View Full Version : Dusk
Anarchist88
2008-10-26, 03:23
Giving birth to Death,
The rays of life sending forth a final farewell to their fair mistress;
All is quiet,
Arcane understanding hidden in the whispers of the orange wind;
Spiritual disorder,
Phantasmal energies suspended in the saturated air;
Passages unlocked,
Magickal currents flowing freely through the sky;
Barriers broken,
Daemons dancing joyously in the euphoric twilight;
Night attacking day,
The dying star sending ripples in the violet wine;
Sunset.
Constructive criticism please. I am really interested in improving this one.
enkrypt0r
2008-10-26, 17:11
For some reason I can hear this being said by some mysterious voice in the opening scene of a videogame... Not bad.
That was sexy as fuck.
The only thing I dislike is the flow of the last few lines.
Sunset.
The dying star sends ripples in the violet wine;
Night attacking day,
Deamons dance joyously in their euphoric twilight;
Barriers broken,
Magickal currents flow freely through the sky;
Passages unlocked,
Phantasmal energies hang suspended, saturating the air;
Spiritual disorder,
Arcane understanding hidden in the whispers of the orange wind;
All is quiet
The rays of life sending forth a final farewell to their mistress;
Giving birth to Death.
lulzreversalsystem :P
That was a great though, man
Anarchist88
2008-10-27, 00:46
That was sexy as fuck.
The only thing I dislike is the flow of the last few lines.
Sunset.
The dying star sends ripples in the violet wine;
Night attacking day,
Deamons dance joyously in their euphoric twilight;
Barriers broken,
Magickal currents flow freely through the sky;
Passages unlocked,
Phantasmal energies hang suspended, saturating the air;
Spiritual disorder,
Arcane understanding hidden in the whispers of the orange wind;
All is quiet
The rays of life sending forth a final farewell to their mistress;
Giving birth to Death.
lulzreversalsystem :P
That was a great though, man
wow. i like it backwards better. i was just like :eek:
wow. i like it backwards better. i was just like :eek:
lulz, srs?
Anarchist88
2008-10-27, 03:12
lulz, srs?
ya :p im going to see what happens when i do tht to all mi poems lol
Anarchist88
2008-10-30, 04:02
For some reason I can hear this being said by some mysterious voice in the opening scene of a videogame... Not bad.
all u can see is like, things from nature, beautifully animated, and u cant see the source of the voice, but it sounds like an ancient mage or something, and hes saying it in a dying, tired sounding voice. then, at the last part, theres a sunset. the game would have to be about something mystical tht happense at night, and not getting some lol like a story about a vampire or satanic monks or something like that. wow, i reely thot tht out :eek: lol i care too much about things that dont matter :cool: