I'm seeing this girl. We're not technically dating, but we're quite close, and things are looking good. I know eventually I'm going to have to meet her parents and in this lies the problem: Her mother is a hardcore Baptist Christian, I'm Atheist. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but from the things I have heard about her, this could be a big problem. Her mom goes to church every Sunday no matter what. She even goes to church when they go on vacation. When M's (we'll call my girl M to make it easy and keep it anonymous)sister decided she didn't like church anymore and stopped going, her mother took some of her things away from her, including internet privileges, until she started going to church again. She also the type that likes to spout the consequences of denying god (i.e. you're going to hell). M feels the same way I do about religion, and made a deal with her mom that when she turned 18 and went to college, she was free to choose whatever she wanted. Shes 20 now, and hasn't set foot in a church since before her 18th bday.

The problem is that I know her mom is going to ask me what religion I am, and after I tell her I'm Atheist, she's probably going to immediately dislike me. Her first impression of me will be along the lines of "This boy denies the holy spirit, and will only be a bad influence on my daughter". This is not the kind of first impression I want.

I don't have a problem keeping my religious views to myself, but I know this woman is going to initiate a conversation to get my stand on religion out of me, thus creating a bigger dislike of me.

My question is, how would you handle a situation like this? I really want her mom to at least like me a little bit, because this makes things easier for M and myself. As long as we are together I'm going to have to deal with her mom, hence I will consider any advice you fine totse members send my way.

E: Keep in mind the only thing I won't do is to lie to her and say I'm religious. I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not, even if it means getting on someones bad side.



[This message has been edited by gmail (edited 03-08-2007).]

Who cares about the mum. If she doesn't like you for who you are then &^$& her.

M probably gets a kick out of dating a guy whose not rosy in her parents eyes. It'll make her feel more independant.

Your girls 20, she nor you require mommy's approval.

But for shits and giggles bring a back pack, tell her you're a Muslim, then point towards the bag and say "If that starts ticking, run!"

so much more i could say on the subject.but i think i'll just STFU.

Just lie and then you and M and can laugh at mom later on behind her back.

Good for you for refusing to lie. That alone makes you more "spiritual" than many Christians. Still, you might be a tad, well, evqsive.

For instance, if you were baptized asa child, you could just say, if the question comes up, "I was baptized ____," and let mumsy draw her own conclusions.

Or you could just sort of smile and say "I have been taught that there are many roads to God--I am still searching."

quote:Originally posted by ArmsMerchant:

"I have been taught that there are many roads to God--I am still searching."

You could just tell her that you don't follow any set religious doctrine, and prefer to remain independant of orthodox religions. Don't continue on the topic, and if she refuses to drop the topic just tell her that you are still contemplating different beliefs, and haven't made a definative decision.

Or tell her that you're a satanist, and ask if she would like to listen to your death metal collection together.

I'd advise the first idea, but the second one would be a hell of a lot funnier.

quote:Originally posted by ArmsMerchant:

Good for you for refusing to lie. That alone makes you more "spiritual" than many Christians. Still, you might be a tad, well, evqsive.

For instance, if you were baptized asa child, you could just say, if the question comes up, "I was baptized ____," and let mumsy draw her own conclusions.

Or you could just sort of smile and say "I have been taught that there are many roads to God--I am still searching."

He shouldn't have to say any of that. He should be able to say he's an atheist as proud as anyone else would say pertaining to their own beliefs, and the mom should accept that and judge him based on his character traits, not his personal beliefs.

You say that this girl feels the same so you just say to the woman we both feel the same on this issue.I dont see why you give a shit but my plan should be a little easier on her.

Tell youre a pagan that likes to sacrifice small woodland creatures to celebrate the solstice.

quote:Originally posted by Source:

Your girls 20, she nor you require mommy's approval.

But for shits and giggles bring a back pack, tell her you're a Muslim, then point towards the bag and say "If that starts ticking, run!"

lol.

quote:Originally posted by bung:

He shouldn't have to say any of that. He should be able to say he's an atheist as proud as anyone else would say pertaining to their own beliefs, and the mom should accept that and judge him based on his character traits, not his personal beliefs.

In an ideal world, that would be true. The reality is that the mother will probably freak. At least at first, anyway. Most parents eventually (not allways) accept the choices made by their kids, even if they don't agree with the choices made.

I would recommend avoiding the subject (if at all possible) until she has a chance to get to know you better. If you impress her as being a normal, well adjusted individual, your lack of belief in a deity may suprise more than anger her.

Just tell her that faith is a difficult subject for you.

quote:Originally posted by vazilizaitsev89:

Just tell her that faith is a difficult subject for you.

No dont then she will get into a big discussion.

quote:Originally posted by truckfixr:

In an ideal world, that would be true. The reality is that the mother will probably freak. At least at first, anyway. Most parents eventually (not allways) accept the choices made by their kids, even if they don't agree with the choices made.

I would recommend avoiding the subject (if at all possible) until she has a chance to get to know you better. If you impress her as being a normal, well adjusted individual, your lack of belief in a deity may suprise more than anger her.



This man said the best option.

quote:Originally posted by truckfixr:

In an ideal world, that would be true. The reality is that the mother will probably freak. At least at first, anyway. Most parents eventually (not allways) accept the choices made by their kids, even if they don't agree with the choices made.

I would recommend avoiding the subject (if at all possible) until she has a chance to get to know you better. If you impress her as being a normal, well adjusted individual, your lack of belief in a deity may suprise more than anger her.



I'm sure she would freak. But I think it's just as bad to lead her to believe he's religious, even if he isn't outright lying.

But yes, personally, I would go about it just as you said, trying to avoid the subject.

quote:Originally posted by bung:



But yes, personally, I would go about it just as you said, trying to avoid the subject.

I'd love for that to happen, but chances are it's going to come up. I've decided that if she asks I'm just going to be straight forward and tell her, but thats as far as I'll let it go. I could see it turning into a debate of sorts, and I don't want this to happen.

So in conclusion, I'm going to tell her the truth, and if she decides to judge me on just that rather than my character, I guess I'll just make sure I don't see too much of her.

Thanks to everyone for the ideas.

how can your girl get negative influences should she already have rejected the holy spirit. don't let your girlfriend's mom trip you out dude. be bigger than that dumb bitch.

I say you should pretend to be even more hardcore, and any little thing her mother does shout

"THAT IS A SIN! REPENTTTTT!!!!"

or...just be honest and tell her to mind her own fucking business.

quote:Originally posted by bung:

He shouldn't have to say any of that. He should be able to say he's an atheist as proud as anyone else would say pertaining to their own beliefs, and the mom should accept that and judge him based on his character traits, not his personal beliefs.

"Should"? I see no "should" about it.

In the real world, it is sometimes expedient--not to say reasonable and prudent--to keep one's self to oneself.

You have quite a few options.

One, just inform her that you don't think that religion should be the subject of polite conversation. If she brings it up

Or "I'm not confortable discussing such matters"

If she asks you can say "excuse me?" and if she presses on, use one of the other previously mentioned phrases by myself of others above me

quote:Originally posted by ArmsMerchant:

"Should"? I see no "should" about it.

In the real world, it is sometimes expedient--not to say reasonable and prudent--to keep one's self to oneself.

Yet leading her to believe a lie is somehow better?

Sorry, but I feel America needs to reach the point where when someone asks what religion you follow, it is a perfectly acceptable answer to reply with, "I'm an atheist." As of today, it is not. Keeping your beliefs to yourself and even going so far as to lie about them is not going to accomplish this goal.

For some reason, it sounds as if you believe it's perfectly acceptable that it is not acceptable for an atheist to say what he/she believes.

To keep certain beliefs to oneself only serves to further perpetuate negative stereotypes associated with those beliefs when conversing with someone who does not understand them.

It may be expedient in the short term, but in the long term, it only hurts America in its ability to be tolerant of different beliefs.



[This message has been edited by bung (edited 03-09-2007).]

Oops, double post. http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)



[This message has been edited by bung (edited 03-09-2007).]