When you're angry, sad, or hurt and for whatever reason, the person or people don't CARE at all about how you feel, because they believe themselves justified to have offended you, who do you talk to? When no one is left to stand by your side, who do you talk to?

When you go back in your bedroom or car, and cry, and scream out, perhaps even write out what your mind can't understand, because you want to make sense of it too, who are you writing that to?

When I was living like the world, I acted like the world. I would remember people just teaming up against me, and how I felt so hard-pressed, even my own family. They didn't understand what I was going through, even though they claimed they did.. or it was a 'stage'.

When I lived at my mom's house, I would run back into my bedroom, and voices would start talking. They would say, "They would be happy if you weren't here. Don't you wonder what things would be like if you weren't in the picture. It would be a perfect family then." I would cry and write. Writing became my passion. I would call myself talking to 'four walls' the 'four walls' listened to me. The 'four walls' cared more than they did.

I was so obsessed with death, and dying. Like death was a person, I would go to bed and ask 'death' to take me away in the morning. I would call 'death' my lover, and I would tell 'death' that I would wait for him. I rememeber writing some poem that had this line in it.. 'As the morning light rips my eyes apart, I realise it's another day'. The pain continued.. nothing.. nothing.. razor blades, bongs, 45s, nothing took it away.



BUT GOD.. SO RICH IN HIS MERCY AND LOVE, HAD MERCY ON ME, A SINNER. Imagine that. Jesus bore it all, and took it all away. YES, I can get mad. Yes, I do cry. I'M HUMAN, but I never carry what he's bore. I know what He says about me, and those voices that would call me hopeless, lie. There is hope for the hopeless, but that hope is only found in the Lord Jesus Christ. NOT RELIGION! NOT EVEN THE LORD JESUS APPLAUDS RELIGIOUS TRAIDITIONALISM!!



I wanted to say that.

I was thinking about getting a blue shirt (for royalty) and having this sentence placed on it. "I'm not self-righteous, I was made that way."

Most would understand that it's because of the Christ's righteousness that I'm saved and not that of my own. I don't have to try, it's grace, and it's mercy.

Seriously, who is it you think you're talking to. I'm wondering.

[This message has been edited by HellzShellz (edited 03-14-2007).]

quote: When I lived at my mom's house, I would run back into my bedroom, and voices would start talking.

One word, five syllables:

Thioridazine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thioridazine)

Haven't seen you around here for a while.

And on the shirt, personally I wouldn't , but hell, if you can pull it off, go ahead.

I generally rant to whoever wants to listen really... I guess God does that pretty well.

quote:Originally posted by AngryFemme:

One word, five syllables:

Thioridazine

This is for everybody.

Apparently I need to clarify this. When I say 'hear voices' you would say, 'think thoughts'.

[This message has been edited by HellzShellz (edited 03-14-2007).]

I don't get voices in my head. I must be weird. All my thoughts also stem from myself, I've never hear anything in my head in the sense that you put it, as a voice talking to me.

quote:Originally posted by Zay:

I don't get voices in my head. I must be weird. All my thoughts also stem from myself, I've never hear anything in my head in the sense that you put it, as a voice talking to me.

Me neither... It's more like the memory of a voice...

It's strange.

quote:Originally posted by JesuitArtiste:

Haven't seen you around here for a while.

And on the shirt, personally I wouldn't , but hell, if you can pull it off, go ahead.

I generally rant to whoever wants to listen really... I guess God does that pretty well.

Hey, don't you think it would open up for good conversation? People might come off angry(Joke) and trying to, 'throw stones' then I can just lift up the Lord Jesus Christ, and tell them HOW they can be made righteous too! Eh?

Exactly Jesu, and I'm glad you seen where I was going with that. We think we're talking to no one, but GOD HEARS YOU. You may not be able to hear Him because of your sins, but He hears you. HE KNOWS US. The evil and the righteous, their hearts are open before Him. Nothing is hidden from Him.

I told God once, "My heart is ever open before you like a book." I heard Him speak to my heart and say, "Mine is open before you too." We just have to hungry to know Him. Ya know? We have to seek Him. Those who seek are promised that they will find, but how deep are you willing to dig to find who you desire?

There's this one song, and it says this, "I've heard it said that a man would swim an ocean just to be with the one he loved. All of these dreams are an empty notion it can never be done. I've never swam the deepest ocean, but I walked upon the raging sea, and just to be with you I would do anything. there's no price I did not pay, Just to be with you I'd done everything. Yes, I gave my life away.

I know, and I will always know. No matter how much I call myself devoted and dedicated to God, HE'S SO MUCH MORE DEDICATED TO ME. He's so much more DEDICATED TO YOU. I wish all would come to know His love for them as individuals.

Hey, you should know how it is by now, I'm here when I'm here.

I want to say this too. I remember going to church and in Sunday School, as a child, I would hear that Jesus loved me and died for me. When the minister would ask if we believed that Jesus would have died for us if we were the only ones alive, I said yes, because everyone else did. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, even as a 9, 10 year old child how God died on the cross for ME that long ago.

But as you grow, God reveals Himself to us if we seek. Simple example, but what did I need to be revealed to me to UNDERSTAND this? I needed a revelation of the Lord knowing me before He ever created me. I needed a revelation that as He went through calavary HE THOUGHT OF ME. That if I would have been the only one to believe HE WAS GOING TO DIE FOR ME.



That same love, His Love, He is Love, carries over into the heart of a real believer at the new birth, because it's no longer I, but Christ that lives in me. Amen.

Love ya in Christ, and with His love in me for you. (So it's holy).

quote:Originally posted by Zay:

I don't get voices in my head. I must be weird. All my thoughts also stem from myself, I've never hear anything in my head in the sense that you put it, as a voice talking to me.

I'm telling you. I use to pose the same argument. "THEY'RE MY THOUGHTS, YOU ARE THE QUESTIONS YOU ASK. MY THOUGHTS MAKE ME WHO I AM." No, what YOU GIVE your thoughts to cause you to act and do the things you do, the way you do it. That's a reality that must be faced. Repent, means to change the way you think and turn to God.

Remember John the baptist. "CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK AND TURN TO GOD FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS AT HAND."

Changing the way you think is significant, because the only way you can do that is by renewing your mind with the Word of God.

"Be not conformed to this world, but be ye TRANSFORMED, (how?) by the RENEWING of your mind." (What do you renew your mind with), the Word of God.



"The Word of God is powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, dividing asunder between the joint and the marrow, the SPIRIT and the SOUL."

See, I GAVE MY THOUGHTS TO what was being whispered in my head in the guise of 'my thoughts' because they wanted me to act on those thoughts. If I would have killed myself back then, what damage would I pose to Satan? He couldn't KILL me, if he could have he sure would have, but God had sufficent grace and mercy and God had people praying for me. He could only speak lies and try to get me to take my own life. You see?

Satan couldn't make Adam eat the apple, he could only try to influence Adam through his wife. IT'S SIMPLE. IT'S THE GOSPEL.

[This message has been edited by HellzShellz (edited 03-14-2007).]

I rant to Totse.

HellzShellz, I don't mean to offend, but I really think you're either insane or a troll.

Me personally, there's one voice that I can make two to have conversations with myself (all I do is ask myself a question, then put on William Burroughs voice and try and figure out an answer, lol).

Sounds like you would benefit more form psychiatric help than religion.

Religion always exploits those who are going through deep deep emotional problems. Religion is like a drug to you, and you're just self medicating.

quote:Originally posted by echodrug:

Religion always exploits those who are going through deep deep emotional problems. Religion is like a drug to you, and you're just self medicating.

Well said.

It's more than self-medicating for evangelicals. It's regurgitating the medicine back up in the form of a self-righteous, holier-than-thou CAPSLOCK festival of ranting and raving.

quote:Originally posted by HellzShellz:

[B]Seriously, who is it you think you're talking to. I'm wondering. [B]

That would be my higher self, or buddha mind http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif). Lots of people share your experience without knowing how the human brain works, look it up you will find that because the speech centre is in the left hemisphere that is where one's sense of self, or ego, is usually located seeing as we tend to identify so often with our words.

When the ego asks a question that cannot be answered by the logical mathmatical left hemisphere and the answer comes from the right side of the brain it is often cognised as a seperate voice.

"How the Brain Creates the Experience of God" http://www.shaktitechnology.com/god.htm

Whatever, it seems you've had a rough life and I can relate to much of your story including being a child in Sunday School hearing the wonderful stories about the good shepherd http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif) I can't remember the author but a wise person once said "If there were no God we would have to invent one just so our grateful hearts would have someone to thank".

Peace http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif (http://www.totse.com/bbs/smile.gif)

quote:Originally posted by redzed:



"How the Brain Creates the Experience of God" http: //www.shak titechnolo gy.com/god .htm



Thank you, that was very interesting.

But yes, I believe the process of prayer to a higher power is healing. Not because of divine power but acknowledging problems within your subconcious.

quote:Originally posted by HellzShellz:

When you're angry, sad, or hurt and for whatever reason, the person or people don't CARE at all about how you feel, because they believe themselves justified to have offended you, who do you talk to? When no one is left to stand by your side, who do you talk to?

When you go back in your bedroom or car, and cry, and scream out, perhaps even write out what your mind can't understand, because you want to make sense of it too, who are you writing that to? It's your minds way of letting out emotion. Some do it with writing, some with music, some call and tell their best friend etc....

quote: When I was living like the world, I acted like the world. I would remember people just teaming up against me, and how I felt so hard-pressed, even my own family. They didn't understand what I was going through, even though they claimed they did.. or it was a 'stage'. Hanging around fucked up people is one thing. Stay away from them. But your family is just watching you go through emotion. They cannot help you much. You need to go through it yourself and learn how to deal. What they really mean by "It's a stage" is that your emotion is impermanant. Things are constantly changing. You will remember this thread later and probably laugh about it and realize that it was not permanant and you did not go completely insane..

quote: When I lived at my mom's house, I would run back into my bedroom, and voices would start talking. They would say, "They would be happy if you weren't here. Don't you wonder what things would be like if you weren't in the picture. It would be a perfect family then." I would cry and write. Writing became my passion. I would call myself talking to 'four walls' the 'four walls' listened to me. The 'four walls' cared more than they did.

I was so obsessed with death, and dying. Like death was a person, I would go to bed and ask 'death' to take me away in the morning. I would call 'death' my lover, and I would tell 'death' that I would wait for him. I rememeber writing some poem that had this line in it.. 'As the morning light rips my eyes apart, I realise it's another day'. The pain continued.. nothing.. nothing.. razor blades, bongs, 45s, nothing took it away. Everyone suffers in one way or another. The trick is not to dwell on grief. Think of others. Do something for other people and you will feel alot better.



As far as everything else, I'd rather not comment. But Jesus taught compassion. Think of others that are more unfortunate than you are, and trust me, there are many.