First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also, you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn’t bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in the jelly facing outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The side with peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. When the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else one slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Next, you must take a bite of the sandwich. This action will consist of moving the sandwich within such a close proximity of your face that a small “bite” of the sandwich will enter your mouth for you to mash up with your teeth. This bite must be a bite that includes both slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly. Make sure that all obstructions are clear from the mouth and esophagus, not including peanut butter, jelly or bread or any combination of said ingredients. If you have followed all previous steps, this goal will be easily accomplished. Not doing so will create an incorrect and inferior dining experience and thus will not be a peanut and butter sandwich that is being eaten. However, if one successfully gets both peanut butter and jelly in one bite that fits in the mouth and does not result in choking, the dining experience is thus far acceptable. For your complete experience with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be considered complete and unobjectable, you must perform the previously mentioned series of taking bites of the sandwich, chewing them, and swallowing them repeatedly until the entire sandwich has been removed visible existence. These circumstances may only be reached by eating the entire sandwich, and no parts of the sandwich may be thrown away or given to somebody else. This is your sandwich, and your responsibility. For the Dining experience to be completed, the sandwich must be completely digested. In the context of completing the process of consuming a legitimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there are no extenuating circumstances. Actions such as vomiting, surgical removal of the sandwich from the body, or placement of the sandwich inside the lungs opposed to the esophagus will not be taken into account, as they do not result in the complete digestion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The process must come to a close via rectal excrement of feces that have been provided by the digestion of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once the peanut butter and jelly sandwich-fueled feces have exited the rectum, they must remain free from the rectum to be considered conclusive in the process of physically processing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If the feces re-enters the rectum, the process will be rendered a failure, and must be started again.

I see what you were going for, but you fell far too short. Learn how to write and then try to be funny.

I had started to read the post and got bored at about 5 lines down.

That was really funny. :)

monty python joke much??

I never understood the reason for jelly. Destroys the sandwich, in my opinion.

I had started to read the post and got bored at about 5 lines down.

2 lines.. *rolls eyes..
hope he's a troll not a weirdo who masturbates to pb n j.

Paragraphs dipshit.

I think the common essay for our 4th grade proficiency tests was to write on the steps to making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Would piss me off because you could say it so much quicker than you could write it. "First go to the store and purchase...unscrew the lid...use a butter knife...GOD FUCK.

Yahoo had an article a few months back on how to make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It fucking sucked. The only variable they used was peanut butter. Wtf?? I was expecting some fucking gourmet strawberry preserves on fancy ass bread with homemade peanut butter with some secret ingredient. GOD FUCK.

Also, it should be called a peanut butter and jam sandwich, since grape jam is different than jelly and is so much easier to spread on bread. Jelly just clumps together like jello, and pisses me off. I think strawberry preserves spread easily, but I don't remember. I'm going to make one in a little bit so I will find out.

I like both peanut butter and jelly (well, preserves, rather) but not together, for whatever reason. I just don't find the synergy I suppose.

My peanut butter sandwich would be the fried peanut butter and banana, which I make with a slight variation of ingredients.

2 slices bread, I prefer multi-grain
1 banana
2 heaping tablespoons creamy peanut butter
1 tablespoon honey
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon butter

Lightly toast bread. Combine the peanut butter, honey, and cinnamon, then spread evenly on each slice of bread. Cut off each bit of tapered-end of the banana, eat those now, then slice the rest of the banana as thick or thin as you prefer and layer it on each side of bread on top of the peanut butter mixture- then combine slices. Heat a frying pan on medium heat, melting the butter as you do, then put sandwich on there when heat is sufficient- don't wait too long or the butter will burn. Fry one minute each side and enjoy.

well i just made two old fashioned kind with peanut butter and strawberry preserves. preserves do spread easily. now i can throw that fucking shitty jelly out on its shitty ASS.

First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich.

Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter.

Also, you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn’t bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in the jelly facing outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly.

If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The side with peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. When the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else one slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Next, you must take a bite of the sandwich. This action will consist of moving the sandwich within such a close proximity of your face that a small “bite” of the sandwich will enter your mouth for you to mash up with your teeth. This bite must be a bite that includes both slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly.

Make sure that all obstructions are clear from the mouth and esophagus, not including peanut butter, jelly or bread or any combination of said ingredients. If you have followed all previous steps, this goal will be easily accomplished. Not doing so will create an incorrect and inferior dining experience and thus will not be a peanut and butter sandwich that is being eaten.

However, if one successfully gets both peanut butter and jelly in one bite that fits in the mouth and does not result in choking, the dining experience is thus far acceptable.

For your complete experience with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be considered complete and unobjectable, you must perform the previously mentioned series of taking bites of the sandwich, chewing them, and swallowing them repeatedly until the entire sandwich has been removed visible existence. These circumstances may only be reached by eating the entire sandwich, and no parts of the sandwich may be thrown away or given to somebody else. This is your sandwich, and your responsibility. For the Dining experience to be completed, the sandwich must be completely digested.

In the context of completing the process of consuming a legitimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there are no extenuating circumstances. Actions such as vomiting, surgical removal of the sandwich from the body, or placement of the sandwich inside the lungs opposed to the esophagus will not be taken into account, as they do not result in the complete digestion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The process must come to a close via rectal excrement of feces that have been provided by the digestion of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Once the peanut butter and jelly sandwich-fueled feces have exited the rectum, they must remain free from the rectum to be considered conclusive in the process of physically processing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If the feces re-enters the rectum, the process will be rendered a failure, and must be started again.

I have attempted to form paragraphs by trying to separate the text at the most appropriate locations.

The actual writing wasn't half bad, though you could have sprinkled some more innuendo or pun-like jokes throughout.

stuff

are you a by any chance, a lawyer?

Paragraphs work wonders, y'know.

This for school to show how to demonstrate steps to a layperson or someone completely unfamiliar with something? I had to do this back in high school.

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Copypasta/Archive_7#Peanut_Butter_and_Jelly_Sandwich