I've watched two extremely bitter divorces, and an extremely bitter breakup of a couple of friends. They hate each other now. During the time just before the breakups, I observed the couple in question -- all three times -- act extremely childish toward one another. It seemed very immature from my point of view, and I hope I never act that way in my life. At this point, I still actually feel better than them because I have never acted so awfully to another.

I've also seen a few great breakups where they're friends, so I'm not some bitter asshole. I'm asking out of curiosity, and possible future application to my own relationships.

&t, how does it happen? How does love go past tolerance and all the way to loathing? Has it ever happened to you, and if so, could you tell us how: stages you went through, if you were immature, made bad decisions, etc.

I don't want it to happen to me.

I think most people just don't have the maturity it takes to actually live with another person. People now also never want to compromise, all lot of people have this "my way or the highway" outlook on all their relationships.

I could explain it, but it'd get very psychological.

I could explain it, but it'd get very psychological.

Do. I'll eat it up -- I love psychology.

I've watched two extremely bitter divorces, and an extremely bitter breakup of a couple of friends. They hate each other now. During the time just before the breakups, I observed the couple in question -- all three times -- act extremely childish toward one another. It seemed very immature from my point of view, and I hope I never act that way in my life. At this point, I still actually feel better than them because I have never acted so awfully to another.

I've also seen a few great breakups where they're friends, so I'm not some bitter asshole. I'm asking out of curiosity, and possible future application to my own relationships.

&t, how does it happen? How does love go past tolerance and all the way to loathing? Has it ever happened to you, and if so, could you tell us how: stages you went through, if you were immature, made bad decisions, etc.

I don't want it to happen to me.

Hatred most often arises as such:

Two individuals fall deeply in love. As time goes on, these individuals continue to change according to their experiences and decisions. The means that are expressed and accepted as acts of love by each individual change also. This leads to resentment caused by resentment and an unwillingness to be honest and frank about what is occurring inside individuals. These resentments overpower the love that existed prior and form a now bottled rage (some couples just argue all the time...quite as unhealthy as bottling it up, however). This rage grows without release nor cure, and turns into hatred. Welcome to the result of two emotional cripples deciding to stunt each others' lives before they knew how to live at all.

Unfortunately that kind of scenario with a break-up is alot more common than those that end in good terms. To be honest I don't really know why it happens, but for the most part people seem to focus on all the bad things when a relationship comes to a close, completely forgetting the all the great aspects of it. I'm guilty of that exact thing, so here's my story, whether or not it teaches you anything is a different matter.

I had known the guy for years, we'll call him H. He lived right across the street from me, I saw him almost every day for 8 years. We went to the same highschool, but never really associated. We were always civil to one another, but I would never have called him a 'friend'. When I was about 16 I became friends with a guy who, to be honest, was friends with everyone, and he brought me into closer contact with H. We hung out alot, mainly on weekends. We would walk around our neighbourhood at night, just doing the regular teenage things. I can't really pinpoint and exact time that I started to like him, but im fairly sure it didn't take long.

Around that time we started hanging out together more during school time aswell, and we would always have a good time. He was funny, and popular (in a way), aswell as being a little on the odd side. That never really bothered me. He certainly wasn't the most attractive guy around, but he had his own charm. One day we just decided we would get together, there wasnt really any official asking each other out or anything, it just sort of happened.

He made me happier than I had ever been. He could make me laugh and smile like it was the easiest thing in the world. Being with him I felt safe. I lost my virginity to this guy... well, we lost them to each other, and it couldn't have been better. It wasn't special or anything, just two sex crazed teenagers experimenting. There were a few times the morning after pill was needed, you know how these things are.

All was going great until it came time to graduate. We had been together for nearly a year at this time. It was then that things started to change. We would spend more time apart, we talked less and less. It got to the point where whenever we saw each other we would have sex, and that was about it. We wend on a holiday with some friends after graduation, and we met some new people from our town, and we hung out with them when we got home. However it became him hanging out with them more and more, and we just becore more isolated from each other than ever before.

Christmas came and went, we didnt see each other at all, but he saw his new 'best friend', we'll call her M. I had noticed that in a matter of weeks he was changing into someone I didn't really like anymore, but I still carried on because I wasn't willing to let go of the love we had had for such a long time. I never approved of the time he spent with her, and I think he knew it, which made him want to spend even more time with her.

Needless to say he cheated on me, right in front of my face no less. Naturally I was devestated, I loved this guy with all I had. WE parted on bad terms. Harsh words were said, tears were exchanged, but nothing could bring back what we had, not even our friendship before all the shit.

I don't know how long it took me to get over it exactly, but it was a damn fucking long time. I resented him for making me feel the way I did, and I think a small part of me still does. But I also know that I learnt a valuable lesson.

Even now when I remember I focus on the bad things, I focus on the end of what was something beautiful. I rarely even think of the beginning, the butterflies he game me, the shiver up my spine when our hands brushed, the happiness of just being near him, none of it mattered in the end.

Hatred most often arises as such:

Two individuals fall deeply in love. As time goes on, these individuals continue to change according to their experiences and decisions. The means that are expressed and accepted as acts of love by each individual change also. This leads to resentment caused by resentment and an unwillingness to be honest and frank about what is occurring inside individuals. These resentments overpower the love that existed prior and form a now bottled rage (some couples just argue all the time...quite as unhealthy as bottling it up, however). This rage grows without release nor cure, and turns into hatred. Welcome to the result of two emotional cripples deciding to stunt each others' lives before they knew how to live at all.

Please.

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever stop posting here.

Please.

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever stop posting here.

I return to work Monday and may be going to college in a couple weeks. Whatever life brings, I take; what it takes, I release. SnA may be taken...

Because they still care about each other. You can't hate someone without caring about them. Their love was simply inverted and turned into hate.

If they didn't care about the other person, they would have neutral feelings towards them.

Because they still care about each other. You can't hate someone without caring about them. Their love was simply inverted and turned into hate.

If they didn't care about the other person, they would have neutral feelings towards them.

That's a really interesting perspective. It totally works!

Hatred most often arises as such:

Two individuals fall deeply in love. As time goes on, these individuals continue to change according to their experiences and decisions. The means that are expressed and accepted as acts of love by each individual change also. This leads to resentment caused by resentment and an unwillingness to be honest and frank about what is occurring inside individuals. These resentments overpower the love that existed prior and form a now bottled rage (some couples just argue all the time...quite as unhealthy as bottling it up, however). This rage grows without release nor cure, and turns into hatred. Welcome to the result of two emotional cripples deciding to stunt each others' lives before they knew how to live at all.

That was enlightening as well. Thanks.

You go from love to hate because... Because she gave you faith in shit, gave you a reason to live, she convinced you there was something beautiful in the world. But then she decided to change. You keep trying to the old her back, but she only shows you this new cold evil side of her and it hurts so fucking bad.

The fucking disappointment turns into bitterness, the bitterness mixed with anger just turns into something worse, I think it's hate. But yeah, like someone said, if you didn't care for this person at all, you wouldn't give a shit. Without the insane love there once was, there would be no hate.

Right now, I can't tell if I'd rather never have met her. I mean, if I knew that I could meet someone better instead, in the future, I would love to erase her from my history, but who says I wouldn't be screwed over the same way by someone else. The hate I carry around now, makes me careful. I never wanna be deceived like that again.

Yeah that was pretty emo, sorry, I'm heartbroken. Conclusion is, when love is taken from you in a way that you can't accept, it can turn into something resembling hate.

I would say it is because the easiest way to stop loving someone is to turn it around and hate them, like a defense mechanism.

I would say it is because the easiest way to stop loving someone is to turn it around and hate them, like a defense mechanism.

Hate actually takes a lot more emotion and power then love.

Hate actually takes a lot more emotion and power then love.

Definitely...hatred is so incredibly draining. This isn't scientific or anything, but I'm pretty sure it leads to cancer and other severe health problems. I'm sure radiation and the like does too...but I think hatred is probably a bigger contributor.

Hatred most often arises as such:

Two individuals fall deeply in love. As time goes on, these individuals continue to change according to their experiences and decisions. The means that are expressed and accepted as acts of love by each individual change also. This leads to resentment caused by resentment and an unwillingness to be honest and frank about what is occurring inside individuals. These resentments overpower the love that existed prior and form a now bottled rage (some couples just argue all the time...quite as unhealthy as bottling it up, however). This rage grows without release nor cure, and turns into hatred. Welcome to the result of two emotional cripples deciding to stunt each others' lives before they knew how to live at all.

Thank you very much for this post. As soon as I saw the thread title I was thinking something quite similar.

No offense or anything, but if I remember correctly, you used to be a huge asshole and I really disliked you, but your posts lately have been really insightful and intelligent. Not that my approval is a barometer of your quality as a poster or anything, but I've been enjoying the new Hexadecimal.

Thank you very much for this post. As soon as I saw the thread title I was thinking something quite similar.

No offense or anything, but if I remember correctly, you used to be a huge asshole and I really disliked you, but your posts lately have been really insightful and intelligent. Not that my approval is a barometer of your quality as a poster or anything, but I've been enjoying the new Hexadecimal.

No offense taken. If I remember correctly, I was a really huge asshole that could easily earn someone's disdain.

Thank you very much for this post. As soon as I saw the thread title I was thinking something quite similar.

No offense or anything, but if I remember correctly, you used to be a huge asshole and I really disliked you, but your posts lately have been really insightful and intelligent. Not that my approval is a barometer of your quality as a poster or anything, but I've been enjoying the new Hexadecimal.

hey there silverfuck, do you wanna fuck silver style?? eh??

hey there darkmasta, that doesn't even make any sense?? eh??

There is only one step from love to hate. That's why I hate everything and everyone :)

I dont really know how it changes from love to hate. I was going out with this girl and she was in love with me. I just met her at a party and we hooked up that night. Everyone was sayin that usually she breaks up with someone after like 3 days. She was always sayin i was so different from other guys. (really laid back, funny, nice and sweet) It lasted almost a month and for some reason she just broke up with me. She didnt like me anymore a couple days later she came down to one of my classes to come talk to me. She asked me what i was doin this weekend and if i could hang out and she still really liked me. She had another BF already. She kissed me and then later that day she was like "OMG i shouldnt have done that. " "If we hangout its just gunna be as friends ok?" So i went to hangout with her it definetly ended not bein just friends. The next day at school she just kinda ignored me and wouldnt talk to me for like 4 days so, i just said fuckit.

Well, it really helped that she told me she'd been raped (multiple times), was pregnant with my kid, and ultimately od'ed to kill herself and the child. What really topped it off? Finding out for absolute certain that she'd lied about everything.

In the same right, the s/o i had when i found out about the above being false (and keeping me from disemboweling that wench) really solidified my friendship post-breakup.

I think it all comes down to what you go through and how you handle it.

Well this question can not be answered with one answer, each situation has its own causes of hate. I know one large one is that when people first meet the love/lust drives the person tto find out everything possible about the other. Once you know everything about the other you stop being so inquisitive about the other persons life. Then people change, usualy slowly and you don't realise it at first since the initial spark is gona and your not trying to know everything about the other. Natuarly people are comfortable with what they know and facing new condtions in somthing you thought you know brings tension and unease. From the tension small fights start to errupt. These grow larger and larger because each person starts to realize they do not know each other anymore. Then the fights lead to resent, then to hate.

Okay while I was reading through this thread, two quotes came to mind:

"A persons personality true colors shine through after 90 days."
-Cosmopolitan magazine

I think such is the case, especially in relationships of an intimate nature. And the second quote is:

"Love and hate are not polar opposites. The opposite of love is indifference, because to hate me means that you still care."
-The Desperate Housewives

I am one of those who burns the other partner by not even acknowledging their existence. I wouldn't even care if they got run over by a bus. I just totally stop caring about them...its like if there was a missing factor leading to our breakup, I was not the guilty party. The reason I didn't call this one guy back was because he cheaped out on the first date. YOU NEVER DO THAT, FTW FELLAS. Well conclusively, I try not to despise the person, but for reasons unknown, I ignore them completely.

Hatred most often arises as such:

This leads to resentment caused by resentment


I'm sorry this line and this whole post really bothers the fuck out of me, that makes no sense.

It's because love is a very powerful emotion and when something happens to ruin it all that emotion is turned to anger due to whatever reason, a lack of (observed) return of affection, failure to communicate or live up to expectations, whatever, and then it gets reciprocated by the other party because they resent being treated that way, tho it's all sutle at first it builds and builds and blamo you hate each other as strongly as you loved each other.

Okay while I was reading through this thread, two quotes came to mind:

"A persons personality true colors shine through after 90 days."
-Cosmopolitan magazine

I think such is the case, especially in relationships of an intimate nature. And the second quote is:

"Love and hate are not polar opposites. The opposite of love is indifference, because to hate me means that you still care."
-The Desperate Housewives

I am one of those who burns the other partner by not even acknowledging their existence. I wouldn't even care if they got run over by a bus. I just totally stop caring about them...its like if there was a missing factor leading to our breakup, I was not the guilty party. The reason I didn't call this one guy back was because he cheaped out on the first date. YOU NEVER DO THAT, FTW FELLAS. Well conclusively, I try not to despise the person, but for reasons unknown, I ignore them completely.

Hey, I see you've used very legitimate sources to qualify your opinion. Good show, old bean, good show!

I'm sorry this line and this whole post really bothers the fuck out of me, that makes no sense.

Deep resentment spawned from lesser resentments. Sorry, I don't construct highly articulate sentences when I've been awake for 30+ hours.

Essentially, I believe hatred arises in love relationships due to partners ignoring the smaller difficulties that are going on. Leaving these things untreated builds a gigantic resentment so powerful that the only term we have to express such a monstrous deep seeded disdain is 'hate'. Truly though, it's just individuals blinding themselves to reality in order to constantly preserve that chemical feel good - obsession with love, so to speak. Without an honest communication and willing parties to face up to and work through problems as they arise, there can be no lasting love.

I've watched two extremely bitter divorces, and an extremely bitter breakup of a couple of friends. They hate each other now. During the time just before the breakups, I observed the couple in question -- all three times -- act extremely childish toward one another. It seemed very immature from my point of view, and I hope I never act that way in my life. At this point, I still actually feel better than them because I have never acted so awfully to another.

I've also seen a few great breakups where they're friends, so I'm not some bitter asshole. I'm asking out of curiosity, and possible future application to my own relationships.

&t, how does it happen? How does love go past tolerance and all the way to loathing? Has it ever happened to you, and if so, could you tell us how: stages you went through, if you were immature, made bad decisions, etc.

I don't want it to happen to me.
people are too emotional, and eventually that love for somebody, will reach a point where they cannot tolerate the other person, however because of feelings for the other one it will turn to hate.

the line between love and hate is thinner than a cunt hair. hateful fights can turn into wild passion. So im sure that one could that the opposite is true also..

Because sometimes that fucking whore that you loved with all your heart just has to go and sleep with the person you hate the most, and it makes you want to puke blood.