ALL HAIL THE MIGHT AND ALL POWERFUL HOLY TABLE!!

last night i was eating my dinner and i heard a far off and distant voice calling, "come to me, let me show to you"

after 45 mins of searching the voice was coming from the table, i said hi

it replied with "hello, i am pete"

"you must pray to me i am the holy table"

after hours of talking with my table, he told me to inscribe the 13 1/2 holy table commandments that my table wants me to follow

these are:

1#Thou Shalt eat food off me.

2#Thou shalt never spill drink on me.

3#Thou shalt not every use any other table.

4#Thou shalt polish me daily.

5#Thy shalt be allowed to have sexual intercourse on me.

6#Thy shalt have sexual intercourse with another mans woman.

7#Thou shalt always have sexual thoughts about woman.

8#Thou shalt masturbate at least once per day.

9#Thou shalt NOT cum onto my surface.

10#Thou shalt place a pineapple on me four times a year.

11#Thou shalt place a bunny on me every year on the 5th of may and lick its eyebrow.

12#Thou shalt cut thou best friends face off and slap his skull.

13#Thou shalt tell thou mother/sister to go fuck a car.

14#Thou shalt not do a ....

he broke off on the last one... he didnt ever reveal the last commandment therefore it is the 13 and a half commandments, i need someone to help me figure out what the last one was, and my god (the table) could beat the shit out of ur gods!!!!

I WANA GET PASTED AN WASTED

quote:Originally posted by lemon cake:

ALL HAIL THE MIGHT AND ALL POWERFUL HOLY TABLE!!

last night i was eating my dinner and i heard a far off and distant voice calling, "come to me, let me show to you"

after 45 mins of searching the voice was coming from the table, i said hi

it replied with "hello, i am pete"

"you must pray to me i am the holy table"

after hours of talking with my table, he told me to inscribe the 13 1/2 holy table commandments that my table wants me to follow

these are:

1#Thou Shalt eat food off me.

2#Thou shalt never spill drink on me.

3#Thou shalt not every use any other table.

4#Thou shalt polish me daily.

5#Thy shalt be allowed to have sexual intercourse on me.

6#Thy shalt have sexual intercourse with another mans woman.

7#Thou shalt always have sexual thoughts about woman.

8#Thou shalt masturbate at least once per day.

9#Thou shalt NOT cum onto my surface.

10#Thou shalt place a pineapple on me four times a year.

11#Thou shalt place a bunny on me every year on the 5th of may and lick its eyebrow.

12#Thou shalt cut thou best friends face off and slap his skull.

13#Thou shalt tell thou mother/sister to go fuck a car.

14#Thou shalt not do a ....

he broke off on the last one... he didnt ever reveal the last commandment therefore it is the 13 and a half commandments, i need someone to help me figure out what the last one was, and my god (the table) could beat the shit out of ur gods!!!!

THOU SHALT NOT DO A POST ABOUT ME ON TOTSE! TABLE DAMNIT YOU BROKE THE 14th COMMANDMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW THE TABLE HAS TO HAVE A SON TO BE USED AS CHOPPING WOOD TO FORGIVE ALL OUR SINS!

My god has more than 1 billion followers, many of them willing to die for Him. You have already lost.

ha my god kicks ass, we had a wrestling match and he kicked my ass...

then i set him up against so called "jesus" and he kicked his ass aswell so i set him up against a tree cuttin down thingy and he kicked thats ass aswell, my God's followers are every single table in the world, i think thats kinda more then one billion, so eat that ur God, ur God sucks off donkeys , so ther!!

quote:Originally posted by Loc Dogg:

My god has more than 1 billion followers, many of them willing to die for Him. You have already lost.

I am but one of 100 million follows of the TABLE and i would die for it!

Your God is a small part of Loc Dogg's God.

alcohol is the order of the day