Ok so over the summer I met this girl through a friend, and eventually we started going out. We get along really well in almost every respect except a few. However there is one thing she was always kind of pissed at me for. She doesn't drink much or smoke weed at all, however I do both often. The thing is I don't get out of control and I'm very well behaved on both, and I very rarely do either around her.
So for the last few weeks shes been quiet and kind of enthusiastic about talking with me, we sort of had a close call but not really with a pregnancy and she got all worried. She over thinks everything and came to the conclusion that she doesn't really want to be with some one who drinks and smokes so much. So I basically told her that I was going to cut my losses since I already put way more into this relationship than she had and didn't want to deal with it anymore. Unsurprisingly this made her more mad and we stopped talking a little after that.

We have only been in like 2 little fights ever and both were over this. For some reason she has it in her mind that they are both morally wrong. I love her a lot and shes a nice person and good looking, but is it worth it. I'm not really in the position to quit and I don't want to make any promises I won't keep, so should how could I get her back without compromising this or should I even try at all? Also has anyone been in a similar situation?

I was in a similar situation and so I said OKAY I'll quit smoking weed, and cut back on my drinking.. all was well.. then I started hating him for not letting me do what I want.. so I broke up with him saying when you met me I smoked weed and drank and you got with me knowing that, you can't start getting mad at me for it now.. you know.. ? And he wanted to stay with me enough that he was like, fine.. do what you want.

So now I just don't do it in front of him.. well now I can't smoke at all cuz of my job, but what I'm trying to say is you should just find someone that isn't gonna give you a bunch of shit for doing what you wanna do. And if she really loved you, she'd tolerate it, especially if you did it when you guys met! Unless you're a total asshole when you smoke/drink/ something like that..

I wouldn't try to get her back.

Thanks that's pretty much what I needed to hear. I'm just going to wait and either she'll say shes over it or I'll just move on, I don't really have the time or patience to try and get back with her because I know it'll just fall apart again if she doesn't accept me for who I am.

Yep. Don't change for anyone but yourself. :) You smoke and drink and go down that destructive road until YOU don't want to anymore.. it won't work if you try to quit for anyone else.. and there are plenty of females out there that know this, and will accept you, and probably smoke/drink with you.. you sound young, you'll see what I mean

If she doesn't want to be with a stoner, that's her choice. It's a dick-move to try and convince her to change her values just to suit you.

/blahh :mad:

Try not to associate with anyone who attempts to control your life based on their own shitty agenda.

Ditch em both, sounds like the holiday was using you, and going back to exs never quiet works exactly the same as before considering the circumstances as well.

Did you by any chance do anything else to incite her wrath? besides the drinking and drugs?

Well you know the old saying. If you can't beat me, join em. If shes worth the change then change if you feel she isn't worth the change then keep smoking and drinking. This is one of those do or die sort of scenarios. She is obviously saying you can't have the bottle and the pipe and her. You sound ready to cut your losses so thats what I would do.

If you change for anyone, other than the short times when you're conning them, then you're a moron. Be true to yourself.

She's gonna try and change other things about you along the way as well or just throw shit back in your face.

If she doesn't want to be with a stoner, that's her choice. It's a dick-move to try and convince her to change her values just to suit you.

/blahh :mad:

read the post properly before give an answer and make yourself look like a retard
He never said he wanted her to be a stoner or even tried

Kidiots


And kristin is right, never change you for anybody but you. If they really love you they'll accept you the way you are, whatever that way may be.
Changing yourself for another will only make you unhappy.....i know....i've tried

Nah man don't waste your time. If she has a moral problem with drugs then she's probably not all that intelligent. I mean, a problem with the physical or mental damage that drugs can cause I can understand, but morals really have shit all to do with it. Move on.

If you have to ask, then no.

Yeah that's seriously the only thing I've ever done to make her angry at all. And I tell her routinely that I don't want to make her drink or smoke. I started liking her for who she is, and I don't want to turn her into a stoner or anything. Oh well my friend called me today and told me his uncle wanted to get us a limo and bring us to see his strip club so maybe its a sign.

UPDATE:
So last night I walked over to my neighbors house and she pulled in at the same time coincidentally. We all went out for dinner and such and later on she drove me home. We talked a bunch and kinda made up, but she said she still has thinking to do. She still doesn't like what I do but hopefully that will change eventually. However she's coming over now so I guess we'll see how things go.