what is the reason you began using, and continue to use? i've been putting a decent amount of thought into that subject lately and come across some uncomfortable truths about myself, and i think the same can be said about many of my fellow BLTCers but it's up to you how much you reveal.

For me, I have never been truly happy with anything long term. As far back as I can remember everything has been sub-par to me, unfulfilling no matter how good I was at it or how encouraged I was. I have never devoted myself to anything other than writing and composing music and wrecking my body and mind with excessive amounts of any drug you can name except uppers and hallucinogens.

I don't trust anyone. I don't care if you have $300 of dope and I got $10, I am not leaving the room without my shit in my pocket. I don't believe anyone when they say they're coming over or anything. People say they're on their way and I just go about my day because I sincerely don't think anyone tells the truth.

I question everyones intentions, no one has anyhting but ulterior motives. When I began attending NA and everyone offered to buy me dinner and this and that I had no idea why, I was truly dumbfounded by their geneosity because I couldn't find a reason they would want to. For me everything traces back to the source of that you gain from your actions, you may put a front up that you're trying to help but in the end it's all for selfish purposes.

I am a self proclaimed puppet master. I am often quite proud of my ability to manipulate others thinking and actions, it's a hobby of mine honestly. Since I was in middle school a game I always play is basing my personality on a girl's desires and targeting girls with boyfriends, befriending them. Not hitting on them, just being so perfect to what they want that they make the first move, I play the friend card and they come in for the kiss or whatever. I love making them cheat on their boyfriends without forcing it, it's like my number one hobby besides drug abuse.

I don't really believe in morals, I think they're all relative and am a firm believer in the old philosophy "reality is perspective and perspective is reality" so nothing is truly right or wrong because no one elses standards matter. the only philosophers I side with are Nietzche and Pirsig. I am not some nihilist punk who acts like i love nietzsche, i have all of his books and read them almost daily.

There are few things that make me happy but over all I'd consider myself a simple person. I enjoy nature and animals and my family. I love being at peace with nature on a nice spring day with my family or my dog. Family nature and music are the only things I regard as important honestly.

People don't mean shit to me, I've never treated them with much respect and never prioritized their thoughts/feelings too high. In school I had a lot of friends but none of them were true in my mind, they may have felt we were sincerely friends but I was just passing time with their conversation. I just kept them around in case I could put them to use one way or another if a situation arose.

I have always sort of felt a void in myself and made futile attempts at filling it. I don't know what it would take to fill it and that's probably where my use stemmed from.

I began drinking and smoking pot in 7th grade. I was a casual user for about a year, once 8th grade hit I was smoking blunts all day every day, like half ounces a day at least. When I hit 16, the coke started, after that everything else started. never got into opiates until I was 18. Did heroin a few times and became instantly hooked. Became the junkies you watch on movies who sell everything and their soul for their next fix, stealing from parents and friends.

Nothing can pass the time sufficiently for me, the only thing I enjoy about life is sleeping and chillin. I pretty much count the hours down everyday until I can get some sleep, its the perk of my day. That's another main reason I use, simply to pass the time. When I am sober, every hour feels like 10 hours.. the day will not pass quickly enough.

I feel like drug abuse humbles me, makes me easier to be around, easier to connect with. I cannot sincerely connect with anyone, but when high I am good enough of an actor to fake it and make myself appear to be normal. I am a masterful actor, I just don't tell anyone. I can convince anyone of just about anything given the motivation. I sometimes write songs referring to myself as the best actor alive.

I consider myself a bi-product of drug abuse honestly. I wouldn't be the person I am without them.

Sorry for the rant, maybe someone will find it halfway interesting. That is my two cents as to why I am predispositioned to drug abuse and will always mentally be an addict whether I'm using or not.. whats your story?

Jesus, where did you get the money for a half once of weed a day as an 8th grader??

The root of my abuse lies within my own inability to accept reality.

For me, I have never been truly happy with anything long term. As far back as I can remember everything has been sub-par to me, unfulfilling no matter how good I was at it or how encouraged I was. I have never devoted myself to anything other than writing and composing music and wrecking my body and mind with excessive amounts of any drug you can name except uppers and hallucinogens.

i struggle with this daily. the natural highs some recieve from winning, contributing, or just existing are always lost on me. anhedonia, is a good word for it. i am very talented. but it all goes to waste.

I don't trust anyone. I don't care if you have $300 of dope and I got $10, I am not leaving the room without my shit in my pocket. I don't believe anyone when they say they're coming over or anything. People say they're on their way and I just go about my day because I sincerely don't think anyone tells the truth.

i have the opposite problem. if someone says they can get dope, i instantly cling to them, throw them money, etc. it's like i'm a detective chasing down every possible lead.




I question everyones intentions, no one has anyhting but ulterior motives. When I began attending NA and everyone offered to buy me dinner and this and that I had no idea why, I was truly dumbfounded by their geneosity because I couldn't find a reason they would want to. For me everything traces back to the source of that you gain from your actions, you may put a front up that you're trying to help but in the end it's all for selfish purposes.



Thomas Hobbes was right. people are, by nature, selfish. unfortunately, this is the way evolution has shaped us. at least we can take advantage of this by examining the motives of those around us. it's one of the things that seperates the wise from the fools.

on NA, yes, people who offer you comfort, support, and dinner are really only in it for themselves. in NA, they say ALL THE FUCKING TIME, that "you can only keep what you have by giving it away" blah blah and that the newcomer is the most important person in the room because by helping another addict, we help ourselves. so yea, they are out for personal gain, but only through helping you. is that immoral? kind of.



I am a self proclaimed puppet master. I am often quite proud of my ability to manipulate others thinking and actions, it's a hobby of mine honestly. Since I was in middle school a game I always play is basing my personality on a girl's desires and targeting girls with boyfriends, befriending them. Not hitting on them, just being so perfect to what they want that they make the first move, I play the friend card and they come in for the kiss or whatever. I love making them cheat on their boyfriends without forcing it, it's like my number one hobby besides drug abuse.



i love manipulating people. i think it comes from the feeling that comes with realizing that one has little control over things outside himself. who wouldn't want to control other people's thoughts and actions?

or maybe it's just because we're addicts? have you ever met an addict who wasn't manipulative?


I don't really believe in morals, I think they're all relative and am a firm believer in the old philosophy "reality is perspective and perspective is reality" so nothing is truly right or wrong because no one elses standards matter. the only philosophers I side with are Nietzche and Pirsig. I am not some nihilist punk who acts like i love nietzsche, i have all of his books and read them almost daily.


nietzshe is peachy.



Nothing can pass the time sufficiently for me, the only thing I enjoy about life is sleeping and chillin. I pretty much count the hours down everyday until I can get some sleep, its the perk of my day. That's another main reason I use, simply to pass the time. When I am sober, every hour feels like 10 hours.. the day will not pass quickly enough.



other than drugs, sleep is my favorite thing to do. probably because it is remarkably close to death. and in the end, we're all just waiting to die.

i could say a lot more but you've pretty accurately described me. addicts, one in the same.

so that's my $.02, together we got 4 cents and thats nowhere near enough for a stamp bag...

:eek: Almost everything you said I can relate to, exactly. For me it was all of the above and the trigger was a traumatic loss.

I do drugs to get high.


Duh.


Honestly though, it stems from wanting to see things in a different light. I've ALWAYS been a contemplative and incredibly intelligent person. When I was three, I asked for a calculator for my birthday. I was always the kid who would just sit there and THINK. Not unsociable, just very deep, and very thoughtful.

Drugs, for me, are a passion. I'm passionate about three things, like you OP, family (relationships), music, and drugs. Psychedelics are my drug of choice, because having always been the thinker, its an amazing experience to have my thoughts be warped. It's remarkable how much my life has been shaped by simple thoughts. I do love opiates though, its like giving my body (which I don't really consider ME, just a vehicle for the real me) a special treat. I sometimes don't get any pleasure out of it though because I start to remember that my body is just a physical thing, and that its not my mind that is feeling it, its only perceiving it. Psychedelics change your mind. And they change your life.

And changes are good.

I get bored.

For me, I have never been truly happy with anything long term. As far back as I can remember everything has been sub-par to me, unfulfilling no matter how good I was at it or how encouraged I was.

This used to be how i was before the drug use... it was just the same monotonous shit every god damned day and it bored the fuck out of me... I would pick up hobbies every now and then but nothing stuck, never had much of a care for sports or anything. looking back the only talent i really had when i was younger was shooting guns, which i have been doing since before the age of 5.


There are few things that make me happy but over all I'd consider myself a simple person. I enjoy nature and animals and my family. I love being at peace with nature on a nice spring day with my family or my dog. Family nature and music are the only things I regard as important honestly.


Family has always been an important part of my life, friends come and go but you will always be stuck to family in some way or another.... Their is only 1 person in my family who i truly hate and that is one of my cousins... fucking bitch ratted me and my little sister out to the rest of them because we dropped acid and smoked some weed the day before thanksgiving... the next time i see the bitch im telling her to go fuck herself and that she is dead to me.... Psychedelics helped me appreciate nature and life, before i started doing psychs a tree was just a tree and a sunset was just a sunset, i see the beauty in nature now...



I have always sort of felt a void in myself and made futile attempts at filling it. I don't know what it would take to fill it and that's probably where my use stemmed from.


I can relate a lot to that statement... Before the drugs like i said earlier like was just a boring monotonous routine, it never seemed to end and i had nothing i could enjoy with any real frequency... life just seemed follow, and i didn't want to live in this boring as fuck life any more. By all means i should have been happy, but i wasn't.... I had some friends, lived in a decent home, went to a decent school, and overall had a pretty average life but i was far from happy or even content with it...



I consider myself a bi-product of drug abuse honestly. I wouldn't be the person I am without them.


Aren't most of us a bi-product of drug abuse? Drugs aren't just an every now and then thing for most of us, it eventually becomes just another part of your daily life...

As for my story....

Grew up in a fairly small town with my parents, they lived together despite being divorced but this was never really brought up. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mom was a pill head. I always knew my dad drank a lot but he was never a crazy drunk, i was unaware of my mothers usage but looking back the signs were there i just did not see them...

When i was around 9 or so my mom moved out of my dads house and me and my little sister lived with her. We didn't live in the greatest part of town but we got everything we needed. Eventually my mom met the man who is now my step dad and got married..

This was the pre drug days of my life, after my mom remarried she noticed my depression, and she sent me to a shrink... They thought i had unresolved issues about my dad but i have never had anything but love for the guy. To be honest i didn't know why i was depressed, there was no real reasoning behind it. There was just a void in my life that nothing seemed to fill.... The sessions did jack shit and i eventually stopped going... I was still unhappy with my life after all of those wasted hours and money....

Somewhere along the line long before i ever started using drugs i was doing a lot of reading about them, i would frequent erowid and hell even totse. Just soaking up the information, chemicals with the power to change perception fascinated me. But i just never had the urge to go out and experiment. One day in the 10th grade my little sister offers me some benzos and ask if i want to smoke some weed. I agree to both, proceed to get fucked up and black out... wake up and promptly smoke some more weed... As i started to smoke everyday i realized i had found something that could fill that void at least temporarily, i considered myself a pothead very quickly.... But there was still something missing from my life, at the very best i would say i was content with my life at this point... Eventually i dropped acid and had a complete change or perceptive on life, i realized i should be happy just to be alive and to appreciate the little things in life... I consider it one of the most important events of my life. I walked outside after tripping that night to a beautiful sunny day and my first thought was "life is wonderful". Most will say that feeling of afterglow fades after a while, but that trip made enough of an impact to stick with me. Since that trip i have not had the least bit of depression. I am happy with my life which shocks a lot of people. When i tell them about my life...

If you were to pick a bunch of random people with average lives off the street and make them live my life i doubt any of them would be as happy as i am with it. By all means at this point in my life i should be depressed but im not.

To sum up where my drug use comes from, many people would say its expected given the alcoholic father and pill head mom but i don't blame them for any of it... It comes out of a need to find happiness in life and just sort of stumbling upon it. I wasn't happy with my life and i started using, this filled the void temporarily but acid filled it permanently.

In a way i am an addict, not in a conventional sense of a need to get fucked up on something but more in a way of being addicted to altering my perception. I love to try new drugs, you can read about something and think you know it but with many drugs its just something you have to experience first hand... I can go as long as i want without drugs, but there is always that craving for wanting to try more, just to see how far down the rabbit hole really goes....

I am a bi-product of my drug use.

I first started out of curiosity. I started with strictly psychedelics with deep introspection in mind, but then got interested in opiates/ weed. After I got a good taste of both I figured drugs were a pretty fucking fun hobby. Since then I have made it a personal goal to at least sample all worthwhile psycoactives. To learn about, acquire, consume, and observe the effects. I also love extracting, synthesizing, and growing a variety of things. I guess you can say I'm a byproduct of my use, but who cares? I keep drugs a hobby, not a lifestyle.

Family has always been an important part of my life

Their is only 1 person in my family who i truly hate and that is one of my cousins... fucking bitch ratted me and my little sister out to the rest of them because we dropped acid and smoked some weed the day before thanksgiving... the next time i see the bitch im telling her to go fuck herself and that she is dead to me....Psychedelics helped me appreciate nature and life

LOL WUT?

Don't sweat the small stuff homie. It could be worse, like.. for instance.. you could be getting blown the fuck up in Gaza.

what is the reason you began using, and continue to use? i've been putting a decent amount of thought into that subject lately and come across some uncomfortable truths about myself, and i think the same can be said about many of my fellow BLTCers but it's up to you how much you reveal.

For me, I have never been truly happy with anything long term. As far back as I can remember everything has been sub-par to me, unfulfilling no matter how good I was at it or how encouraged I was. I have never devoted myself to anything other than writing and composing music and wrecking my body and mind with excessive amounts of any drug you can name except uppers and hallucinogens.

I don't trust anyone. I don't care if you have $300 of dope and I got $10, I am not leaving the room without my shit in my pocket. I don't believe anyone when they say they're coming over or anything. People say they're on their way and I just go about my day because I sincerely don't think anyone tells the truth.

I question everyones intentions, no one has anyhting but ulterior motives. When I began attending NA and everyone offered to buy me dinner and this and that I had no idea why, I was truly dumbfounded by their geneosity because I couldn't find a reason they would want to. For me everything traces back to the source of that you gain from your actions, you may put a front up that you're trying to help but in the end it's all for selfish purposes.

I am a self proclaimed puppet master. I am often quite proud of my ability to manipulate others thinking and actions, it's a hobby of mine honestly. Since I was in middle school a game I always play is basing my personality on a girl's desires and targeting girls with boyfriends, befriending them. Not hitting on them, just being so perfect to what they want that they make the first move, I play the friend card and they come in for the kiss or whatever. I love making them cheat on their boyfriends without forcing it, it's like my number one hobby besides drug abuse.

I don't really believe in morals, I think they're all relative and am a firm believer in the old philosophy "reality is perspective and perspective is reality" so nothing is truly right or wrong because no one elses standards matter. the only philosophers I side with are Nietzche and Pirsig. I am not some nihilist punk who acts like i love nietzsche, i have all of his books and read them almost daily.

There are few things that make me happy but over all I'd consider myself a simple person. I enjoy nature and animals and my family. I love being at peace with nature on a nice spring day with my family or my dog. Family nature and music are the only things I regard as important honestly.

People don't mean shit to me, I've never treated them with much respect and never prioritized their thoughts/feelings too high. In school I had a lot of friends but none of them were true in my mind, they may have felt we were sincerely friends but I was just passing time with their conversation. I just kept them around in case I could put them to use one way or another if a situation arose.

I have always sort of felt a void in myself and made futile attempts at filling it. I don't know what it would take to fill it and that's probably where my use stemmed from.

I began drinking and smoking pot in 7th grade. I was a casual user for about a year, once 8th grade hit I was smoking blunts all day every day, like half ounces a day at least. When I hit 16, the coke started, after that everything else started. never got into opiates until I was 18. Did heroin a few times and became instantly hooked. Became the junkies you watch on movies who sell everything and their soul for their next fix, stealing from parents and friends.

Nothing can pass the time sufficiently for me, the only thing I enjoy about life is sleeping and chillin. I pretty much count the hours down everyday until I can get some sleep, its the perk of my day. That's another main reason I use, simply to pass the time. When I am sober, every hour feels like 10 hours.. the day will not pass quickly enough.

I feel like drug abuse humbles me, makes me easier to be around, easier to connect with. I cannot sincerely connect with anyone, but when high I am good enough of an actor to fake it and make myself appear to be normal. I am a masterful actor, I just don't tell anyone. I can convince anyone of just about anything given the motivation. I sometimes write songs referring to myself as the best actor alive.

I consider myself a bi-product of drug abuse honestly. I wouldn't be the person I am without them.

Sorry for the rant, maybe someone will find it halfway interesting. That is my two cents as to why I am predispositioned to drug abuse and will always mentally be an addict whether I'm using or not.. whats your story?

I feel ya on all this. I haven't done heroin yet but I fuck with pills weed and booze every day. Once I realized life was pointless, around 14, it became so boring, and drugs is the least I can do not to give up. ya, i'm weird too like in your post. i have alot of friends who i use just if i need something to do, some alchy. i know they wouldn't be there for me if shit really went down, and its the same with them i'd hope, but its not.

Do da stanky leg.

Debilitating anxiety/panic attacks and a death wish...

Nietzche was a fucking moron BTW, I read his crap when I was younger, utter garbage

I enjoyed it, thanks.

I started because of the environment I was in, and the friends I associated myself with. I like doing drugs because I like getting high, and of course I still drink being 21 and all.

For me, my abuse began with fairly innocent curiosity; I wanted to explore my mind. Then it transformed to full-blown psychological addiction to cannabis.

In a nutshell:
Started with curiosity about pot, continued with funniness, reinforced with post-E depression/anxiety, never finished 100% due to nostalgia.

LOL WUT?

Don't sweat the small stuff homie. It could be worse, like.. for instance.. you could be getting blown the fuck up in Gaza.

the entire side of my dads family knows me and my sister are druggies.... fucking up our relationship with pretty much everyone.... You should be able to trust family, you dont do that sort of shit to family.... We had the decency to not go and rat her out for smoking weed with my sister the night before the trip but then she goes and tells everyone in the god damned family "they are out of control, they dont know what they are doing to themselves... they have a problem!" I dont care how much you care, you dont handle that sort of thing like that... She could have just gone to my dad and left it at him, but she tells her sister, mom, aunt, cousins.... and then they talk to the rest of the family... shortly thereafter im being called out and accused of doing drugs by my aunt and uncle... Even if i ever do eventually forgive her for it, im never going to talk to her or trust her with anything i dont want my entire family knowing about me...

For me its to stay sane.

I've got a social anxiety disorder and anger problems, weed / salvia / anything besides heroin or coke make my homicidal urges and lack of caring for everyone around me go away.

Being high makes me accept people, I don't push them away or keep to myself thinking that I am my best friend. I'm able to be around a group of people and not have any urges to kill one of them if they say something stupid.

Excellent thread. I started smoking pot around 12, I was curious. My mom did it, and my step brother stole some from her, came to my friends house where I was camping out in the yard and pretty much made me smoke it. He was a dick. Didn't really get high. Smoked tons of the local homegrown after that, not too great either, then finally at 13 I pinched from my dad and got RIPPED.

After that, started smoking with my mom at 15, coke with both of them at 17, then crack with them at 18, then I GTFO because they couldn't handle shit and be normal.


Really though, the point of all this, without giving my whole drug history is that each drug has a different reason. I don't do LSD for the same reason I do meth, or opiates, or any other drug.

Drugs are all tools to me, even heroin and meth and cocaine. I don't do smack or coke hardly ever though. I mainly stick to psyches, and pot, and whatever I can get my hands on that I haven't tried yet.


I am all about the experience. You are your experiences, and to just live my life, with such fulfilling and amazing experiences only a call away, but never to have them would just be a waste of life to me. These things are here for a reason. Legions of reasons.


It's not always about seeing god, or getting twacked to get shit done, or doing opiates to relax, or even just getting "fucked up". It IS about that, but also so much more. I could go on for days on this subject, I tried to keep it short.

Agreed with a lot of what SN has said, experience is everything in my life, I've often thought I'd experience anything at least once if I really could without damage ..

I had just always wanted to try new things, I've only really done alcohol, weed and on some lsa/morning glory right now :P which is pretty fun ..

With weed, it helps me a lot in many positive ways, but I can do without it, didn't have any for a couple weeks until a few days ago when I had a few tokes off a joint shared between a few people ..
a) makes me happy
b) makes me eat enough
c) makes me get nice deep sleep, and get to sleep easily
d) calms down my mind, lets me chill out and just enjoy stuff

Stuff like that really ..

I'm not even really sure why it started. It may have had something to do with the fact that every single person on both sides of my family smokes, drinks and does drugs to the point none of em live past 60. But, really, I just enjoy it. I love opening up my mind with psychedelics, or chillin out with some weed or opiates, or just gettin blind drunk with some friends. There's just somethin about it that I've loved about em since the very first time I got high.

Alcohol: I like to drink pretty much everyday beacuse it helps me sleep and causes me to feel happy for a small amount of time

Weed: Weed helps me think clearly about what I am doing with my life

MDMA: Helps me party :D

It used to be out of boredom, lately I've been making a huge effort to entertain myself without drugs and I've cut back a lot. I've honestly felt a lot better since I stopped getting fucked up on whatever I could get my hands on everyday, saved a lot of money too.

Boredom used to kill me though, my sole purpose in life was to wake up everyday and find a way to get fucked up cause nothing else seemed worth doing. A few trips later though I decided that even though everything seems pretty damn pointless you might as well make the best of it all. I pretty much just decided not to think about how meaningless everything is. I've been working out and skating a lot more, trying to do other things to kill time, things I quit a long time ago because I decided I'd rather go get messed up.

Of course I haven't quit completely, but once or twice a week is a lot better then everyday(for me anyways, can't speak for anyone else). Wouldn't be surprised if I got back to everyday somewhere I long the line though, things seem to be working ok right now though.

Good thread by the way.

To occasionally alter my doors to perception. No traumatic experiences or heavy drug use here. I just crave a good psychedelic experience once in a while.

I'm just bored. Honestly, life is too fucking easy. Not to toot my own horn, but I'd say I'm pretty intelligent, and it really gets to me. School often bores me because it's not hard enough. The material has to be dumbed down for everyone else. And I'm in college, a pretty good college, and it's just so damn easy. And I'm a Computer Science major, so I'm not just taking easy classes. I'm almost done with all my CS upper-divisions too. I guess that doesn't sound like something that one would want to escape from, but it's just frustrating. Work makes things a little better honestly. At least it takes up more time.

I do like to learn. And I would say that is one thing I feel really strongly about. I'm considering getting my PhD and becoming a professor, but I'm still not sure.

Interestingly, I feel a lot of the same things as the topic creator. I really do not trust people. That's a big one. I feel a bit stronger about a close-knit group of friends that I have than you do though. Still, the trust isn't completely there (at least not on my end) just because I can't do it. But I really think everyone always has ulterior motives, like you said. Everyone is looking out for themselves and is out to get everyone else. ...Or maybe I'm just so pessimistic about that because that's the way I feel. I'm not sure.

However, I really don't do drugs as much anymore. Oxys every so often, and liquor pretty often, but that's really it. I stopped smoking pot over a year ago now, uppers give me terrible fucking comedowns, and I can't bring myself to take any hallucinogens just because of how intense they've been in the past. So, what am I left with? Seriously, if you've got any ideas, let me know, heh.

Cause I have very little interest in life and I don't really get the point of it. Drugs make me feel like being alive is worthwhile. I really only like drugs, money, and manipulating/stealing from others.

it never got weird enough for me

tl/dr, you lied about your bitch ass story anyway.

I started in my freshman year of high school. Having no friends, I found a potential conversation/common subject in drug use. I got right into it, and hosted a drinking/smoking/popping pills party in the abandoned house that I had just moved out of.

Since then, it has basically been that I cant really sleep unless Im really relaxed, and drugs really help that. Im certainly not addicted, and I use cigs mostly(not really a drug), weed, nitrous, amyl nitrate, whatever there is lying around that Im fond of. Looking for acid and shrooms, but i havnt been too much into drugs since I met my girlfriend nearly two years ago.

I really think it opens my mind, helps me think. yanno?

You guys are pathetic.

Now why do you say that, resmeplz? What make you less pathetic than me?

heh.. im surprised this thread was even taken seriously.. BLTC group therapy for free since we all spend all our money on drugs.

You guys are pathetic.
Faggot.

I like exploring my mind with psychedelics. Everything else is just plain fun.

apparently addicts typically like to toot their own horn.

nice job

You guys are pathetic.

Oh please, resmeplz, enlighten our feeble minds with your tales of greatness.

We're all just dying to get a brief glimpse of true glory.

Come on...

I do drugs out of boredom. I do drugs certain drugs so I can be more social and do the shit I want without being inhibited by anxiety.

I do drugs to forget that I'm a fuckin loser.

And I do it so I can sleep at night, because insomnia sure is a bitch.

I bet a lot of my anxiety and my depression and all the other fucked up shit running through my head would go away if I stopped doing drugs, but I have nothing better to do so I might as well just get fucked up and have a good time. I mean shit, who doesn't enjoy taking some sort of chemical and seeing what the fuck happens to their body. I'm all for seeing the limits my brain can go to.

I really have a problem with being sober for even just a day, so I usually go out of my way to get fucked up on something everyday. I don't remember the last time I've been sober for more than a week, maybe back in the 8th grade? Who knows, idk what I'll be like in the future. Shit I'm young, I might quit drugs or I might become a junkie. I guess it will remain to be seen.

"I'll say this to this fucking moment, I mean, y'know, I don't like being sober." :D

- Henry Hill (ex-gangster, main character in goodfellas if ya didn't know)

i do drugs because im alone a lot.

i tend to push people away. its just my nature especially in the enviroment i live in.

also im unemployed and a college dropout.

they kinda go hand in hand.

I do drugs to cope with stress and boredom I suppose, to shed a different light on a troubling matter, to deal with shit at home and to get my mind off of shit that upsets me. Basically it's a distraction from all the unpleasant things in my life, and it enhances the things that I do enjoy (sex, food, friends).

It's a different kind of lifestyle, one where you will always have that drug to depend on, and you will never be alone for an extended period of time because you gotta find the drugs somewhere. I don't know, it's like a promise to the devil I guess, I give my soul to this herb and this herb gives me a base (however rocky) to grow on.

Wow, please don't take offense at this, 556, but I think you have some issues far beyond those of drug abuse an the surrounding life style.

It's good though that you can at least admit to them via a massively populated internet forum. Nice thread too.

My drug usage stemmed from social pressures. When I was in middle school I simply felt like the biggest bad ass because I smoked weed. Over time, it became more of a hobby than a pleasure. Just being able to have the hookups and get the drugs, and know how to do them, made me feel as if I was more 'in' than others and that I was doing well with my hobby. (I still feel that way to some extent) After a while drug usage became an obsession, and then an actual addiction. My life would revolve around highs and lows, trips, and spins. I did drugs as a way of proving my individuality, saying Fuck you! to all those that wanted me to do otherwise.

I've toned it down a lot though, these days. Now it's just the simple issue of trying to get myself not to hit that pipe, it's become such a primordial habit, even I would say an addiction of sorts. Now adays I do drugs only because I find their effects interesting, relaxing, or mind expanding. It's to the point where I do not feel that I need, but I still feel the need to do them.

My new years resolution was to smoke 'considerably' less weed than before. I've only smoked three times this year!

*applause for dexing!*

i'd say the root of my drug abuse was being dragged up. my upbringing, although not as bad as some, was still very fucked up. some sexual & physical and lots and lots of verbal abuse.

for example my brother is paranoid schizophrenic he got it alot worse than me but i still went through similar obviously because we shared a similar environment for many years.

im drug free now after being addicted. i dont regret my drug use, drugs allowed me to realise i could actually feel happy, i live in hope i can now reach that state without drugs (because the side effects & costs became too much, otherwise i'd be a life long user absolutely no problems).

I started in my freshman year of high school. Having no friends, I found a potential conversation/common subject in drug use.

That's a really good point. I do the same thing. It's always something that you can talk about with people, and everyone's got at least one interesting drug story to tell. Sometimes I feel like that's all I talk about though... It's just the subject that the conversation always comes back to.

Wow, please don't take offense at this, 556, but I think you have some issues far beyond those of drug abuse an the surrounding life style.

It's good though that you can at least admit to them via a massively populated internet forum. Nice thread too.

My drug usage stemmed from social pressures. When I was in middle school I simply felt like the biggest bad ass because I smoked weed. Over time, it became more of a hobby than a pleasure. Just being able to have the hookups and get the drugs, and know how to do them, made me feel as if I was more 'in' than others and that I was doing well with my hobby. (I still feel that way to some extent) After a while drug usage became an obsession, and then an actual addiction. My life would revolve around highs and lows, trips, and spins. I did drugs as a way of proving my individuality, saying Fuck you! to all those that wanted me to do otherwise.

I've toned it down a lot though, these days. Now it's just the simple issue of trying to get myself not to hit that pipe, it's become such a primordial habit, even I would say an addiction of sorts. Now adays I do drugs only because I find their effects interesting, relaxing, or mind expanding. It's to the point where I do not feel that I need, but I still feel the need to do them.

My new years resolution was to smoke 'considerably' less weed than before. I've only smoked three times this year!

*applause for dexing!*

i havent seen your ass in quite some time whats good

I do drugs because I like to see what happens. Ever since I was a little kid I had always wanted to smoke pot. The curiosity was overwhelming so when I was 13 I smoked my first joint. I'm 15 now but ever since then I've always been up to try more stuff and such. I hope I don't get to be a addict or a junkie but as of now I enjoy going on on the weekends and getting fucked up on whatever I can get my hands on.

Because everything is just boring lately. So much focus on nothing but school, working weekends, so every night it feels good to smoke a bowl or 2 and throw in some xanax or valium and shit on Friday and Saturday.

Pot - I get bored, makes boring things fun
LSD, DXM, Alcohol - Its fun to get fucked up
Adderall - Help me ace my classes

I actually don't like doing amps, and its not because they're not fun. Its because I sit there studying thinking to myself "I have to drug myself so that I can work harder." Thats kinda fucked up,

Honestly, I use to forget that I truly despise myself. It's quite a bitch when it stares you in the face every second of every minute of every hour and so on. That's all this reality is to me. I sit and think about how much I can't stand myself or anyone else.

I'm also on the decline of my drug use. I just got done almost fucking my college career up with a lot of cocaine. If I don't sober up now, I might as well kill myself or let the fuckers that want me dead have a go at me.