jackketch
2009-01-06, 15:21
We've lost several regulars because at the moment S&A sucks worse than a 12 year old virgin with braces so this is going out to the n00bs, to those who are the metaphorical bubble gum on the cock of this forum (always check she has finished that candy before forcing her to suck, trust me on that one).
None of these things are 'rules'. You want rules then click on the FAQ. We do have some ancient forum rules too and I'll repost them at the bottom of this thread. Unlike other totse forums we prefer not to have a rules sticky, we don't need it.
These are just general guidelines about how and what to post here. They are just my thoughts, my co mods will have their own ideas.
1.English Motherfucker, Do You Speak It? The language of this forum is English, a non-inflected Indo-European language, whose only real strength is it's ability to lend itself to the writing of t-shirt slogans. Be that as it may, it's the language of this forum.
I see no reason why we shouldn't have the occasional foreign language thread BUT check with us, the mods, first.
This isn't an AOL chat room nor an SMS. Posting things like "haha dis syte is lyke well k i mean luk at all sad ppl who cant use English lnguage init" will get you flamed and if its the first post of your new thread I'll probably close it and tell you to repost.
Same goes for 'l33t'. However we do use 'l33t' on occaisions for emphasis [w00t!!1111] or to make a point, normally a sarcastic point ['k3wL']
Same goes for the over use of Negro or 'rapper' talk. Unless you do live in South Central and are using a stolen laptop. It doesn't make you cool and you are not a 'gangsta'. You are a 13 year old middle class white kid with acne and probably ginger.
We accept all Visa, Mastercard and all common internet abbreviations , such as 'lol', 'OMG', 'FTW','QFT' etc etc etc.
Three out of four of this forum's mods are Brits [there was a time when you had to live in Ohio to be a totse mod] , we have a large contingent of British posters and as many from the Antipodes. This means you will often encounter spellings that seem strange or even wrong to you. Telling anyone that they have 'misspelled' something, when it is not misspelt, will get you flamed for being an Ameritard.
PARAGRAPHS are your friend. Nothing pisses us all off like a wall of text (Mods have to Speed Read).
SPELLCHECK is your friend. Expect to get flamed and told that if you can't spell it then you aren't old enough to do it.
On Weights And Measures ..or how much have you got?
Let's start with currency. It is considered polite if you convert your local currency into US Dollars [$]. You don't have to and sometimes I'll post things in £ too-especially if I'm replying to something another Brit has posted. But if you could, in general, convert your local form of currency into dollars then it makes it easier for us all to relate...most of us know what our local currency is worth in relation to the $.
Centimetres or Inches? I don't care if you claim to have a 30 cm cock or a 12" one, YOU ARE LYING. That aside most of us are happy to work in either metric or imperial, just use whatever you'd normally use. However asking 'wtf is a cm??!' or 'wtf is a stone???!!' will get you flamed for stupidity above and beyond normal Ameritardyness. Google is your friend. Oh and btw, if you use imperial but write it in decimal notation then you'll get a flame from me because I am anal and have far too much time on my hands.
I'm American!
and you have all our sympathies. However it is not an excuse for ignorance of the world beyond your borders or an inability to use Google. Yes this an American website and the majority of the posters are probably still Americans , although the demographic has shifted a lot, and yes we try and uphold your Constitutional Right To Be A Fuckwit HOWEVER don't be surprised if your views are not treated with respect you think they deserve. Most of the rest of the world view Americans with a mixture of pity and contempt. It is up to you to prove to us that you are infact a sentient human being despite the handicap of your birth.
But Where I Am...
We're spread all over the globe. Even those who live in the US may not know anything about your particular state or county. If you're asking a question that pertains to local laws or customs then EXPLAIN it to us. For example: posting "I am 17, my girlfriend is 12" will get you a lot of anti-paedo comments. Posting "I am 17, my girlfriend is 12 -we live in Holland where that is legal" will help keep your thread on track...and earn you several 'lucky bastard!post t3h n3kkid pix' comments too.
Remember also that none of us are lawyers. If you have a legal question then go visit a local lawyer.
MY FIRST THREAD!
There is no point in my asking you to use the search function before posting is there?
So let me help you with your first faltering totse steps, with that possible first thread of your very own:
How Do I Talk To Girls??!, WTF Do I Say To Her?!
You'll have to work this one out for yourself. Beyond being honest and talking TO her and not at her tits, there ain't much any of us can give in the way of advice. It has to come from you and be 'you'. If you're especially challenged or stupid then you can try the various Pick Up Artist schemes going...but we will laugh at you if you do. Proclaiming to be a PAU will get you flamed for being lamer than a cripple on the paraplegic ward.
Am I Pregnant/Is She Pregnant?
Before posting this please ascertain that you have infact had UNPROTECTED SEX. Yes it is possible to get pregnant without, by accident, but you'll have better odds of winning the national lottery. Then instead of posting go take her to a Gyno and get her tested or buy one of those sticks for her to piss on.
I'm Cut/Uncut
These threads tend to get closed because they just descend into soapboxing and pseudo scientific claims. We don't care about your dick and from experience most girls are fairly uninterested too. If you're American then the chances are you were cut at birth, if you're European then you probably had parents who loved you and who assumed you'd grow up intelligent enough to use soap and water.
Rate Me Bitches!
These threads get closed every time. There are websites that cater for your urge to have 200lb truck drivers from Georgia comment on your photoshopped sexiness or not.
Face it, you're ginger and you'll die a virgin.
WTF??!
Is not a thread title and will be edited. However you may well not like what I change it to so save yourself the heartache and come up with a proper
title.
----
Oh fuck it, I'm beginning to repeat Mojo's Forum Rules so I'll just repost them as promised:
So I finally found a copy of a thread I made in August of 2004. I'm posting it again because I want to archive it. I had a few amendments that I later posted, but I guess I didn't save those.
This was when totse really sucked.
K guys, there are few things that have been bothering me. I can be somewhat of a neurotic mod so I'm letting it all hang out here. These are just some suggestions and are by no means new "rules". [Edited for Glitter]
1. I think most will agree on this: Make the topic title relevent to what the thread is about. Ambiguous topics such as "What should I do?" and "WTF?" leave no hint as to what the thread is about and does not make anyone want to click on it. I'm not asking for a summary here, just a general direction as to what the hell I'd be getting myself into if I click on your thread. The more specific you can be with the least amount of words is a plus in my book.
2. "Owned", "pwned" or any other one word, repetative, unnecessary, and uh... un-contributive (yes I'm making up words here) posts are annoying. Granted, it's not so big a problem that I have to go deleting all one word posts but really.. come on guys: PWNED! is freaking annoying. On occassion, when used right, it can be sort of funny but it's WAY overused.
3. Archived Threads: S&A archives are pathetic. Mainly due to the fact that Wintermute, Spiffy, and myself never archived anything despite all the great threads we've had. Cindy was the one who took initiative and more than once I've linked to a certain, "Oral sex is sex" thread. So, obviously, a more comprehensive archive would help a lot in diminishing the number of topics that come up once a week. That being said, when I do archive something, I'm going to delete any extraneous posts in the thread. Don't get your panties in a bunch when you see your "PWND!" reply to a birth control thread no longer exists. I deleted it, future totse generations don't need to be reminded of its idiotic ancestors. If it seriously detracts from the threads "flow", it's gone.
I *did* have a semblence of a FAQ on Zok's site that I've linked to a few times. Don't know where it went; I have it saved so here's the important parts:
Your thread will be locked or moved if you: 1. Ask us to rate you. If you want to be told you're ugly there's already a thread that I'll bump every once in a while so you can post your mug in there.
2. Are using totse as a dating service. Not only will you look like a desperate fool, you'll be flamed and still be jackin' it tonight.
3. Ask for naked pictures of posters. Totse isn't into the whole kiddie porn thing.
4. Are bitching about your other closed thread.
5. Ask for free porn links or passwords. This isn't Porn and Affection! The Sex Archives are your friend.
6. Ask an idiotic question that can easily be Googled. For example, threads like, "What's a clit?" and "Who's a Grafenburg?" will be locked with a link that you should have seen in the FAQ.
7. Lie about your 9 inch e-penis and ask us if it's normal for a 13 year old. You'll get a link to Suzie's Penis FAQ and a flame.
Annoying Threads:Threads asking opinions on breast size, shaved v. unshaved, cut v. uncut are annoying.Threads bragging about how many bitches you fucked last night are annoying and not impressive.
Nothing's set in stone, mind you. These are loose guidelines. The amount of repetition is exhaustive and annoying. For the most part, S&A is a great forum with some awesome posters, but as Cindy has said to me before, it could be better. The last thing I want to do is be a "Nazi mod". You all can disagree and call me a cunt all you want, that's fine, but don't help deteriorate S&A and, in turn, &totse! I've been lax in the past but we've all had to bring in the reigns a little lately.
(Hence the neurotic disclaimer/forewarning)
Cindy and Pyscho: Any input, additions, subtractions are welcome.
Truth be told I'd rather *not* lock threads. The little locky thing is an eyesore!
Back to normal broadcasting
None of these things are 'rules'. You want rules then click on the FAQ. We do have some ancient forum rules too and I'll repost them at the bottom of this thread. Unlike other totse forums we prefer not to have a rules sticky, we don't need it.
These are just general guidelines about how and what to post here. They are just my thoughts, my co mods will have their own ideas.
1.English Motherfucker, Do You Speak It? The language of this forum is English, a non-inflected Indo-European language, whose only real strength is it's ability to lend itself to the writing of t-shirt slogans. Be that as it may, it's the language of this forum.
I see no reason why we shouldn't have the occasional foreign language thread BUT check with us, the mods, first.
This isn't an AOL chat room nor an SMS. Posting things like "haha dis syte is lyke well k i mean luk at all sad ppl who cant use English lnguage init" will get you flamed and if its the first post of your new thread I'll probably close it and tell you to repost.
Same goes for 'l33t'. However we do use 'l33t' on occaisions for emphasis [w00t!!1111] or to make a point, normally a sarcastic point ['k3wL']
Same goes for the over use of Negro or 'rapper' talk. Unless you do live in South Central and are using a stolen laptop. It doesn't make you cool and you are not a 'gangsta'. You are a 13 year old middle class white kid with acne and probably ginger.
We accept all Visa, Mastercard and all common internet abbreviations , such as 'lol', 'OMG', 'FTW','QFT' etc etc etc.
Three out of four of this forum's mods are Brits [there was a time when you had to live in Ohio to be a totse mod] , we have a large contingent of British posters and as many from the Antipodes. This means you will often encounter spellings that seem strange or even wrong to you. Telling anyone that they have 'misspelled' something, when it is not misspelt, will get you flamed for being an Ameritard.
PARAGRAPHS are your friend. Nothing pisses us all off like a wall of text (Mods have to Speed Read).
SPELLCHECK is your friend. Expect to get flamed and told that if you can't spell it then you aren't old enough to do it.
On Weights And Measures ..or how much have you got?
Let's start with currency. It is considered polite if you convert your local currency into US Dollars [$]. You don't have to and sometimes I'll post things in £ too-especially if I'm replying to something another Brit has posted. But if you could, in general, convert your local form of currency into dollars then it makes it easier for us all to relate...most of us know what our local currency is worth in relation to the $.
Centimetres or Inches? I don't care if you claim to have a 30 cm cock or a 12" one, YOU ARE LYING. That aside most of us are happy to work in either metric or imperial, just use whatever you'd normally use. However asking 'wtf is a cm??!' or 'wtf is a stone???!!' will get you flamed for stupidity above and beyond normal Ameritardyness. Google is your friend. Oh and btw, if you use imperial but write it in decimal notation then you'll get a flame from me because I am anal and have far too much time on my hands.
I'm American!
and you have all our sympathies. However it is not an excuse for ignorance of the world beyond your borders or an inability to use Google. Yes this an American website and the majority of the posters are probably still Americans , although the demographic has shifted a lot, and yes we try and uphold your Constitutional Right To Be A Fuckwit HOWEVER don't be surprised if your views are not treated with respect you think they deserve. Most of the rest of the world view Americans with a mixture of pity and contempt. It is up to you to prove to us that you are infact a sentient human being despite the handicap of your birth.
But Where I Am...
We're spread all over the globe. Even those who live in the US may not know anything about your particular state or county. If you're asking a question that pertains to local laws or customs then EXPLAIN it to us. For example: posting "I am 17, my girlfriend is 12" will get you a lot of anti-paedo comments. Posting "I am 17, my girlfriend is 12 -we live in Holland where that is legal" will help keep your thread on track...and earn you several 'lucky bastard!post t3h n3kkid pix' comments too.
Remember also that none of us are lawyers. If you have a legal question then go visit a local lawyer.
MY FIRST THREAD!
There is no point in my asking you to use the search function before posting is there?
So let me help you with your first faltering totse steps, with that possible first thread of your very own:
How Do I Talk To Girls??!, WTF Do I Say To Her?!
You'll have to work this one out for yourself. Beyond being honest and talking TO her and not at her tits, there ain't much any of us can give in the way of advice. It has to come from you and be 'you'. If you're especially challenged or stupid then you can try the various Pick Up Artist schemes going...but we will laugh at you if you do. Proclaiming to be a PAU will get you flamed for being lamer than a cripple on the paraplegic ward.
Am I Pregnant/Is She Pregnant?
Before posting this please ascertain that you have infact had UNPROTECTED SEX. Yes it is possible to get pregnant without, by accident, but you'll have better odds of winning the national lottery. Then instead of posting go take her to a Gyno and get her tested or buy one of those sticks for her to piss on.
I'm Cut/Uncut
These threads tend to get closed because they just descend into soapboxing and pseudo scientific claims. We don't care about your dick and from experience most girls are fairly uninterested too. If you're American then the chances are you were cut at birth, if you're European then you probably had parents who loved you and who assumed you'd grow up intelligent enough to use soap and water.
Rate Me Bitches!
These threads get closed every time. There are websites that cater for your urge to have 200lb truck drivers from Georgia comment on your photoshopped sexiness or not.
Face it, you're ginger and you'll die a virgin.
WTF??!
Is not a thread title and will be edited. However you may well not like what I change it to so save yourself the heartache and come up with a proper
title.
----
Oh fuck it, I'm beginning to repeat Mojo's Forum Rules so I'll just repost them as promised:
So I finally found a copy of a thread I made in August of 2004. I'm posting it again because I want to archive it. I had a few amendments that I later posted, but I guess I didn't save those.
This was when totse really sucked.
K guys, there are few things that have been bothering me. I can be somewhat of a neurotic mod so I'm letting it all hang out here. These are just some suggestions and are by no means new "rules". [Edited for Glitter]
1. I think most will agree on this: Make the topic title relevent to what the thread is about. Ambiguous topics such as "What should I do?" and "WTF?" leave no hint as to what the thread is about and does not make anyone want to click on it. I'm not asking for a summary here, just a general direction as to what the hell I'd be getting myself into if I click on your thread. The more specific you can be with the least amount of words is a plus in my book.
2. "Owned", "pwned" or any other one word, repetative, unnecessary, and uh... un-contributive (yes I'm making up words here) posts are annoying. Granted, it's not so big a problem that I have to go deleting all one word posts but really.. come on guys: PWNED! is freaking annoying. On occassion, when used right, it can be sort of funny but it's WAY overused.
3. Archived Threads: S&A archives are pathetic. Mainly due to the fact that Wintermute, Spiffy, and myself never archived anything despite all the great threads we've had. Cindy was the one who took initiative and more than once I've linked to a certain, "Oral sex is sex" thread. So, obviously, a more comprehensive archive would help a lot in diminishing the number of topics that come up once a week. That being said, when I do archive something, I'm going to delete any extraneous posts in the thread. Don't get your panties in a bunch when you see your "PWND!" reply to a birth control thread no longer exists. I deleted it, future totse generations don't need to be reminded of its idiotic ancestors. If it seriously detracts from the threads "flow", it's gone.
I *did* have a semblence of a FAQ on Zok's site that I've linked to a few times. Don't know where it went; I have it saved so here's the important parts:
Your thread will be locked or moved if you: 1. Ask us to rate you. If you want to be told you're ugly there's already a thread that I'll bump every once in a while so you can post your mug in there.
2. Are using totse as a dating service. Not only will you look like a desperate fool, you'll be flamed and still be jackin' it tonight.
3. Ask for naked pictures of posters. Totse isn't into the whole kiddie porn thing.
4. Are bitching about your other closed thread.
5. Ask for free porn links or passwords. This isn't Porn and Affection! The Sex Archives are your friend.
6. Ask an idiotic question that can easily be Googled. For example, threads like, "What's a clit?" and "Who's a Grafenburg?" will be locked with a link that you should have seen in the FAQ.
7. Lie about your 9 inch e-penis and ask us if it's normal for a 13 year old. You'll get a link to Suzie's Penis FAQ and a flame.
Annoying Threads:Threads asking opinions on breast size, shaved v. unshaved, cut v. uncut are annoying.Threads bragging about how many bitches you fucked last night are annoying and not impressive.
Nothing's set in stone, mind you. These are loose guidelines. The amount of repetition is exhaustive and annoying. For the most part, S&A is a great forum with some awesome posters, but as Cindy has said to me before, it could be better. The last thing I want to do is be a "Nazi mod". You all can disagree and call me a cunt all you want, that's fine, but don't help deteriorate S&A and, in turn, &totse! I've been lax in the past but we've all had to bring in the reigns a little lately.
(Hence the neurotic disclaimer/forewarning)
Cindy and Pyscho: Any input, additions, subtractions are welcome.
Truth be told I'd rather *not* lock threads. The little locky thing is an eyesore!
Back to normal broadcasting