My court case was today. Initially the crown wanted to send me to jail but I got lucky.

Basically a few months ago me and a friend broke into a guys garage looking for beer (we were already drunk). The guy came home and I got into a fight with him. I won (yaa whoo) but in the process of kicking his ass my phone fell out of my pocket. I didn't realize I had lost my phone and I fled the scene. Anyways I ended up getting caught because a phone is like a wallet, it can be used to find out your personal info.

So I get arrested, I spent the night in jail, all that shit, I get bailed out, and my court case was today.

I got a good lawyer but the crown refused to make any deals. They wanted to send me to jail to make an example out of me (there has been an increase in crime lately and they want to send a message that you will be sent to jail if caught).

I might have gone to trial, but there is a ONE YEAR waiting list for a trial. FUCK that. I'm not staying out on bail for a year (you have to agree to certain terms, like staying in the province and firearms restrictions ect ect). Thats bullshit in my opinion. They basically force you to plead guilty, or shell out thousands of dollars for a trial and wait a full year before it begins.

I was being charged with breaking and entering plus assault. There were numerous witnesses and my friend confessed in the police station. So I was expecting to get jail time, probation, a fine, and a straight guilty conviction.

I show up to the trail and the hardass prosecuting crown lawyer called in a sick day or some shit. He wasn't there, thank god. In his place was some 20 year old bimbo lawyer. It was her first real court case and she was noticeably nervous. She was actually pretty good looking. I would fuck her in the ass if given the chance. Anyways she totally fucked up the case. She initially said I was tracked down by police dogs or something stupid and my lawyer ripped her apart.

Part of our (me and my lawyers) plan was to try and trick the judge on some issues. I basically fabricated 40 volunteer hours and made up certain issues about the case that make me look much better. Neither the judge or the bimbo crown lawyer noticed.

Thank god for incompetent idiots. I was initially looking at a few weeks in jail, 175 hours community service, 2 years probation and a fine.

I got a CONDITIONAL conviction (better then a straight conviction) and sentenced to 30 community hours and 1 year probation. Thats it. Thank god the system doesn't work. :)

On my way out I also met a teenage crack whore (she was actually talking about whoring and smoking crack). I would have tried to pick her up but my sister was with me so I didn't.

I rule so hard.

Have you ever almost been sent to jail? Have you ever been sent to jail? Whats jail like? Fun? Lots of rape? Not fun? Do you ever want to go to jail?

I hope you get hit by a large truck.

On my way out I also met a teenage crack whore (she was actually talking about whoring and smoking crack). I would have tried to pick her up but my sister was with me so I didn't.

I rule so hard.

You are SO hardcore for wanting to fuck an STD infected crack whore who would probably suck and fuck a retard who hasn't washed in 3 months if the money would pay for her next crack fix.

Srsly, keep on ruling!

Obviously I wouldn't kiss her or perform oral sex. I would just fuck her with a condom then give her $3 worth of crack and send her on her way. I don't see anything wrong with that. And besides I didn't even end up doing it anyways. I think I forgot to mention that she was also incredibly hot. Which is rare for crack hoes.

I was being charged with breaking and entering plus assault.

Move to England, for that specific crime you'll get about a £5 fine plus half hour of community service.

Cool story, brah.

Cool story, brah.

Did you just say brah?

Did you just say brah?

Yes he did. Which is funny because that type of slang is used around here. Someone actually called me brah the other day.

And admit it sybil, you would have sex (using a condom) with a HOT teen crackhead if it was an extremely easy lay.

I'm pretty sure no one says "brah" and seriously means it. I hope I'm fucking right.

I'm pretty sure no one says "brah" and seriously means it. I hope I'm fucking right.

Its meant as a joke around here. Like a tweaked or drunk version of saying "bro".

Its meant as a joke around here. Like a tweaked or drunk version of saying "bro".
No shit? Did I say something that lead you to believe I didn't understand that?

No shit? Did I say something that lead you to believe I didn't understand that?

No. I was explaining the origin for everyone who isn't you. Not everyone has heard that stupid term before, and they might have no idea what it means in say... Britain.

YAY whats in it for me?

Where in Ontario do you live?

No. I was explaining the origin for everyone who isn't you. Not everyone has heard that stupid term before, and they might have no idea what it means in say... Britain. Perhaps...I may have just attacked you for being informative and helpful. Oh well.

Where in Ontario do you live?

Sauga.

Sauga.

1) You live in the burbs, which automatically detracts from how hardcore you are. Still, nice win for you.

2) Where do people score crack in Sauga. It's like... the most boring, vanilla suburb one could choose to live in. I know there are areas where real shit happens, but god damn I cannot imagine whoring for crack being easy there.

3) Was it at that new-ish courthouse thing on Burnhamthorpe? The one by that big chink grocery place?

Fuck yeah, HTS has been arrested multiple times for weapons violations and such

Fuck yeah, HTS has been arrested multiple times for weapons violations and such

Truth. This one time I pulled some stationery on a cop 'cause he looked at me funny. You wouldn't believe where I was concealing it.

Or maybe you would...

God that was a bad ass day.

1) You live in the burbs, which automatically detracts from how hardcore you are. Still, nice win for you.

2) Where do people score crack in Sauga. It's like... the most boring, vanilla suburb one could choose to live in. I know there are areas where real shit happens, but god damn I cannot imagine whoring for crack being easy there.

3) Was it at that new-ish courthouse thing on Burnhamthorpe? The one by that big chink grocery place?

1) I don't really live in the 'burbs'. True lots of sauga is suburban, but not all of it. I live in between the suburbs and the industrial part.

2) Man sauga is pretty big. Look on google earth, it is not all suburbs. And Oakville is the most boring vanilla suburb there is, and I still know people there who deal crack and do all sorts of crazy shit. Tons of illegal and insane shit goes down in suburbia. You won't know about any of it though if all you fucking do is post on totse. I'm not trying to offend, but you're either really young or don't have many friends or both, otherwise you would know where to buy crack and where to find hookers.

3)... Err I don't think so.

1) I don't really live in the 'burbs'. True lots of sauga is suburban, but not all of it. I live in between the suburbs and the industrial part.

2) Man sauga is pretty big. Look on google earth, it is not all suburbs. And Oakville is the most boring vanilla suburb there is, and I still know people there who deal crack and do all sorts of crazy shit. Tons of illegal and insane shit goes down in suburbia. You won't know about any of it though if all you fucking do is post on totse. I'm not trying to offend, but you're either really young or don't have many friends or both, otherwise you would know where to buy crack and where to find hookers.

3)... Err I don't think so.

1) I seeee.

2) While it's true I have no friends, I don't spend all my time on totse. In fact I've posted less here in the last few months than I would have in a given day back in 07. I'm not that young though. 18 sir, just no life.

3) Fair enough. I grew up in the most boring part of the town, and that one's like 5 minutes from my house. Meh.

I'm pretty sure I read a news story from Texas this last year where a guy shot a couple of kids who were at in his garage, having stolen a snack and some cokes... I think one of the kids died. And he was acquitted of any charges for killing him

You little shits should probably stay out of the deep south.

I'm pretty sure I read a news story from Texas this last year where a guy shot a couple of kids who were at in his garage, having stolen a snack and some cokes... I think one of the kids died. And he was acquitted of any charges for killing him

You little shits should probably stay out of the deep south.

Ya... No shit. I wouldn't be breaking into houses in the states (or any other country for that matter) unless I had planned out the entire thing, was armed, and had a lot more to gain then a 24 pack of Budweiser. In canada however, most people do not have guns, and you are not allowed to attack people just for being on your property. Legally if you shoot an unarmed trespasser you will be charged with 2nd degree murder. A good lawyer could probably get it down to man slaughter. But regardless you will be spending a minimum of 2-3 years in jail. You can only defend yourself with an equal force that you are being threatened with. Personally I think the states laws on this issue make more sense, you should be able to shoot and kill someone thats breaking into your home. But thats not the law here so I took advantage of it.

Yes he did. Which is funny because that type of slang is used around here. Someone actually called me brah the other day.

And admit it sybil, you would have sex (using a condom) with a HOT teen crackhead if it was an extremely easy lay.

A crack head, a genuine crack head is never hot. Certain physical treats change on a person when they're addicted to crack that can just not make them hot.