I will start with a bit of background.

My mother is an active Christian I have been brought up in a Christian fashion, being forced to go to church every Sunday and such. I took an interest in the religion at about the age of 12. I was baptised of my own accord. At the age of maybe 15/16 I became educated in other possibilities, such as we are all one big coincidence(life, planet earth etc.). Since that age I have been increasingly atheist.

More recently I have become increasingly depressed due to several reasons, I have a few good friends that are Christian, and have suggested returning to Christianity. I have started to attend church on the occasional weekend, with CU meeting here and there. I have to say I find it all very interesting.

I don't want to turn to the church simply because I am at an all time low, and need support. It is almost like using people for my own benefit.

I think the main problem I have is the nagging voice in the back of my head that says "this isn't real". But yet I still have this amazing force inside me pushing me towards the church.

My most recent opinion(I have had this opinion for a while, before I was recently drawn to Christianity) on religion is, If I died and went to hell as a 'non-believer' I wouldn't be surprised if there was an 'all knowing being'. I really don't mean to make that sound so trivial, but it is the only way I can get it across!

What I am looking for is ideally a bit of guidance. My situation is obviously to do with Christianity but I believe this topic/situation could apply to any religion.

Opinions would be great.

I don't see how you could be fulfilled by something you don't believe in. Is this what you are asking?

But I'm not you and this isn't your blog, what kind of answers are you expecting?

Maybe, you are being pushed to study the christian religion, not believe in it per se. but study it. like a theologian.

The only reason you feel this way is because you were lied to your entire life by your religious zealot of a mother. She brainwashed you. You need to use reason to shake off the religion in you.

I am an atheist and I too was abused by my parents. I wish it were true that there was an all loving God protecting us, however there is no evidence for this. You need to constantly remind yourself that what is true is better than being lied to.

The truth will set you free.

Good luck.

Read the book "Tao of Meditation" and I know all of your problems will be solved.

More recently I have become increasingly depressed due to several reasons, I have a few good friends that are Christian, and have suggested returning to Christianity. I have started to attend church on the occasional weekend, with CU meeting here and there. I have to say I find it all very interesting.

Do you feel like it helps with your depression? If so, you could always pay heed to that nagging voice you speak of, if only to humor it, by trying to achieve the same help from other sources.

That would probably involve taking a long, hard look at all the dynamics involved in the catharsis you get from the church. Ask yourself what it really is that makes the church so appealing and interesting to you.

There could be other not-so-obvious benefits you're reaping as a member besides just the inspiration from a God that you aren't quite sure you believe in wholeheartedly anyway.

Maybe it's the camaraderie and the strong sense of belonging that comes with being a part of a tight community. Maybe you are drawn in by the structure of it all, and prefer to have a strict set of guidelines in which to confidently set your standards by.

Maybe you just appreciate a good story that promises it's faithful readers the mother of all happy endings! The nagging voice you described is a part of you. A part of you that is compelled to take the high road, but not prepared to disillusion yourself. This nagging voice should be a boon to you, a faithful watchdog that's trained to prevent you from being duped.

If you could pinpoint other reasons why it appeals to you, you could seek out other methods of obtaining it, and at least you could be comfortable knowing that you aren't missing out on other sources of comfort that doesn't depend on you believing in things that you have to talk yourself into being true.

More recently I have become increasingly depressed due to several reasons, I have a few good friends that are Christian, and have suggested returning to Christianity. I have started to attend church on the occasional weekend, with CU meeting here and there. I have to say I find it all very interesting.

I don't want to turn to the church simply because I am at an all time low, and need support. It is almost like using people for my own benefit.

I think the main problem I have is the nagging voice in the back of my head that says "this isn't real". But yet I still have this amazing force inside me pushing me towards the church..

I was in a similar situation when I was around 15. I, like most teens, had problems with depression. These problems were reaching an all-time high, and I was starting down the path of alcoholism. A couple Christian friends (how does an alcoholic atheist in the 10th grade have Christian friends? AP classes) convinced me that my problems were due to "sin" and guilt-tripped me into joining their youth group.

I really, honestly almost converted. I even broke down during a sermon. Their pastor was good. He was wonderful at manipulating my self-doubt and the sense of loneliness that was causing me depression.

It was only when I realistically and critically examined my thoughts and actions that I came to the conclusion that the only difference between drinking and joining the church was that my liver would be in better shape. I was still trying to fill the void in my life, and neither was very constructive.

I'm not sure of your situation is the same, and I'm really not suggesting you go down the same road I have. But just think critically and be very aware of what motives the people around you may have. For example, as an atheist I would really rather you stay on the disbelieving side, but that's your choice.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

The nagging voice in the back of your head should be used as a guideline, don't insult it by ignoring it. Join some other organization or group --that won't rot your brain-- to fullfill your need for togetherness.

Get new friends. Having friends who are devout christians is pointless. ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING you ever need to talk about or get some advice on will be ........... Duh...God will help you.

There minds are trained to use human misery for the benefit of the cult. All cults do this. ALL.

Find new friends who drink their moo-moo from a big boy cup and not a ba-ba.

Once again Saint Francis Xavier is proved right.

I think you should turn to yourself and not use religion as a crutch or helper.

I had a Christian friend who always asked me to come to his church (not the conventional kind of church you're thinking of). I did go a few times, and eventually I noticed that he didn't care about hanging out with me at all unless it was at his church. I told him this, and I said to him that he only wants me to come to his church so I can be converted to his religion, and he just told me that that wasn't true and he just wanted me to hang out with him there. When I think of him, I think that he was dishonest, possibly, so dishonest that he didn't really realise it. He was two faced, and very hypocritical, he judged people a lot and I'm not talking about in the sense you would think a Christian would judge someone, but in the way your average person judges and insults people for other reasons. I would bring this to his attention and he would always say something like 'Christians aren't perfect' which is a canned response that every Christian will give - but he and they don't actually make any effort in the first place to follow the teachings of Jesus, so why should they be excused when they act like arseholes full time? Alot of Buddhists go to extraordinary efforts to think and act the way that Buddhism tells them to, and many of them succeed, seemingly absolutely. I went to a Christian school, and the way I felt was that everyone there wasn't actually capable of knowing what belief actually meant, they just said they were Christian without even knowing what that actually was - they might have been able to tell you exactly what it meant and they might have been right, but inside themselves, they did not really believe, and they didn't even realise it. It was as if they were robots. And being around those people I didn't feel as if they were Christians, or what I think Christians should be like.
This is why Christianity seems to me like a particularly faulty/failed religion. Why can't so many of its followers actually be good, spiritual people? Why all the hypocrisy, ignorance and twofacedness?

he and they don't actually make any effort in the first place to follow the teachings of Jesus, so why should they be excused when they act like arseholes full time?

They shouldn't be excused! The hypocrisy should be pointed out at every given opportunity.

The only reason you feel this way is because you were lied to your entire life by your religious zealot of a mother. She brainwashed you. You need to use reason to shake off the religion in you.

I am an atheist and I too was abused by my parents. I wish it were true that there was an all loving God protecting us, however there is no evidence for this. You need to constantly remind yourself that what is true is better than being lied to.

The truth will set you free.

Good luck.


The thread should have ended here.

Get new friends. The ones you have now are not trying to help you. They are trying to propagate the mental virus that is christianity.

A meaningless religion will not fill the hole in your life. It may decieve you into thinking that, but it won't really do anything and you know it. Eventually you'll become more and more involved in it, because you'll think more of it will fill the void, but not even that will. Eventually you'll start trying to get other people to "fill" their voids as well, thinking that "spreading the love of christ" will let you finally feel that love.

None of the above will help. Accepting something as your "master" will not help you. Becoming a slave will not help you. Becoming the carrying agent of a VIRUS will not help you.

Examine yourself and your life closely. You probably have more than you think; but don't realize it. If you don't, then be happy, you have the least to lose. Change something for the better, and build something yourself instead of trying to assimilate yourself into some meaningless collective.

Why can't so many of its followers actually be good, spiritual people?

Because the way the Christian message is presented makes it seem like all you have to do is say "I accept Jesus into my heart" and suddenly you're a Christian. It's so easy it's genious. There aren't any strict rituals you have to adhere to and technically you don't even have to go to church at all. This makes it extremely appealing to lazy assholes who get scared they're going to wind up in hell after they die.

Deathbed repentance FTW!

I think what you have is an acute case of life boredom. I've experienced depression in other such forms before, and that nagging voice in the back in your head is sort of like a mid-life-crisis one. Probably not mid-life, but you get my point.

Religion is only useful for it's tight knit community. There are many other ways you can achieve this without the drawbacks of being subordinate and controlled by what are essentially arbitrary rules that are those of religion. Find a hobby or a job. Get some variety in what you do. If you can't find one thing you love doing, then keep shifting. be a drifter. As Cytosine said, religion is just another addiction, filling a void that can be much more constructively filled.

Sorry I can't give more specific advice. Good luck.

There are many other ways you can achieve this without the drawbacks of being subordinate and controlled by what are essentially arbitrary rules that are those of religion.

A few examples would be:

-Surrounding yourself with generally positive people

-Selecting a group of friends who won't pressure you to make any firm decisions regarding your own spirituality or lack thereof

-Learn how to become more approachable to others and find incentives to meet new people and explore various viewpoints and methods of how they may have discovered to effectively cope with depression

-Finding comfort in small, maybe even 1-on-1 groups that encourage meshing with others. Volunteering or other civic-minded activities come to mind.

-Learn how to like flying solo. Be more determined to make the most of your alone time by being more comfortable in the skin that you're in. This would be an excellent time to get to know yourself a little better!

If all else fails, there's always the internet to fall back on. Curiously enough, there is much solace to be found in absolute strangers if you look hard enough.

I think the message here is pretty clear...

Give your life to Christ and praise his name. In his blood we are all saved.

I think the message here is pretty clear...

Give your life to Christ and praise his name. In his blood we are all saved.

Fun fact:

I rented Jesus Camp last night from the video store. I counted the word "blood" uttered like four dozen times.

My heart goes out to those poor kids :(

Jesus Camp, I saw that...

I wonder what will become of the geeky kid who had the testicular fortitude to get up in front of everyone and say "I do not feel the spirit of Jesus, guys." He was the smartest and most honest person in that room. The looks on the "adults" in the camp when he did that was priceless. I know they ALL feel that way, deep down.

I could see those "adults" getting together, off camera, to discuss the terrible way the kids parents raised him, or some other type of judgement disguised as pity, so they will not have to face the fact that this kid is just fine and the only thing rare or strange about him was his honesty.

I am not capable of the honesty that kid was.

That geeky kid you're talking about (the blonde with the bowl-cut, right?) had a look of fear on his face that belied his tender young age. He indeed had guts to stand in a room full of his peers and admit to his absence of faith. I'm a little less worried about him, because he at least has shown that he possesses some level of critical thinking skills.

The one I felt sorry for the most was Levi, that kid with the shaved head and long tail. Towards the end, while the credits were rolling, it showed him and the little girl harassing passersby on the street, preaching the gospel to anyone who would listen and repeatedly asking them "Do you know what kind of shape YOUR soul is in?". That child was filled with the fervor and enthusiasm usually reserved for used-car salesmen and con artists. This kid should have been out playing ball with his friends rather than parading up and down the street like the little propaganda pusher they'd turned him into.

Yes! Let's encourage our children to approach complete strangers and attempt a laying-on-of-hands ritual willingly. God clearly has protection in place for all the millions of children who are abducted and killed on the streets every day.

:rolleyes:

You make some good points totse!

I have had a busy weekend and havent had time to compose a reply.

I will return later to reply to what hass been said. You have given me a lot to think about.

Thankyou all.