View Full Version : Greetings, I am Muhammad.
Muhammad
2007-02-01, 17:38
Greetings mortals, as you all know. I am Muhammad, prophet of the Muslim faith. Don't get the wrong impression of me, I'm a really nice guy. It's just that my believers are complete retards, so please excuse them.
Anyway, I'd decided to answer any religious question that you mortals may ask; like what it's like up in the clouds, how tight the 73 virgins are, and what the next lottery numbers are. And I will try to answer them as best as I can. http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)
Fire away!
What's Gabriel like? Does he look like Christopher Walken? I bet he does.
boozehound420
2007-02-01, 18:29
Still fucking 9 year old girls?
Muhammad
2007-02-01, 21:06
quote:Originally posted by Kykeon:
What's Gabriel like? Does he look like Christopher Walken? I bet he does.
You know those kind of vegetarian eco-dudes?
The ones who wear khaki shorts and have dreads?
He looks a lot like that.
quote:Originally posted by boozehound420:
Still fucking 9 year old girls?
They're twelve for your information.
socratic
2007-02-01, 22:08
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
They're twelve for your information.
That's not much better.
Do suicide bombers really get 74 pieces of eternal poon?
Muhammad
2007-02-01, 22:31
quote:Originally posted by Jove:
Do suicide bombers really get 74 pieces of eternal poon?
Not at all, they're reserved for my buddies. The only people who hang out with me up here are Jesus, Buddha, Moses, and a couple of other guys. You should see Thor during happy hours.
Do you wear a bomb on your head?
Muhammad
2007-02-02, 17:03
quote:Originally posted by Lamabot:
Do you wear a bomb on your head?
Every now and again.
What's the use for 72 virgins if you're going to spend an eternity in heaven?
Muhammad
2007-02-02, 18:20
quote:Originally posted by Levo75:
What's the use for 72 virgins if you're going to spend an eternity in heaven?
Would you rather use your hand?
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
Would you rather use your hand?
I would rather not be concious forever.
shitty wok
2007-02-03, 02:55
Did you really give Peter Griffin a salmon-helmet when he was wearing a toga?
Korvkpt123
2007-02-03, 14:41
so how many of ur smelly mullahs actually made it to paradise?
Muhammad
2007-02-03, 14:42
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:
Did you really give Peter Griffin a salmon-helmet when he was wearing a toga?
Yes. But personally, I think Family Guy sucks major dong.
Lord. Better Than You
2007-02-03, 20:21
Can I paint your portrait, please?
Mellow_Fellow
2007-02-03, 20:38
Does God get smegma?
Muhammad
2007-02-03, 23:32
quote:Originally posted by Lord. Better Than You:
Can I paint your portrait, please?
Sure! I don't mind at all.
quote:Originally posted by Mellow_Fellow:
Does God get smegma?
No idea, but I guarantee that he is one hairy motherfucker.
shitty wok
2007-02-04, 06:51
al-Qaeda, they're like, the rednecks of the Muslim world aren't they?
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
Not at all, they're reserved for my buddies. The only people who hang out with me up here are Jesus, Buddha, Moses, and a couple of other guys. You should see Thor during happy hours.
What about me... surely you've seen me... http://www.totse.com/bbs/cool.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/cool.gif)
CrazyJ32
2007-02-04, 09:41
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:
al-Qaeda, they're like, the rednecks of the Muslim world aren't they?
Sadly not. Bin Laden has a degree in engineering and most of his honchos also have similar college level educations.
your enemy
2007-02-04, 15:04
Can you get the Saudis to stop spreading hate literature like this around?
http://tinyurl.com/23porv
shitty wok
2007-02-04, 17:33
quote:Originally posted by CrazyJ32:
Sadly not. Bin Laden has a degree in engineering and most of his honchos also have similar college level educations.
I wasn't refering to the leaders of that fell group, I meant their supporters. I mean, they have incredible power to deceive the masses since they are well educated and millions of Muslims in the Middle East are illiterate.
shitty wok
2007-02-04, 17:52
quote:Originally posted by Jove:
What about me... surely you've seen me... http://www.totse.com/bbs/cool.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/cool.gif)
man, your family was killed. You must really love Allah to put up with that bullshit.
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:
man, your family was killed. You must really love Allah to put up with that bullshit.
Huh?!? [regains composure] Foolish mortal, a God never dies! we simply fade away.... http://www.totse.com/bbs/mad.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/mad.gif)
Florida Snow
2007-02-05, 08:03
quote:Originally posted by Levo75:
I would rather not be concious forever.
ask and ye shall recieve what thie heart diseries most depestly
Muhammad
2007-02-05, 13:23
quote:Originally posted by your enemy:
Can you get the Saudis to stop spreading hate literature like this around?
http://tinyurl.com/23porv
I'll take care of that as soon as I sober up. Damn, vodka fuck you up.
Lord. Better Than You
2007-02-05, 19:38
Ok, thanks.
Here's my picture of you:
http://www.skierpage.com/images/mohammed_cartoon.jpg
Muhammad
2007-02-05, 22:10
quote:Originally posted by Lord. Better Than You:
Here's my picture of you:
ht tp://www.s kierpage.c om/images/mohammed_cartoon.jpg (http: //www.skie rpage.com/ images/moh ammed_cart oon.jpg)
It's great! I like it! http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif)
shitty wok
2007-02-05, 22:17
Question: Which of your friends is better at shredding guitar? Jesus or Moses?
CrazyJ32
2007-02-06, 06:11
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:
I wasn't refering to the leaders of that fell group, I meant their supporters. I mean, they have incredible power to deceive the masses since they are well educated and millions of Muslims in the Middle East are illiterate.
Well, hell, were they just in it for the money they could do pretty well making it seem peaceful, look at american pastors, evangelists, and scammers. These guys make millions with their "preaching," and Al-quaida is a non-prophet orginization.
Unless you think living in caves and desert sand-camps is somehow rewarding.
quote:Originally posted by Florida Snow:
ask and ye shall recieve what thie heart diseries most depestly
Yes, and i'll just simply run out of meaningfull things to do.
Muhammad
2007-02-07, 10:15
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:
Question: Which of your friends is better at shredding guitar? Jesus or Moses?
Moses. Hippies can't play guitar.
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
Moses. Hippies can't play guitar.
You forgot Jimi Hendrix you fool.
Muhammad
2007-02-07, 12:30
quote:Originally posted by Levo75:
You forgot Jimi Hendrix you fool.
Moses > Jimi.
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
Moses > Jimi.
Moses plays Yiddish tunes on an accordian... get real. http://www.totse.com/bbs/tongue.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/tongue.gif)
shitty wok
2007-02-07, 22:57
quote:Originally posted by CrazyJ32:
Well, hell, were they just in it for the money they could do pretty well making it seem peaceful, look at american pastors, evangelists, and scammers. These guys make millions with their "preaching," and Al-quaida is a non-prophet orginization.
Unless you think living in caves and desert sand-camps is somehow rewarding.
Osama wants to do this because he's a megolamaniac who wants to restore his arcane interpretation of Islam.
Muhammad
2007-02-08, 00:00
quote:Originally posted by Jove:
Moses plays Yiddish tunes on an accordian... get real. http://www.totse.com/bbs/tongue.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/tongue.gif)
Obviously you haven't hung around with him as much as I have.
specus_meretricis
2007-02-08, 07:00
I see Moses and Jesus doing "Beastie Boys" covers. Don't ask me why.
flatplat
2007-02-08, 23:36
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
I'll take care of that as soon as I sober up. Damn, vodka fuck you up.
You can drink and other muslims can't? Why the double standard, Muhammad?
quote:Originally posted by flatplat:
You can drink and other muslims can't? Why the double standard, Muhammad?
It's do as I say not as I do... yeah that about covers it. http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif)
Fascismo
2007-02-10, 07:06
According to your book, you're a mortal too, dickhead.
It's obvious Muhammad needs to get assraped and hung by piano wire.
Muhammad
2007-02-18, 15:26
quote:Originally posted by flatplat:
You can drink and other muslims can't? Why the double standard, Muhammad?
Well, I never told them that they're not allowed to enjoy themselves.
quote:Originally posted by Fascismo:
According to your book, you're a mortal too, dickhead.
I might as well worship Harry Potter.
Whore of God
2007-02-28, 08:07
If I were to set up a fleet of fire trucks in the Middle East, fill them with pigs blood and go around spraying people to make them 'unclean', would you be pissed?
Oh and do u eat pork?
Pseud0nym
2007-02-28, 09:56
who are you the prophet of?
[This message has been edited by Pseud0nym (edited 02-28-2007).]
Buff Chesthair
2007-02-28, 16:59
Greetings Muhammad!
Welcome to totse!
Just one question.
What the hell is the Loch Ness Monster?
dead_people_killer
2007-03-03, 17:54
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:
Greetings mortals, as you all know. I am Muhammad, prophet of the Muslim faith. Don't get the wrong impression of me, I'm a really nice guy. It's just that my believers are complete retards, so please excuse them.
Anyway, I'd decided to answer any religious question that you mortals may ask; like what it's like up in the clouds, how tight the 73 virgins are, and what the next lottery numbers are. And I will try to answer them as best as I can. http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)
Fire away!
You do realize that you are now quite possibly a target for Islamic extremists, right?
your enemy
2007-03-03, 19:39
http://tinyurl.com/yq38v3
dead_people_killer
2007-03-03, 19:49
quote:Originally posted by your enemy:
http://tinyurl.com/yq38v3
what in the BLUE PERFECT FUCK does that have to do with anything?
DeuceOmen
2007-03-03, 20:05
Can I see a picture of one of the virgins?
** Deuce Omen
Squibble
2007-03-03, 20:06
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:
Did you really give Peter Griffin a salmon-helmet when he was wearing a toga?
Nicely done.
72 virgins to kill yourselves, talk about whipped...
shitty wok
2007-03-03, 21:54
quote:Originally posted by Source:
72 virgins to kill yourselves, talk about whipped...
Lol yeah, especially since suicide is forbidden in Islam. They completely misconstrued the concept of martyrdom.