirt hell quote

"If Jesus comes back, we'll nail him to the cross again."

quote:Originally posted by Siatek:

T-Shirt hell quote

"If Jesus comes back, we'll nail him to the cross again."



Goddammit i was justt about to quote that.... lol goddammit...



pun intended.

quote:Originally posted by literary syphilis:

You sound like a twat.

And not once is Jesus referred to with the Tetragrammaton.

Really?...

So Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not one in the same? That's not what the Catholic church and the bible they pieced together say...

And tell me, oh great scholar...how many times is he referred to as "Jesus" in the orignal Greek texts or in the Aramaic or Hebrew writings about him? After all, if you're going to get "technical" with me, perhaps you should research your data.

The Tetragrammaton is the four letter name of God, and thus, interchangable with any of the aspects of the Trinity...unless you are prepared to say that the three in one is not actually one, and the Gnostics never should have been excommunicated and made heretics for their beliefs...

You're so angry and judgemental, I bet you're scared I'm right.

quote:Originally posted by ChaosWyrm:



YHVH:"Oh my word...'Christians'...I never wanted such a thing...oh how my teachings have been perverted and corrupted..."

Convince him to collaborate with Snoop Dogg.

That shit would go multi-platinum.

LMAO. Hellzshellz, are you serious? This isn't a hypothetical question... I really wonder if you are being serious or not. If you are, my next question is, what kind of medication have you been prescribed for your condition?

I'd beat him up. Then I'd go around saying "Hey, you know who would win in a fight, me or Jesus? Me, beatch! Pow!"

I'm heading off to hell anyhow, may as well get brownie points while I'm at it.

quote:Originally posted by ChaosWyrm:

And tell me, oh great scholar...how many times is he referred to as "Jesus" in the orignal Greek texts or in the Aramaic or Hebrew writings about him?



Isn't he called Yeshua or something in them? And didn't they just make up the whole trinity thing thousand or so years later?

quote:Originally posted by Paradise Lost:

I feel bad about what I said.

Don't. I lolled. It was funny.

If I saw Jesus coming from the sky, I'd go get my AK. Take my chances at proving that he's not the invincible son of god the christians hink he is. I'd either kill him and be happy, or burn in hell and be happy.

id go online and get ordained. immediately.

http://www.universalministries.com/beordained.html

when you see jesus you can show him your certificate http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)

quote:Originally posted by ChaosWyrm:

Really?...

So Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not one in the same? That's not what the Catholic church and the bible they pieced together say...

That's all very well and lovely, but the Bible remains the be-all and end-all in terms of doctrinal specifics, and the fact remains that the Trinity of the Godhead is never specifically referred to. Meanwhile, the concept is actively lambasted in Deuteronomy 5:8-9, Isaiah 40:18 and Isaiah 46:5.

Indeed, the first hard evidence we have of the tri-unity of God is in the Athanasian Creed, which dates from the 5th Century AD:

We worship one God in Trinity and Trinity in Unity, neither confounding the Persons nor dividing the substance. For there is one Person of the Father, another of the Son, and another of the Holy Ghost; but the Godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, is all one, the glory equal, the majesty co-eternal. The Father is made of none, neither created nor begotten; the Son is of the Father alone, not made, nor created, but begotten; the Holy Ghost is of the Father and of the Son, neither made, nor created, nor begotten, but proceeding.

quote:And tell me, oh great scholar...how many times is he referred to as "Jesus" in the orignal Greek texts or in the Aramaic or Hebrew writings about him? After all, if you're going to get "technical" with me, perhaps you should research your data.

He is referred to as Yeshuah (the noun "salvation") in Hebrew and Iesous in Ancient Greek. YHWH (the third-person imperfect of the verb "to be") is Hebrew, and commonly pronounced "Yahweh."

quote:The Tetragrammaton is the four letter name of God, and thus, interchangable with any of the aspects of the Trinity...unless you are prepared to say that the three in one is not actually one, and the Gnostics never should have been excommunicated and made heretics for their beliefs...

I couldn't care less whether the Gnostics were excommunicated. As it stands, there is very little Scriptural evidence supporting the Trinity, while the concept of a multi-faceted Godhead is trashed very explicitly.

Regardless, referring to Jesus as YHWH is imprecise. You do not use the word "Jesus" to refer to the Holy Spirit or the Sky-Daddy, nor do you used the term "Holy Ghost" to refer to the Christ, so why should the opposite be acceptable?

quote:You're so angry and judgemental, I bet you're scared I'm right.

And I bet you'd be wrong.

[This message has been edited by literary syphilis (edited 11-19-2005).]

quote:Originally posted by MasterPython:

Isn't he called Yeshua or something in them? And didn't they just make up the whole trinity thing thousand or so years later?

Give that man a Kewpie doll...

Way to reply to my rebuttal! That was awesome!

Edit: You do realise that I'm an atheist, don't you? I didn't call you a twat out of some desperate need to defend my religion.

[This message has been edited by literary syphilis (edited 11-19-2005).]

quote:Originally posted by literary syphilis:

That's all very well and lovely, but the Bible remains the be-all and end-all in terms of doctrinal specifics, and the fact remains that the Trinity of the Godhead is never specifically referred to. Meanwhile, the concept is actively lambasted in Deuteronomy 5:8-9, Isaiah 40:18 and Isaiah 46:5.

Indeed, the first hard evidence we have of the tri-unity of God is in the Athanasian Creed, which dates from the 5th Century AD:



First off, the first "hard evidence" we have of the church beginning to canonize the idea of the Trinity is from the second Ecumenical council in 381 CE in Constantinople under Emperor Theodosius. The arguments within the church itself continued for almost another 300 years, well into the 7th century. While it is true that the presently canonized scripture of the New Testament does not once proclaim this Trinity, nor mention the word Trinity itself, it is still used as justification for the stance by the Church through various scripture quotes which allude to union of the Father/Son/Holy Ghost or references each as Divinity, and by the nature of the quandry of how to resolve 3 divinities amongst a religion that professes ONE god only, they came to the concession that the Trinity is the answer.

Secondly, the Old Testament was appended to the New Testament as a "Prelude" or background to give validity to their claim of the divinity of "Christ" by showing how the Judaic canon (from which the Old Testament was translated and transposed) prophesied his coming. Since the faith had it's roots in Judaism, that was the natural choice for a historical prelude. However, one must always remember that every bit of the Old Testament is a sermon in Judaic faith and dogma, and thus cannot be used to argue AGAINST the Church's stance for the Trinity. The very same Old Testament, in it's original form also invalidates "Jesus" as the "Messiah" because it prophesied that the Messiah would rule over Israel rather than "My kingdom is elsewhere and I go to prepare a place for you"...This is the principle by which Judaism remains a separate faith which states that in fact the "Messiah" has NOT come yet, but that "Jesus" was a prophet and a great Rabbi.

The Apostles Creed, the Nicaean Creed both proclaim the Trinity, and are in fact Creeds enacted as ritual during the Ecumenical Council process in order to combat various movements within the Church (such as Arianism and Nestorianism) by reaffirming the definitions of the Trinity as well as the definitions of the Christ as "the official" views which defined faithful Christians. Other views were considered Heresy.

quote:He is referred to as Yeshuah (the noun "salvation") in Hebrew and Iesous in Ancient Greek. YHWH (the third-person imperfect of the verb "to be") is Hebrew, and commonly pronounced "Yahweh."

YHVH ("Yahweh") is the "name" of God...for precisely the reason that it is the third-person imperfect of "to be", much as when God named himself to Moses on Mt. Sinai as "I am" in the KJV retelling of the Hebrew Canon.... Therefore, the "name" is interchangeable with any of the three forms of the Trinity just as "God" is (ie: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit).

quote:Regardless, referring to Jesus as YHWH is imprecise. You do not use the word "Jesus" to refer to the Holy Spirit or the Sky-Daddy, nor do you used the term "Holy Ghost" to refer to the Christ, so why should the opposite be acceptable?



Nor do you use "Dog" to refer to "Cat" or to "mouse" but to refer to all of them as "mammal" is perfectly acceptable and correct. See the above rebuttal for explanation of the correlation here.

quote:Way to reply to my rebuttal! That was awesome!



Way to be an impatient and ignorant smart-ass. Congratulations that you can sit on the board and wait for me to reply to one quote, yet not wait for the researched and informative reply to your post. Obviously it took me all of 3 seconds to type the reply you jumped in after, but this one took much more time.

You only harm your position by resorting to such tactics as childish attacks and impatient prattling.

What if jesus comes back and he is not the son of god but mearly the prophet and jesus just turns out to be muslim?

I would have him aborted.

quote:Originally posted by CaptainCanada:

As much as I would want to beat the shit out of him, I wouldn't. Instead, I would just let him watch the news for a while. He would probably have a mental breakdown seeing how fucked up the world has become.

You couldn', he's ominopiant(sp?)

quote:Originally posted by Fundokiller:

I would have him aborted.



ahahahah... lol.

http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif)

I think I'd start praying. I mean, if Jesus SERIOUSLY returns, there will be some hell to pay. Don't try to act like you wouldn't be freaked out, too.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

I think I'd start praying. I mean, if Jesus SERIOUSLY returns, there will be some hell to pay. Don't try to act like you wouldn't be freaked out, too.

No reason to be freaked out unless you feel guilty about something.

I've got no reason to be alarmed, if you do, maybe you should question what you're doing and why.

At the very least, I'd assemble peacefully. I'd be curious to see what all he had against me and my lifestyle. I'd prepare my closing arguments while waiting in line. I'd be mingling with others like me, organizing a special Hell Sector for those of us with common interests.

^ All hypothetical plans, of course

"I am so, so, so sorry about all the masturbation man, I'm weak, forgive me!"

quote:Originally posted by B-Phaze:

"I am so, so, so sorry about all the masturbation man, I'm weak, forgive me!"



lol this topic a riot. lol.

Ahem. *Clears throat* Thank you all for waiting. Sorry it took me so long, but I got caught up with Dad, and you know how dads can be. So anyway, down to business, I was put on Earth 2000 years ago to spread peace, love and the joys of hemp across the world, and looking what you fucking morons did! I told you not to touch the uranium! I told you to flourish on the joys of hemp, not criminalize it. Fucking idiots. SATAN! YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! *floats back up to heaven*

i know for a fact, all you bible thumpers would be in BIG trouble for taking his name in vain and using it for evil.

the only person who won't be condemned to spend eternity in hell, will probably be a coupla hundred monks and some indiginous tribes

I'd let him listen to my Heavy Metal collection.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

I think I'd start praying. I mean, if Jesus SERIOUSLY returns, there will be some hell to pay. Don't try to act like you wouldn't be freaked out, too.

Lol yeah I expect it would be something like that episode of Futurama with Santa Bot.

Search for a recording of Billy Connoly and the Crucifixion sketch. Fucking hilarious. Either that or break out good old Spike Milligan' The Old Testament.

Frenchie

quote:Originally posted by funkypurplewizard:

I mean what would you say to him? Thats a tough one aint it?

I'd probably ask what the fuck took so long

Any ideas?



I'd kick him in the nads, just to see if he really WOULD turn the other cheek.

TGRR,

Is pretty certain he wouldn't.

I'd ask how much of the bible is true, and get him tested to make sure hes not just some crazy guy who thinks hes jesus.

Lie detecter test are stupid, theres a 45% chance there wrong...

Maybe a more interesting question is: what if Jesus already has returned? Seriously, what if he ended up locked away in a mental ward in Bumfuck, Arizona or something.

i, myself, i would get the roman leigon back for just a day and show him that things havent changed that much, then i would show him monty python, and ge him blazed and pissed, that sounds like a good idea...