desolate
2009-01-15, 07:57
<i>secret formula for a sequel to a game!!! copyright 2009 me! NATHAN COORS lolz coXistence.com</i>
<b>:O!:O!:O!HIGH demand:O!:O!:O!</b> ;) (let's just say we had 100,000 active members in this community. that still wouldn't be an appealing venture for epic, even if every member was guaranteed to purchase
it. without taking a considerable risk in investing into the game and obtaining proper advertising, EPIC wouldn't even make enough money to be bothered attempting it. i mean it's EPIC GAMES! they're so epic
these days that it doesn't even matter if their games are mega or not anymore. i hear cliffyb finds humor in calling the company epic moolahnfame.)
<b>+</b>
<b>$$$mucho profit$$$</b> ;) (they own the unreal engine. hm. i will almost exclusively discuss the unreal 2 engine in this post, which cost developers $350,000 to be licensed for one platform (pc, xbox,
ps2) with an additional $50,000 for each additional platform. <b>3% royalty was/is generated per unit sold.</b> some of the companies who used this tech? gearbox, ion storm, ubisoft, running with scissors,
digtal extremes, just to name a few out of the many, many who used it. even the U.S. army used it. the brothers in arms franchise = <b>four</b> high-selling games by GEARBOX, the gangsters who made Half-
Life: Opposing Force back in the day! ion storm released deus ex: invisible war and thief: deadly shadows. they did good. deus ex and deus ex: the conspiracy both used the unreal 1 engine. running with
scissors made the infamous postal 2, which although in my opinion is stupid, didn't do too badly. digital extremes collaborated with epic games on ut2k4, which i think is an awesome game.
UBISOFT put out <b>6</b> splinter cell games that sold like a mother. at 3% royalty rates and excluding license fees, epic would have made around $8,250,000 off of the first splinter cell game alone, which
sold 5.5 million + copies total. there are two ghost recon games using the unreal 2 engine technology. THREE rainbow six games.
tribes: vengeance used the unreal 2 technology.
the entertainment industry is on unreal technology like a junkie on a piece of lint that he mistakenly took for an eraser-sized piece of crack. epic is pimping out licenses to warner bros, frantic films,
buena vista, hdfilms, sony pictures, columbia pictures, tristar pictures, and square enix.)
...
<b>-</b>
<b>paying HUMAN EMPLOYEES MONEY to make a VIDEO GAME (so that they can SUPPORT THEMSELVES AND HAVE A DECENT CAREER! sadly, paying a team of talented people teh $$$ is required if you want them to kill hours
of their life making a game about a bunny rabbit.)</b>
basically..
<i>
if ( calcprofit >= (collectivesalary * 1000) ) {
projectGreen();
cout << "OMG I THINK IM DREAMING. O WAIT I AM LOL";
}
else {
int thetruth;
thetruth = 1;
while ( thetruth = true ) {
cout << "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL LIKE PPL R GONNA WANT TO PLAY A GREEN RABBIT GAME";
}
}
</i>
sadly, that's how it is. epic games are TOTAL hustlers. they're moving away from PC games in general. and as narrow of a market as the PC gaming industry is in the first place, a bunny game wouldn't even
fare well these days, no matter how cute and nostalgic it is to a "few special people" who "truly understand and appreciate" the "ruxorness" of leet green bunny and would guarantee it doesn't fail. BECAUSE
JAZZ JACKRABBIT IS JUST SO COOL AND SPECIAL TO THEIR HEARTS, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE A COMMERCIAL FLOP? I mean there must not be any other cult followings of any other dead games such as Commander Keen,
wanting a remake of a classic game. (Commander Keen was actually released on Steam in 2007, which was definitely a good decision.) Seriously. Think about this realistically for a moment. The image I am about
to attempt to project to you is reasonably similar to the reaction someone around your age would have after hearing Jazz Jackrabbit's plot. Clear your head of all former knowledge of anything related to Jazz
Jackrabbit/Classic Games/Anything that could be used in context with DOS. Try to take on the mindset of an average video game consumer. It would go something like this:
~....***(())((())()(
*****smookeee clearsssSS******()()
()()()()))((()(()(***....~
Ray Hawley is an 18 year old senior in High School. He plays running back on his school's varsity football team. His parents are extremely wealthy. At least one party a week occurs at his house when his
parents are out of town. He has an Xbox 360. Of course he has all of the necessary titles, such as Halo 3, Call of Duty 4, and every Guitar Hero game released (including Guitar Hero: Aerosmith.) One night
after returning home, Ray had just barely made it home to catch the commercials before American Idol. He slouched down into his couch, smiling to himself as he thought about how amazing he was. "I bet shawty
would love to see my swagga' right now. I probably look at least a quarter as fly as Little Wayne. LOL, I met some loser who didn't know what Halo was today. Who cares if he's my chemistry teacher and 80
years old? I mean what kind of nerd doesn't have a video game console these days? Did you know there's some GEEKS who don't play Call of Duty 4 on Xbox Live? LOL."
Suddenly, a commercial caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see the Xbox 360 logo! Ray squealed with delight. "Oh, boy! The Xbox 360 logo looks so good! I'm going to buy this
one for sure. It's so round and-- hey!" The following advertisement was read by an enthusiastic announcer. (A few footnotes are contained, revealing Ray's deepest personal thoughts.)
<center><b>COMMANDER KEEN 3D</b></center>
Now you can play your favorite classic PC game in 3D! Billy Blaze* is an eight-year-old boy** genius*** who has constructed a spaceship in his backyard from old soup cans**** and other household objects,
called The Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket*****. When his parents are out and the babysitter****** falls asleep*******, he dons his brother's Packers******** helmet and becomes Commander Keen*********, Defender
of Earth.</i>
*OMG WHAT A GAY NAME HE MUST BE A FLAMER
**HES SO YOUNG I DONT WANT TO LOOK AT A LITTLE BOY THATS GAY
***WTF DID HE JUST SAY...
****THE MASTER CHIEF IS RICHER AND NOT GAY
*****HOMOSEXUAL PROPOGRANDA
******I WOULD HAVE SEXED HER. DEFINITELY GAY
*******LOL OR MAYBE HE TRIED AND SHE DIDN'T REALIZE IT
********G-- Hey, my dad is manager of the Packers. He could sue them for having a young homosexual boy falsely represent the team, most likely in an attempt to weaken the all-American, heterosexual image of
our strong, brave men. I also find it extremely questionable that the Packers helmet isn't used as part of the setting of the game. Instead, the designers of this game attempted to jump on the "Packers"
bandwagon, hoping that the Packers helmet placed upon this young boy's head would help sell more copies of the game. When you think of a video game nerd, you usually don't think of someone into football.
However, football is MANLY! Of course all men, even nerds, strive to be manly as well. In 1990, they were fully aware that this game would definitely slip under the radar of anyone who would take legal
action against them. The helmet is on his head. No, instead of wearing a Packers jersey, which sounds like it would be more appealing, he wears a tacky, oversized Packers helmet. Why? When anyone begins to
read something, they usually read top to bottom. Not bottom to top. Or middle to top. Or middle to bottom, for that matter. This applies to many images we see, as well. The first thing you see on this
"Commander Keen" character is his PACKERS HELMET. just kidding lol im not smart enough to think any of this --AY!
*********WOW THAT SOUNDS PRETTY HETEROSUXUAL. ITD BE HETEROSEXUAL IF HE DIDNT SUX COCK LOL
Honestly, at the present time and with the present state of the gaming industry, Jazz Jackrabbit would be EXTREMELY unlikely to achieve commercial success on a console, let alone the PC. It's a cute idea,
sure. But Epic Games isn't going to want anything to do with it. The main person I imagine WOULD want to see it happen is CliffyB himself, considering he got to where he is thanks to Jazz. Unfortunately, it
would be an extremely poor business decision.
<b>:O!:O!:O!HIGH demand:O!:O!:O!</b> ;) (let's just say we had 100,000 active members in this community. that still wouldn't be an appealing venture for epic, even if every member was guaranteed to purchase
it. without taking a considerable risk in investing into the game and obtaining proper advertising, EPIC wouldn't even make enough money to be bothered attempting it. i mean it's EPIC GAMES! they're so epic
these days that it doesn't even matter if their games are mega or not anymore. i hear cliffyb finds humor in calling the company epic moolahnfame.)
<b>+</b>
<b>$$$mucho profit$$$</b> ;) (they own the unreal engine. hm. i will almost exclusively discuss the unreal 2 engine in this post, which cost developers $350,000 to be licensed for one platform (pc, xbox,
ps2) with an additional $50,000 for each additional platform. <b>3% royalty was/is generated per unit sold.</b> some of the companies who used this tech? gearbox, ion storm, ubisoft, running with scissors,
digtal extremes, just to name a few out of the many, many who used it. even the U.S. army used it. the brothers in arms franchise = <b>four</b> high-selling games by GEARBOX, the gangsters who made Half-
Life: Opposing Force back in the day! ion storm released deus ex: invisible war and thief: deadly shadows. they did good. deus ex and deus ex: the conspiracy both used the unreal 1 engine. running with
scissors made the infamous postal 2, which although in my opinion is stupid, didn't do too badly. digital extremes collaborated with epic games on ut2k4, which i think is an awesome game.
UBISOFT put out <b>6</b> splinter cell games that sold like a mother. at 3% royalty rates and excluding license fees, epic would have made around $8,250,000 off of the first splinter cell game alone, which
sold 5.5 million + copies total. there are two ghost recon games using the unreal 2 engine technology. THREE rainbow six games.
tribes: vengeance used the unreal 2 technology.
the entertainment industry is on unreal technology like a junkie on a piece of lint that he mistakenly took for an eraser-sized piece of crack. epic is pimping out licenses to warner bros, frantic films,
buena vista, hdfilms, sony pictures, columbia pictures, tristar pictures, and square enix.)
...
<b>-</b>
<b>paying HUMAN EMPLOYEES MONEY to make a VIDEO GAME (so that they can SUPPORT THEMSELVES AND HAVE A DECENT CAREER! sadly, paying a team of talented people teh $$$ is required if you want them to kill hours
of their life making a game about a bunny rabbit.)</b>
basically..
<i>
if ( calcprofit >= (collectivesalary * 1000) ) {
projectGreen();
cout << "OMG I THINK IM DREAMING. O WAIT I AM LOL";
}
else {
int thetruth;
thetruth = 1;
while ( thetruth = true ) {
cout << "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL LIKE PPL R GONNA WANT TO PLAY A GREEN RABBIT GAME";
}
}
</i>
sadly, that's how it is. epic games are TOTAL hustlers. they're moving away from PC games in general. and as narrow of a market as the PC gaming industry is in the first place, a bunny game wouldn't even
fare well these days, no matter how cute and nostalgic it is to a "few special people" who "truly understand and appreciate" the "ruxorness" of leet green bunny and would guarantee it doesn't fail. BECAUSE
JAZZ JACKRABBIT IS JUST SO COOL AND SPECIAL TO THEIR HEARTS, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE A COMMERCIAL FLOP? I mean there must not be any other cult followings of any other dead games such as Commander Keen,
wanting a remake of a classic game. (Commander Keen was actually released on Steam in 2007, which was definitely a good decision.) Seriously. Think about this realistically for a moment. The image I am about
to attempt to project to you is reasonably similar to the reaction someone around your age would have after hearing Jazz Jackrabbit's plot. Clear your head of all former knowledge of anything related to Jazz
Jackrabbit/Classic Games/Anything that could be used in context with DOS. Try to take on the mindset of an average video game consumer. It would go something like this:
~....***(())((())()(
*****smookeee clearsssSS******()()
()()()()))((()(()(***....~
Ray Hawley is an 18 year old senior in High School. He plays running back on his school's varsity football team. His parents are extremely wealthy. At least one party a week occurs at his house when his
parents are out of town. He has an Xbox 360. Of course he has all of the necessary titles, such as Halo 3, Call of Duty 4, and every Guitar Hero game released (including Guitar Hero: Aerosmith.) One night
after returning home, Ray had just barely made it home to catch the commercials before American Idol. He slouched down into his couch, smiling to himself as he thought about how amazing he was. "I bet shawty
would love to see my swagga' right now. I probably look at least a quarter as fly as Little Wayne. LOL, I met some loser who didn't know what Halo was today. Who cares if he's my chemistry teacher and 80
years old? I mean what kind of nerd doesn't have a video game console these days? Did you know there's some GEEKS who don't play Call of Duty 4 on Xbox Live? LOL."
Suddenly, a commercial caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see the Xbox 360 logo! Ray squealed with delight. "Oh, boy! The Xbox 360 logo looks so good! I'm going to buy this
one for sure. It's so round and-- hey!" The following advertisement was read by an enthusiastic announcer. (A few footnotes are contained, revealing Ray's deepest personal thoughts.)
<center><b>COMMANDER KEEN 3D</b></center>
Now you can play your favorite classic PC game in 3D! Billy Blaze* is an eight-year-old boy** genius*** who has constructed a spaceship in his backyard from old soup cans**** and other household objects,
called The Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket*****. When his parents are out and the babysitter****** falls asleep*******, he dons his brother's Packers******** helmet and becomes Commander Keen*********, Defender
of Earth.</i>
*OMG WHAT A GAY NAME HE MUST BE A FLAMER
**HES SO YOUNG I DONT WANT TO LOOK AT A LITTLE BOY THATS GAY
***WTF DID HE JUST SAY...
****THE MASTER CHIEF IS RICHER AND NOT GAY
*****HOMOSEXUAL PROPOGRANDA
******I WOULD HAVE SEXED HER. DEFINITELY GAY
*******LOL OR MAYBE HE TRIED AND SHE DIDN'T REALIZE IT
********G-- Hey, my dad is manager of the Packers. He could sue them for having a young homosexual boy falsely represent the team, most likely in an attempt to weaken the all-American, heterosexual image of
our strong, brave men. I also find it extremely questionable that the Packers helmet isn't used as part of the setting of the game. Instead, the designers of this game attempted to jump on the "Packers"
bandwagon, hoping that the Packers helmet placed upon this young boy's head would help sell more copies of the game. When you think of a video game nerd, you usually don't think of someone into football.
However, football is MANLY! Of course all men, even nerds, strive to be manly as well. In 1990, they were fully aware that this game would definitely slip under the radar of anyone who would take legal
action against them. The helmet is on his head. No, instead of wearing a Packers jersey, which sounds like it would be more appealing, he wears a tacky, oversized Packers helmet. Why? When anyone begins to
read something, they usually read top to bottom. Not bottom to top. Or middle to top. Or middle to bottom, for that matter. This applies to many images we see, as well. The first thing you see on this
"Commander Keen" character is his PACKERS HELMET. just kidding lol im not smart enough to think any of this --AY!
*********WOW THAT SOUNDS PRETTY HETEROSUXUAL. ITD BE HETEROSEXUAL IF HE DIDNT SUX COCK LOL
Honestly, at the present time and with the present state of the gaming industry, Jazz Jackrabbit would be EXTREMELY unlikely to achieve commercial success on a console, let alone the PC. It's a cute idea,
sure. But Epic Games isn't going to want anything to do with it. The main person I imagine WOULD want to see it happen is CliffyB himself, considering he got to where he is thanks to Jazz. Unfortunately, it
would be an extremely poor business decision.