How does an atheist handle the issue of marriage? I'm an atheist (and a proud one at that) and I don't know how to handle this issue. I'm certainly in no rush to get married anytime soon, but as anyone knows, marriage is very deeply ingrained into most cultures, especially that of the good ol U-S of A. I accept the fact that marriage is inevitable for me at some point. On to the Q's:

1. I'm sure my future wife is going to want a traditional christian wedding (getting married via a priest at a church in front of friends and family, then reception afterward) but what about my standpoint? Am I going to have to accept god and actually tell the priest that I believe this crap? If I said I didn't believe in religion, and wouldn't feel comfortable acknowledging or worshiping god, would he refuse to marry us?

2. I still want a wedding *like* a traditional christian wedding in that I want to be married in front of my family and friends, then have a cool drunken reception after. Are there any types of alternatives that don't deal with god that are done in this manner?

I just don't feel right acknowledging god for the sake of marriage, BUT if I love a woman enough to marry her, and she wants a traditional catholic wedding, then I would bite my tongue and do it. Keep in my mind though, this is a last resort.

I don't think you have to make any promises to God in a wedding. It's not a baptism. You're just promising to stay faithful to your wife, that's all.

http://www.weddingplanninglinks.com/planning/traditionalweddingvows.html

Just take the "before God" part out and you're fine. Nobody will even notice.

If i ever got married i would want a seculer wedding. I doubt i'll ever be able to fall in love with a girl who has very strong religios views.

And if the girl insists on a religious wedding for her familys sake, well she's getting married for the wrong reasons. And my response to that would be were not getting married then.

Even know its not that big of a deal if i pretend to believe in god but it sends the wrong message. Plus im an asshole and why should the girl get what she wants.

[This message has been edited by boozehound420 (edited 02-28-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by boozehound420:

Plus im an asshole and why should the girl get what she wants.



The reason I say I'd do it if she wanted it, is because the way we get married really doesn't matter to me, so I'd just leave it to her. What I was wondering was if the church would hold my ceremony when I wasn't apart of it. I did get confirmed into the catholic church in 2000(not by choice), but haven't set foot in a church more than 3 times since(weddings)

Thanks to you both for info

My aunt got married in a park. No religion involved.

My dad and his wife got married in her house. I rolled out of bed, went over there, fell asleep during the "ceremony" and got drunk afterward.

Marriage doesn't have to be a religious thing at all.

^And is isn't supposed to be. Marriage has always been about money--property rights, inheritence rights and so forth. The church merely co-opted the custom as a means of grabbing some more power over the flock.

But, OP, if you and your sweety are so far apart on this issue, I suggest you find someone more on your spiritual wavelength to marry.

[This message has been edited by ArmsMerchant (edited 03-02-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by ArmsMerchant:

^And is isn't supposed to be. Marriage has always been about money--property rights, inheritence rights and so forth. The church merely co-opted the custom as a means of grabbing some more power over the flock.

But, OP, if you are your sweety are so far apart on this issue, I suggest you find someone more on your spiritual wavelength to marry.

I certainly don't have anyone in mind, nor plan on marrying anytime soon. I've already decided I would never date a religious girl, because we'd never ever get along or agree on anything

Always remember one thing. A wedding is the brides day...

I can tell you what I did. I'm agnostic (really don't care), and my wife is atheist. We simply went to the court house, and got married. About 6 months later, we had a celebration reception at my mom's house.

It is cheaper, and got exactly what we want. It is just as valid as a church wedding.

Why get married? That shit is so limiting...

Ill get ordained as an Athiest minister (i dont exactly know how that would work, but fuck details) and preside over the ceremony if it helps.

If not, get a municipal judge to do it. Besides, the religious ceremony isnt legally binding anyway.

quote:Originally posted by Source:

Always remember one thing. A wedding is the brides day...

thats a crock of shit.

All you need for a wedding is someone with credetials to sign the marriage licence. It can be a judge or your buddy who gets ordained by an anti-religious cult over the internet.

http://ULC.org if you want to be an atheist minister.

[This message has been edited by MasterPython (edited 03-02-2007).]

What would the harm be in getting married in a church, if the (religious) spouse really wanted it?

It's just a building. With pews. And lots of organ music. It's not like you're going to somehow "catch" the religion.

gmail - when you get to that point, just do like you said and bite your tongue. The minister isn't going to grill you about your beliefs, nor is he going to judge you. You don't have to tell him you don't subscribe to the religion, and odds are, he isn't going to ask. Be prepared to have to sit through the traditional sermon, and be prepared to hear a great deal of fluff about how you two are being "united together in front of the Lord", yadda yadda.

As a comparison - would you miss your best friend or close family member's funeral if they held the service in a church? I wouldn't.



[This message has been edited by AngryFemme (edited 03-02-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by boozehound420:

I doubt i'll ever be able to fall in love with a girl who has very strong religios views.

It happens, man. It happens.

I have that same problem. Im an atheist and my fiancee wants a christian wedding. What we are planning to do is have a Christian-style wedding. She can have the drees if she wants, invite people, throw rice, whatever, but, intstead of a Priest, there will be a judge that can marry us.

This way, she gets everything she wants without the rapist priests.

quote:Originally posted by AngryFemme:

What would the harm be in getting married in a church, if the (religious) spouse really wanted it?

It's just a building. With pews. And lots of organ music. It's not like you're going to somehow "catch" the religion.

gmail - when you get to that point, just do like you said and bite your tongue. The minister isn't going to grill you about your beliefs, nor is he going to judge you. You don't have to tell him you don't subscribe to the religion, and odds are, he isn't going to ask. Be prepared to have to sit through the traditional sermon, and be prepared to hear a great deal of fluff about how you two are being "united together in front of the Lord", yadda yadda.

As a comparison - would you miss your best friend or close family member's funeral if they held the service in a church? I wouldn't.







We cant be that hypocritical. How can I act like a respect a priest and the church when Im thinking inside its made out of money they take from people they hypnotize.

quote:Originally posted by MasterPython:



http://ULC.org

Dr. of Divinity, D.D. $29.95



This honorary Universal Life Church Monastery Doctorate of Divinity is awarded by the ULC Monastery and grants you all the rights, priviledges, and honors of being a legally ordained religious leader.

This impressive degree allows you to become a legally ordained minister and present yourself in a professional matter and in a position of public leadership within our society.

Mercy. I thought I'd seen just about everything. This takes the cake.

quote:Originally posted by orly_2005:



We cant be that hypocritical.

Sure we can.

quote: How can I act like a respect a priest and the church when Im thinking inside its made out of money they take from people they hypnotize.

Just like you must do for your fiancee when she goes on and on about wanting to have a Christian Wedding. You humor them.

http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)

Don't ask what you should believe. Make up your own beliefs that make sense to YOU. Personally, I don't think marriage that important, but as someone in S&A said, if it makes the woman I love happy, Ill do it. I would only marry if I loved someone, and knew it would make her happy.

quote:Originally posted by AngryFemme:

Mercy. I thought I'd seen just about everything. This takes the cake.

Been a minister of that church for years now. The guyy that runs it has a cult you can join and study to get super powers.

Marriage existed long before christianity and will exist long after christianity is extinct. You're not compromising anything.

Didn't you want a sex change in SG a few months ago?

quote:Originally posted by Fascismo:

Marriage existed long before christianity and will exist long after christianity is extinct. You're not compromising anything.

QFT

quote:Originally posted by gmail:

I'm an atheist (and a proud one at that)

If you don't accept Jesus Christ you will go to hell.

I didnt read the threads. I'm drunk, but heres my two cents...

I'm not religious. I'm probably more aethist then religious. I might conceded a higher power, but certainly not a sentient benevolent 'human-like' god, and the concept of an eternal soul and an afterlife seems childish at best.

One of my friends is a hardcore aethist. He just got married not too long ago, and it was a source of friction between him and the brides family. They were trying to introduce all these christian concepts into the ceremony, even to the point where there was a cross on the...fuck, whatever the hell that things called, that you get married under. I'm in the buisness, btw...so I really should know that, but I'm drunk...so alas. He didnt want -anything- religious about his ceremony, and I can understand that.

But I'm an aethist too...and honestly, I respect other religions. I hate christians, I hate jews, I hate...most religious people. But I respect their religions. I'm a banquet bartender, and 70% of the buisness we get is weddings. But you know what? Whenever the priest gives the blessing before the meal, I bow my head. Out of respect, not out of faith.

Theres one thing to have your beliefs, but I think its pretentious to be offended by the presence of other religions. Everyone is entitled to the path they choose to walk in life. I understand the need to be a part of something larger. As an aethist, I wouldnt have the slightest problem being married in a christian ceremony, or whatever other religion she might be. Except maybe jewish...damn jews. But the point of marriage is a union of two people. Marriage is compromise, first and foremost. I can easily tune out the 'in the eyes of god' part, if she wants those words spoken. Because to me, they dont matter as much as the ceremony itself.

Aethists should be above this. As an aethist, you know that these concepts are bogus, and you should understand that these words are -completely- meaningless and disregard them as such. Its only a problem the other way around. If you believe in god, then its a problem if these words arent spoken, because you dont know any better...and this is the way its supposed to be.

But okay, I understand...this is your day as much as it is hers. And you should have some say. If you cant overlook the religious aspects, then...thats between you and your mate. But there are plenty of women out there that dont buy into the bullshit as well. And chances are, if you're hardcore enough to be offended by a few words added here and there, then you're not going to marry a christian(or whatever) anyways. For those people, there are plenty of other generic ceremonies out there. Pretty much anyone can get liscenced to perform weddings. You can have a close friend marry you, and never speak a word of a higher power or our lord and savior or any of that bullshit.

But honestly, I think it depends on the girl. If she's aethist too, wonderful. But if she needs the blessing of a higher power to validate the day, then dont deny her that.

I really don't think it matters whether your married in a church or not. I'm an atheist myself, and I wouldn't mind being married in a church by a minister/priest/reverend if the woman I was marrying really wanted it (however, I highly doubt that I'd get married to a highly religious person in the first place).

quote:Originally posted by ductape:

Didn't you want a sex change in SG a few months ago?

haha I can't believe someone remembered that. Yeah I got drunk one night and decided to troll. I hate SG so whenever I have nothing good to say or want to piss people off, thats where I go.

Just wanted to say thanks for all of the info everyone has provided. I always thought you had to be married in some form of religious ceremony, but then a person with the credentials had to sign your papers and make it legal. I said it earlier, but some of you have misinterpreted my intentions. I am atheist, but I also realize that weddings are a HUGE day for woman, I mean they start planning that shit out at 5 years old. So if she wants a wedding at a church I'd still do it for her. Sure I don't agree with any of it, but as long as the preacher doesn't push any religious BS on me It wouldn't bother me too much.

Almost anyone can get a marrying license. Hell. I have a marrying license. So, you don't need to be married by a priest. In fact, you can get married by a fake Elvis at a drive through chapel in Vegas.

Point: marriage doesn't have to be a religious thing. A lot of people who aren't religious get married as either a simple statement of unity or for the legal benefits.

Personal opinion: they should either make marriage a purely religious thing and void it of any legal benefits and then adhere strictly to Christian religious beliefs (since that's what our country is founded on), or they should stop making it a religious thing completely and let whoever wants to get hitched get fucking hitched.

Cheers,

Lost

Marriage is just a ceremony. You won't get anything religious out of it if you have no faith in it.

the wedding ceremony is the brides day. If you love her, do whatever the fuck she wants for the ceremony....you dont have to swear your allegiance and faith to any god...A religious man just performs the ceremony. Dont be some pompous asshole that refuses to have anything to do with religion involved in the ceremony based on your beliefs.

if you're really an atheist, and you know/believe that there is no god up there...then whats the harm of going through the motions of it for a day to please the woman you love and want to spend the rest of your life with? To do otherwise would be selfish.

quote:Originally posted by chickenpoop:

Marriage is just a ceremony. You won't get anything religious out of it if you have no faith in it.

the wedding ceremony is the brides day. If you love her, do whatever the fuck she wants for the ceremony....you dont have to swear your allegiance and faith to any god...A religious man just performs the ceremony. Dont be some pompous asshole that refuses to have anything to do with religion involved in the ceremony based on your beliefs.

if you're really an atheist, and you know/believe that there is no god up there...then whats the harm of going through the motions of it for a day to please the woman you love and want to spend the rest of your life with? To do otherwise would be selfish.



Obviously you haven't read a damn thing that was said in this thread. I already stated my stand on her wishes maybe 3 times, but I guess one more won't kill me.

If she wants a wedding at a church then I will do it, because it wouldn't bother me if thats what will make her happy The wedding is more important to her than it is me, so if thats what she wants, then thats what she'll get. Capiche?

The wedding is more important to her than any other thing on the face of the planet. Stay the fuck out of her way until it's over. http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/biggrin.gif)

The covenant of marriage is askew these days. People focus more on the celebration and the ceremony more, forgetting that they are stepping into a binding legal contract that will affect just about every aspect of their lives from that point on. They get so caught up in the "bliss" that they tend to ignore the inevitable trials and tribulations of living with someone once the high of getting hitched fades away. I think the current divorce rates is evident of this.

People shouldn't be allowed to marry until they are at least 25, and have lived together for at least a year, in my feeble opinion.