Background:

We have been dating 12 months, been together exclusively for 9 of them.

I am her first real relationship.

We used to be heavy drug users.

During the first few months of our relationship I was concerned about the guy she used to hang out with, get high and fuck. There were 2 occasions where she got high with another guy (just pot so not a big deal) that we have been together.

I told her to not ever talk to the first guy again and forbid her to get high with another guy one on one. She used to be a blackout drinker when she drank and I told her I would break up with her if she drank with out me.


We have obviously gone a long way sence then. Wow.

She has seemed to turn her life around. She barely gets high any more, she doesnt smoke cigarettes any more and doesnt like to drink. She dropped almost all of her friends because they are pretty sleazy/unethical and she didn't like that.

She actually is so good she tells me I have to tell her if I ever get high and she has to ok it, lol.



Now, I would say at our 6 month exclusive mark, I snopped on her myspace and read through all of her messages about 9-11 months prior to that point.
She was talking to some guy that dated her for about 3 weeks and she was just so awful to him. He was like wanting to commit suicide and she said ok go ahead and do that i dont give a fuck about you, I;m not attracted to you any more.

There was actually a lot more shit, I just cant remember it right now. I do know that I was horrified, and I actually cried haha! I thought that she was just goign to toss me when I started to bor her.

It was a combination of her drinking patterns, the first boy she hung out with and the myspace that kind of made me paranod. Keep in mind I am already paranoid from the start.

I have done so much better at trusting her with in the past 3 months. But I still have my episodes. For example I went on vacation for 4 days, and then her phone starts malfunctioning and it is hard to get a hold of her. So I got nervous and thought she was doing something shady. I flipped out on her. After wards she explained where she was and it was a logical story. I could tell that it hurt her by what I felt.

I don't believe I have ever been cheated on before. I could have, and I have thought have at times but have no proof or any reason to believe it.

The worst it came to was my first girlfriend when I was 16 (I'm 18 now) she came to my house in tears and told me that she, her girl firend, her girl friends boy friend and MY GIRLFRIENDS EX BOYFRIEND were alltogether drinking alcohol. She said that she trusted her x to know not to try anything but she said that he forcibly kissed her.

At thetime it didn't bother me, but then I started thinking about the situation and how you shouldn't fucking ever drink with your ex if you have a new relationship.

But the fact that she told me was weird, why would she just say it?

Did she cheat, maybe, but I don't care now.









So, how do I trust my gf more? How do I become less anxious and stop being paranoid?

dump her

My ex was a paranoid little fucker like you. No matter how many times I told him and explained to him that he had absolutely nothing to worry about, he was still as paranoid and as jealous as ever.

Obviously it didn't work out. I couldn't handle his jealousy anymore over the tinest little things. He would flip out if some guy even looked at me in a way he didnt approve of. It was fucking nuts to say the least.

I broke up with him when I just decided I couldn't handle his shit anymore. It was probably the best decision I ever made... well, in the last 6 months at least.

Do your girl a favour and break up with her and sort out your shit. Paranoid, jealous guys aren't attractive. You will just end up pushing her away.

Girl sounds like a Grade A "Psy-Cho!"

Trust is relative. If I leave a steak on the floor, I'd trust that my dog would try and eat it if I wasn't around. However, if I kept that steak in my fridge, I'd trust that the dog won't eat it. I trust my dog to be a dog, it's the situation that changes what the dog will do.

In my eyes, everyone is a cheater in the right circumstances. If you sex-deprive someone enough, put them in a situation with someone they're very attracted to in close quarters, they'll fuck eventually. Everyone has a breaking point. The only thing you can do, is figure out what that breaking point is, get them to recognize it, and trust them not to put themselves in those situations. It's not the same from person to person, but there always is a breaking point. I know what mine is, and I just walk away if the situation occurs. My girl knows hers too, and does the same. I trust her because she admits that she can break, and identifies it. I won't date a woman who doesn't do this, cause I can't trust them.

Background:

We have been dating 12 months, been together exclusively for 9 of them.

I am her first real relationship.

We used to be heavy drug users.

During the first few months of our relationship I was concerned about the guy she used to hang out with, get high and fuck. There were 2 occasions where she got high with another guy (just pot so not a big deal) that we have been together.

I told her to not ever talk to the first guy again and forbid her to get high with another guy one on one. She used to be a blackout drinker when she drank and I told her I would break up with her if she drank with out me.


We have obviously gone a long way sence then. Wow.

She has seemed to turn her life around. She barely gets high any more, she doesnt smoke cigarettes any more and doesnt like to drink. She dropped almost all of her friends because they are pretty sleazy/unethical and she didn't like that.

She actually is so good she tells me I have to tell her if I ever get high and she has to ok it, lol.



Now, I would say at our 6 month exclusive mark, I snopped on her myspace and read through all of her messages about 9-11 months prior to that point.
She was talking to some guy that dated her for about 3 weeks and she was just so awful to him. He was like wanting to commit suicide and she said ok go ahead and do that i dont give a fuck about you, I;m not attracted to you any more.

There was actually a lot more shit, I just cant remember it right now. I do know that I was horrified, and I actually cried haha! I thought that she was just goign to toss me when I started to bor her.

It was a combination of her drinking patterns, the first boy she hung out with and the myspace that kind of made me paranod. Keep in mind I am already paranoid from the start.

I have done so much better at trusting her with in the past 3 months. But I still have my episodes. For example I went on vacation for 4 days, and then her phone starts malfunctioning and it is hard to get a hold of her. So I got nervous and thought she was doing something shady. I flipped out on her. After wards she explained where she was and it was a logical story. I could tell that it hurt her by what I felt.

I don't believe I have ever been cheated on before. I could have, and I have thought have at times but have no proof or any reason to believe it.

The worst it came to was my first girlfriend when I was 16 (I'm 18 now) she came to my house in tears and told me that she, her girl firend, her girl friends boy friend and MY GIRLFRIENDS EX BOYFRIEND were alltogether drinking alcohol. She said that she trusted her x to know not to try anything but she said that he forcibly kissed her.

At thetime it didn't bother me, but then I started thinking about the situation and how you shouldn't fucking ever drink with your ex if you have a new relationship.

But the fact that she told me was weird, why would she just say it?

Did she cheat, maybe, but I don't care now.









So, how do I trust my gf more? How do I become less anxious and stop being paranoid?

Haha...myspace.

I love how there's like, a thread a day saying "ZOMG I snooped at her Myspace messages, and I think she's cheating!!!!11!"

Dude. Find a bitch who doesn't use Myspace, if you can even find another bitch.

Or just stop being a paranoid dick and trust your girlfriend.

Grow another 2 inches, and get a girlfriend that isn't sleeping with 3 black guys on the side.

Dude, shorten your threads, then maybe people would help you

For fuck's sake.

You have no reason to be suspicious. If she's telling her ex that she doesn't care if he kills himself, I'm pretty sure that means she isn't cheating and that she's pretty committed to her new life with you.

Dude, shorten your threads, then maybe people would help you



Got to give him credit for at least putting spaces in.

For fuck's sake.

You have no reason to be suspicious. If she's telling her ex that she doesn't care if he kills himself, I'm pretty sure that means she isn't cheating and that she's pretty committed to her new life with you.

This. What the fuck are you worrying about, she's done nothing suspicious or shady whatsoever and is a nasty bitch towards her ex, what more could you ask for. Calm the fuck down.

You don't. You already have the big. It will always gnaw at the back of your mind constantly. And sad enough, in every future relationship as well.

I've learned that either your trust someone, or you don't. You can't fake it, or make trust happen artificially. I've also realized that in a relationship, your partner is either going to do the right thing, or the wrong thing, and constantly worrying about whether or not they're going to cheat on you, or leave you, or do any number of things, is not going to make it less likely. In fact, it's going to make you paranoid and possessive, and if anything you'll alienate them and drive them to the point where they don't want to do the right thing anymore and they actually want to cheat on you/leave you. If you can't trust someone not to hurt you, you shouldn't be with them, because a relationship filled with mistrust is not a relationship at all.

Two things:
Don't explode on her ass, your relationship is already doomed because of this.
Don't feed on your paranoia.

Think about these things and decide. There is also a lot of other good advice here, especially easeoflife22 said some good shit that I ought to try maybe (yeah, also have paranoia).

Q: "How do I trust my girl more?"

A: You don't.

You can't force trust. If it was that easy, the world would be a more gullible place.