Ok, heres the situation. My dad is a former coke addict, and my stepmom is a former alcoholic, and a few years ago "christ helped them overcome their addictions" as they put it. So ever since then they have been some hardcore christians, and they have made me go to church every sunday for the past few years. At first I just sat there in church not really paying attention, but then I finally decided to listen to what the pastor was talking about. The more I payed attention to him the more I realized that christianity is a bunch of bullshit. I came to realize that I did not want to follow a religion not too soon after that, but I have never told my parents. They are always trying to instill these "christian values" in me, and I am just sick of hearing it. I want to tell them that I am an atheist, but when my older brother told them that a couple years ago, they didnt talk to him for almost a year, and his relationship with them is really shitty now. I have a decent relationship with them now and I dont want to fuck that up, so I need some suggestions to tell them the truth. Have any of you ever been in a situation like this and can you give me some advice?

Best advice, keep your mouth shut til you leave home.

Seriously, anything else will just lead to world of hurt and aggravation.

Your parents maybe ,theologically speaking,away with the fucking fairies but if they overcame addictions with 'jesus'help' then there aint NO way, NO how they are going to understand your point of view.

Forget it.

What jackketch said. Just wait till you leave home. I know it'll suck for now, but hey, you can think of a funny way to tell them.

You could send them a giant cake that reads "I THINK GOD IS IMAGINARY" with a flaming bible on top, instead of a candle.

Sure, they'd be pissed. But who doesn't love cake?

Did they happen to go through the AA or NA (alcoholics/narcotics anonymous) program?

Reason I ask - people are often "born again" through these 12-step programs. They are taught through peer counseling that they are completely, utterly helpless at overcoming their addiction without a Higher Power. Once successful at kicking their habits, the anxiety that accompanies an addict's recovery period can be brutal, but the 12 step program calls for an aggressive follow-up that includes ongoing participation in the meetings and a sequestered support group that continually drives home the program itself.

People argue that any method that frees a person from substance abuse should be considered a successful one, but I vehemently disagree. Having to replace one co-dependency (drugs/alcohol) with another (relying on God as their crutch) doesn't seem like the healthiest strategy one could adopt.

I agree with jack on this - if you really feel that your relationship with them now is better than ever before, keep your disdain for Christianity to yourself for the time being, especially if you live with them. You can probably duck out of religious services and find other excuses to not participate in any of their holy worship.

If their born-again status is still in it's toddler stage (you said it was only a few years ago) - they'll likely attempt even more conversion efforts directed at you if you come right out and admit to being an atheist. Wait until you move out to tell them, else you risk being victim to some kind of religious intervention.

If they are trying to brainwash you into believing their bullshit then they don't deserve your respect.
Your brother did the right thing by sticking with his beliefs and you should follow his example.
Don't try hiding who you are from them just because they are so immature that they won't speak to you if you don't have the same imaginary friends as them. They are not worth it.

Angryfemme touched on this point already.

You need to view your parents as you would someone suffering from a psychosis.

You could take them up in a helicopter over Paris and show them everything built in the last 150 years but they'll still know that they ARE Napoleon!

Nothing you can say or do will change their *opinion*,

Good advice all around.

I wouldn't treat them as if they're suffering a psychosis, though. But I still would not attempt to tell your parents anything about your true convictions now. They may be steeped in the wonder stages of Jesus discovery, but they are still rational people who love and care about you.

You may never be able to change their opinions regarding Christianity, nor should you try. The best you can do is make it so they understand your perspective. To understand, you don't have to agree. Maybe one day, when you do tell them, you can do it in a way that proves to them they can still love you without compromising their faith in Christ and avoid a repeat with what happened to your brother.

They are not worth it.

They are his parents, and he obviously loves them. Of course they are worth it.

Worth being sheltered, that is. It's almost analogous to parents who successfully hide their financial woes or relationship problems from their small children just because the children aren't mature enough to understand yet.

Like karma sleeper said, they're so steeped in their religion right now, they're going to have a hard time relating to you as a godless person. They'll feel obligated to try and make you change your beliefs to be on par with theirs.

Tell them. Fuck being someone your not till you leave home. Fuck that.

If you tell them now, they are going to make your life miserable. If you are financially dependent on them, they're going to screw you there too. Keep your mouth shut until you've left home and you don't need them anymore, then tell them.

If you do this now, they are going to hurt you in any way they can "for your own good."

Ask for the album "Christ Illusion" by Slayer for Christmas, they'll get the picture.

Tell them you need to hit rock bottom before you can "find" Christ as well. Tell them to get you 6 or 7 grams of coke and a few asian hookers so you can find Jesus too.

Seriously, do not tell them your views of atheism. It is hard enough to destroy a stranger's god delusion. Your parents will always have a hard time taking your advice on anything b/c they remember you when you shit your pants on a daily basis.

Best you can hope for is getting out of church on Sunday's. If you have to, tell them that the original day of the Sabbath and part of God's pact with man is on Saturday. Tell them that Sunday is actually a day of Pagan sun worship and theonly reason it is on Sunday is b/c of a little Roman fella named Constantine in the year 325 A.D.

Tell them that you refuse to acknowledge pagan holidays b/c of some Roman Emperor. Accuse them of not believing ENOUGH...join a cult-like website called Soldiers of Christ or someshit and preach constantly to them the Gospel. Eventually, (if you are extreme enough) they will back off of the church thing for you and just be grateful you did not drink the Kool-Aid.

get a job so you dont have to depend on them, make sure they have no control over your account, cant take your money or anything, and just tell the that you dont believe what they believe and that nothing could change your mind.

If they are trying to brainwash you into believing their bullshit then they don't deserve your respect.
Your brother did the right thing by sticking with his beliefs and you should follow his example.
Don't try hiding who you are from them just because they are so immature that they won't speak to you if you don't have the same imaginary friends as them. They are not worth it.

This.

They won't care if they die alone, they'll have their imaginary friend, their surrogate opiate. Don't try to deal with them. They aren't worth it. They believe and try to propagate a mental virus.

Every second you continue to lie to them, you allow them to believe it is possible for them to spread their twisted mindsets. By not crushing that, you are potentially opening the door for more people to be mislead, deceived, and destroyed.

Get books. Lots of books. Books on science, on history, on philiosophy. Make sure the ONLY argument they have is "but god says so!". It'll sound pathetic, even to them, after enough times of you smacking them down with LOGIC. Always, always remember that its a moot point. You're right, they're wrong. Eventually time will prove that.

If they say that God helped them, tell them that their reliance on their imaginary friend has become an addiction in and of itself, and one that they need to fight just as much as what they first fought.

This will be hard. Very, very hard. Its worth every ounce of it. If you were gay, would you tell your parents? You might, you might not, and if you did, you would probably say to yourself that its who you are, and you shouldn't lie to them. They should accept you, even if your views conflict. I don't see any difference here, and I'm fairly sure if you posted a thread like that in S&A, not many would tell you to stay closeted until you moved out.

Good luck.

Get books. Lots of books. Books on science, on history, on philiosophy. Make sure the ONLY argument they have is "but god says so!". It'll sound pathetic, even to them, after enough times of you smacking them down with LOGIC. Always, always remember that its a moot point. You're right, they're wrong. Eventually time will prove that.

I could not disagree more. This is using the same tactics religious nuts do when they whip out their Bibles and try to force their spiritual philosophies on other people, and one of those times when fighting fire with fire is just going to fan the already scorching flames that are threatening to ruin their relationship.

Seems to me like by not telling them, he would just be treating his parents exactly like he'd prefer they'd treat him. I'm sure K Scott would agree that his life would have been a whole lot easier after his parent's conversion if they would have simply just kept it to themselves.

They're going to continue believing, regardless of the science books he whips out. If anything, their faith is going to be strengthened by their son's "coming out", and if they're harassing him now with their gospel, they'd come at him with even more sanctimonious crap and conversion efforts if they think the devil's gotten a hold on him.

I have a decent relationship with them now and I dont want to fuck that up

Then maintain your guise. Continue to love them, despite their beliefs. When you're in a position to fend for yourself completely and not be dependent on their support, you won't have to deal with their religious ceremonies any more.

My parents weren't hardcore holy rollers, K Scott, but they did hold faith and were tied to Christian traditions. I "came out" in my late 20's, reassured them that I loved them and would always be there for them, but I let them know that I would no longer be participating in their rituals.

While they feared for my soul, prayed for me and expected to see my life take a turn for the worse, I astonished them by maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and proved that a life devoid of God could still be a productive, healthy regime with loads of happiness.

Remember: The best revenge is living well. You're bigger than they are. If they decide to cut you out of their life when you're independent and grown up (like they did your brother) .... don't let them! Write them letters. Send them cards. Continue to express your love and respect for them and constantly remind them that as their son, you will always be a part of their lives, regardless if they're willing to accept you or not. This will speak volumes for your character, and in my opinion - will be far, far more effective than being insolent and trying to fight them tooth and nail under their own roof.

, and I'm fairly sure if you posted a thread like that in S&A, not many would tell you to stay closeted until you moved out.

Good luck.

I certainly would advise him to stay in fucking Narnia (ie DEEP in the closet) if his parents were religious whack jobs(and btw mine were).

Yes they should accept his sexuality/faith.

But they won't.

As long as can look at himself in the mirror then there is no need to start a war that no one will 'win' and that will only end up hurting everyone.

As long as he feels he isn't living a lie then it just ain't worth the heartache.

Chances are his parents will day by day notice that something isn't 'right' and they will then bend.

But SLOW is the key word when dealing with christian parents.

Having been through it all my parents I then went through it all again with my parents-in-law ("Laughter is a sin" type wackos).

Even though their daughter,my wife-to-be, was pregnant they refused to let us sleep together under their roof- we lived with them for 6months.

Took time and patience,not direct confrontation.

A few years down the line they were asking my wife's sister if they should make up the double bed when she and her boyfriend came to visit.

Your parents are fuck up failures who realized their life was a shithole and they never accomplished any of their dreams so they turned to something that they thought would give them an edge on people who are so much smarter than them and became bigots to people who they think are "unworthy." Have your dad write a will and kill them both. Typical American fuck up family. They don't by any chance go to Harvest Bible Chapel do they? If so kill them.

Man I hate my country.

I could not disagree more. This is using the same tactics religious nuts do when they whip out their Bibles and try to force their spiritual philosophies on other people, and one of those times when fighting fire with fire is just going to fan the already scorching flames that are threatening to ruin their relationship.


No. There is a massive difference.
Science is PROVEN. Everything on the planet that has been made by humans is steeped in scientific and mathematical principles. You can't get a car to work by praying for the wheels to move, you have to build the engine and all associated technologies.

If science was as unprovable as religion it wouldn't work, but it does.
If his parents are going to try and get him to follow their ridiculous, and quite frankly, dangerous beliefs, then he should at least fight back with logical arguments.

I find the best way to get back at a religious nutcase is by pointing out the inconsistencies and hypocrisy in their own religious texts and beliefs.
Read your parents bible and find as much hypocrisy as possible, then confront them with it the next time they try to brainwash you.

I certainly would advise him to stay in fucking Narnia (ie DEEP in the closet) if his parents were religious whack jobs(and btw mine were).

Yes they should accept his sexuality/faith.

But they won't.

As long as can look at himself in the mirror then there is no need to start a war that no one will 'win' and that will only end up hurting everyone.

As long as he feels he isn't living a lie then it just ain't worth the heartache.

Chances are his parents will day by day notice that something isn't 'right' and they will then bend.

But SLOW is the key word when dealing with christian parents.

Having been through it all my parents I then went through it all again with my parents-in-law ("Laughter is a sin" type wackos).

Even though their daughter,my wife-to-be, was pregnant they refused to let us sleep together under their roof- we lived with them for 6months.

Took time and patience,not direct confrontation.

A few years down the line they were asking my wife's sister if they should make up the double bed when she and her boyfriend came to visit.

Those are some people who have no control of their lives so they try to control people as much as possible. Kill them. They are bad for society.

No. There is a massive difference.
Science is PROVEN. Everything on the planet that has been made by humans is steeped in scientific and mathematical principles. You can't get a car to work by praying for the wheels to move, you have to build the engine and all associated technologies.

If science was as unprovable as religion it wouldn't work, but it does.
If his parents are going to try and get him to follow their ridiculous, and quite frankly, dangerous beliefs, then he should at least fight back with logical arguments.

I find the best way to get back at a religious nutcase is by pointing out the inconsistencies and hypocrisy in their own religious texts and beliefs.
Read your parents bible and find as much hypocrisy as possible, then confront them with it the next time they try to brainwash you.

You don't know much about christians do you?

He could point out supposed 'inconsistencies' in their faith and the bible all day every day for a week of sundays.

Won't make no difference whatsoever.

I've tried before now. And I'll lay money my knowledge of the bible and christianity beats his by miles.

And your attitude that 'science works and is PROVEN' is to most christians laughable at best and satanic at worst.

Sadly, Jackketch is correct. Most Christians (indeed, most religious people in general) are so huddled inside their pathetic, twisted beliefs that they could never understand even basic logical concepts when applied to their nonsense.

If they don't want to understand you, then it doesn't matter how clear you are, you won't get through.

I think if you cannot keep your beliefs to yourself you should parody theirs. Become MORE holy than they are. Become extreme. Get suspended from school for fighting with the next kid who says God Damn. Find christian extrememist groups and get them to mail you some literature on "Preparing the heathens for judgement day". Tell your parents you need a rifle to be a soldier for God. GO APESHIT WITH IT. Tell them you hear the undeniable voice of God.

I would worry that your parents may join you but someone already said it "they are not religious, they have simply replaced one addictive behavior for another". They are Christian Junkies.

Over a year ago, I was dating a pastor's daughter. While she claimed to have moved away from the beliefs of her family, she still held pretty much identical opinions. This made things...Awkward, as I often saw through the bullshit lies her parents had (courtesy of Kent Hovind and other crazy right wingers) thrown at her, which she then regurgitated to me.

The worst of these came with the discussion of evolution and abortion. She was immobile on these topics, but would always bring them up in a fight. Always. I tried to be sensitive, but one day I blew up at her. I called her father an educated oaf, and I called her a hypocrite who refused to admit that she was still a fundie Christian.

Needless to say, we broke up shortly after.

We haven't really ever spoken since. We had sex a couple times after that (Yes, I know. Pastor's daughter.), but she just couldn't forgive me for not supporting her beliefs. Hell, for condemning them.

If you really love your parents, then you should (oddly enough) do the Christian thing; love the sinner, but hate the sin. Maybe they'll come around someday, when they're over their addiction. Maybe not. But still, love and respect them all the same.

I think if you cannot keep your beliefs to yourself you should parody theirs. Become MORE holy than they are. Become extreme. Get suspended from school for fighting with the next kid who says God Damn. Find christian extrememist groups and get them to mail you some literature on "Preparing the heathens for judgement day". Tell your parents you need a rifle to be a soldier for God. GO APESHIT WITH IT. Tell them you hear the undeniable voice of God.

I would worry that your parents may join you but someone already said it "they are not religious, they have simply replaced one addictive behavior for another". They are Christian Junkies.

ALthough it was probably meant somewhat tongue-in-cheek this approach does actually work.

However you must make sure the 'cult' (for want of a better word) is your parents faith +100. SO don't join the Jehoes or become a Bendictine monk.

Now excuse me please, agreeing twice in one day with Broke has left me feeling in need of alcohol.

Cytosine - But what is the poor bastard gonna do for an hour every sunday.......dream of suicide?

Now excuse me please, agreeing twice in one day with Broke has left me feeling in need of alcohol.

I will drink to that...

Remember: The best revenge is living well. You're bigger than they are. If they decide to cut you out of their life when you're independent and grown up (like they did your brother) .... don't let them! Write them letters. Send them cards. Continue to express your love and respect for them and constantly remind them that as their son, you will always be a part of their lives, regardless if they're willing to accept you or not. This will speak volumes for your character, and in my opinion - will be far, far more effective than being insolent and trying to fight them tooth and nail under their own roof.

This.

I went through this about a month or two ago with my parents. I just let it build up until I just told them straight up that I don't believe in God. Yes, they were made for a while and perhaps still are, but we get along fine now.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=P8Aq00yJSxo

dont give up as easily as this guy, lol.